I live the perfect life.
I live somewhere in the suburbs of some nice little town. I go to a uniformed private school. My parents are happy and live together. I see my dad all the time but mostly he's away on business. I'm okay with that. My little brother goes to a private school in a different state because that school better fits his needs. My grandma and grandpa are happy together and they live together in a small house. My grandma bakes cookies all the time and loves all of her children and grandchildren equally no matter their age. My grandpa is retired and wears a bathrobe in the morning , smokes a pipe, and reads the newspaper everyday to critique the world in an observant way. My cousins are in college studying to be doctors and lawyers. I will follow in their footsteps. We have a perfect yard and our home life is great. I go to a wonderful school with all of my friends. My teachers are nice and I have A's in all my classes. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I can tell my best friend anything, we share all our secrets, she's just like my sister. Every summer my family goes on vacation to somewhere exotic like last summer we went to Hawaii, this summer we plan on going to Africa to visit the rain forests. My dad wants us to be well rounded in our travels. I speak three languages and I am working on my fourth right now.
This is the perfect world I live in in my dreams. I have created this world because on the occasion that I visit it I can predict exactly what is going to happen. In my little world of sheltered and naive people I have no Voices. I am a mindless zombie and in this little world of major conformity I am obliviously happy because I am ignorant to any kind of pains. I have never fallen down or scraped my hands or knees. I have never failed at anything. I have never been poor or without anything. I have never talked about sex or abortions or politics or poverty or genocide or anything or the sort. You know why? Me either. I don't even know why I'm writing this, telling you all this. None of it matters because I don't understand it. Don't reply. Don't tell me some weird ass bullshit I've heard thirty thousand times before because like everything else that is said to me I take it to heart until someone else shoots down myself esteem to what seems to be beyond recreation. Then I listen to someone else's bullshit and *sighs*.....whatever anyway. It doesn't matter. I'm going to go lay around in my bed for about three hours. until I fall asleep to stay in my dream world for a while. Then when I wake up I'll go to school and do the same thing I've been doing everyday of my life. I'll fake it.
I don't have any problems. I live a perfect life. My problems are truly insignificant I have no reason to complain or bitch or moan or gripe about anything because compared to people with real problems I am fine. I am perfect. My life is careless and fancy free. I need no help. I am not dependent. I can make my own decisions and someday I will go off and have a family of my own that is just like my dream world. Deep deep under the surface we will have the most fucked up problems you could ever imagine. That's alright, because I'll still be perfect. And that's all that matters. I don't understand what's going on. I'm not going to reread this to make sure it makes sense for your benefit. I'll spell check it though, so that when I come back to this in a couple of weeks and read it I'll be able to just barely make out what was going through my head this night. I'm going to go now. And maybe in the morning I'll be perfect again.
Sincerely,
Fallacy
aka Sacred Secret
aka Half-Witt
aka BooBoo
aka Baby Girl
aka Sweetie
aka Babysitter lady
aka Cynthia
or whatever you want to call me.
P.S: Like that wasn't enough for you?
