New York: Day 22

Today I was restless.

I got dressed early and napped on and off until my aunt decided to pop up and say she was taking me outside. I felt like a puppy. But I was excited nonetheless. I donned my black flats, grabbed my purse, and headed out. We took my cousins car. A quick little silver thing with two doors. We rode down to downtown Brooklyn and she has me wait in the car while she runs in and gets a note from her doctor. It was about fifteen minutes until she came back, and when she did, we went off to try and find her next doctors appointment.

We never found it.

We did find a school that looks like a prison, and a cemetery. I wanted to walk through it, but you need a plot number. I just wanted to look at all the tombstones and read the epitaphs, but its a no go. Oh well.

Eventually, we gave up and went shopping. Our first stop was Barnes & Nobles where I wandered shamelessly around for about 30 minutes or so. My aunt thought it was hilarious that I was so awed by my surroundings. I finally fell upon an ASL flash card set. ^__^

After that, we went to a department store called Conways where their merchandise is ridiculously cheap. I found a large bottle of my perfume for $35. It's knock-off, of course. But it smells very similar. It's a little more bitter, but the longer you wear it, the more even it smells. It should be fine. We'll see if Sweetness notices the difference. I also bought a beige tank top with a lacy back, and a neon-green Tye-dye skirt. I was going to buy some jeans for Sweetness, but their sizes run big, so I didn't know which to get, and I had already indulged in the perfume. I was tempted to get her a sketchbook from Barnes & Nobles, but I refrained.

After all this, we stopped at McDonalds, and then went home. on the way there my aunt decided that tonight would be a good night to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. We gathered everyone up, excluding my eldest cousin, including some family friends, and drove down. We walked the two or three miles of bridge, and walked back. The lights and the view were wonderful. Unfortunately, the pictures I managed to take were less than glamorous. I'm hungry again now, but I don't want to eat. I just want to sleep.

I have discovered I have a new fetish. Well, it isn't new. It's just recently given a name. I am highly interested in Age Play. Which is the act of the submissive (usually) "regressing" or playing an age younger than he/she is while the Dom acts as a Mommy/Daddy. Providing care for the 'Little'. Some people take age play to the extreme and go all the way back into infancy. Diapers, pacifiers, bottles, and all. I don't want to go back that far. I'm not exactly sure how little I want to go. But I have noticed that I usually do fall into a little mentality. It happens too often to ignore. This is another side of myself that I must embrace.

My sadistic side is at war with my little side. I can't figure all of this out by myself. So I signed up for FetLife. Its a Kink Community/Dating site. I'm not using it for the dating aspect. Just the community. To know that I am not alone in my thoughts. To find more experienced people within the scene that I can ask questions and maybe become friends with. People that I will sort of know when I want to enter the scene myself when I turn 21. BDSM is a part of me that I want to explore. I need to know if this part of me is deep or shallow. If it must be fulfilled or if it can be ignored. I need to know. And I will find out by any means necessary. I'm a competent woman. I can handle this.

In other news, I don't know what to do with my thoughts. They're crowding themselves. Too fast and too many to count and retrace. I need a meditation session, and I might be able to do it tomorrow. Hopefully. But it's hard to meditate in a place where there is hardly any silence.

I'm going now. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I'm sitting in a dumb position.