Telephone 1

I was sitting on the couch sippin' a dry martini, and watchin some dumb horror movie on T.V, You know the ones where all the women are stupid and the men die? Yeah. Anyway, watchin T.V when the phone rings. -RING RING RING- Thanks. So, I glance over at the caller ID and it says 'Calling...Home.' Sighing, I picked it up and expected my mother to launch into some crazy rant about how my socks are always dirty or something. With my eyes trying to see my brain I spoke into the receiver my reluctant greeting; "Hello?"
"Hey, Kris. How're you doing?"
I pulled the phone away from my ear, placed a hand over the speaker, and looked down at the Caller ID again. It said 'Connected...Home.' It shifted looks between the ID and the receiver as though one of them was lying to me. I didn't know who this guy was, or how he got my number but it was freakin' me out. He sounded like he could be my older brother if I had one. I reconnected my ear to the phone, still watching the ID to reassure myself it stayed on 'Home'.
"Who is this?"
"Will you believe me if I tell you?"
I rolled my eyes. "Well it depends on who you think you are."
"To be honest, I know my name and I know who I am. I'm calling to answer your questions though so, My name is Jesus."
It couldn't help it, laughter exploded from me and I almost spilled my martini. It was a good couple minutes before I could breathe again and reply, "Your name is what? Your not serious!"
"I expected that response. You asked me my name and I told you."
"I didn't want you to lie to me."
"I would never. What reason do I have?"
"I dunno. Prank call?"
"Prank call? I don't have time for prank calls, Kris. How can I prove this to you?"
"What am I thinking right now?"
"Your very confused, nervous, afraid. You think I'm crazy. You think your paranoid. This could never happen. Do they have phones in heaven?"
"Holy shit!...er...sorry about that."
He laughs. "Its alright, I like that one."
So I'm sitting there, blinking with my mouth pulling its own goldfish act. "Wow...Okay so...what did you call for...Sir? Mister? Do I call you My Lord or something?"
He's still snickering on the other end of the phone...wherever the other end was... "Nah, Jesus works, or Son, or whatever. Call me John if you want."
"What about Smithy?" I had just finished playing 'Smithy's Quest' online a while ago.
"If you want."
"Right. Okay, Smithy, what did you call for?"
"You had a question."
"Do you call everyone that has a question?"
"Everybody gets one."
"Okay then...Wait one question or one call?"
"Well obviously you get more than one question."
"Oh."
"So?"
"Okay...Why is the sky blue?"
He sighs and there's some kind of rattling on the other end. "That's a fluke. The atmosphere is really reflective so its mimicking the color of the water."
"Really?"
"Well I'm not lying."
"Right Right. Sorry."
"Its fine. Next? C'mon give me something difficult."
"Does everyone have a soul?"
More rattling, "Yes. Your soul determines where you wind up in the afterlife. Heaven, Hell, Earth, Limbo."
"Shit, there's really a Hell?"
"Wal-Mart exists doesn't it?"
"True..."



TBC....