If you're going to write a song, I don't think you should start with the music. I think you should start with an emotion, and try to put words to it. Create a story around how your feel, in poetry form. Then, refine it. So it isn't so rhyme-y. If that's how you write poetry. Nobody likes a song that straight up rhymes unless its rap. Once you have all the words down, pick a single instrument. Just one, make a melody and then add more. If you can't play an instrument, that makes this significantly harder. Trust me, I know. I can't play anything. But I wish I could. I think I might be an okay song writer if I could read/write music. But I can't. It's too much like math, I don't understand it. I should probably take a class. But just like learning a language its mostly about repetition. I'm just not that self-motivated. Or interested in learning. As long as I can sing by ear, I really don't have a reason to learn how to read it, feel me? Anyway, that was just my advice. You don't have to take my word for it or anything.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Coast-to-Coast
I'm making cookies today. My Sweetness is home. I have music. Today, is a good day. So far. And I intend for it to only get better. Or maintain its level of goodness anyway.
Tata,
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Tata,
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Monday, September 24, 2012
Reboot
I've been back in Washington for a while now.
Long enough to get swept back up into my life and figure things out and do stuff. And now that I'm hear, the thought keeps coming back to me that I should have stayed in New York. But then again, there is so much here I missed and thought I couldn't live without. But now that I'm living with all of these things again, I can't remember why I couldn't live without it.
That's going to be taken the wrong way. But that isn't how I mean it. I like Washington. And everything it means to me, and everything it holds. But...I think I was a better person in New York.
Sacred Secret
P.S: I like tea.
Long enough to get swept back up into my life and figure things out and do stuff. And now that I'm hear, the thought keeps coming back to me that I should have stayed in New York. But then again, there is so much here I missed and thought I couldn't live without. But now that I'm living with all of these things again, I can't remember why I couldn't live without it.
That's going to be taken the wrong way. But that isn't how I mean it. I like Washington. And everything it means to me, and everything it holds. But...I think I was a better person in New York.
Sacred Secret
P.S: I like tea.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
New York: Last Day
I don't need to put how many days are left.
Tomorrow, at this time, I will be on a plane on my way home to my love. I cannot help the smile on my lips. It has staked residence until further notice. As I sit here, thinking about returning, I am content. I can't fathom why I was nervous now, but somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I know why. But they are not thoughts I want to dwell on now.
I realize I forgot to post yesterday, so I will recall what happened.
I had to choose between going to the Art Museum and going to Coney Island. With the help of my pleading little cousin and promised free admission and rides, I went to Coney Island. The museum will be there when I get back. But one should always go to Coney Island when they get the chance.
C.I, as I will refer to it from now on, is a giant amusement park for your fancy. Filled with food, rides, games, a beach, a boardwalk, a stadium. Everything. It is also surrounded by a quaint little neighborhood. It's awesome.
My cousin, my aunt, my cousins friend, and I wandered around for only a short time before the kids drove us toward the rides. My aunt bought tickets and we were off.
The first ride we went on was a roller coaster. They called it "Superman" though I don't know if thats actually what its called. This ride, scared the hell out of me. And I like to think of myself as a roller coaster fan. There is no coaster I wouldn't ride. But it will be a while before I go on this one again. Basically, you stand in this interesting contraption, and when the ride starts the "lock" you in by lower a bar gently against your back. You are facing down. Yes, you have to lay down in this ride. It takes you off and you hold on for dear life while your feet dangle in the breeze as your car is zipped through curves and loops. Breath taking. Literally. My abs still hurt from tensing so much. Try flexing your entire body and screaming. For two minutes.
The next ride was called the "Steeplechase". From the looks of it before you get on, a team of horses (the cars) races around the track. Simple. You straddle the horse, and a bar presses into your back, making you arch in a presumably sexual way. At least, that's the only reason I can think of that I would need to arch my back like that. This ride is extremely fast. It whips you around the course while you hang onto the reins of the horse. There is a lot of sideways action, so you really feel like you're flying on the rack of a derby horse. You should try this one too.
We started running out of money, so we opted to jump the kiddie rides and head for the mother of them all. "The Cyclone". This one doesn't have any loops. It doesn't take you upside down. Nothing fancy. Just tight corners and gravity defying drops. It pulls you to the top casually, giving you a beautiful view of the surrounding island, the ocean, the rest of the park. And then, without warning, it drops you. About fifty feet straight down, then you zip around a corner. The momentum hurls you up another hill and down another gut-wrenching peak. This ride is not merciful. We rode it twice. The first time, we were in the front because the girls had never been on it before. The second time, we rode the very back.
I recommend that those with faint hearts stay in the front. Only the hardcore ride in the back. The attendants made sure that I, and the girl I was riding with (stranger) were made aware that we were about to get pummeled with gravity and g-forces. It was glorious. I would have gone again, but they were closing for the night.
So we went away from the flickering lights of the rides and opted for the salty sweet sea air. We ran around the beach for a while. Climbed some rocks and wrote in the sand while my aunt took a break on a nearby bench.
After that, we headed home. It was a nice evening.
Today, I didn't do much. I walked my cousin to camp, in the pouring rain. I was literally soaked when I got back. I let her keep the umbrella, just in case it was still raining when she came home. My clothes are currently still drying. I'll have to remember to grab them before I leave.
I packed, and I read smut books on my Kindle for the rest of the day. It was gloriously relaxing. But my nerves are buzzing with excitement and I know I won't get much sleep. I need to hold my Sweetness in my arms and kiss her until we're drunk. I need to hug my Pooka until he's breathless. I have pounce on my mother and squeeze the poo out of her. Haha, not literally on that last one. I need to smother my Nightmare kitty kitty in loves.
Tomorrow, I will wake up and wait in breathless anticipation until I am dropped off at the airport. I can't accurately describe my excitement to see my girl again. Oh Sweetness...
Before I get obscene about the things I plan to do to her when I get back, I'm going to go. I love you.
P.S: My cousins think Kevin Hart is the funniest man alive. I've had to watch the same stand-up special ten times. Not exaggerating.
Tomorrow, at this time, I will be on a plane on my way home to my love. I cannot help the smile on my lips. It has staked residence until further notice. As I sit here, thinking about returning, I am content. I can't fathom why I was nervous now, but somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I know why. But they are not thoughts I want to dwell on now.
I realize I forgot to post yesterday, so I will recall what happened.
I had to choose between going to the Art Museum and going to Coney Island. With the help of my pleading little cousin and promised free admission and rides, I went to Coney Island. The museum will be there when I get back. But one should always go to Coney Island when they get the chance.
C.I, as I will refer to it from now on, is a giant amusement park for your fancy. Filled with food, rides, games, a beach, a boardwalk, a stadium. Everything. It is also surrounded by a quaint little neighborhood. It's awesome.
My cousin, my aunt, my cousins friend, and I wandered around for only a short time before the kids drove us toward the rides. My aunt bought tickets and we were off.
The first ride we went on was a roller coaster. They called it "Superman" though I don't know if thats actually what its called. This ride, scared the hell out of me. And I like to think of myself as a roller coaster fan. There is no coaster I wouldn't ride. But it will be a while before I go on this one again. Basically, you stand in this interesting contraption, and when the ride starts the "lock" you in by lower a bar gently against your back. You are facing down. Yes, you have to lay down in this ride. It takes you off and you hold on for dear life while your feet dangle in the breeze as your car is zipped through curves and loops. Breath taking. Literally. My abs still hurt from tensing so much. Try flexing your entire body and screaming. For two minutes.
The next ride was called the "Steeplechase". From the looks of it before you get on, a team of horses (the cars) races around the track. Simple. You straddle the horse, and a bar presses into your back, making you arch in a presumably sexual way. At least, that's the only reason I can think of that I would need to arch my back like that. This ride is extremely fast. It whips you around the course while you hang onto the reins of the horse. There is a lot of sideways action, so you really feel like you're flying on the rack of a derby horse. You should try this one too.
We started running out of money, so we opted to jump the kiddie rides and head for the mother of them all. "The Cyclone". This one doesn't have any loops. It doesn't take you upside down. Nothing fancy. Just tight corners and gravity defying drops. It pulls you to the top casually, giving you a beautiful view of the surrounding island, the ocean, the rest of the park. And then, without warning, it drops you. About fifty feet straight down, then you zip around a corner. The momentum hurls you up another hill and down another gut-wrenching peak. This ride is not merciful. We rode it twice. The first time, we were in the front because the girls had never been on it before. The second time, we rode the very back.
I recommend that those with faint hearts stay in the front. Only the hardcore ride in the back. The attendants made sure that I, and the girl I was riding with (stranger) were made aware that we were about to get pummeled with gravity and g-forces. It was glorious. I would have gone again, but they were closing for the night.
So we went away from the flickering lights of the rides and opted for the salty sweet sea air. We ran around the beach for a while. Climbed some rocks and wrote in the sand while my aunt took a break on a nearby bench.
After that, we headed home. It was a nice evening.
Today, I didn't do much. I walked my cousin to camp, in the pouring rain. I was literally soaked when I got back. I let her keep the umbrella, just in case it was still raining when she came home. My clothes are currently still drying. I'll have to remember to grab them before I leave.
I packed, and I read smut books on my Kindle for the rest of the day. It was gloriously relaxing. But my nerves are buzzing with excitement and I know I won't get much sleep. I need to hold my Sweetness in my arms and kiss her until we're drunk. I need to hug my Pooka until he's breathless. I have pounce on my mother and squeeze the poo out of her. Haha, not literally on that last one. I need to smother my Nightmare kitty kitty in loves.
Tomorrow, I will wake up and wait in breathless anticipation until I am dropped off at the airport. I can't accurately describe my excitement to see my girl again. Oh Sweetness...
Before I get obscene about the things I plan to do to her when I get back, I'm going to go. I love you.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: My cousins think Kevin Hart is the funniest man alive. I've had to watch the same stand-up special ten times. Not exaggerating.
Monday, August 13, 2012
New York: Day 27 & 28
I missed yesterday, but I still posted.
I didn't really do anything of importance yesterday. So it wasn't really worth mentioning.
I did about the same amount of stuff today. Oh yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet. I was trying to take a shower, so I gathered all of my stuff and went into the bathroom. I was trying to simultaneously put the toilet seat lid down, and put my stuff on the shower rack when my phone slipped off the stack of things I had in my hand and into the toilet.
I literally tossed down all my stuff and snatched my phone out of the toilet. I then whipped it apart like a trained Marine with his rifle and dried all the parts of it that I could with my towel.
It flickered back on long enough to show me that it had given a valiant effort. Then it blacked out. It's been sitting in a bag of rice ever since.
I never did take a shower.
Tomorrow, I guess they want to finally take me to the Met. We'll see if that happens. I'm so ready to go home now. I can't stand these people anymore. I want my regular family back. With their regular problems and dysfunctions and "sugar-coated" lies. That's what my aunt said. She said white people sugar-coat their problems.
I don't give a fuck anymore. I just want to go home. See my Sweetness. My mom. My Pooka. My Nightmare. Hell, I even miss my teddy bear, Ben. I miss my shower. I almost miss my nagging old grandmother. Almost.
Anyway, I love you. Goodnight...
P.S: I have to pee like a motherfucker.
I didn't really do anything of importance yesterday. So it wasn't really worth mentioning.
I did about the same amount of stuff today. Oh yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet. I was trying to take a shower, so I gathered all of my stuff and went into the bathroom. I was trying to simultaneously put the toilet seat lid down, and put my stuff on the shower rack when my phone slipped off the stack of things I had in my hand and into the toilet.
I literally tossed down all my stuff and snatched my phone out of the toilet. I then whipped it apart like a trained Marine with his rifle and dried all the parts of it that I could with my towel.
It flickered back on long enough to show me that it had given a valiant effort. Then it blacked out. It's been sitting in a bag of rice ever since.
I never did take a shower.
Tomorrow, I guess they want to finally take me to the Met. We'll see if that happens. I'm so ready to go home now. I can't stand these people anymore. I want my regular family back. With their regular problems and dysfunctions and "sugar-coated" lies. That's what my aunt said. She said white people sugar-coat their problems.
I don't give a fuck anymore. I just want to go home. See my Sweetness. My mom. My Pooka. My Nightmare. Hell, I even miss my teddy bear, Ben. I miss my shower. I almost miss my nagging old grandmother. Almost.
Anyway, I love you. Goodnight...
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I have to pee like a motherfucker.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
I Won't Give Up
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I won't give up on us.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
New York: Day 26
Today...
I spent a long time on the phone with my mom this afternoon. Just chatting. It was nice. I had forgotten how nice it is to just...talk. Openly and honestly. Nothing to worry about. She told me she misses me, and I talked to my Pooka. He misses me too. I miss them both very much as well. However, I'm not particularly excited to go home.
After a lot of thinking time to myself, outside on the step, I came back in and roused my aunt. We started our adventure to find the Museum of Sex.
It was indeed an adventure. We hopped on the subway and took it down to Manhattan. It took about an hour and a half to finally find the place.The journey to get there was just as fun as actually getting to the Museum itself.
The museum drops you off into the shop, at first. Lots of interesting and fun things to buy. The first exhibit is basically the evolution of porn. Its filled with videos on loop of porn from various era's. The walls are covered in information. This room is dark and ambient, setting the mood for the fun things to come.
The second exhibit features two RealDolls. A male and female model. This room is pretty much dedicated to unusual sex toys and why people seek them out. This room is much brighter. It was also hot since the air conditioning was broken on the upper floors.
The other exhibits were about the Sex lives of Animals, Sexuality in the modern age, Sexual Art, and there was one more, but I can't remember what it was. After we went through all of these, we got dropped back into the shop. I bought a keychain for my mom and a t-shirt for myself. I spent a lot of money today. I'm going to have to be careful the next few days. They still want to take me to the waterfront. And Coney Island. And somewhere else. I don't know if all of this is really going to happen though.
Anyway, the Museum also has a bar, so we went downstairs to check it out. We didn't order anything, but they were selling $1 jello shots on the main floor. We did partake. I didn't like them. They were mimosa flavor. Orange jello with rum, and something else. My aunt said they didn't have enough liquor in them but I tasted it just fine.
On the way back we didn't get lost. We stopped into Madison Square Park, I glimpsed some fireflies. When I saw them, I couldn't help but think about Sweetness...I told her I would try to take pictures of them, but the flash and flicker so quickly...there's no way. There was only two or three anyway, but still.
I'm saddened now.
I spent a long time on the phone with my mom this afternoon. Just chatting. It was nice. I had forgotten how nice it is to just...talk. Openly and honestly. Nothing to worry about. She told me she misses me, and I talked to my Pooka. He misses me too. I miss them both very much as well. However, I'm not particularly excited to go home.
After a lot of thinking time to myself, outside on the step, I came back in and roused my aunt. We started our adventure to find the Museum of Sex.
It was indeed an adventure. We hopped on the subway and took it down to Manhattan. It took about an hour and a half to finally find the place.The journey to get there was just as fun as actually getting to the Museum itself.
The museum drops you off into the shop, at first. Lots of interesting and fun things to buy. The first exhibit is basically the evolution of porn. Its filled with videos on loop of porn from various era's. The walls are covered in information. This room is dark and ambient, setting the mood for the fun things to come.
The second exhibit features two RealDolls. A male and female model. This room is pretty much dedicated to unusual sex toys and why people seek them out. This room is much brighter. It was also hot since the air conditioning was broken on the upper floors.
The other exhibits were about the Sex lives of Animals, Sexuality in the modern age, Sexual Art, and there was one more, but I can't remember what it was. After we went through all of these, we got dropped back into the shop. I bought a keychain for my mom and a t-shirt for myself. I spent a lot of money today. I'm going to have to be careful the next few days. They still want to take me to the waterfront. And Coney Island. And somewhere else. I don't know if all of this is really going to happen though.
Anyway, the Museum also has a bar, so we went downstairs to check it out. We didn't order anything, but they were selling $1 jello shots on the main floor. We did partake. I didn't like them. They were mimosa flavor. Orange jello with rum, and something else. My aunt said they didn't have enough liquor in them but I tasted it just fine.
On the way back we didn't get lost. We stopped into Madison Square Park, I glimpsed some fireflies. When I saw them, I couldn't help but think about Sweetness...I told her I would try to take pictures of them, but the flash and flicker so quickly...there's no way. There was only two or three anyway, but still.
I'm saddened now.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Friday, August 10, 2012
New York: Day 25
Today was uneventful.
I waited most of today, but had meaningful conversations with both of my aunts. I'm too sleepy right now to fully discuss them with you. But I got the meassages that they held.
We went to the park not too long ago, and I half fell asleep on the bench. I need some sleep.
Maybe I'll elaborate tomorrow if I remember. Sorry.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.s.: My laptop makes me hot.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
New York: Day 24
I woke up really early this morning, kinda.
I didn't go to sleep until five or something. Then I woke up at about nine. The little guest arrived. And she wanted to watch Yo Gabba Gabba! so I turned on the NetFlix for her and caught a few more minutes of sleep. Then I gave up, got online, blah blah blah.
Eventually, I got in the shower. Glorious. My aunt decided she wanted me to come with her to the doctors office. She was taking the little guest and wanted my help, so I went along. I had to go immediately upon getting out of the shower. So my hair is shit right now. I'll have to wet it again tomorrow, cause I'm sure as shit not doing it now. But then again, I might if I get really bored.
We went downtown, and wandered around for a while after the doctors appointment.There was a cute little Farmers Market going on, on of the booths was giving away free peaches as a promo. So we stopped by, bought a few, and went on our way. It was mostly window shopping. We went into a few stores, checked out clothes that are considered club wear out here. Surprisingly, they wear more clothes up here. Interesting...
We took the bus back. I checked my email and what not. Then decided to try and curl up for a nap, with my new headphones on. Apparently, if your ears are covered, that makes you soundproof and dead to the world. That means you can jump on said persons air mattress and not expect them to wake up. That means you can talk and watch television extremely loudly because that person is not deaf. -_- They were surprised I had woken up. Then they proceeded to argue, still quite loudly, about whose fault it was for my being woken.
I don't care who did it! It was a combined effort of complete inconsiderate-ness! You know me, I don't like to blame people for things. I mean, I am sleeping in their living room. And their house isn't exactly huge, so where else could they go? But come on! Just a little respect is all I ask! Don't flop down on the bed, sending me flying. Don't turn the television up a ridiculous amount. You're literally sitting right in front of it. I know you can hear. Don't throw garbage randomly onto the bed, causing it to bounce and hit me in the face. Its gross. Respect. I only ask for a little of it.
Anyway, I have no real reason to be upset. I'm just having a moment of frustration. Its not that big of a deal.
I had a really sexual dream this morning. And I might have cum in my sleep. O_o I don't know for sure though. I'm just glad that everyone is usually dead asleep at that time. I couldn't tell you what it was about now, I don't exactly remember. But it was pretty hot.
I'm still sleepy, but I'm too awake to go back to sleep, I think. Besides, I have to wait for Sweetness to open her present. :) I sent her a surprise gift.She just got it today, and decided to wait to open it until she got back to her parents place. As of right now, she hasn't opened it yet. But soon, I will get to hear her squeals of joy. I'm excited. I'm also, done writing to you!
P.S: Surprise gifts are my favorite. Even if they make me uncomfortable. I enjoy being doted on just as much as any other girl. My tastes are just different sometimes.
I didn't go to sleep until five or something. Then I woke up at about nine. The little guest arrived. And she wanted to watch Yo Gabba Gabba! so I turned on the NetFlix for her and caught a few more minutes of sleep. Then I gave up, got online, blah blah blah.
Eventually, I got in the shower. Glorious. My aunt decided she wanted me to come with her to the doctors office. She was taking the little guest and wanted my help, so I went along. I had to go immediately upon getting out of the shower. So my hair is shit right now. I'll have to wet it again tomorrow, cause I'm sure as shit not doing it now. But then again, I might if I get really bored.
We went downtown, and wandered around for a while after the doctors appointment.There was a cute little Farmers Market going on, on of the booths was giving away free peaches as a promo. So we stopped by, bought a few, and went on our way. It was mostly window shopping. We went into a few stores, checked out clothes that are considered club wear out here. Surprisingly, they wear more clothes up here. Interesting...
We took the bus back. I checked my email and what not. Then decided to try and curl up for a nap, with my new headphones on. Apparently, if your ears are covered, that makes you soundproof and dead to the world. That means you can jump on said persons air mattress and not expect them to wake up. That means you can talk and watch television extremely loudly because that person is not deaf. -_- They were surprised I had woken up. Then they proceeded to argue, still quite loudly, about whose fault it was for my being woken.
I don't care who did it! It was a combined effort of complete inconsiderate-ness! You know me, I don't like to blame people for things. I mean, I am sleeping in their living room. And their house isn't exactly huge, so where else could they go? But come on! Just a little respect is all I ask! Don't flop down on the bed, sending me flying. Don't turn the television up a ridiculous amount. You're literally sitting right in front of it. I know you can hear. Don't throw garbage randomly onto the bed, causing it to bounce and hit me in the face. Its gross. Respect. I only ask for a little of it.
Anyway, I have no real reason to be upset. I'm just having a moment of frustration. Its not that big of a deal.
I had a really sexual dream this morning. And I might have cum in my sleep. O_o I don't know for sure though. I'm just glad that everyone is usually dead asleep at that time. I couldn't tell you what it was about now, I don't exactly remember. But it was pretty hot.
I'm still sleepy, but I'm too awake to go back to sleep, I think. Besides, I have to wait for Sweetness to open her present. :) I sent her a surprise gift.She just got it today, and decided to wait to open it until she got back to her parents place. As of right now, she hasn't opened it yet. But soon, I will get to hear her squeals of joy. I'm excited. I'm also, done writing to you!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Surprise gifts are my favorite. Even if they make me uncomfortable. I enjoy being doted on just as much as any other girl. My tastes are just different sometimes.
New York: Day 23
Manhattan.
Today, I woke up and thought I was going to go to the Museum Of Sex, but I woke up very late and my aunt and I decided that we'd take my cousin and her friend to Manhattan.We took a much faster subway line this time, because my aunt doesn't like fuckin around and taking the long way. This I respect her for.
When we got there, we located the rough location of the Sex museum. I'm not allowed to tell my cousin we're going there. For some reason, it isn't something she should know about. It scares me a little that they don't want to educate her about sex. Statistically, young black girls that aren't educated about this kind of stuff tend to get pregnant accidentally. Sooner than they like. I'm not saying that this is always the case, but it happens more often than not. Not just black girls either. It just troubles me.
Anyway, we wandered around and went to Payless to see if I could find some more cheap flats that don't bruise my feet. But they were all $16, so we gave up and left. We wandered the streets. It was awesome. We passed the Empire State Building. I took a picture while standing pretty much directly under it. It's fucking amazing. I took a lot of pictures of the architecture and the sheer mass of buildings. Hoping to convey how overwhelming it is. But I don't think that its possible in a picture.I wish it was though.
We ended up going to Toys R Us. It was fun. I bought the girls some Pop Rocks. And I bought myself a pair of headphones that I, personally, think are pretty fucking sweet.And other than the ASL Flashcards I bought at Barnes & Noble, and the clothes, I haven't bought anything for myself. Oh wait, the books. Nevermind. I didn't deserve the present. But I can't take it back. Oh well.
We wandered around some more. And I can't for the life of me remember what else we did. We spent a lot of time walking. Oh! We saw Elmo. I convinced my cousin to take a picture with him, and we didn't have to pay cause she lied and said it was her birthday.We also saw Snoop Dogg. But I didn't care, so I didn't get a picture. My cousin was really excited though so she ran over and talked to him for a second.
Oh! I also bought a picture from a street vendor. It's of New York. It's really cheap, and when my girlfriend sees it, she's going to be pissed. But I didn't buy it for me. I bought it for my Grandmother and I only paid $3 for it. No harm done.
I'm pretty sure that after that, we just went home. Rode the subway, dropped off my cousin's friend, and came back to the apartment. They all went to sleep pretty quickly. So now, I'm sitting here. Talking to you. I didn't get to meditate in the way I would have liked, but I did get some thinking done.
I found out that I really like 2Cellos. They're a....band? I found them through Pandora. Check them out.
Anyway, I'm done now. I think that having these occasional confession conversations with Sweetness is good. But we need to do it more often. I need to start trusting her emotionally.I think part of the reason that I still hold myself so distantly is because I don't know how emotionally invested she is in the relationship, really. I know that she needs me. But does she truly love me the way I love her? If so, why doesn't she trust me the same way? I know that she's probably a straight girl forced into a bisexual relationship out of desperation. And I can feel that energy. It makes me nervous. I don't want her to judge me for my likes and dislikes. I'm afraid of her. I don't know why. But I am. She has a mental hold on me like no other. And even when I really don't want to I kneel at her feet out of fear. I can't control it. It's just something that happens. My will buckles and I give in. I can't figure out why. I want to trust her, but I can't seem to. I can't seem to give her the same type of trust she's given me. And it might be partially because I don't think she enjoys me sexually. I don't want her to do things she doesn't enjoy doing. So if she feels hesitant, then I don't want her to do it. It doesn't make sense I know. I also have a hard time orgasming for her. I mean, truly orgasming. That mind blowing, fracturing feeling you get when you really cum, body and soul. My body releases. Which should be good enough. But I've given myself that other feeling. And I want to be able to let go enough to let her give it to me when and if she chooses to. I don't know how to get over this road block either. But if I value this relationship, I'm going to have to.
Now I'm really done. Peace easy, my brothers & sisters.
P.S: My aunt and I made a sex joke.She said "You weren't coming fast enough." (in reference to my cousin's friend not following us fast enough out of burger king) and I said "That's what he said, cause I guarantee she didn't say it." We both died laughing for a few minutes while my cousin and her friend looked on in curious confusion.
Today, I woke up and thought I was going to go to the Museum Of Sex, but I woke up very late and my aunt and I decided that we'd take my cousin and her friend to Manhattan.We took a much faster subway line this time, because my aunt doesn't like fuckin around and taking the long way. This I respect her for.
When we got there, we located the rough location of the Sex museum. I'm not allowed to tell my cousin we're going there. For some reason, it isn't something she should know about. It scares me a little that they don't want to educate her about sex. Statistically, young black girls that aren't educated about this kind of stuff tend to get pregnant accidentally. Sooner than they like. I'm not saying that this is always the case, but it happens more often than not. Not just black girls either. It just troubles me.
Anyway, we wandered around and went to Payless to see if I could find some more cheap flats that don't bruise my feet. But they were all $16, so we gave up and left. We wandered the streets. It was awesome. We passed the Empire State Building. I took a picture while standing pretty much directly under it. It's fucking amazing. I took a lot of pictures of the architecture and the sheer mass of buildings. Hoping to convey how overwhelming it is. But I don't think that its possible in a picture.I wish it was though.
We ended up going to Toys R Us. It was fun. I bought the girls some Pop Rocks. And I bought myself a pair of headphones that I, personally, think are pretty fucking sweet.And other than the ASL Flashcards I bought at Barnes & Noble, and the clothes, I haven't bought anything for myself. Oh wait, the books. Nevermind. I didn't deserve the present. But I can't take it back. Oh well.
We wandered around some more. And I can't for the life of me remember what else we did. We spent a lot of time walking. Oh! We saw Elmo. I convinced my cousin to take a picture with him, and we didn't have to pay cause she lied and said it was her birthday.We also saw Snoop Dogg. But I didn't care, so I didn't get a picture. My cousin was really excited though so she ran over and talked to him for a second.
Oh! I also bought a picture from a street vendor. It's of New York. It's really cheap, and when my girlfriend sees it, she's going to be pissed. But I didn't buy it for me. I bought it for my Grandmother and I only paid $3 for it. No harm done.
I'm pretty sure that after that, we just went home. Rode the subway, dropped off my cousin's friend, and came back to the apartment. They all went to sleep pretty quickly. So now, I'm sitting here. Talking to you. I didn't get to meditate in the way I would have liked, but I did get some thinking done.
I found out that I really like 2Cellos. They're a....band? I found them through Pandora. Check them out.
Anyway, I'm done now. I think that having these occasional confession conversations with Sweetness is good. But we need to do it more often. I need to start trusting her emotionally.I think part of the reason that I still hold myself so distantly is because I don't know how emotionally invested she is in the relationship, really. I know that she needs me. But does she truly love me the way I love her? If so, why doesn't she trust me the same way? I know that she's probably a straight girl forced into a bisexual relationship out of desperation. And I can feel that energy. It makes me nervous. I don't want her to judge me for my likes and dislikes. I'm afraid of her. I don't know why. But I am. She has a mental hold on me like no other. And even when I really don't want to I kneel at her feet out of fear. I can't control it. It's just something that happens. My will buckles and I give in. I can't figure out why. I want to trust her, but I can't seem to. I can't seem to give her the same type of trust she's given me. And it might be partially because I don't think she enjoys me sexually. I don't want her to do things she doesn't enjoy doing. So if she feels hesitant, then I don't want her to do it. It doesn't make sense I know. I also have a hard time orgasming for her. I mean, truly orgasming. That mind blowing, fracturing feeling you get when you really cum, body and soul. My body releases. Which should be good enough. But I've given myself that other feeling. And I want to be able to let go enough to let her give it to me when and if she chooses to. I don't know how to get over this road block either. But if I value this relationship, I'm going to have to.
Now I'm really done. Peace easy, my brothers & sisters.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: My aunt and I made a sex joke.She said "You weren't coming fast enough." (in reference to my cousin's friend not following us fast enough out of burger king) and I said "That's what he said, cause I guarantee she didn't say it." We both died laughing for a few minutes while my cousin and her friend looked on in curious confusion.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
New York: Day 22
Today I was restless.
I got dressed early and napped on and off until my aunt decided to pop up and say she was taking me outside. I felt like a puppy. But I was excited nonetheless. I donned my black flats, grabbed my purse, and headed out. We took my cousins car. A quick little silver thing with two doors. We rode down to downtown Brooklyn and she has me wait in the car while she runs in and gets a note from her doctor. It was about fifteen minutes until she came back, and when she did, we went off to try and find her next doctors appointment.
We never found it.
We did find a school that looks like a prison, and a cemetery. I wanted to walk through it, but you need a plot number. I just wanted to look at all the tombstones and read the epitaphs, but its a no go. Oh well.
Eventually, we gave up and went shopping. Our first stop was Barnes & Nobles where I wandered shamelessly around for about 30 minutes or so. My aunt thought it was hilarious that I was so awed by my surroundings. I finally fell upon an ASL flash card set. ^__^
After that, we went to a department store called Conways where their merchandise is ridiculously cheap. I found a large bottle of my perfume for $35. It's knock-off, of course. But it smells very similar. It's a little more bitter, but the longer you wear it, the more even it smells. It should be fine. We'll see if Sweetness notices the difference. I also bought a beige tank top with a lacy back, and a neon-green Tye-dye skirt. I was going to buy some jeans for Sweetness, but their sizes run big, so I didn't know which to get, and I had already indulged in the perfume. I was tempted to get her a sketchbook from Barnes & Nobles, but I refrained.
After all this, we stopped at McDonalds, and then went home. on the way there my aunt decided that tonight would be a good night to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. We gathered everyone up, excluding my eldest cousin, including some family friends, and drove down. We walked the two or three miles of bridge, and walked back. The lights and the view were wonderful. Unfortunately, the pictures I managed to take were less than glamorous. I'm hungry again now, but I don't want to eat. I just want to sleep.
I have discovered I have a new fetish. Well, it isn't new. It's just recently given a name. I am highly interested in Age Play. Which is the act of the submissive (usually) "regressing" or playing an age younger than he/she is while the Dom acts as a Mommy/Daddy. Providing care for the 'Little'. Some people take age play to the extreme and go all the way back into infancy. Diapers, pacifiers, bottles, and all. I don't want to go back that far. I'm not exactly sure how little I want to go. But I have noticed that I usually do fall into a little mentality. It happens too often to ignore. This is another side of myself that I must embrace.
My sadistic side is at war with my little side. I can't figure all of this out by myself. So I signed up for FetLife. Its a Kink Community/Dating site. I'm not using it for the dating aspect. Just the community. To know that I am not alone in my thoughts. To find more experienced people within the scene that I can ask questions and maybe become friends with. People that I will sort of know when I want to enter the scene myself when I turn 21. BDSM is a part of me that I want to explore. I need to know if this part of me is deep or shallow. If it must be fulfilled or if it can be ignored. I need to know. And I will find out by any means necessary. I'm a competent woman. I can handle this.
In other news, I don't know what to do with my thoughts. They're crowding themselves. Too fast and too many to count and retrace. I need a meditation session, and I might be able to do it tomorrow. Hopefully. But it's hard to meditate in a place where there is hardly any silence.
I'm going now. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
P.S: I'm sitting in a dumb position.
I got dressed early and napped on and off until my aunt decided to pop up and say she was taking me outside. I felt like a puppy. But I was excited nonetheless. I donned my black flats, grabbed my purse, and headed out. We took my cousins car. A quick little silver thing with two doors. We rode down to downtown Brooklyn and she has me wait in the car while she runs in and gets a note from her doctor. It was about fifteen minutes until she came back, and when she did, we went off to try and find her next doctors appointment.
We never found it.
We did find a school that looks like a prison, and a cemetery. I wanted to walk through it, but you need a plot number. I just wanted to look at all the tombstones and read the epitaphs, but its a no go. Oh well.
Eventually, we gave up and went shopping. Our first stop was Barnes & Nobles where I wandered shamelessly around for about 30 minutes or so. My aunt thought it was hilarious that I was so awed by my surroundings. I finally fell upon an ASL flash card set. ^__^
After that, we went to a department store called Conways where their merchandise is ridiculously cheap. I found a large bottle of my perfume for $35. It's knock-off, of course. But it smells very similar. It's a little more bitter, but the longer you wear it, the more even it smells. It should be fine. We'll see if Sweetness notices the difference. I also bought a beige tank top with a lacy back, and a neon-green Tye-dye skirt. I was going to buy some jeans for Sweetness, but their sizes run big, so I didn't know which to get, and I had already indulged in the perfume. I was tempted to get her a sketchbook from Barnes & Nobles, but I refrained.
After all this, we stopped at McDonalds, and then went home. on the way there my aunt decided that tonight would be a good night to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. We gathered everyone up, excluding my eldest cousin, including some family friends, and drove down. We walked the two or three miles of bridge, and walked back. The lights and the view were wonderful. Unfortunately, the pictures I managed to take were less than glamorous. I'm hungry again now, but I don't want to eat. I just want to sleep.
I have discovered I have a new fetish. Well, it isn't new. It's just recently given a name. I am highly interested in Age Play. Which is the act of the submissive (usually) "regressing" or playing an age younger than he/she is while the Dom acts as a Mommy/Daddy. Providing care for the 'Little'. Some people take age play to the extreme and go all the way back into infancy. Diapers, pacifiers, bottles, and all. I don't want to go back that far. I'm not exactly sure how little I want to go. But I have noticed that I usually do fall into a little mentality. It happens too often to ignore. This is another side of myself that I must embrace.
My sadistic side is at war with my little side. I can't figure all of this out by myself. So I signed up for FetLife. Its a Kink Community/Dating site. I'm not using it for the dating aspect. Just the community. To know that I am not alone in my thoughts. To find more experienced people within the scene that I can ask questions and maybe become friends with. People that I will sort of know when I want to enter the scene myself when I turn 21. BDSM is a part of me that I want to explore. I need to know if this part of me is deep or shallow. If it must be fulfilled or if it can be ignored. I need to know. And I will find out by any means necessary. I'm a competent woman. I can handle this.
In other news, I don't know what to do with my thoughts. They're crowding themselves. Too fast and too many to count and retrace. I need a meditation session, and I might be able to do it tomorrow. Hopefully. But it's hard to meditate in a place where there is hardly any silence.
I'm going now. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I'm sitting in a dumb position.
Monday, August 06, 2012
New York: Day 21
Today was boring.
But the weather was nice! It was very cool today, compared to the last two days where I broke into a sweat by breathing. -_- that is not a fun experience. Trust me.
Anyway, I'm trying to be on the phone with Sweetness. But its difficult. Cause my face sweats on the phone (which is gross) and my head has to cocked at a weird angle so I can use bot h of my hands, and my body temperature raises cause my phone is hot and I have to hold it. Oi. But Sweetness loves to talk to me, so I oblige her. Even though it's highly inconvenient. But I love her. So it's fine.
In other news, I slept a lot today. Like, A LOT. Most of today I slept. When I wasn't sleeping I was watching documentaries on NetFlix. Yesterday, I watched one on body modification, and today I watched one on birthing options in America. Pretty much hospitals vs home birth. I had already thought about home birth for my future children, but this video made me like the option even more. It would be easier to have a home birth in a different country though, because less than 1% of mothers in the Untied States have home births or implore the services of midwives.
So, I don't know anymore. Its hard to blog when I'm on the phone cause I have too much stuff to focus on.
My aunt keeps telling me that she's going to get me to go to church before I leave. I highly doubt it. Churches freak me out. They make me uncomfortable, and I have to work too hard to keep my tongue in check. I don't see the point in worshiping a fiction novel. There are people who obsess over books, but I'm not one of them and I don't appreciate people trying to get me to follow along.
This morning, something truly strange happened. I woke up, kind of, in a half daze. And my cousin walked by, stood over me and stuck his finger in my nose. And he dug around in there for a good 30 seconds or so before he took his finger and wiped it on my arm before wandering away. I wasn't awake enough to tell him to fuck off or hit him, so I just laid there and let it happen. In a stupid daze for like five minutes afterward. I mean...what do you do in that situation? Seriously? Who the fuck does that? What kind of weird freak does that? I'm still baffled. I'm still not completely positive that it wasn't a dream.
Today is my cousins birthday. We call him Kuku. He turned 18! Yay! Happy Birthday, cousin! Oddly enough, we didn't do anything for him. There's no cake. No presents. No song. No...nothing. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who said happy birthday to him at all. Except for his friends, whom he spent the day with. His FaceBook is littered with happy birthday wishes, of course, but...that's not the point. He's 18...this is a big birthday. You're supposed to do things...but instead, he's sitting in his room with his brother playing video games. He's not going out. He's not having a party. It's weird to me. If it isn't too hot tomorrow, I'm going to make a cake. ^_^
Other than that, I don't have much else to say.My mental state is similar. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. It's sort of...anti-climactic. Oh well. We'll see. 11 more days.
P.S: Seriously, Who does that?!
But the weather was nice! It was very cool today, compared to the last two days where I broke into a sweat by breathing. -_- that is not a fun experience. Trust me.
Anyway, I'm trying to be on the phone with Sweetness. But its difficult. Cause my face sweats on the phone (which is gross) and my head has to cocked at a weird angle so I can use bot h of my hands, and my body temperature raises cause my phone is hot and I have to hold it. Oi. But Sweetness loves to talk to me, so I oblige her. Even though it's highly inconvenient. But I love her. So it's fine.
In other news, I slept a lot today. Like, A LOT. Most of today I slept. When I wasn't sleeping I was watching documentaries on NetFlix. Yesterday, I watched one on body modification, and today I watched one on birthing options in America. Pretty much hospitals vs home birth. I had already thought about home birth for my future children, but this video made me like the option even more. It would be easier to have a home birth in a different country though, because less than 1% of mothers in the Untied States have home births or implore the services of midwives.
So, I don't know anymore. Its hard to blog when I'm on the phone cause I have too much stuff to focus on.
My aunt keeps telling me that she's going to get me to go to church before I leave. I highly doubt it. Churches freak me out. They make me uncomfortable, and I have to work too hard to keep my tongue in check. I don't see the point in worshiping a fiction novel. There are people who obsess over books, but I'm not one of them and I don't appreciate people trying to get me to follow along.
This morning, something truly strange happened. I woke up, kind of, in a half daze. And my cousin walked by, stood over me and stuck his finger in my nose. And he dug around in there for a good 30 seconds or so before he took his finger and wiped it on my arm before wandering away. I wasn't awake enough to tell him to fuck off or hit him, so I just laid there and let it happen. In a stupid daze for like five minutes afterward. I mean...what do you do in that situation? Seriously? Who the fuck does that? What kind of weird freak does that? I'm still baffled. I'm still not completely positive that it wasn't a dream.
Today is my cousins birthday. We call him Kuku. He turned 18! Yay! Happy Birthday, cousin! Oddly enough, we didn't do anything for him. There's no cake. No presents. No song. No...nothing. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who said happy birthday to him at all. Except for his friends, whom he spent the day with. His FaceBook is littered with happy birthday wishes, of course, but...that's not the point. He's 18...this is a big birthday. You're supposed to do things...but instead, he's sitting in his room with his brother playing video games. He's not going out. He's not having a party. It's weird to me. If it isn't too hot tomorrow, I'm going to make a cake. ^_^
Other than that, I don't have much else to say.My mental state is similar. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. It's sort of...anti-climactic. Oh well. We'll see. 11 more days.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Seriously, Who does that?!
Sunday, August 05, 2012
New York: Day 20
Officially 12 more days until I go home.
I didn't go shopping today, it was too hot. And I've been battling a migraine all day. So I sat, and boiled in my own juices while watching various things on NetFlix.
I watched:
All Dogs Go To Heaven
All Dogs Go To Heaven 2
Fern Gully
Blue Planet: Coasts
And something else but I can't remember what it was.
Anyway, after dozing in and out after that, I fell asleep hard for about an hour. My mattress needs air again. I'm starting to get tired of the constant bullying my eldest cousin seems to find necessary. Every time he walks past me he pushes me or calls me a fatass or some other nasty thing.I don't consider myself to be particularly sensitive, but I suppose I am. I don't like it. But I only have to put up with it for 12 more days.
Right now, I'm watching my second youngest cousin play Arkham Asylum. I think this is the first time he's played it, because he seems very engrossed. Usually, he's more laid back while gaming. Sort of like me. Laying in a weird position in a chair, loose grip on the controller. It's fun to compare people's gaming styles. On the flip side, my eldest cousin plays video games like an ADHD kid on heroine. Screaming, cussing, shaking, throwing things.It's like watching the devolution of man.
Well, I'm going to finish off this post now. My head is killing me and the relieving coolness I got from taking a shower is wearing off. Fast. See you all tomorrow.
P.S: Originally, I had intended for the link in the last post to be used through copy & paste, but I've made it a direct link for your convenience.
I didn't go shopping today, it was too hot. And I've been battling a migraine all day. So I sat, and boiled in my own juices while watching various things on NetFlix.
I watched:
All Dogs Go To Heaven
All Dogs Go To Heaven 2
Fern Gully
Blue Planet: Coasts
And something else but I can't remember what it was.
Anyway, after dozing in and out after that, I fell asleep hard for about an hour. My mattress needs air again. I'm starting to get tired of the constant bullying my eldest cousin seems to find necessary. Every time he walks past me he pushes me or calls me a fatass or some other nasty thing.I don't consider myself to be particularly sensitive, but I suppose I am. I don't like it. But I only have to put up with it for 12 more days.
Right now, I'm watching my second youngest cousin play Arkham Asylum. I think this is the first time he's played it, because he seems very engrossed. Usually, he's more laid back while gaming. Sort of like me. Laying in a weird position in a chair, loose grip on the controller. It's fun to compare people's gaming styles. On the flip side, my eldest cousin plays video games like an ADHD kid on heroine. Screaming, cussing, shaking, throwing things.It's like watching the devolution of man.
Well, I'm going to finish off this post now. My head is killing me and the relieving coolness I got from taking a shower is wearing off. Fast. See you all tomorrow.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Originally, I had intended for the link in the last post to be used through copy & paste, but I've made it a direct link for your convenience.
Saturday, August 04, 2012
New York: Day 19
http://www.chatzy.com/39573708006404
This is what I did today. I created a chatroom.
I didn't go outside. I didn't get up. I barely ate. It was a sweltering 91 degrees today. So hot I couldn't even sleep last night. I literally just laid in the bed and sweated all night.I did accomplish helping my baby cousin take out her hair though. And because her mom but micro-braids in her hair, it took forever. Also, because she has had it in for 3+ weeks, my fingernails were black when I was finished. Washing my hands in cold water felt amazing. So I did it twice. For like five minutes each.
Now, I'm sitting here listening to music. Bored and hot. Still, I have the fan, but my laptop is in my lap so it doesn't really matter. Hopefully it will be a little cooler tomorrow, cause my aunt is going to take me shopping. She likes the heat about as much as I do ironically, for her living in such a hot place all her life. She told me that she would like to move though, but she'd stay on the east coast cause she really likes New York. As I've pointed out in my previous posts, who can blame her? Aside from the dramatic weather, this place rules. If the climate were a little more mild and living costs weren't so bloody high, I'd consider living here too. But, luckily for all of you, they aren't and I'm headed back to Washington when my time is up. Of course, August is the hottest month in Washington. And I'll be returning in the middle of it. -__- Oh well. Better than this.
Anywho, I'll be going now, since having my laptop at this weird angle is hurting my knee skin! Tootles, ya'll!
P.S: Seriously, fuck this heat. Oh, and feel free to use the chatroom. There isn't a password. Tell your friends!
This is what I did today. I created a chatroom.
I didn't go outside. I didn't get up. I barely ate. It was a sweltering 91 degrees today. So hot I couldn't even sleep last night. I literally just laid in the bed and sweated all night.I did accomplish helping my baby cousin take out her hair though. And because her mom but micro-braids in her hair, it took forever. Also, because she has had it in for 3+ weeks, my fingernails were black when I was finished. Washing my hands in cold water felt amazing. So I did it twice. For like five minutes each.
Now, I'm sitting here listening to music. Bored and hot. Still, I have the fan, but my laptop is in my lap so it doesn't really matter. Hopefully it will be a little cooler tomorrow, cause my aunt is going to take me shopping. She likes the heat about as much as I do ironically, for her living in such a hot place all her life. She told me that she would like to move though, but she'd stay on the east coast cause she really likes New York. As I've pointed out in my previous posts, who can blame her? Aside from the dramatic weather, this place rules. If the climate were a little more mild and living costs weren't so bloody high, I'd consider living here too. But, luckily for all of you, they aren't and I'm headed back to Washington when my time is up. Of course, August is the hottest month in Washington. And I'll be returning in the middle of it. -__- Oh well. Better than this.
Anywho, I'll be going now, since having my laptop at this weird angle is hurting my knee skin! Tootles, ya'll!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Seriously, fuck this heat. Oh, and feel free to use the chatroom. There isn't a password. Tell your friends!
Friday, August 03, 2012
New York: Day 18
Ne-Yo today.
I didn't go to sleep at all last night, so at three when my aunt came out of her bedroom she wasn't really surprised to find me awake. We got dressed, she lent me a bigger purse, and we started off. The early morning was warm, and dark. I only saw five stars. We walked to the bank, took out some cash and made our way to the subway station. This took forever because the MetroPass machines only take certain amounts of money for certain stuff. Then, once we had gotten in we waited for the train. It was about fifteen minutes but it felt like a long time. While waiting, I watched some mice run back and forth gathering crumbs.
The subway stations, like I said before, are extremely hot. But the trains themselves are air conditioned. The ride was long, but it wasn't excruciating. It did surprise me that, despite all of the young men sitting down, we were not offered a seat. We had to stand the whole time! Call me old fashioned, but how rude!
When we got to central park, we walked a long way to find the stage. But the park so early in the morning was beautiful. It was very foggy and hazy, giving everything an ethereal feel. It was enchanting. We reached the line where we were to wait, and it was still very cool out, considering the brisk walk up a slight incline. We stood behind a group of women, chatting excitedly about the upcoming concert and their dismay at having to return to work afterwards.
When the line started to move, allowing us entry, we noticed that we didn't have wristbands like the others in our line. The woman in charge told us very matter-of-factly that this line was for VIP guests only, and we would have to move.
Regrettably, we began to move away, willing to admit we weren't VIP. But the woman in front of us told us that she had gotten two extra VIP passes, and handed them to us. What luck! We entered with the rest of the VIP line, standing right behind the gate, where we were instructed to stand. Later though, we were told we could have gotten closer, due to the wristbands. We were soon crowded by a mass of other people, spiking the temperature dramatically.
This is the part that I am the happiest to have experienced. I got to learn about my aunt. She told me things I never would have expected. I found out that the two of us are far more similar than I ever would have imagined. We talked about sex, boys, experiences, and our opinions on music. It was very enlightening and I'm glad to have had that time to spend getting to know her. I used to think she was a total bitch, but now I think she's sort of a badass.
The concert itself was pretty cool. It was short and sweet. We got to watch the back up dancers practice more than we saw Ne-Yo, but luckily they were cute. ;) There were two women behind us, one from Shreveport, Louisiana and the other from New York just moved back from Florida. They were excited about Ne-Yo too. We swapped stories from our parts of the world. It's always interesting to meet people from other places.
Ne-Yo eventually came out, after Jessica Biel, and sang three songs. One of them was Because Of You. Trust me, I died a little and went to heaven. He's so cute! They were handing out free Pepsi Max, and it surprisingly doesn't taste too bad. When we left, we wandered around central park for a while. I took pictures, we talked, and we got lost. Hahaha, we walked up about twelve streets through the park without knowing it. Then, when we finally found the way out, we stopped for drinks. I had a strawberry & cream frapp, and my aunt stopped at the next coffee shop for a plain lemonade. The station that we eventually chose was going to opposite way, but instead of walking, we got on and waited until we could transfer onto a train going downtown. Heh, it was a very backward type of way to go, but it was fun anyway.
We finally made it back to the apartment and my other aunt wanted us to drop her off at her doctors appointment. So, we hopped in the car, dropped them off and came back. Then, we both took a long nap. When I was rudely woken up, I took off again, with my other aunt, the little guest and her sister, my cousin and WeaveLady. We took a journey to find the little guests cousins. We stopped by for about an hour or so and then we left. WeaveLady walked home, since she happened to live in the neighborhood. On the way back, we stopped at Popeye's so I could get some chicken and a Mardi Gras cheesecake slice. That is so good by the way. Absolutely delicious.
Anyway, now I'm here, sweating, sitting in this hot ass apartment, writing to you. I'm going to go change into something lighter though. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And maybe get some sleep tonight.
P.S: I hate when its hot at night and I have no choice but to sleep in clothes. I'd sooooo rather be naked.
I didn't go to sleep at all last night, so at three when my aunt came out of her bedroom she wasn't really surprised to find me awake. We got dressed, she lent me a bigger purse, and we started off. The early morning was warm, and dark. I only saw five stars. We walked to the bank, took out some cash and made our way to the subway station. This took forever because the MetroPass machines only take certain amounts of money for certain stuff. Then, once we had gotten in we waited for the train. It was about fifteen minutes but it felt like a long time. While waiting, I watched some mice run back and forth gathering crumbs.
The subway stations, like I said before, are extremely hot. But the trains themselves are air conditioned. The ride was long, but it wasn't excruciating. It did surprise me that, despite all of the young men sitting down, we were not offered a seat. We had to stand the whole time! Call me old fashioned, but how rude!
When we got to central park, we walked a long way to find the stage. But the park so early in the morning was beautiful. It was very foggy and hazy, giving everything an ethereal feel. It was enchanting. We reached the line where we were to wait, and it was still very cool out, considering the brisk walk up a slight incline. We stood behind a group of women, chatting excitedly about the upcoming concert and their dismay at having to return to work afterwards.
When the line started to move, allowing us entry, we noticed that we didn't have wristbands like the others in our line. The woman in charge told us very matter-of-factly that this line was for VIP guests only, and we would have to move.
Regrettably, we began to move away, willing to admit we weren't VIP. But the woman in front of us told us that she had gotten two extra VIP passes, and handed them to us. What luck! We entered with the rest of the VIP line, standing right behind the gate, where we were instructed to stand. Later though, we were told we could have gotten closer, due to the wristbands. We were soon crowded by a mass of other people, spiking the temperature dramatically.
This is the part that I am the happiest to have experienced. I got to learn about my aunt. She told me things I never would have expected. I found out that the two of us are far more similar than I ever would have imagined. We talked about sex, boys, experiences, and our opinions on music. It was very enlightening and I'm glad to have had that time to spend getting to know her. I used to think she was a total bitch, but now I think she's sort of a badass.
The concert itself was pretty cool. It was short and sweet. We got to watch the back up dancers practice more than we saw Ne-Yo, but luckily they were cute. ;) There were two women behind us, one from Shreveport, Louisiana and the other from New York just moved back from Florida. They were excited about Ne-Yo too. We swapped stories from our parts of the world. It's always interesting to meet people from other places.
Ne-Yo eventually came out, after Jessica Biel, and sang three songs. One of them was Because Of You. Trust me, I died a little and went to heaven. He's so cute! They were handing out free Pepsi Max, and it surprisingly doesn't taste too bad. When we left, we wandered around central park for a while. I took pictures, we talked, and we got lost. Hahaha, we walked up about twelve streets through the park without knowing it. Then, when we finally found the way out, we stopped for drinks. I had a strawberry & cream frapp, and my aunt stopped at the next coffee shop for a plain lemonade. The station that we eventually chose was going to opposite way, but instead of walking, we got on and waited until we could transfer onto a train going downtown. Heh, it was a very backward type of way to go, but it was fun anyway.
We finally made it back to the apartment and my other aunt wanted us to drop her off at her doctors appointment. So, we hopped in the car, dropped them off and came back. Then, we both took a long nap. When I was rudely woken up, I took off again, with my other aunt, the little guest and her sister, my cousin and WeaveLady. We took a journey to find the little guests cousins. We stopped by for about an hour or so and then we left. WeaveLady walked home, since she happened to live in the neighborhood. On the way back, we stopped at Popeye's so I could get some chicken and a Mardi Gras cheesecake slice. That is so good by the way. Absolutely delicious.
Anyway, now I'm here, sweating, sitting in this hot ass apartment, writing to you. I'm going to go change into something lighter though. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And maybe get some sleep tonight.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I hate when its hot at night and I have no choice but to sleep in clothes. I'd sooooo rather be naked.
Thursday, August 02, 2012
New York: Day 17
I slept most of today because it was hot as shit.
Then, I took a shower, read my new book, ate my weight in food, and now I'm here. Writing very distractedly to you, about my day. But that's my first sentence. That's really all I did. Now I'm watching SVU, its a really addicting show. Tomorrow, or should I say in about five hours, I'm going to get dressed and get ready to leave here at about four to go downtown to find a spot to sit and wait to see Ne-Yo. I'm excited, and I would like to go back to sleep. But I don't know if I'll be able to. You know, because of the television.
Well, I'm not sure of what else to, write about, mainly cause I'm watching tv and secondly because I'm kind of sleepy. I don't know. Its hot and all I'm wearing is that blue dress that makes me feel pregnant. I have no idea what I'm going to wear tomorrow. Maybe a dress. Probably a dress. But which dress? We'll find out. Tootles.
P.S: I don't like to be hit, struck, or whatever. I don't particularly enjoy being "tapped" either.It irritates me. I don't know why.
Then, I took a shower, read my new book, ate my weight in food, and now I'm here. Writing very distractedly to you, about my day. But that's my first sentence. That's really all I did. Now I'm watching SVU, its a really addicting show. Tomorrow, or should I say in about five hours, I'm going to get dressed and get ready to leave here at about four to go downtown to find a spot to sit and wait to see Ne-Yo. I'm excited, and I would like to go back to sleep. But I don't know if I'll be able to. You know, because of the television.
Well, I'm not sure of what else to, write about, mainly cause I'm watching tv and secondly because I'm kind of sleepy. I don't know. Its hot and all I'm wearing is that blue dress that makes me feel pregnant. I have no idea what I'm going to wear tomorrow. Maybe a dress. Probably a dress. But which dress? We'll find out. Tootles.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I don't like to be hit, struck, or whatever. I don't particularly enjoy being "tapped" either.It irritates me. I don't know why.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
New York: Day 16
I'm running low on energy right now.
I'm trying to stay awake, but my eyes are heavy and my body aches. I'll shower tomorrow I promise.
Today, I didn't do much. I went to Costco.Their Costco is huge! It has two floors! I bought more gifts for Sweetness. Their kind of for me though, but kind of for her. Either way, these I know she'll like. About the Costco. It also has a cart escalator. It's like a regular escalator, except for that its flat and it has really intense ridges that the wheels are supposed to get stuck in. Which locks the cart in place. Its pretty nifty. The also have super huge elevators like the ones you see in hospitals. Its pretty nifty too.Their book selection is not impressive.
I didn't spend much money there, but I have to check my bank account anyway. Just to make sure. I don't want to accidentally spend too much. Especially since Sweetness needs me to have some when I get back.I don't like to think about going home. Not because I won't be happy to see everyone again, but because in those days after coming home, when things wind down back to normal...reality will strike us.
My aunt officially told me I'm a sinner. Because I'm dating a woman. I'm apparently on the "path of sin" and I'd "best turn around before its too late". Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't your almighty God grant forgiveness to anyone who asks it? According to your bible, I can be on my deathbed with a woman in my lap and a man behind me. And if I say "Oh lord! Forgive me my sins!" I'll be forgiven and I go straight to heaven. Poof. I'll try to remember that when I die. -__-
I know I don't usually go on religious rants, and to be honest I don't like doing it. I don't shove my non-religion down your throat so please don't try to hump your bible down mine. I hate that. There is nothing more irritating than someone trying to push their beliefs on you. Honestly, are you that insecure? Do you need that much self-approval that you need me to think the way you do? Leave me alone.
I'm too sleepy to continue to rant. I'm tired and I hope you know that the energy conveyed in this post is fake. Though, I do hope it came through just the same. Goodnight.
P.S: I had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch
I'm trying to stay awake, but my eyes are heavy and my body aches. I'll shower tomorrow I promise.
Today, I didn't do much. I went to Costco.Their Costco is huge! It has two floors! I bought more gifts for Sweetness. Their kind of for me though, but kind of for her. Either way, these I know she'll like. About the Costco. It also has a cart escalator. It's like a regular escalator, except for that its flat and it has really intense ridges that the wheels are supposed to get stuck in. Which locks the cart in place. Its pretty nifty. The also have super huge elevators like the ones you see in hospitals. Its pretty nifty too.Their book selection is not impressive.
I didn't spend much money there, but I have to check my bank account anyway. Just to make sure. I don't want to accidentally spend too much. Especially since Sweetness needs me to have some when I get back.I don't like to think about going home. Not because I won't be happy to see everyone again, but because in those days after coming home, when things wind down back to normal...reality will strike us.
My aunt officially told me I'm a sinner. Because I'm dating a woman. I'm apparently on the "path of sin" and I'd "best turn around before its too late". Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't your almighty God grant forgiveness to anyone who asks it? According to your bible, I can be on my deathbed with a woman in my lap and a man behind me. And if I say "Oh lord! Forgive me my sins!" I'll be forgiven and I go straight to heaven. Poof. I'll try to remember that when I die. -__-
I know I don't usually go on religious rants, and to be honest I don't like doing it. I don't shove my non-religion down your throat so please don't try to hump your bible down mine. I hate that. There is nothing more irritating than someone trying to push their beliefs on you. Honestly, are you that insecure? Do you need that much self-approval that you need me to think the way you do? Leave me alone.
I'm too sleepy to continue to rant. I'm tired and I hope you know that the energy conveyed in this post is fake. Though, I do hope it came through just the same. Goodnight.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch
~In Between~
So I'm going to break up the crazy impressive streak I have going.
I guess I'm not technically breaking it up if I'm still blogging, but I meant all the blogs being upon a certain topic and what-what. Not that I have to explain myself to you. -_-. ANYWAY, I'm awake. I've been awake for a long time, because apparently 30 minute naps can fuck you so hard and fast you'll be unable to sleep! Just in case you were curious. So here I am, back on the internet.Just so you know, I did get off for a long time. I tried to sleep, fell in and out of consciousness, tossed and turned, and then gave up. Then I played on my phone, downloaded some things, got some water, went to the bathroom. NOW, I'm online again, talking to you! Isn't that fun? Today, I might go shopping with my aunt. Depending on if she was serious or not. She said she had to go food shopping. The other aunt it going to a doctors appointment. IDK what for, I don't care and I didn't ask. It's nice outside, according to my window. It rained earlier this morning. Hard enough to catch my attention. I like the pitter-patter noise the rain makes when it hits the AC.
I've noticed that I've begun to block out the Subway noise as it roars past. Seriously, its right outside the window. Not close enough to touch or anything, but it's still impressive to little ol' me. I can hear cars passing, buses, sirens, police cars, ambulances, people yelling. It's very entertaining to just lay here and listen. But there does come an hour, eventually, where even Brooklyn goes quiet. Not for long. It's only about an hour or so until something else happens, and this is not including the subway that runs literally every five minutes.All day. All night. Fuck the weather.
The subway train doesn't give a shit about anything. It just foes and goes and goes. It keeps on coming and going. Whether you're on it or not. Walkin too slow? Wait for the next one. Miss your stop? Sucks to be you. It's extremely exhilarating to stand on a subway platform and feel the wind rush by as it speeds past you at upwards of 60mph. The air is hot, but its frigid compared to the station's usual temperature. As I'm sure you can guess, I enjoy riding the subway.
My aunts prefer driving.
But they've lived here a long time and the thrill of New York is gone for them. As someone famous once said according to a quote I read online: "The problem with living in New York is that you don't have New York to runaway to."
And in all honesty, that makes perfect sense. Who wants to run from the city that has everything to the city that has nothing? Do you know how frustrating that would be? That's how I'm going to feel when I get back to WA I just know it. Right now, if I so chose, I could walk down the street and get breakfast. Pretty much whatever I wanted. Burger King? Sure. Chinese? Alright. Mexican? Jamaican? Soul? McDonalds? Pizza? Fuckin salmon? Whatever you want. If you've got the money for it. It's amazing. It reminds me of a very elaborate Seattle. Except, there's so much more culture. Seattle has a China Town. New York has Jew Town. China Town, Little Italy, Tiny Africa. They have everything. I'm pretty sure they have Little Ireland/Scotland around here too, but I haven't heard about it.
Everything is right at your fingertips in this place. It's really baffling. Seriously, some of my aunts friends came over the other day and they were like "Oh, we just saw Tom Hanks." Now, I don't give a shit about Tom Hanks. But the point is, they just randomly ran into a famous movie star on the street. That shit doesn't fucking happen where I'm from! Bitch please! I wish I would see Scarlett Johansson walking through Pike Place like she doesn't have a care in the world. For real? I'd flip the fuck out! But out here? Eh. Happens.
Maybe I'm just a small town girl, visiting a real big city. Maybe I'm just a sheltered kid in over her head. But if I see someone really famous while I'm here, and I recognize them? Guess who's getting a picture. This bitch.
Anyway, I'm going to go see if there's something else I can do on the internet other than bother you guys. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?
P.S: I really was hella sleepy in the last post. I have no idea what happened!
I guess I'm not technically breaking it up if I'm still blogging, but I meant all the blogs being upon a certain topic and what-what. Not that I have to explain myself to you. -_-. ANYWAY, I'm awake. I've been awake for a long time, because apparently 30 minute naps can fuck you so hard and fast you'll be unable to sleep! Just in case you were curious. So here I am, back on the internet.Just so you know, I did get off for a long time. I tried to sleep, fell in and out of consciousness, tossed and turned, and then gave up. Then I played on my phone, downloaded some things, got some water, went to the bathroom. NOW, I'm online again, talking to you! Isn't that fun? Today, I might go shopping with my aunt. Depending on if she was serious or not. She said she had to go food shopping. The other aunt it going to a doctors appointment. IDK what for, I don't care and I didn't ask. It's nice outside, according to my window. It rained earlier this morning. Hard enough to catch my attention. I like the pitter-patter noise the rain makes when it hits the AC.
I've noticed that I've begun to block out the Subway noise as it roars past. Seriously, its right outside the window. Not close enough to touch or anything, but it's still impressive to little ol' me. I can hear cars passing, buses, sirens, police cars, ambulances, people yelling. It's very entertaining to just lay here and listen. But there does come an hour, eventually, where even Brooklyn goes quiet. Not for long. It's only about an hour or so until something else happens, and this is not including the subway that runs literally every five minutes.All day. All night. Fuck the weather.
The subway train doesn't give a shit about anything. It just foes and goes and goes. It keeps on coming and going. Whether you're on it or not. Walkin too slow? Wait for the next one. Miss your stop? Sucks to be you. It's extremely exhilarating to stand on a subway platform and feel the wind rush by as it speeds past you at upwards of 60mph. The air is hot, but its frigid compared to the station's usual temperature. As I'm sure you can guess, I enjoy riding the subway.
My aunts prefer driving.
But they've lived here a long time and the thrill of New York is gone for them. As someone famous once said according to a quote I read online: "The problem with living in New York is that you don't have New York to runaway to."
And in all honesty, that makes perfect sense. Who wants to run from the city that has everything to the city that has nothing? Do you know how frustrating that would be? That's how I'm going to feel when I get back to WA I just know it. Right now, if I so chose, I could walk down the street and get breakfast. Pretty much whatever I wanted. Burger King? Sure. Chinese? Alright. Mexican? Jamaican? Soul? McDonalds? Pizza? Fuckin salmon? Whatever you want. If you've got the money for it. It's amazing. It reminds me of a very elaborate Seattle. Except, there's so much more culture. Seattle has a China Town. New York has Jew Town. China Town, Little Italy, Tiny Africa. They have everything. I'm pretty sure they have Little Ireland/Scotland around here too, but I haven't heard about it.
Everything is right at your fingertips in this place. It's really baffling. Seriously, some of my aunts friends came over the other day and they were like "Oh, we just saw Tom Hanks." Now, I don't give a shit about Tom Hanks. But the point is, they just randomly ran into a famous movie star on the street. That shit doesn't fucking happen where I'm from! Bitch please! I wish I would see Scarlett Johansson walking through Pike Place like she doesn't have a care in the world. For real? I'd flip the fuck out! But out here? Eh. Happens.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?
Maybe I'm just a small town girl, visiting a real big city. Maybe I'm just a sheltered kid in over her head. But if I see someone really famous while I'm here, and I recognize them? Guess who's getting a picture. This bitch.
Anyway, I'm going to go see if there's something else I can do on the internet other than bother you guys. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I really was hella sleepy in the last post. I have no idea what happened!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
New York: Day 16
Now, I'm tired.
This morning was highly uneventful, and I slept most of the day. I watched 1,000 Ways to Die with my aunt, while we waited for my cousin to get back. Around five pm, we started getting ready to go.
I got dressed, then me and my cousin walked down to the park to meet my aunt and my cousin's friend, Shakira. Her name isn't actually Shakira, its just easier than calling her 'the friend'. Anyway, after convincing my other aunt that she should come too, we hung out at the park until everyone was ready.
Then, we hit the subway.
We rode the A train, all the way from Brooklyn to 42nd street. The ride was uneventful and the stations are HOT. They do not air condition those places, so that you don't linger in there on hot days. In. Out. That's all. When we came up from the station, it literally stopped my breath.
New York is beautiful at night.
Granted, there were thousands of people streaming in and out of stores. Across streets, through buildings, out of cars. People everywhere, talking, laughing, shouting, singing. Then there were musicians, and cab drivers. Vendors, street performers, people trying to get their mixed CDs out, people tryin to sell tickets. It was gloriously busy and bustling. But the lights. It was so bright it almost felt like noon. It was as if you were in a huge building and they made the ceiling look like the sky. Everything was lit up. Everything! And everything was huge. I really had to strain my neck to see the tops of the buildings. Luckily, there's plenty of interesting things to look at on ground level.
For example, I saw:
Elmo
Batman
Cookie Monster
Mario
Luigi
Hello Kitty
Spiderman
Naked Cowboy
A Saxophone Player
A Drum Player with no hands
And those are just some of the people I saw. I went into The Sanrio store. There was soooo much cute stuff. I could have easily spent all my money in there. Bam! All gone. But I refrained and just bought one little thing for Sweetness. I hope she likes it! We also went to the Disney store (HUGE) and I bought Pooka a Cars shirt. It's really big, but they didn't have smaller sizes. He'll like it though, I'm not worried. Where else did we go? Hmm....OH! We went to M&M World. I didn't buy anything from there, but it smelled heavenly. I thought about buying a cute little teddy bear with a green sweater on, but I couldn't find a price. So I didn't. After that, we headed home. Unfortunately, my camera died. But I took plenty of pictures to recount what I did. It was magnificent, and it only heightens my want to live out here someday. I loved it.
Friday, we're leaving here at 4am to get on the train (the subway) and we're going to Central Park to see Ne-Yo. It will be just me and my Aunt as far as I know. She's the only one who likes him as much as I do. That, and everyone else has plans, or thinks its too early. Nothing is too early for free concerts. Seriously! I was also thinking of buying tickets to see something on Broadway. I don't know if I have enough money. I'll check tonight though. Online of course.
Anyway, I've got to retire. My back is killing me and I'm sleepy for once. I'm glad I finally had something to write about today. It was fantastic and I can't wait for Friday.See you tomorrow, love.
P.S: The Naked Cowboy wears underwear. And He's not very attractive. :( Also, Batman was black, cocky, and you had to pay him. So I did not get his picture. He was also dripping with sweat....ew.
This morning was highly uneventful, and I slept most of the day. I watched 1,000 Ways to Die with my aunt, while we waited for my cousin to get back. Around five pm, we started getting ready to go.
I got dressed, then me and my cousin walked down to the park to meet my aunt and my cousin's friend, Shakira. Her name isn't actually Shakira, its just easier than calling her 'the friend'. Anyway, after convincing my other aunt that she should come too, we hung out at the park until everyone was ready.
Then, we hit the subway.
We rode the A train, all the way from Brooklyn to 42nd street. The ride was uneventful and the stations are HOT. They do not air condition those places, so that you don't linger in there on hot days. In. Out. That's all. When we came up from the station, it literally stopped my breath.
New York is beautiful at night.
Granted, there were thousands of people streaming in and out of stores. Across streets, through buildings, out of cars. People everywhere, talking, laughing, shouting, singing. Then there were musicians, and cab drivers. Vendors, street performers, people trying to get their mixed CDs out, people tryin to sell tickets. It was gloriously busy and bustling. But the lights. It was so bright it almost felt like noon. It was as if you were in a huge building and they made the ceiling look like the sky. Everything was lit up. Everything! And everything was huge. I really had to strain my neck to see the tops of the buildings. Luckily, there's plenty of interesting things to look at on ground level.
For example, I saw:
Elmo
Batman
Cookie Monster
Mario
Luigi
Hello Kitty
Spiderman
Naked Cowboy
A Saxophone Player
A Drum Player with no hands
And those are just some of the people I saw. I went into The Sanrio store. There was soooo much cute stuff. I could have easily spent all my money in there. Bam! All gone. But I refrained and just bought one little thing for Sweetness. I hope she likes it! We also went to the Disney store (HUGE) and I bought Pooka a Cars shirt. It's really big, but they didn't have smaller sizes. He'll like it though, I'm not worried. Where else did we go? Hmm....OH! We went to M&M World. I didn't buy anything from there, but it smelled heavenly. I thought about buying a cute little teddy bear with a green sweater on, but I couldn't find a price. So I didn't. After that, we headed home. Unfortunately, my camera died. But I took plenty of pictures to recount what I did. It was magnificent, and it only heightens my want to live out here someday. I loved it.
Friday, we're leaving here at 4am to get on the train (the subway) and we're going to Central Park to see Ne-Yo. It will be just me and my Aunt as far as I know. She's the only one who likes him as much as I do. That, and everyone else has plans, or thinks its too early. Nothing is too early for free concerts. Seriously! I was also thinking of buying tickets to see something on Broadway. I don't know if I have enough money. I'll check tonight though. Online of course.
Anyway, I've got to retire. My back is killing me and I'm sleepy for once. I'm glad I finally had something to write about today. It was fantastic and I can't wait for Friday.See you tomorrow, love.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: The Naked Cowboy wears underwear. And He's not very attractive. :( Also, Batman was black, cocky, and you had to pay him. So I did not get his picture. He was also dripping with sweat....ew.
Monday, July 30, 2012
New York: Day 15
Today, I went outside.
Normally, that wouldn't be such a big deal. But as of late, I haven't really done that. Haha, I just got back in the house, matter of fact. It was a very cool Seattle-like day today, so I went to the park with my cousin and her friend. We wandered around for a long time until dusk. Then we came back, met up with two more of my cousins, and walked down the block so I could meet some of their friends. No one out here believes that I'm twenty. And I take it in stride. Most of them think I'm between 14 and 17. They pretty much break their jaws on the concrete when they hear how old I actually am.
Anyway, we all went to a slightly bigger park at the opposite end of the block than the previously mentioned park (Kingston instead of Brower). This park has like ten basketball courts. So my male cousins and a few of their friends went to play basketball, while my female cousin and some of her friends went to play on the jungle gym. I was wearing a skirt, so I found a table between the two and took a seat. One of my cousin's friends joined me, and we were alone for about three minutes before they all came back over. It made me laugh. Like I can't handle myself. He's a sweet boy, but I told him I have a girlfriend. And unlike most boys he said "Good for you, that's cool." There was no weird swagger talk about how I need to look their way or how it doesn't matter to them. He was very polite, and he kept talking to me afterwards. We walked the others home and then me, my cousin went to the corner store to buy ice cream. A friendly stranger bought my cousins Popsicle, so I bought one for me and the friend. He said thank you like twenty times. Which was also funny to me.
After that, we went back to Brower park, so my cousin could play the piano some more. My cousin met us out there, apparently sent out as a "chaperone", because my baby cousin isn't enough to guard me from a guy I just met. Haha, he's cute, I'll admit. He's also hilarious. But we just met, and I doubt we'll get very close in two and a half weeks. In any case, he wanted me to be his friend on Facebook. I said alright. We talked while my cousin played, and my other cousin tried to create his own record of "not blinking". When they were both finished, we walked home, parting ways somewhere between.
When we reached the apartment, my aunt was coming out and beckoned us to come with her to the pizza place on Fulton st. They have $1 slices and pretty cheap drinks. The four of us had a good time walking, and we sat on the step for a while upon returning.But eventually, we did come back upstairs, blow up the air mattress and almost everyone is asleep now.
It was a pretty fun day. And tomorrow, I'm going to Times Square to see the lights and breathe in the city. I have a weird feeling I'll be spending some money... :) not that I mind. On Friday, we're hopefully going back to Times Square at the butt crack of dawn to see Ne-Yo play for Good Morning America. Best part? It's fuckin FREE. Yeah. Hella awesome, right? I'll take so many pictures, it'll blow your mind.
Well, I'm done now. That's all that happened to me today. What happened to you?
P.S: We had pancakes this morning for breakfast, and I forgot to take a picture until my aunt was like "These aren't good enough to take a picture of?" So I laughed and took a picture of her plate cause I had already devoured mine.
Normally, that wouldn't be such a big deal. But as of late, I haven't really done that. Haha, I just got back in the house, matter of fact. It was a very cool Seattle-like day today, so I went to the park with my cousin and her friend. We wandered around for a long time until dusk. Then we came back, met up with two more of my cousins, and walked down the block so I could meet some of their friends. No one out here believes that I'm twenty. And I take it in stride. Most of them think I'm between 14 and 17. They pretty much break their jaws on the concrete when they hear how old I actually am.
Anyway, we all went to a slightly bigger park at the opposite end of the block than the previously mentioned park (Kingston instead of Brower). This park has like ten basketball courts. So my male cousins and a few of their friends went to play basketball, while my female cousin and some of her friends went to play on the jungle gym. I was wearing a skirt, so I found a table between the two and took a seat. One of my cousin's friends joined me, and we were alone for about three minutes before they all came back over. It made me laugh. Like I can't handle myself. He's a sweet boy, but I told him I have a girlfriend. And unlike most boys he said "Good for you, that's cool." There was no weird swagger talk about how I need to look their way or how it doesn't matter to them. He was very polite, and he kept talking to me afterwards. We walked the others home and then me, my cousin went to the corner store to buy ice cream. A friendly stranger bought my cousins Popsicle, so I bought one for me and the friend. He said thank you like twenty times. Which was also funny to me.
After that, we went back to Brower park, so my cousin could play the piano some more. My cousin met us out there, apparently sent out as a "chaperone", because my baby cousin isn't enough to guard me from a guy I just met. Haha, he's cute, I'll admit. He's also hilarious. But we just met, and I doubt we'll get very close in two and a half weeks. In any case, he wanted me to be his friend on Facebook. I said alright. We talked while my cousin played, and my other cousin tried to create his own record of "not blinking". When they were both finished, we walked home, parting ways somewhere between.
When we reached the apartment, my aunt was coming out and beckoned us to come with her to the pizza place on Fulton st. They have $1 slices and pretty cheap drinks. The four of us had a good time walking, and we sat on the step for a while upon returning.But eventually, we did come back upstairs, blow up the air mattress and almost everyone is asleep now.
It was a pretty fun day. And tomorrow, I'm going to Times Square to see the lights and breathe in the city. I have a weird feeling I'll be spending some money... :) not that I mind. On Friday, we're hopefully going back to Times Square at the butt crack of dawn to see Ne-Yo play for Good Morning America. Best part? It's fuckin FREE. Yeah. Hella awesome, right? I'll take so many pictures, it'll blow your mind.
Well, I'm done now. That's all that happened to me today. What happened to you?
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: We had pancakes this morning for breakfast, and I forgot to take a picture until my aunt was like "These aren't good enough to take a picture of?" So I laughed and took a picture of her plate cause I had already devoured mine.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
New York: Day 14
Seems like just another day in the city.
I took some pictures of my food. But I'm not going to show them to you, instead I was going to show you an artistic picture of my foot. But I don't want to go through all the trouble to upload it. Nothing interesting happened today. I read for a long time, and I honestly can't wait to go to sleep. I just want to get past today and get to tomorrow. I don't know what it is about today that just makes me...bleh. Anyway, since I don't have anything to talk about, I'm gonna go.
Tootles.
P.S: ......Werewolves.
I took some pictures of my food. But I'm not going to show them to you, instead I was going to show you an artistic picture of my foot. But I don't want to go through all the trouble to upload it. Nothing interesting happened today. I read for a long time, and I honestly can't wait to go to sleep. I just want to get past today and get to tomorrow. I don't know what it is about today that just makes me...bleh. Anyway, since I don't have anything to talk about, I'm gonna go.
Tootles.
TWMA,
SACRED SECRET
P.S: ......Werewolves.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
New York: Day 13
I took a shower this morning.
Other than that, I did a lot of reading. And not much else. Except for figure out how to use Bump.
It's an app that lets you transfer things from one device to another with a simple tap. No cords. No profiles. Not subscription fee. Completely free. And Completely easy. I love it. It resulted in my being able to show you what I had for dinner.
This, is a "Beef Patty". It's basically ground hamburger smothered in cheese and then wrapped in something that looks like puff pastry. This package is then deep fried (the golden patty you see between the outer bread). The outer bread seems to be the consistency of pita bread. But it's grilled so its chewy and crunchy at the same time. Eaten by itself it has virtually no flavor. It is a very unusual dish. but it serves its purpose. It's highly portable, very filling, and pretty satisfying. As long as you don't think too much about all the frying and grease and trans fats dripping from this Hot Pocket burger. Ultimately, its probably horrible for you. But, it tastes fine.
After that unique experience, I tried to continue reading. But to no avail. I got online instead and helped Sweetness with her homework. I also bought her a present which she is not allowed to open until I return to her side. I hope it will create a lot of built up curiosity in her. Since she is known for her cat like need to know, I think it will be very interesting to see how she does. It will be in her sole possession for some time before she can open it. Heheheheh.
Anyway, sometime this week or next week, I should be able to get to the zoo of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. My chances of going to the Museum of Sex have dwindled down to "Very unlikely" but that's fine. The next time I come out here, I'll bring my girl, and we'll go together. Then we'll be able to try all the delicious aphrodisiac shots and truffles they offer.
I'm finished now. I'll see you all tomorrow.
Other than that, I did a lot of reading. And not much else. Except for figure out how to use Bump.
It's an app that lets you transfer things from one device to another with a simple tap. No cords. No profiles. Not subscription fee. Completely free. And Completely easy. I love it. It resulted in my being able to show you what I had for dinner.
After that unique experience, I tried to continue reading. But to no avail. I got online instead and helped Sweetness with her homework. I also bought her a present which she is not allowed to open until I return to her side. I hope it will create a lot of built up curiosity in her. Since she is known for her cat like need to know, I think it will be very interesting to see how she does. It will be in her sole possession for some time before she can open it. Heheheheh.
Anyway, sometime this week or next week, I should be able to get to the zoo of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. My chances of going to the Museum of Sex have dwindled down to "Very unlikely" but that's fine. The next time I come out here, I'll bring my girl, and we'll go together. Then we'll be able to try all the delicious aphrodisiac shots and truffles they offer.
I'm finished now. I'll see you all tomorrow.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I sweat more at night than I do during the day. And I'm starting to have hot flashes. O_o this can't be normal.
Friday, July 27, 2012
New York: Day 12
Today, is boring.
Nothing really interesting happened.I went for a walk this morning with my cousin and the little guest.We went to the store to pay bills, and them we stopped by 7/11 and I bought them Slurpees. I got one too, of course.
I spent most of today inside, doing things on the computer or reading. My cousins were all outside.Doing various things, I'm sure.
The only interesting thing that happened was when the little guest's parents came over to drop off her sister.They inquired as to what I had done since my arrival, and I told them I hadn't done much. Not that I particularly mind. They looked at me in shock and disbelief. The man said, You're missing out! You've got to get out there!"
The woman said "Do you just sit in your house in Seattle?"
I told her, yes. Because its my city, I'm bored with it. There isn't much to do, so I don't mind sitting. I'm used to it.
She said "Is it because it rains so much out there?"
...No. It does rain a lot but that doesn't keep people-
"That's why the suicide rate is so high out there, isn't it?"
Uh...What?
The man interjects again, "You've got too go out there and get lost!"
No, thank you, I'd rather not.
"Well you have a smart phone don't you?"
Yes..but..
"You have Google maps?"
Of course, but I..
He gives me a really stupid look, "Well, the subway maps aren't hard to read. You seem smart you should be fine."
He then proceeds to tell me about how he walked all over the place his first day in New York and got completely lost and confused and somehow managed to find his way back.
Oh. Very interesting, I said.
"YOLO, you know."
I stare at him.
He shakes his head, "You only live once, jus' sayin'."
Obviously.
They continue to comment and blame my family for their various woes and why I'm not "enjoying myself".
Luckily they leave not long after.
I was confused, irritated, and questioning whether or not I should be offended. It was quite the experience. Now, while I wait for Sweetness to get home so she can charge her phone, I'm going to take a shower. Tootles.
P.S: Fans just cool your sweat. Which makes you sticky. Which makes dirt cling to you. FYI. -__-
Nothing really interesting happened.I went for a walk this morning with my cousin and the little guest.We went to the store to pay bills, and them we stopped by 7/11 and I bought them Slurpees. I got one too, of course.
I spent most of today inside, doing things on the computer or reading. My cousins were all outside.Doing various things, I'm sure.
The only interesting thing that happened was when the little guest's parents came over to drop off her sister.They inquired as to what I had done since my arrival, and I told them I hadn't done much. Not that I particularly mind. They looked at me in shock and disbelief. The man said, You're missing out! You've got to get out there!"
The woman said "Do you just sit in your house in Seattle?"
I told her, yes. Because its my city, I'm bored with it. There isn't much to do, so I don't mind sitting. I'm used to it.
She said "Is it because it rains so much out there?"
...No. It does rain a lot but that doesn't keep people-
"That's why the suicide rate is so high out there, isn't it?"
Uh...What?
The man interjects again, "You've got too go out there and get lost!"
No, thank you, I'd rather not.
"Well you have a smart phone don't you?"
Yes..but..
"You have Google maps?"
Of course, but I..
He gives me a really stupid look, "Well, the subway maps aren't hard to read. You seem smart you should be fine."
He then proceeds to tell me about how he walked all over the place his first day in New York and got completely lost and confused and somehow managed to find his way back.
Oh. Very interesting, I said.
"YOLO, you know."
I stare at him.
He shakes his head, "You only live once, jus' sayin'."
Obviously.
They continue to comment and blame my family for their various woes and why I'm not "enjoying myself".
Luckily they leave not long after.
I was confused, irritated, and questioning whether or not I should be offended. It was quite the experience. Now, while I wait for Sweetness to get home so she can charge her phone, I'm going to take a shower. Tootles.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Fans just cool your sweat. Which makes you sticky. Which makes dirt cling to you. FYI. -__-
Thursday, July 26, 2012
New York: Day 11
A thunder storm woke me up at 9am.
At first, I was completely confused and disoriented. I sat straight up in my bed and looked around. Thunder rolled overhead, lightening flashed in the sky. I glanced outside and couldn't help but grin. Today, would be a good day.
I didn't really eat anything this morning. I waited until about one to have a bowl of cereal. The little guest is here again, she was wearing an adorable little ruffled dress with Hawaiian flowers all over it. She makes me miss my Pooka so much! She's asleep right now, on my bed. They'll move her eventually, so I'm not worried.
I read until I got stir crazy. I went downstairs and my cousin and the little guest followed me and we went to the park. There's a pop-up piano in the park, and a little water play area. My cousin really seems to enjoy playing the piano, so I didn't mind walking down there to listen to her play. Her favorite is "In The End" by Linkin Park. She only knows the beginning, and she can't read music so she can't learn the rest. I sincerely hope that she continues to nurture her love of music. It would sadden me greatly is she cast it aside.
We wandered around for a while before the little guest got tired. So we made our way back home and I took a nap. I don't know if she took a nap too, but when I woke up, I assumed that she did.
This is the part of the recap that irritates me the most. Beware my possible use of foul language. Anyway, I was sitting here, minding my own business when my aunt looks over and says "Your scalp needs to be greased." So, she begins greasing my head. Not that I usually mind, but I wasn't really given a choice which annoyed me. She then proceeds to critique how I take care of my hair. Saying "You need to grease it twice a week." "Your head is dry" "You gotta realize that you have black hair."
Excuse me? I have to "realize"? I'm twenty years old. I've been taking care of my hair by myself for a long time. I know what it does. I know that it needs grease. But I can't grease it myself, for one thing, for another thing, no matter how much grease I put on it it will always be dry. I have dandruff. It runs in the WHITE SIDE of my family. I think you need to realize that I am half white. My hair may look like yours but it is dramatically different. Don't tell me what to do with my hair. I appreciate your input but please, shove it.
Another thing that pisses me off. This "tough love" bullshit. One of my aunts is very blunt and impatient. She doesn't suffer fools. But a child? A two year old little girl? I don't understand why they want to treat a child of two like an adult. Children do not have the capacity for higher thoughts like we do. Their minds are still developing. When you yell at a young child, that child automatically begins to blame themselves for your anger. Whatever is wrong with you is their fault. They can't conceptualize everyday problems and they have very short term memories. Much like dogs, they won't remember what they did for very long after they do it.
Screaming at them will not bring back their memories. And I will always, be firmly against violence as a "discipline". I understand smacking their hand. I understand a firm grasp on their arm or shoulder to get their attention. But shaking? Spanking? Threats to beat them? That I don't understand. Now, I don't want you to think that I have recently witnessed any of these things, I'm just telling you what I think is wrong. Opinion. Not fact. It's just what I think.
It irritates me to no end. But I feel like I'm in Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty. A higher slave that doesn't get yelled at but is in no position to change the fates of others. I can only help myself by keeping myself out of trouble. I can advise the others gently, but ultimately it is their decision. Ultimately, it is their choice. Anyway, I don't like it. But they aren't my kids. I have no say in what happens to them or how they are treated. But my heart breaks...it breaks.
Later, we went on another walk, in the rain, to get dinner. Just my dinner I guess, which I didn't have to pay for. So that's cool. The cheesecake was pretty good. Sweeter than sin, but good. I liked the little candy pieces sprinkled on top.
As we walked back, the thunder and lightning came back. The lightning lit up the sky like the day! It exploded across the darkened sky and split into hundreds of bright white sparks. Moments later, thunder roared. It silenced the world as if the gods were having a shouting match and they wanted us to know. The rain came down on us gently, despite the fight happening in the sky. It seemed to be apologizing. I smiled into the night, as my family looked at me questioningly. None of them understand my love for the rain. My youngest cousin asked me a million questions about Seattle and its weather patterns. She asked me if I owned an umbrella. I said yes, but I never use it. She was extremely confused about this. I could only laugh.
Now I'm sitting here, while they watch TV, I'll probably go back to reading pretty soon. I love you guys! Sweetness! Mom! Pooka! Nightmare! I miss all of you guys so much! And I can't wait to see you! :) Love you!
P.S: My back is going to be sincerely messed up when I get back due to this damn bed lol
At first, I was completely confused and disoriented. I sat straight up in my bed and looked around. Thunder rolled overhead, lightening flashed in the sky. I glanced outside and couldn't help but grin. Today, would be a good day.
I didn't really eat anything this morning. I waited until about one to have a bowl of cereal. The little guest is here again, she was wearing an adorable little ruffled dress with Hawaiian flowers all over it. She makes me miss my Pooka so much! She's asleep right now, on my bed. They'll move her eventually, so I'm not worried.
I read until I got stir crazy. I went downstairs and my cousin and the little guest followed me and we went to the park. There's a pop-up piano in the park, and a little water play area. My cousin really seems to enjoy playing the piano, so I didn't mind walking down there to listen to her play. Her favorite is "In The End" by Linkin Park. She only knows the beginning, and she can't read music so she can't learn the rest. I sincerely hope that she continues to nurture her love of music. It would sadden me greatly is she cast it aside.
We wandered around for a while before the little guest got tired. So we made our way back home and I took a nap. I don't know if she took a nap too, but when I woke up, I assumed that she did.
This is the part of the recap that irritates me the most. Beware my possible use of foul language. Anyway, I was sitting here, minding my own business when my aunt looks over and says "Your scalp needs to be greased." So, she begins greasing my head. Not that I usually mind, but I wasn't really given a choice which annoyed me. She then proceeds to critique how I take care of my hair. Saying "You need to grease it twice a week." "Your head is dry" "You gotta realize that you have black hair."
Excuse me? I have to "realize"? I'm twenty years old. I've been taking care of my hair by myself for a long time. I know what it does. I know that it needs grease. But I can't grease it myself, for one thing, for another thing, no matter how much grease I put on it it will always be dry. I have dandruff. It runs in the WHITE SIDE of my family. I think you need to realize that I am half white. My hair may look like yours but it is dramatically different. Don't tell me what to do with my hair. I appreciate your input but please, shove it.
Another thing that pisses me off. This "tough love" bullshit. One of my aunts is very blunt and impatient. She doesn't suffer fools. But a child? A two year old little girl? I don't understand why they want to treat a child of two like an adult. Children do not have the capacity for higher thoughts like we do. Their minds are still developing. When you yell at a young child, that child automatically begins to blame themselves for your anger. Whatever is wrong with you is their fault. They can't conceptualize everyday problems and they have very short term memories. Much like dogs, they won't remember what they did for very long after they do it.
Screaming at them will not bring back their memories. And I will always, be firmly against violence as a "discipline". I understand smacking their hand. I understand a firm grasp on their arm or shoulder to get their attention. But shaking? Spanking? Threats to beat them? That I don't understand. Now, I don't want you to think that I have recently witnessed any of these things, I'm just telling you what I think is wrong. Opinion. Not fact. It's just what I think.
It irritates me to no end. But I feel like I'm in Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty. A higher slave that doesn't get yelled at but is in no position to change the fates of others. I can only help myself by keeping myself out of trouble. I can advise the others gently, but ultimately it is their decision. Ultimately, it is their choice. Anyway, I don't like it. But they aren't my kids. I have no say in what happens to them or how they are treated. But my heart breaks...it breaks.
Later, we went on another walk, in the rain, to get dinner. Just my dinner I guess, which I didn't have to pay for. So that's cool. The cheesecake was pretty good. Sweeter than sin, but good. I liked the little candy pieces sprinkled on top.
As we walked back, the thunder and lightning came back. The lightning lit up the sky like the day! It exploded across the darkened sky and split into hundreds of bright white sparks. Moments later, thunder roared. It silenced the world as if the gods were having a shouting match and they wanted us to know. The rain came down on us gently, despite the fight happening in the sky. It seemed to be apologizing. I smiled into the night, as my family looked at me questioningly. None of them understand my love for the rain. My youngest cousin asked me a million questions about Seattle and its weather patterns. She asked me if I owned an umbrella. I said yes, but I never use it. She was extremely confused about this. I could only laugh.
Now I'm sitting here, while they watch TV, I'll probably go back to reading pretty soon. I love you guys! Sweetness! Mom! Pooka! Nightmare! I miss all of you guys so much! And I can't wait to see you! :) Love you!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: My back is going to be sincerely messed up when I get back due to this damn bed lol
New York: Day 10
This is going to be as brief as I can make it.
I neglected sleeping again last night. I don't know why, but tonight I plan on sleeping, even though its already three am. In any case, I'll tell you what I did.
I went to the deli with my eldest cousin, he bought me a sandwhich. Which was really a bagel. It had an omelete, cheese, and four hot links jammed inside. It was good, but very filling so I didn't eat all of it. I gave the other half to my other cousin. This i got yelled at for, the reason is unbeknownst to me.
After that, I took a nap, and did some reading. I have not written today, and I don't think I will. Tomorrow though I might.
I tried calling my grandmother, but she didn't pick up. I had a pleasant conversation with my Mother, and Sweetness, and Pooka though. I watched TV for a little while. I stole some pizza from my cousin.And then I was coerced into taking a walk with my Aunt and my youngest cousin. It was fun, until cramps doubled me over. I hid the pain as much as I could, and when we got back to the apartment I popped two ibuprofen and laid down. I feel fine, now.
My youngest cousin battered me with more questions that I evaded, dodged, and turned back on her. Then she fell asleep on my bed. I told her to get in her own bed and she sleepily complied. I'm sore for no reason. I hope that tomorrow and can get out and stretch my limbs. The walk earlier was nice. I think I'll go down the the corner store and buy myself some sunflower seeds. I haven't had any since I got here.
I'm tired now, so I'm off. I love you all, and I'll appear again tomorrow.
P.S: I fear, the change is truly starting...but I'm hoping its just my period making me so curt...
I neglected sleeping again last night. I don't know why, but tonight I plan on sleeping, even though its already three am. In any case, I'll tell you what I did.
I went to the deli with my eldest cousin, he bought me a sandwhich. Which was really a bagel. It had an omelete, cheese, and four hot links jammed inside. It was good, but very filling so I didn't eat all of it. I gave the other half to my other cousin. This i got yelled at for, the reason is unbeknownst to me.
After that, I took a nap, and did some reading. I have not written today, and I don't think I will. Tomorrow though I might.
I tried calling my grandmother, but she didn't pick up. I had a pleasant conversation with my Mother, and Sweetness, and Pooka though. I watched TV for a little while. I stole some pizza from my cousin.And then I was coerced into taking a walk with my Aunt and my youngest cousin. It was fun, until cramps doubled me over. I hid the pain as much as I could, and when we got back to the apartment I popped two ibuprofen and laid down. I feel fine, now.
My youngest cousin battered me with more questions that I evaded, dodged, and turned back on her. Then she fell asleep on my bed. I told her to get in her own bed and she sleepily complied. I'm sore for no reason. I hope that tomorrow and can get out and stretch my limbs. The walk earlier was nice. I think I'll go down the the corner store and buy myself some sunflower seeds. I haven't had any since I got here.
I'm tired now, so I'm off. I love you all, and I'll appear again tomorrow.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I fear, the change is truly starting...but I'm hoping its just my period making me so curt...
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
New York: Day 9
I'm starting to lose track of my days.
I'm so proud of my Sweetness. I always feel this need to coddle her because of how fragile she tends to be, but these past few days she has grown tremendously. And even though she doesn't see it, I do. I can tell that her ways of thinking are beginning to change. This trip may benefit her more than it benefits me. She is discovering how independent she really is. She's figuring out how much she does, and how to deal with it. Of course, her solutions may not come to her quickly, but they will. She'll figure it out. I couldn't be happier for her.
In other news, I took out my hair today. It was in braids for those of you that don't know. I got so annoyed because my aunts kept telling me "You're gonna cut your hair!" cause I cut the ends of the braids. They're extensions. Like, ten inches of that hair isn't mine. @_@ I've taken them out a million times, I think I know how. Then they were commenting on the technique Sweetness used. I promptly told them that I think Sweetness did a wonderful job, despite it being her first time, and that she did it to the best of her ability which is enough.
That shut them up for the most part.
After that, I got in the shower, washed my hair and let it air dry. Which was also weird to them. They kept asking why I wasn't going to blow dry it. Seriously, it took all my submissive instinct not to look at them like they went full retard. (Never go full retard!)Do you know how hot it is in here? Do you know how hot blow drying makes you? There's no way in hell I'm gonna blow dry my hair in this hot ass apartment when I can just sit in front of the weak AC and dry it. Honestly! People from New York.
I was also schooled in how to make Ramen! ....this was an interesting experience. They "boil" their ramen in a pan. Yup, a pan. They add just enough water to reach the middle of the noodle block and they let it simmer and flip it over. Then, when it's almost done they add cheese, and the salt packet. This creates "gravy" which they dump into a bowl and consume. Also, a tidbit you should know, they put their sliced cheese in the freezer. Interesting, right?
After that lovely lesson, my school day ended. My cousin proceeded to continue to try and fish for answers about my religious views (not giving those up) and learn more about my personal life. Usually, I don't mind. But the...I hate to say that they're close-minded, but its the only word I can think of. Anyway, the close-mindedness of this house concerns me. If I tell her, I might have to endure a long lecture of why my views are "wrong" and I also don't want to "impose" my ideals and beliefs on a child. Granted, she is eleven. But they shelter her too much. All of these children are sheltered. None of them read, they all find school very boring (which I did too, but I didn't lose interest in elementary school!) and they know very little about the outside world. God forbid any of these children get exposed to actual sex.
Speaking of, watching Law & Order SVU is not a good thing to do with your sheltered child if you aren't going to explain to the child what is happening or what certain words mean because YOU are embarrassed. If you are too sensitive to speak about what is happening, then you shouldn't watch it with your curious child around. Sorry if my opinion is offensive, but this is my free internet space to do with what I wish. And I wish to speak my thoughts. I mean, really? You can't enlighten your child about what "semen" is? Or "labia"? Technical, non-vulgar terms for parts of their anatomy! Parts of their bodies that are theirs to claim and embrace for part of who they are!
I'm sorry. I'm on a rant. And I am aware that not everyone feels the same way I do about educating our youth, but I want you to know that it is extremely difficult for me to hold my tongue.
On another note, I started reading Acheron again for the, what is this? The third time? I don't think I'll ever truly lose interest in this book. It's just wonderful, despite all of the bad reviews about it from so called "loyal" readers. I firmly believe that anyone who takes the time and effort to write a novel should be acknowledged for their hard work. Even if it isn't "good" writing, its still someone's imagination being let off into the world. That's a scary thing. And I am proud of the people that do it.
I'm done for tonight. I don't want to rant anymore. I have to try and finish my third version of my Sexy Short. Haha.Good-night, dears.
P.S: My cousin only knows one line from one Linkin Park song, and she sings it over and over and over and over and over and over and....you get the point. ;)
I'm so proud of my Sweetness. I always feel this need to coddle her because of how fragile she tends to be, but these past few days she has grown tremendously. And even though she doesn't see it, I do. I can tell that her ways of thinking are beginning to change. This trip may benefit her more than it benefits me. She is discovering how independent she really is. She's figuring out how much she does, and how to deal with it. Of course, her solutions may not come to her quickly, but they will. She'll figure it out. I couldn't be happier for her.
In other news, I took out my hair today. It was in braids for those of you that don't know. I got so annoyed because my aunts kept telling me "You're gonna cut your hair!" cause I cut the ends of the braids. They're extensions. Like, ten inches of that hair isn't mine. @_@ I've taken them out a million times, I think I know how. Then they were commenting on the technique Sweetness used. I promptly told them that I think Sweetness did a wonderful job, despite it being her first time, and that she did it to the best of her ability which is enough.
That shut them up for the most part.
After that, I got in the shower, washed my hair and let it air dry. Which was also weird to them. They kept asking why I wasn't going to blow dry it. Seriously, it took all my submissive instinct not to look at them like they went full retard. (Never go full retard!)Do you know how hot it is in here? Do you know how hot blow drying makes you? There's no way in hell I'm gonna blow dry my hair in this hot ass apartment when I can just sit in front of the weak AC and dry it. Honestly! People from New York.
I was also schooled in how to make Ramen! ....this was an interesting experience. They "boil" their ramen in a pan. Yup, a pan. They add just enough water to reach the middle of the noodle block and they let it simmer and flip it over. Then, when it's almost done they add cheese, and the salt packet. This creates "gravy" which they dump into a bowl and consume. Also, a tidbit you should know, they put their sliced cheese in the freezer. Interesting, right?
After that lovely lesson, my school day ended. My cousin proceeded to continue to try and fish for answers about my religious views (not giving those up) and learn more about my personal life. Usually, I don't mind. But the...I hate to say that they're close-minded, but its the only word I can think of. Anyway, the close-mindedness of this house concerns me. If I tell her, I might have to endure a long lecture of why my views are "wrong" and I also don't want to "impose" my ideals and beliefs on a child. Granted, she is eleven. But they shelter her too much. All of these children are sheltered. None of them read, they all find school very boring (which I did too, but I didn't lose interest in elementary school!) and they know very little about the outside world. God forbid any of these children get exposed to actual sex.
Speaking of, watching Law & Order SVU is not a good thing to do with your sheltered child if you aren't going to explain to the child what is happening or what certain words mean because YOU are embarrassed. If you are too sensitive to speak about what is happening, then you shouldn't watch it with your curious child around. Sorry if my opinion is offensive, but this is my free internet space to do with what I wish. And I wish to speak my thoughts. I mean, really? You can't enlighten your child about what "semen" is? Or "labia"? Technical, non-vulgar terms for parts of their anatomy! Parts of their bodies that are theirs to claim and embrace for part of who they are!
I'm sorry. I'm on a rant. And I am aware that not everyone feels the same way I do about educating our youth, but I want you to know that it is extremely difficult for me to hold my tongue.
On another note, I started reading Acheron again for the, what is this? The third time? I don't think I'll ever truly lose interest in this book. It's just wonderful, despite all of the bad reviews about it from so called "loyal" readers. I firmly believe that anyone who takes the time and effort to write a novel should be acknowledged for their hard work. Even if it isn't "good" writing, its still someone's imagination being let off into the world. That's a scary thing. And I am proud of the people that do it.
I'm done for tonight. I don't want to rant anymore. I have to try and finish my third version of my Sexy Short. Haha.Good-night, dears.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: My cousin only knows one line from one Linkin Park song, and she sings it over and over and over and over and over and over and....you get the point. ;)
Monday, July 23, 2012
New York: Day 8
Today I'm listening to Rent.
I finished writing the second version of the scene I started yesterday/this morning. Which was a lovely accomplishment, if I do say so myself. Since I haven't written anything in a long time. I'd tell you what its about but it makes me blush just thinking about it. And I still have to write it two more times. Once as a different point of view and the other as a (revised) dual point of view thing. That's what I'll try to work on tonight. But if I can't stop listening to sad music then it'll never happen. I gotta listen to sexy things to work on thie particular project. Hey hey hey.
It was humid today. It didn't help that they cooked and that stove produces a LOT of heat. Crazy. So I'm sitting here in my new shorts, typing, listening to Rent. I think it's by far my favorite musical. It might be my favorite movie. I can't help but smile and sing along when ever I hear it. And I'll Cover You the reprise always, ALWAYS brings tears to my eyes. It's just so damn sad! I found out you can watch the whole movie on YouTube.Aww Yeah!
But otherwise, nothing important happened. I didn't go outside....OH! I finally finished that book! Shit that took forever. Stephen King really makes you work for it in that one, boy. Let me tell you! Wizard and Glass man.
LOL I have to tell you about this song "Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy" its fucking hilarious and I love it. If you haven't heard it LOOK IT UP. This is not advice. This is an ORDER. Listen to the song and prepare to understand what it is to be a woman. Ahaha. The AMVs for this song are fucking awesome (not all of them of course, but quite a few)
Anyway, I'm going to go back to writing on my shorty short story/scene. Tootles, bitches!
P.S: Here, I'll be nice and even give you the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnFBt2nuogg now GO!
I finished writing the second version of the scene I started yesterday/this morning. Which was a lovely accomplishment, if I do say so myself. Since I haven't written anything in a long time. I'd tell you what its about but it makes me blush just thinking about it. And I still have to write it two more times. Once as a different point of view and the other as a (revised) dual point of view thing. That's what I'll try to work on tonight. But if I can't stop listening to sad music then it'll never happen. I gotta listen to sexy things to work on thie particular project. Hey hey hey.
It was humid today. It didn't help that they cooked and that stove produces a LOT of heat. Crazy. So I'm sitting here in my new shorts, typing, listening to Rent. I think it's by far my favorite musical. It might be my favorite movie. I can't help but smile and sing along when ever I hear it. And I'll Cover You the reprise always, ALWAYS brings tears to my eyes. It's just so damn sad! I found out you can watch the whole movie on YouTube.Aww Yeah!
But otherwise, nothing important happened. I didn't go outside....OH! I finally finished that book! Shit that took forever. Stephen King really makes you work for it in that one, boy. Let me tell you! Wizard and Glass man.
LOL I have to tell you about this song "Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy" its fucking hilarious and I love it. If you haven't heard it LOOK IT UP. This is not advice. This is an ORDER. Listen to the song and prepare to understand what it is to be a woman. Ahaha. The AMVs for this song are fucking awesome (not all of them of course, but quite a few)
Anyway, I'm going to go back to writing on my shorty short story/scene. Tootles, bitches!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Here, I'll be nice and even give you the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnFBt2nuogg now GO!
New York: Day 7
Alright, so today was just a uneventful as yesterday. But as I sit here, writing this in the morning dawn of a new day I look back on yesterday with a different point of view.
I spent the day watching television (mostly stand up comedy) with my cousins. My aunts eventually left and went for walks or whatever was their fancy. I stayed home, though I was invited, and I wrote. Something I haven't been able to do in a horrifically long time. And not because I didn't want to. But because I simply couldn't.
I blame the writing for the reason that I'm not even sort of tired or interested in sleeping right now. I want to keep writing and exercising my mind. And I just might. Even though I told Sweetness I would try to get some sleep. I am far too awake to lay down.
My aunt cooked today, she made rice and beans. The rice is never fully done, so it has that soft crunch like al dente noodles. I love it. The meal was amazingly simple and deliciously satisfying. I can't believe it. I finished off my Kiwi Strawberry Snapple. I started the Sweet Tea one. They are very big, which is why I'm telling you. It isn't of any importance of course, just something that I noted and decided to tell you of.
Now I'm thinking about what I want for breakfast.Maybe I'll finally have some of that oatmeal I bought. The only problem with that is heating the water. I have to make sure I do it at a time when it doesn't disturb anyone because they have a teapot. A teapot! It's silver, metal, with a round black handle. It looks well loved. Tomorrow marks the beginning of my second week here. My family, my Sweetness, has survived without me for a whole week.
Earlier, Sweetness brought up a point. She said that I don't seem to miss her as much as I did when I was in Mt. Vernon for a few days. And she's right. I don't. But I think it is because missing someone is a very physically draining and stressful thing. As you all know, I tend to avoid stressful things, usually not on purpose. So I think about that amount of stress inflicted on me for an entire month and realize, I miss her the same amount. I am just not thinking about it as much because my body has put it on the back burner. It would take so much out of me to miss her to that caliber constantly for a whole month. A few days is different. A few days with nothing to do but stand around and think of her. It's just different my love.
Today, I think I might run down to the store and buy some more toilet paper. Just to contribute. I use it too, after all. And since I'm the only one in the house who could start their period at any moment, it seems like it should be at least partially my responsibility. Don't you?
I'm adapting quite well to living out of a suit case. And everyone around me is becoming far more comfortable with my presence. My cousin seems to be a lot less obsessed with me now. It would seem that she figured out that I'll be here for a while. No need to pile on all the annoyance at once! ;)
In any case, I have to remember tomorrow (or should I say today?) to call my mother and my grandmother.I have no desire whatsoever to call my grandmother, but everyone keeps telling me "it's the polite thing to do!" And I am ever striving to be polite....unfortunately.
I finished a book called "A Little Princess". I forget the author, but its a beautiful little story. I will give you no details. It's free to download on your smart phone. If you want to know what it's about, then read it. You will get nothing from me.
I think I'll go now and try to scavenge something light and quiet to eat until later.Do have a wonderful day, my loves.
P.S: "It's too cold outside for angels to fly."
I spent the day watching television (mostly stand up comedy) with my cousins. My aunts eventually left and went for walks or whatever was their fancy. I stayed home, though I was invited, and I wrote. Something I haven't been able to do in a horrifically long time. And not because I didn't want to. But because I simply couldn't.
I blame the writing for the reason that I'm not even sort of tired or interested in sleeping right now. I want to keep writing and exercising my mind. And I just might. Even though I told Sweetness I would try to get some sleep. I am far too awake to lay down.
My aunt cooked today, she made rice and beans. The rice is never fully done, so it has that soft crunch like al dente noodles. I love it. The meal was amazingly simple and deliciously satisfying. I can't believe it. I finished off my Kiwi Strawberry Snapple. I started the Sweet Tea one. They are very big, which is why I'm telling you. It isn't of any importance of course, just something that I noted and decided to tell you of.
Now I'm thinking about what I want for breakfast.Maybe I'll finally have some of that oatmeal I bought. The only problem with that is heating the water. I have to make sure I do it at a time when it doesn't disturb anyone because they have a teapot. A teapot! It's silver, metal, with a round black handle. It looks well loved. Tomorrow marks the beginning of my second week here. My family, my Sweetness, has survived without me for a whole week.
Earlier, Sweetness brought up a point. She said that I don't seem to miss her as much as I did when I was in Mt. Vernon for a few days. And she's right. I don't. But I think it is because missing someone is a very physically draining and stressful thing. As you all know, I tend to avoid stressful things, usually not on purpose. So I think about that amount of stress inflicted on me for an entire month and realize, I miss her the same amount. I am just not thinking about it as much because my body has put it on the back burner. It would take so much out of me to miss her to that caliber constantly for a whole month. A few days is different. A few days with nothing to do but stand around and think of her. It's just different my love.
Today, I think I might run down to the store and buy some more toilet paper. Just to contribute. I use it too, after all. And since I'm the only one in the house who could start their period at any moment, it seems like it should be at least partially my responsibility. Don't you?
I'm adapting quite well to living out of a suit case. And everyone around me is becoming far more comfortable with my presence. My cousin seems to be a lot less obsessed with me now. It would seem that she figured out that I'll be here for a while. No need to pile on all the annoyance at once! ;)
In any case, I have to remember tomorrow (or should I say today?) to call my mother and my grandmother.I have no desire whatsoever to call my grandmother, but everyone keeps telling me "it's the polite thing to do!" And I am ever striving to be polite....unfortunately.
I finished a book called "A Little Princess". I forget the author, but its a beautiful little story. I will give you no details. It's free to download on your smart phone. If you want to know what it's about, then read it. You will get nothing from me.
I think I'll go now and try to scavenge something light and quiet to eat until later.Do have a wonderful day, my loves.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: "It's too cold outside for angels to fly."
Saturday, July 21, 2012
New York: Day 6
Last night, I didn't go to sleep until seven in the morning.
After that, I fell asleep until about twelve. Throughout today I've been cat-napping. It was rather uneventful.I'm almost done with my book. As always I'm excited and a little depressed about this prospect. Though I have been reading this book for quite some time , I am always excited to see the end of every story. This book, was admittedly hard to get through. I am almost disappointed in myself that it took me so long to get through it. But, life does that to you. Anway, back to the point.
I experienced a quaint little "restaurant" called Island Salad. It's basically Subway, for salads. It was very cute. And the food wasn't bad. The way the do service is very confusing though, and it could be improved. Other than that though, it is a good little place, that I would visit again if not for the food being slightly more pricey than I would prefer. Oh well though.
My other activities were few and far between.I don't really have much to say.Which is unfortunate because I know my Sweetness reads this, expecting something fun or insightful. But I'm having a hard time today. Especially since a few of my family members are sitting in the living room watching TV. Maybe if I really concentrate I can focus on my thoughts.
Earlier today, my creative spark has begun to flicker into life. I'm so anxious, but I don't want to kill it before it takes its first breath so I am waiting patiently for it to grow. Maybe a little later, when I am done with this, I'll scribble something down. Something racy...something I don't usually touch on. I don't know what it will be though, so...MYSTERIOUS!
I'm excited for next week. We're going to start doing things. Visiting places and I'm going to really walk! This is another thing I'm excited about. Unfortunately, I am still very stingy with my money. I don't want to spend any of it. I want to save it all until I get home and then I can help my Sweetness with whatever she needs. I know she specifically told me not to think about it, but I can't help it.I have real-life problems in my mind that I need to tuck away until my journey is complete. But it's not working for some reason.
I apologize if this post is turning out to be repetitive. But my mind is spinning in circles and I am having the most difficult time concentrating. It's ridiculous. This, is why I don't allow myself to watch excessive amounts of television! Some people just can't handle it's mind-numbing effects and I firmly believe that I am one of them. My goodness. I'm going to retire this post then. I apologize again. Maybe later this evening I will have something more...intelligent to say.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: My playlist (yesterday's post) is getting quite the work out. What are you listening to?
After that, I fell asleep until about twelve. Throughout today I've been cat-napping. It was rather uneventful.I'm almost done with my book. As always I'm excited and a little depressed about this prospect. Though I have been reading this book for quite some time , I am always excited to see the end of every story. This book, was admittedly hard to get through. I am almost disappointed in myself that it took me so long to get through it. But, life does that to you. Anway, back to the point.
I experienced a quaint little "restaurant" called Island Salad. It's basically Subway, for salads. It was very cute. And the food wasn't bad. The way the do service is very confusing though, and it could be improved. Other than that though, it is a good little place, that I would visit again if not for the food being slightly more pricey than I would prefer. Oh well though.
My other activities were few and far between.I don't really have much to say.Which is unfortunate because I know my Sweetness reads this, expecting something fun or insightful. But I'm having a hard time today. Especially since a few of my family members are sitting in the living room watching TV. Maybe if I really concentrate I can focus on my thoughts.
Earlier today, my creative spark has begun to flicker into life. I'm so anxious, but I don't want to kill it before it takes its first breath so I am waiting patiently for it to grow. Maybe a little later, when I am done with this, I'll scribble something down. Something racy...something I don't usually touch on. I don't know what it will be though, so...MYSTERIOUS!
I'm excited for next week. We're going to start doing things. Visiting places and I'm going to really walk! This is another thing I'm excited about. Unfortunately, I am still very stingy with my money. I don't want to spend any of it. I want to save it all until I get home and then I can help my Sweetness with whatever she needs. I know she specifically told me not to think about it, but I can't help it.I have real-life problems in my mind that I need to tuck away until my journey is complete. But it's not working for some reason.
I apologize if this post is turning out to be repetitive. But my mind is spinning in circles and I am having the most difficult time concentrating. It's ridiculous. This, is why I don't allow myself to watch excessive amounts of television! Some people just can't handle it's mind-numbing effects and I firmly believe that I am one of them. My goodness. I'm going to retire this post then. I apologize again. Maybe later this evening I will have something more...intelligent to say.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: My playlist (yesterday's post) is getting quite the work out. What are you listening to?
New York: Day 5
Today was easy.
I didn't do much. I slept, and tried to read. I didn't get very far. I had some noodles and entertained out little guest because it was raining and they don't go out in the rain. I do. They don't. Anyway, Later, my aunt decided that I was going to a formal birthday party with her at a restaurant called Gargiulo's. A fancy restaurant that apparently serves calamari and veal. Because my aunt paid $70 dollars for her invite, she said she was going whether she felt like it or not. Her friend, on the other hand, decided that because it was raining and she wanted to keep her weave nice, that I could have her invite and go in her place. Awesome. It was a long drive, since the restaurant is in Coney Island. The houses down there are beautiful. The architecture is wonderful enough to make ME want to study it. Seriously. Its phenomenal. The restaurant itself was also beautiful. Free valet parking! The had a gazebo in the back. Exquisite marble bathrooms and a chandelier. The food was also excellent and the wait staff was cute :) Haha. Anyway. I had some four cheese tortellini, calamari and bread. After that they served coffee with the cake. I can't put my finger on what the filling was but it was amazing. Light and fragrant, a little spicy like cloves or something. With mini chocolate chips whipped in. The cake itself was soft and moist. And oh sweet lord the frosting! It was light and airy, melt in your mouth with just a touch of sugar. I ate all of it. And I usually only sample the frosting. I was also lucky enough to get a candy flower along with my slice. (I ate that too! Yum.) My coffee went along perfectly alongside it. Milk only, no sugar. Surprise! Haha the coffee was bold and full of its own flavors. It was dark and richly scented. But I don't know anything about coffee. So, meh. Take my critique with a grain of salt. The guests were all lovely, and though i felt under dressed and I wasn't actually invited I was welcomed warmly. The birthday girl celebrated her 70th birthday. Decked out in a red dress with a sheer train. Bold enough for a sixteen year old but modestly appropriate for someone of her age and dignity. Her diamond and ruby earrings are what caught my attention (BEAUTIFUL!) and I admit, I hugged her to get a closer look at them. But she was a lovely, gracious, and perfectly companionable old woman from first impression. Apparently she is also a little famous. She is the lead (?) singer in an early seventies band called "The Cookies". I guess they were big in their day. As we entered, she and her band mates were on stage singing away like they were still in their twenties. And I hope that I am that confident in my old age. The dining area was also lovely, and the music selection (for the age group) I found to be extremely amusing. They did play Wobble Wobble, after all. I couldn't help but laugh. At the table we sat at, our neighbor was a very plump man with an infectious humor. I became comfortable in his company instantly. His name is Brother Freddie, I have been told. He attends the same church as the birthday girl, and my aunt. Quite the most comical gentleman.
Upon our trip home, we took pictures of some other excellent look restaurants, and talked about going to visit The Met, Prospect Park, Coney Island amusement park & aquarium, and the Bronx zoo. Out of all of these things, I don't particularly care if we do anything. I have come here to create memories or myself, and discover my inner being. I have found out that I am extremely introverted and shy. I'm also very submissive in public.I look down a lot, keep my hands clasped in front of me, I say very little. It's an interesting change. And even as I told myself "This isn't how you are, what are you doing? Get up! Dance! Be a dork!" I just couldn't. And I didn't really want to. So maybe, I am both of these things naturally? I presume that would be why. I haven't been to that many parties for this trait to be influenced into me. I'll think about this more later.
Now here I sit, listening to music for the first time in days. And I am content. Truly content here where I am. I can feel the ease of my mind and I am in touch with my body in a way that I had fallen out of. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, the strain of my spine, the ache in my arms and fingers, the brush of my eyelashes against my eyelids. I had forgotten how to listen to my body this way. But it's coming back to me and I enjoy the feeling. As a final note, I'll give the list of songs I'm listening to.
Drops of Jupiter - Train
The A Team - Ed Sheeran
Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down
Far Away - Nickleback
Savin' Me - Nickleback
Born This Way - Lady Gaga
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Hold On - Good Charlotte
You and Me - Lifehouse
That's it I think. Goodnight, my loves. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Can you believe that it's day five already?
I didn't do much. I slept, and tried to read. I didn't get very far. I had some noodles and entertained out little guest because it was raining and they don't go out in the rain. I do. They don't. Anyway, Later, my aunt decided that I was going to a formal birthday party with her at a restaurant called Gargiulo's. A fancy restaurant that apparently serves calamari and veal. Because my aunt paid $70 dollars for her invite, she said she was going whether she felt like it or not. Her friend, on the other hand, decided that because it was raining and she wanted to keep her weave nice, that I could have her invite and go in her place. Awesome. It was a long drive, since the restaurant is in Coney Island. The houses down there are beautiful. The architecture is wonderful enough to make ME want to study it. Seriously. Its phenomenal. The restaurant itself was also beautiful. Free valet parking! The had a gazebo in the back. Exquisite marble bathrooms and a chandelier. The food was also excellent and the wait staff was cute :) Haha. Anyway. I had some four cheese tortellini, calamari and bread. After that they served coffee with the cake. I can't put my finger on what the filling was but it was amazing. Light and fragrant, a little spicy like cloves or something. With mini chocolate chips whipped in. The cake itself was soft and moist. And oh sweet lord the frosting! It was light and airy, melt in your mouth with just a touch of sugar. I ate all of it. And I usually only sample the frosting. I was also lucky enough to get a candy flower along with my slice. (I ate that too! Yum.) My coffee went along perfectly alongside it. Milk only, no sugar. Surprise! Haha the coffee was bold and full of its own flavors. It was dark and richly scented. But I don't know anything about coffee. So, meh. Take my critique with a grain of salt. The guests were all lovely, and though i felt under dressed and I wasn't actually invited I was welcomed warmly. The birthday girl celebrated her 70th birthday. Decked out in a red dress with a sheer train. Bold enough for a sixteen year old but modestly appropriate for someone of her age and dignity. Her diamond and ruby earrings are what caught my attention (BEAUTIFUL!) and I admit, I hugged her to get a closer look at them. But she was a lovely, gracious, and perfectly companionable old woman from first impression. Apparently she is also a little famous. She is the lead (?) singer in an early seventies band called "The Cookies". I guess they were big in their day. As we entered, she and her band mates were on stage singing away like they were still in their twenties. And I hope that I am that confident in my old age. The dining area was also lovely, and the music selection (for the age group) I found to be extremely amusing. They did play Wobble Wobble, after all. I couldn't help but laugh. At the table we sat at, our neighbor was a very plump man with an infectious humor. I became comfortable in his company instantly. His name is Brother Freddie, I have been told. He attends the same church as the birthday girl, and my aunt. Quite the most comical gentleman.
Upon our trip home, we took pictures of some other excellent look restaurants, and talked about going to visit The Met, Prospect Park, Coney Island amusement park & aquarium, and the Bronx zoo. Out of all of these things, I don't particularly care if we do anything. I have come here to create memories or myself, and discover my inner being. I have found out that I am extremely introverted and shy. I'm also very submissive in public.I look down a lot, keep my hands clasped in front of me, I say very little. It's an interesting change. And even as I told myself "This isn't how you are, what are you doing? Get up! Dance! Be a dork!" I just couldn't. And I didn't really want to. So maybe, I am both of these things naturally? I presume that would be why. I haven't been to that many parties for this trait to be influenced into me. I'll think about this more later.
Now here I sit, listening to music for the first time in days. And I am content. Truly content here where I am. I can feel the ease of my mind and I am in touch with my body in a way that I had fallen out of. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, the strain of my spine, the ache in my arms and fingers, the brush of my eyelashes against my eyelids. I had forgotten how to listen to my body this way. But it's coming back to me and I enjoy the feeling. As a final note, I'll give the list of songs I'm listening to.
Drops of Jupiter - Train
The A Team - Ed Sheeran
Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down
Far Away - Nickleback
Savin' Me - Nickleback
Born This Way - Lady Gaga
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
Hold On - Good Charlotte
You and Me - Lifehouse
That's it I think. Goodnight, my loves. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Can you believe that it's day five already?
Friday, July 20, 2012
New York: Day 4
I didn't go to sleep until five last night.
Today was sort of hectic in a smooth kind of way. If that makes any sense. I didn't really do much reading. But it was so cool that I finally got to wear pants. (my favorites actually) It was wonderful. I had decided I was going to go outside, when my phone decided to have a seizure. That lasted four hours. After a thorough panic session and some consulting, I dragged both of my aunts, my youngest cousin, and our little guest (she's two, three in may.) down to the Sprint store. Where I waited for another two hours (they kept skipping my name for some reason) for the to do a hard reset on my phone, erasing everything. The hard reset? It took ten minutes. Yeah. Oh! And it was also free. Except for I paid in two hours and ten minutes of my life. Anyway! After getting my phone fixed, my aunt and our little guest decided we'd walk back home. (the store wasn't far) And on the way back I bought some much needed head scarves. And I Bought some video games. Fable 2 and Fable 3. I had them once before, but I sold them...for a silly reason. Now I have them back, and tomorrow I hope to be able to hunt down Mortal Kombat. Which out here is $22 and in WA its still $45 for some stupid reason. Yes, the pre-owned one. Crazy, I know. Well, when we finally returned home I chowed down a Velveeta noodle cup and watched Law & Order SVU with my family until they decided to go to bed. After that, I was on the phone with my Sweetness until I convinced her to go to bed. And now. I'm sitting here, journaling my day. So today, overall, wasn't so bad. I let my emotions get control of me earlier. I regret that. I don't like being so dependent on my phone. I understand that because I am in a new place, far from my home, I need something to connect me. But that isn't the only reason. I can also use it for GPS, which in the described setting, is very handy.
I haven't started my period yet. Which is weird, but probably due to all the stress of moving around.I know that you all didn't need to know that, but I told you anyway. Ha!
As the days pass, it is getting easier and easier for me to loosen up and ease my mind into a state of relaxation. However, I have noticed that the exact opposite is true for Sweetness. I can't help but wonder why that is. Of course, there are multiple reasons. But I just can't seem to figure out why. I keep turning it over and over in my mind. What can I do to help? How can I make this easier for her? What can I say to make her see? Nothing ever comes up though. Only the things I've already said. Just things I've already done. And it saddens me to not be able to help aid her in her journey.
Although, a realization occurred just now. Maybe I can't. I cannot help her and that is why we are failing to figure out how to do it. She must do it on her own without me. If I help her, then she will continue to be dependent on me for her answers. I must teach her, by not teaching her, to look to herself and her resources for answers. This...is an extremely difficult lesson. And I'm not sure I will be able to teach it. Also, it could be that I am incorrect. I am very sleepy so it could be nonsensical rambling.
In other news, I went to Fulton Mall. It's not small, but its not huge. There's a Marshalls, Target, Victoria's Secret, Children's Place, Gap, yada yada yada. The same stuff you find in regular malls. I snapped a few pictures, but not many. I'm not a very good tourist photographer, and the only thing that keeps me clicking is "How am I going to explain this to Sweetness?" If I can't think of a way to describe it accurately, I take a picture. So they are few and far between. Though I will admit that some of them are very random with little purpose.
My back hurts...and I and sleepy. Hopefully I will be able to post something more relevant tomorrow. My apologies.
P.S: Research Ageplay if you get the chance. I, personally, find it to be quite fascinating.
Today was sort of hectic in a smooth kind of way. If that makes any sense. I didn't really do much reading. But it was so cool that I finally got to wear pants. (my favorites actually) It was wonderful. I had decided I was going to go outside, when my phone decided to have a seizure. That lasted four hours. After a thorough panic session and some consulting, I dragged both of my aunts, my youngest cousin, and our little guest (she's two, three in may.) down to the Sprint store. Where I waited for another two hours (they kept skipping my name for some reason) for the to do a hard reset on my phone, erasing everything. The hard reset? It took ten minutes. Yeah. Oh! And it was also free. Except for I paid in two hours and ten minutes of my life. Anyway! After getting my phone fixed, my aunt and our little guest decided we'd walk back home. (the store wasn't far) And on the way back I bought some much needed head scarves. And I Bought some video games. Fable 2 and Fable 3. I had them once before, but I sold them...for a silly reason. Now I have them back, and tomorrow I hope to be able to hunt down Mortal Kombat. Which out here is $22 and in WA its still $45 for some stupid reason. Yes, the pre-owned one. Crazy, I know. Well, when we finally returned home I chowed down a Velveeta noodle cup and watched Law & Order SVU with my family until they decided to go to bed. After that, I was on the phone with my Sweetness until I convinced her to go to bed. And now. I'm sitting here, journaling my day. So today, overall, wasn't so bad. I let my emotions get control of me earlier. I regret that. I don't like being so dependent on my phone. I understand that because I am in a new place, far from my home, I need something to connect me. But that isn't the only reason. I can also use it for GPS, which in the described setting, is very handy.
I haven't started my period yet. Which is weird, but probably due to all the stress of moving around.I know that you all didn't need to know that, but I told you anyway. Ha!
As the days pass, it is getting easier and easier for me to loosen up and ease my mind into a state of relaxation. However, I have noticed that the exact opposite is true for Sweetness. I can't help but wonder why that is. Of course, there are multiple reasons. But I just can't seem to figure out why. I keep turning it over and over in my mind. What can I do to help? How can I make this easier for her? What can I say to make her see? Nothing ever comes up though. Only the things I've already said. Just things I've already done. And it saddens me to not be able to help aid her in her journey.
Although, a realization occurred just now. Maybe I can't. I cannot help her and that is why we are failing to figure out how to do it. She must do it on her own without me. If I help her, then she will continue to be dependent on me for her answers. I must teach her, by not teaching her, to look to herself and her resources for answers. This...is an extremely difficult lesson. And I'm not sure I will be able to teach it. Also, it could be that I am incorrect. I am very sleepy so it could be nonsensical rambling.
In other news, I went to Fulton Mall. It's not small, but its not huge. There's a Marshalls, Target, Victoria's Secret, Children's Place, Gap, yada yada yada. The same stuff you find in regular malls. I snapped a few pictures, but not many. I'm not a very good tourist photographer, and the only thing that keeps me clicking is "How am I going to explain this to Sweetness?" If I can't think of a way to describe it accurately, I take a picture. So they are few and far between. Though I will admit that some of them are very random with little purpose.
My back hurts...and I and sleepy. Hopefully I will be able to post something more relevant tomorrow. My apologies.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Research Ageplay if you get the chance. I, personally, find it to be quite fascinating.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
New York: Day 3
Today is the first day I've felt semi-normal. I took a walk down the block during the rain storm (so refreshing!) and snapped some pictures.It was delightful, and I felt very...new. Everything is new. I'm still getting used to this place, of course, but I'm settling in. It is very difficult to live out of a suitcase though.
Most of today, I read, and watched my cousins play video games.Because of the thunderstorm, no one really went out. Except me. I accidentally got to walk with my eldest cousin when he came back from work. Because I was already outside and caught him coming up the street.He inquired about my weird need to be in the rain. Simply, its comforting.
Later, about an hour and a half ago, my aunt, forgetting about my computer, turned off the internet. So we went for a walk. Which turned out to be a pleasant event. I learned a lot. Like the New York terminology for buildings and "supermarkets". It was an interesting experience. We also grabbed some cheap pizza (which tasted pretty good, but my slice was burnt). They are really generous with the slices! They're HUGE. Which is wonderful. Tomorrow, I think I'll walk a little farther. I guess we are going to have a little guest tomorrow. I'm getting mixed messages about her behavior. So...that will be interesting.
Tonight, my youngest cousin is sleeping in her own bed. So I should be able to get some sleep. Ha! I took the funniest picture of her last night. But I can't upload it. It went something like this though.
Cousin, sleeping in the CENTER of the mattress. Me standing above her disdainfully. Then! An idea.
-Pokemon battle music-
A Wild Snorlax appeared!
Mercy sent out CAMERA PHONE
CAMERA PHONE used FLASH!
It wasn't very effective...
CAMERA PHONE! Come back!
Mercy sent out AUTHORITY!
The wild SNORLAX used SNORE!
It wasn't very effective...
AUTHORITY used SHOVE!
It was super effective!
The Wild SNORLAX fainted!
Hahaha! Do you see how funny that situation could have been?? My cousin being the Snorlax of course. Ahh...it was hilarious.I haven't tried actually writing yet. And I think that might be because there's so much to see and do and people to talk to. I can't concentrate on any writing but this. Since it's just a scribbling of my thoughts, it isn't hard. Plus, I do it when everyone else is asleep. :) Clever me, I know.
Anyway, despite actually doing stuff today, I don't have much to talk about. It seems like my mind is trying to rewire its self so it's hard to think about things for very long. I told my mom I would call her tomorrow. I Voxed her and Pooka earlier. He was very excited to hear my voice.
I think its harder for the people you leave behind. I'm distracted from missing them as much as they miss me because of all the new stuff I'm surrounded by.But they are in their regular lives doing the same things they usually do, just without me. So they notice my absence a lot more. I know that I'm away from them, and I feel that missing space. But it's so fleeting in my mind. Like, look! It's already day three! I know its going faster to me than it is to them. It helps that I'm ahead by three hours. But still. I have faith that they'll be alright.
Sweetness, I hope you do just as much growing, in your own way, that I do.
I have trust in you.
Well, I'm gonna go do something else now. I love you all. Goodnight.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S.: In New York, when some one checks you out, you say "he was sayin hi to you."
Most of today, I read, and watched my cousins play video games.Because of the thunderstorm, no one really went out. Except me. I accidentally got to walk with my eldest cousin when he came back from work. Because I was already outside and caught him coming up the street.He inquired about my weird need to be in the rain. Simply, its comforting.
Later, about an hour and a half ago, my aunt, forgetting about my computer, turned off the internet. So we went for a walk. Which turned out to be a pleasant event. I learned a lot. Like the New York terminology for buildings and "supermarkets". It was an interesting experience. We also grabbed some cheap pizza (which tasted pretty good, but my slice was burnt). They are really generous with the slices! They're HUGE. Which is wonderful. Tomorrow, I think I'll walk a little farther. I guess we are going to have a little guest tomorrow. I'm getting mixed messages about her behavior. So...that will be interesting.
Tonight, my youngest cousin is sleeping in her own bed. So I should be able to get some sleep. Ha! I took the funniest picture of her last night. But I can't upload it. It went something like this though.
Cousin, sleeping in the CENTER of the mattress. Me standing above her disdainfully. Then! An idea.
-Pokemon battle music-
A Wild Snorlax appeared!
Mercy sent out CAMERA PHONE
CAMERA PHONE used FLASH!
It wasn't very effective...
CAMERA PHONE! Come back!
Mercy sent out AUTHORITY!
The wild SNORLAX used SNORE!
It wasn't very effective...
AUTHORITY used SHOVE!
It was super effective!
The Wild SNORLAX fainted!
Hahaha! Do you see how funny that situation could have been?? My cousin being the Snorlax of course. Ahh...it was hilarious.I haven't tried actually writing yet. And I think that might be because there's so much to see and do and people to talk to. I can't concentrate on any writing but this. Since it's just a scribbling of my thoughts, it isn't hard. Plus, I do it when everyone else is asleep. :) Clever me, I know.
Anyway, despite actually doing stuff today, I don't have much to talk about. It seems like my mind is trying to rewire its self so it's hard to think about things for very long. I told my mom I would call her tomorrow. I Voxed her and Pooka earlier. He was very excited to hear my voice.
I think its harder for the people you leave behind. I'm distracted from missing them as much as they miss me because of all the new stuff I'm surrounded by.But they are in their regular lives doing the same things they usually do, just without me. So they notice my absence a lot more. I know that I'm away from them, and I feel that missing space. But it's so fleeting in my mind. Like, look! It's already day three! I know its going faster to me than it is to them. It helps that I'm ahead by three hours. But still. I have faith that they'll be alright.
Sweetness, I hope you do just as much growing, in your own way, that I do.
I have trust in you.
Well, I'm gonna go do something else now. I love you all. Goodnight.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S.: In New York, when some one checks you out, you say "he was sayin hi to you."
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
New York: Day 2
So far, so good.
I "woke up" this morning at around 7:30am. I put those words in quotations because this air mattress that I'm sleeping on is not the most comfortable thing in the world. So I tossed and turned. And tossed some more. I'm sure you can figure out that I didn't get much sleep. But that's fine. I had the chance to listen to the apartment and get familiar with the noises that go on at night. I enjoy listening to the rumble of the subway outside the window. It's comforting somehow. Anyway, when I woke up, my cousin was wide-eyed and bushy tailed right beside me. The apartment essentially deserted except for the two of us and my aunts. All the boys had gotten up and left.
She insisted we play video games. So first, we played a bunch of mini-games on Super Mario Bros. She won. Every time. Which seemed to make her happy, so I didn't much mind. Then, we ate cereal. I must tell you that almost immediately after taking the milk out of the fridge it got warm. Not intolerably warm, just warmer than one would prefer their milk to be at 8am. Upon finishing our cereal, my cousin decided that we just HAD to watch videos on YouTube.Watching videos on YouTube with an eleven-year-old girl is...highly un-entertaining. But, she was having fun. All the while, I was trying whole-heartedly to read my book. This, baffles them to no end. They just can't seem to understand why I would prefer reading than watching TV of movies on Netflix. They just don't get it. To her credit, she did try to read with me, for about....ten minutes. Then she deemed it a boring activity and went back to watching videos. She insisted that I watch the Single Ladies music video backwards because it has a "satanic" message that was put in there by the "Illuminati".
First of all, the actual definition of "Illuminati"
capitalized : any of various groups claiming special religious enlightenment
I "woke up" this morning at around 7:30am. I put those words in quotations because this air mattress that I'm sleeping on is not the most comfortable thing in the world. So I tossed and turned. And tossed some more. I'm sure you can figure out that I didn't get much sleep. But that's fine. I had the chance to listen to the apartment and get familiar with the noises that go on at night. I enjoy listening to the rumble of the subway outside the window. It's comforting somehow. Anyway, when I woke up, my cousin was wide-eyed and bushy tailed right beside me. The apartment essentially deserted except for the two of us and my aunts. All the boys had gotten up and left.
She insisted we play video games. So first, we played a bunch of mini-games on Super Mario Bros. She won. Every time. Which seemed to make her happy, so I didn't much mind. Then, we ate cereal. I must tell you that almost immediately after taking the milk out of the fridge it got warm. Not intolerably warm, just warmer than one would prefer their milk to be at 8am. Upon finishing our cereal, my cousin decided that we just HAD to watch videos on YouTube.Watching videos on YouTube with an eleven-year-old girl is...highly un-entertaining. But, she was having fun. All the while, I was trying whole-heartedly to read my book. This, baffles them to no end. They just can't seem to understand why I would prefer reading than watching TV of movies on Netflix. They just don't get it. To her credit, she did try to read with me, for about....ten minutes. Then she deemed it a boring activity and went back to watching videos. She insisted that I watch the Single Ladies music video backwards because it has a "satanic" message that was put in there by the "Illuminati".
First of all, the actual definition of "Illuminati"
capitalized : any of various groups claiming special religious enlightenment
2
: persons who are or who claim to be unusually enlightened
(Websters.com)
My cousin seems to think that it is a conspiracy cult that orchestrated the 9/11 bombings, the Economy, and other weird bat-shit crazy ideas. I tried to tell her, but she's eleven. So...
Anyway, eventually she did leave me alone to read my book in relative peace. The boys swept in and out of the house periodically, but eventually they all retired to what I've deemed "the boy room" and played Xbox. the youngest of the boys sat in the living room and played Call of Duty 3 and Assassin's Creed on the PS3. He's an alright player.
I got pretty far in my book. I didn't go outside, and I might not tomorrow. But I must. I have fully charged my camera and thusly, I am ready to take pictures. My Aunts are dismayed that I want to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But I've always wanted to go, and last time I was out here The kids were too young. It never would have kept their interest. Now though, they don't even have to go. I haven't gathered up the balls to ask about the Museum of Sex, but after tonight, I just might.
My aunt told me about her latest boyfriend and his sizable...manhood. I was first startled that she would even think to talk to me about something like that. Me! One of the kids! But it didn't take very long for me to remember that I'm a grown woman in their eyes now. And they can talk to me about whatever they please. Which I still find slightly startling and...endearing. I feel more respected now. As an individual. Which is good. That's what I came for.
My lesson: Don't be afraid to be yourself. Others will respect you more for it.
Now, at 1:05am, everyone is pretty much asleep, or retired to their rooms. My cousin is passed out on the bed next to me. I still can't fathom why she would want to sleep on this air mattress when she had a perfectly comfortable bed just a few steps away.
One other thing. So far, my eldest cousin and my youngest cousin are the only two who know about my sexual identity. Now of course, they asked, and I am not shy to tell. I am confident in myself in that area. MY youngest cousin, though disbelieving and confused, was far more accepting and tolerable than my eldest. He was surprisingly harsh and critical. To the point that I might have been offended if I wasn't so passive.He told me he planned to "change that", and how it "ain't right for no woman to look at no woman." Personally, I don't see how one can be so very close-minded. And if one does insist on being that way, then they should keep it to themselves. I didn't tell him he had to be bisexual, only that I was, and that I was in a committed relationship with a woman.Fortunately, I have already come out to the family members and friends whose critiques I would be harmed by. So, I am virtually unaffected by his rudeness. However unintended it may or may not have been.
Well, I think that's all. Tomorrow, I'll try to snap some pictures of my surroundings. I can't say if I'll post them or not, but maybe. If I'm not tired. Ha ha ha! Me. Tired. That's rich.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S.: I miss my Sweetness SO terribly.
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