In The End Its All Fiction

“And after everything we’ve been through…after all that I’ve done and all that you’ve said…this is it?” My hands were trembling, my throat going dry while my eyes started to sting with unshed tears. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I needed to though. My mind needed what he was saying to be reinforced. He could only look down at his shiny red Jordans and shrug. I hated him for it, his indecisive head bowing. But you fell in love with that... I thought, the words whispering in my mind. Reminding me that I had, though I didn’t want to admit it, fallen in love with him. Ha! A little late now! He looked at me then, lifting his chocolate brown eyes to mine. I saw what looked like unsure, almost unstable resolve in his eyes. In his mind, he was set to do this. To end this relationship in which he obviously felt was one sided. I couldn’t hold his gaze. Couldn’t look him in the eye knowing that this…this tragic moment…this blunt ending was my fault. I had brought this on myself and it was not within my power to bring it back. I’d fucked up with him.

He was done.

My hand reached up and clasped the blood red garnet handing from around my neck. Who got that for you? I could feel his mood switch to angry as I played with the fragile chain. He noticed I hadn’t worn anything he’d gotten me. Honestly, that would bother me too. Since he wore the cologne I bought him everyday, and made it a point to let me know he still wore it. Even now, as the light summer breeze brushed past me, his scent was still heavy with it. The reason I hadn’t worn the necklace…or the ring, especially the ring, was because I was afraid of losing them, or breaking them. I had bad experiences with jewelry and didn’t want to have to tell him I lost the gorgeous ring and accidently snapped the thin gold chain. But communication was never our strong point, so I guess he thought I just didn’t like them. I fisted my hand around the little gem, and tugged gently in anxiousness. I had to force myself to drop my hand away. This is exactly why you can’t have nice things. I scolded myself and glanced up at him. His eyes and turned molten, churning with an unseen anger an unreleased sorrow. I wanted then to wrap my arms around him and shelter myself in his arms, but the way he was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at me said he wouldn’t have it. I bit my lip. It was really over, and there was nothing I could do to sweep it under the rug. I looked back down and studied the grass. Some ants were dragging a wasp to their nest and I shuddered, looking away. Gross.

When he finally spoke, I flinched his words startling me. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” I snapped my head up, my eyes searching his. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. I was still trying to figure out how to make this right. Not yet! Let me stall a little longer, please! But he was already walking toward his car across the beach parking lot. The gold paint glinted in the sunlight, waiting for me like a hellish carriage. Ready to drag me down. I reached out for him, and grabbed his sleeve, making him pause. “What?” he growled, his tone harsh. “Can we…make one more round first? I’m not ready.” He took a moment to debate if he wanted to walk up and down the beach with me again.

The verdict was positive.

He turned around and watched me for a second, then took off running toward the sand. Confused, I ran after him. Our feet spitting up sand and rock behind us. He was pulling his shirt off and letting it fly behind him, followed by his shoes and socks. I took the hint, pulling off my shirt and shoes as well. As his undershirt finally hit the sand he was already diving into the water, I was right behind him. The water was cold against my skin as a dove deep beneath its surface. Memories swamped me as the water swept my hair back behind me and tightened my jeans to my legs. We had spent so many summers here, swimming, playing volleyball, having bonfires, and just walking along the water at midnight. When I finally came up for air, he was floating there in front of me. “You remember all the time we spent here?” He smiled, obviously enjoying the memories. I nodded and pushed some of my hair away from my face.

He swam closer and I knew if I was standing, my legs would have given out. He put his hand to my cheek and brushed his thumb over my lips, holding my eyes with his. I didn’t speak, didn’t move, didn’t look away from him as he slid his hand into my hair. I felt his fingers curl into it and fist at the back of my skull, a tight grip on my hair. No pain. His pulled my head back firmly, a steady weight pulling my hair back into the water. Gasping, I bared my throat to him, he held me in that position for a moment before kissing my neck softly. We stayed there for a moment, suspended in the water like photographs, his lips pressed to my neck, my hands clutching his shirt and my nails digging into his shoulders. What should have lasted an eternity only lasted seconds. He let me go, smiled that adorably sexy smile and dove under me, apparently finished. Sighing, I retreated under the water as well and let loose a painful scream that would scare someone outside of the water.

He didn’t hear.

When we resurfaced and gathered our clothes, we walked back to his car and he drove me home. It wasn’t a quiet ride, with his stereo blasting Eminem and T-Pain, with the windows down and the wind whipping past. My hair was almost dry when he pulled into my driveway, my mom’s little car waiting in the slanted drive. “See you.” He said as I got out and grabbed my backpack from the backseat. “Yeah..see you.” I mumbled, closing the door softly. As I made my way to the front door, he pulled out and returned his music to its maximum volume. I watched from the porch as he drove out of the cul-de-sac. I stood there in the summer heat, water still dripping down my legs, until I couldn’t hear the bass of his music anymore. When it was quiet again, I slipped inside and stayed there for the rest of the summer. That three months wasn’t nearly long enough..

TWMA