New York: Last Day

I don't need to put how many days are left.

Tomorrow, at this time, I will be on a plane on my way home to my love. I cannot help the smile on my lips. It has staked residence until further notice. As I sit here, thinking about returning, I am content. I can't fathom why I was nervous now, but somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I know why. But they are not thoughts I want to dwell on now.

I realize I forgot to post yesterday, so I will recall what happened.

I had to choose between going to the Art Museum and going to Coney Island. With the help of my pleading little cousin and promised free admission and rides, I went to Coney Island. The museum will be there when I get back. But one should always go to Coney Island when they get the chance.

C.I, as I will refer to it from now on, is a giant amusement park for your fancy. Filled with food, rides, games, a beach, a boardwalk, a stadium. Everything. It is also surrounded by a quaint little neighborhood. It's awesome.

My cousin, my aunt, my cousins friend, and I wandered around for only a short time before the kids drove us toward the rides. My aunt bought tickets and we were off.

The first ride we went on was a roller coaster. They called it "Superman" though I don't know if thats actually what its called. This ride, scared the hell out of me. And I like to think of myself as a roller coaster fan. There is no coaster I wouldn't ride. But it will be a while before I go on this one again. Basically, you stand in this interesting contraption, and when the ride starts the "lock" you in by lower a bar gently against your back. You are facing down. Yes, you have to lay down in this ride. It takes you off and you hold on for dear life while your feet dangle in the breeze as your car is zipped through curves and loops. Breath taking. Literally. My abs still hurt from tensing so much. Try flexing your entire body and screaming. For two minutes.

The next ride was called the "Steeplechase". From the looks of it before you get on, a team of horses (the cars) races around the track. Simple. You straddle the horse, and a bar presses into your back, making you arch in a presumably sexual way. At least, that's the only reason I can think of that I would need to arch my back like that. This ride is extremely fast. It whips you around the course while you hang onto the reins of the horse. There is a lot of sideways action, so you really feel like you're flying on the rack of a derby horse. You should try this one too.

We started running out of money, so we opted to jump the kiddie rides and head for the mother of them all. "The Cyclone". This one doesn't have any loops. It doesn't take you upside down. Nothing fancy. Just tight corners and gravity defying drops. It pulls you to the top casually, giving you a beautiful view of the surrounding island, the ocean, the rest of the park. And then, without warning, it drops you. About fifty feet straight down, then you zip around a corner. The momentum hurls you up another hill and down another gut-wrenching peak. This ride is not merciful. We rode it twice. The first time, we were in the front because the girls had never been on it before. The second time, we rode the very back.

I recommend that those with faint hearts stay in the front. Only the hardcore ride in the back. The attendants made sure that I, and the girl I was riding with (stranger) were made aware that we were about to get pummeled with gravity and g-forces. It was glorious. I would have gone again, but they were closing for the night.

So we went away from the flickering lights of the rides and opted for the salty sweet sea air. We ran around the beach for a while. Climbed some rocks and wrote in the sand while my aunt took a break on a nearby bench.

After that, we headed home. It was a nice evening.

Today, I didn't do much. I walked my cousin to camp, in the pouring rain. I was literally soaked when I got back. I let her keep the umbrella, just in case it was still raining when she came home. My clothes are currently still drying. I'll have to remember to grab them before I leave.

I packed, and I read smut books on my Kindle for the rest of the day. It was gloriously relaxing. But my nerves are buzzing with excitement and I know I won't get much sleep. I need to hold my Sweetness in my arms and kiss her until we're drunk. I need to hug my Pooka until he's breathless. I have pounce on my mother and squeeze the poo out of her. Haha, not literally on that last one. I need to smother my Nightmare kitty kitty in loves.

Tomorrow, I will wake up and wait in breathless anticipation until I am dropped off at the airport. I can't accurately describe my excitement to see my girl again. Oh Sweetness...

Before I get obscene about the things I plan to do to her when I get back, I'm going to go. I love you.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: My cousins think Kevin Hart is the funniest man alive. I've had to watch the same stand-up special ten times. Not exaggerating.

New York: Day 27 & 28

I missed yesterday, but I still posted.

I didn't really do anything of importance yesterday. So it wasn't really worth mentioning.

I did about the same amount of stuff today. Oh yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet. I was trying to take a shower, so I gathered all of my stuff and went into the bathroom. I was trying to simultaneously put the toilet seat lid down, and put my stuff on the shower rack when my phone slipped off the stack of things I had in my hand and into the toilet.

I literally tossed down all my stuff and snatched my phone out of the toilet. I then whipped it apart like a trained Marine with his rifle and dried all the parts of it that I could with my towel.

It flickered back on long enough to show me that it had given a valiant effort. Then it blacked out. It's been sitting in a bag of rice ever since.

I never did take a shower.

Tomorrow, I guess they want to finally take me to the Met. We'll see if that happens. I'm so ready to go home now. I can't stand these people anymore. I want my regular family back. With their regular problems and dysfunctions and "sugar-coated" lies. That's what my aunt said. She said white people sugar-coat their problems.

I don't give a fuck anymore. I just want to go home. See my Sweetness. My mom. My Pooka. My Nightmare. Hell, I even miss my teddy bear, Ben. I miss my shower. I almost miss my nagging old grandmother. Almost.

Anyway, I love you. Goodnight...

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I have to pee like a motherfucker.

I Won't Give Up

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up 

I won't give up on us.

New York: Day 26

Today...

I spent a long time on the phone with my mom this afternoon. Just chatting. It was nice. I had forgotten how nice it is to just...talk. Openly and honestly. Nothing to worry about. She told me she misses me, and I talked to my Pooka. He misses me too. I miss them both very much as well. However, I'm not particularly excited to go home.

After a lot of thinking time to myself, outside on the step, I came back in and roused my aunt. We started our adventure to find the Museum of Sex.

It was indeed an adventure. We hopped on the subway and took it down to Manhattan. It took about an hour and a half to finally find the place.The journey to get there was just as fun as actually getting to the Museum itself.

The museum drops you off into the shop, at first. Lots of interesting and fun things to buy. The first exhibit is basically the evolution of porn. Its filled with videos on loop of porn from various era's. The walls are covered in information. This room is dark and ambient, setting the mood for the fun things to come.

The second exhibit features two RealDolls. A male and female model. This room is pretty much dedicated to unusual sex toys and why people seek them out. This room is much brighter. It was also hot since the air conditioning was broken on the upper floors.

The other exhibits were about the Sex lives of Animals, Sexuality in the modern age, Sexual Art, and there was one more, but I can't remember what it was. After we went through all of these, we got dropped back into the shop. I bought a keychain for my mom and a t-shirt for myself. I spent a lot of money today. I'm going to have to be careful the next few days. They still want to take me to the waterfront. And Coney Island. And somewhere else. I don't know if all of this is really going to happen though.

Anyway, the Museum also has a bar, so we went downstairs to check it out. We didn't order anything, but they were selling $1 jello shots on the main floor. We did partake. I didn't like them. They were mimosa flavor. Orange jello with rum, and something else. My aunt said they didn't have enough liquor in them but I tasted it just fine.

On the way back we didn't get lost. We stopped into Madison Square Park, I glimpsed some fireflies. When I saw them, I couldn't help but think about Sweetness...I told her I would try to take pictures of them, but the flash and flicker so quickly...there's no way. There was only two or three anyway, but still.

I'm saddened now.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

New York: Day 25

Today was uneventful.

I waited most of today, but had meaningful conversations with both of my aunts. I'm too sleepy right now to fully discuss them with you. But I got the meassages that they held.

We went to the park not too long ago, and I half fell asleep on the bench. I need some sleep.

Maybe I'll elaborate tomorrow if I remember. Sorry.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.s.: My laptop makes me hot.

New York: Day 24

I woke up really early this morning, kinda.

I didn't go to sleep until five or something. Then I woke up at about nine. The little guest arrived. And she wanted to watch Yo Gabba Gabba! so I turned on the NetFlix for her and caught a few more minutes of sleep. Then I gave up, got online, blah blah blah.

Eventually, I got in the shower. Glorious. My aunt decided she wanted me to come with her to the doctors office. She was taking the little guest and wanted my help, so I went along. I had to go immediately upon getting out of the shower. So my hair is shit right now. I'll have to wet it again tomorrow, cause I'm sure as shit not doing it now. But then again, I might if I get really bored.

We went downtown, and wandered around for a while after the doctors appointment.There was a cute little Farmers Market going on, on of the booths was giving away free peaches as a promo. So we stopped by, bought a few, and went on our way. It was mostly window shopping. We went into a few stores, checked out clothes that are considered club wear out here. Surprisingly, they wear more clothes up here. Interesting...

We took the bus back. I checked my email and what not. Then decided to try and curl up for a nap, with my new headphones on. Apparently, if your ears are covered, that makes you soundproof and dead to the world. That means you can jump on said persons air mattress and not expect them to wake up. That means you can talk and watch television extremely loudly because that person is not deaf. -_- They were surprised I had woken up. Then they proceeded to argue, still quite loudly, about whose fault it was for my being woken.

I don't care who did it! It was a combined effort of complete inconsiderate-ness! You know me, I don't like to blame people for things. I mean, I am sleeping in their living room. And their house isn't exactly huge, so where else could they go? But come on! Just a little respect is all I ask! Don't flop down on the bed, sending me flying. Don't turn the television up a ridiculous amount. You're literally sitting right in front of it. I know you can hear. Don't throw garbage randomly onto the bed, causing it to bounce and hit me in the face. Its gross. Respect. I only ask for a little of it.

Anyway, I have no real reason to be upset. I'm just having a moment of frustration. Its not that big of a deal.

I had a really sexual dream this morning. And I might have cum in my sleep. O_o I don't know for sure though. I'm just glad that everyone is usually dead asleep at that time. I couldn't tell you what it was about now, I don't exactly remember. But it was pretty hot.

I'm still sleepy, but I'm too awake to go back to sleep, I think. Besides, I have to wait for Sweetness to open her present. :) I sent her a surprise gift.She just got it today, and decided to wait to open it until she got back to her parents place. As of right now, she hasn't opened it yet. But soon, I will get to hear her squeals of joy. I'm excited. I'm also, done writing to you!

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: Surprise gifts are my favorite. Even if they make me uncomfortable. I enjoy being doted on just as much as any other girl. My tastes are just different sometimes.

New York: Day 23

Manhattan.

Today, I woke up and thought I was going to go to the Museum Of Sex, but I woke up very late and my aunt and I decided that we'd take my cousin and her friend to Manhattan.We took a much faster subway line this time, because my aunt doesn't like  fuckin around and taking the long way. This I respect her for.

When we got there, we located the rough location of the Sex museum. I'm not allowed to tell my cousin we're going there. For some reason, it isn't something she should know about. It scares me a little that they don't want to educate her about sex. Statistically, young black girls that aren't educated about this kind of stuff tend to get pregnant accidentally. Sooner than they like. I'm not saying that this is always the case, but it happens more often than not. Not just black girls either. It just troubles me.

Anyway, we wandered around and went to Payless to see if I could find some more cheap flats that don't bruise my feet. But they were all $16, so we gave up and left. We wandered the streets. It was awesome. We passed the Empire State Building. I took a picture while standing pretty much directly under it. It's fucking amazing. I took a lot of pictures of the architecture and the sheer mass of buildings. Hoping to convey how overwhelming it is. But I don't think that its possible in a picture.I wish it was though.

We ended up going to Toys R Us. It was fun. I bought the girls some Pop Rocks. And I bought myself a pair of headphones that I, personally, think are pretty fucking sweet.And other than the ASL Flashcards I bought at Barnes & Noble, and the clothes, I haven't bought anything for myself. Oh wait, the books. Nevermind. I didn't deserve the present. But I can't take it back. Oh well.

We wandered around some more. And I can't for the life of me remember what else we did. We spent a lot of time walking. Oh! We saw Elmo. I convinced my cousin to take a picture with him, and we didn't have to pay cause she lied and said it was her birthday.We also saw Snoop Dogg. But I didn't care, so I didn't get a picture. My cousin was really excited though so she ran over and talked to him for a second.

Oh! I also bought a picture from a street vendor. It's of New York. It's really cheap, and when my girlfriend sees it, she's going to be pissed. But I didn't buy it for me. I bought it for my Grandmother and I only paid $3 for it. No harm done.

I'm pretty sure that after that, we just went home. Rode the subway, dropped off my cousin's friend, and came back to the apartment. They all went to sleep pretty quickly. So now, I'm sitting here. Talking to you. I didn't get to meditate in the way I would have liked, but I did get some thinking done.

I found out that I really like 2Cellos. They're a....band? I found them through Pandora. Check them out.

Anyway, I'm done now. I think that having these occasional confession conversations with Sweetness is good. But we need to do it more often. I need to start trusting her emotionally.I think part of the reason that I still hold myself so distantly is because I don't know how emotionally invested she is in the relationship, really. I know that she needs me. But does she truly love me the way I love her? If so, why doesn't she trust me the same way? I know that she's probably a straight girl forced into a bisexual relationship out of desperation. And I can feel that energy. It makes me nervous. I don't want her to judge me for my likes and dislikes. I'm afraid of her. I don't know why. But I am. She has a mental hold on me like no other. And even when I really don't want to I kneel at her feet out of fear. I can't control it. It's just something that happens. My will buckles and I give in. I can't figure out why. I want to trust her, but I can't seem to. I can't seem to give her the same type of trust she's given me. And it might be partially because I don't think she enjoys me sexually. I don't want her to do things she doesn't enjoy doing. So if she feels hesitant, then I don't want her to do it. It doesn't make sense I know. I also have a hard time orgasming for her. I mean, truly orgasming. That mind blowing, fracturing feeling you get when you really cum, body and soul.  My body releases. Which should be good enough. But I've given myself that other feeling. And I want to be able to let go enough to let her give it to me when and if she chooses to. I don't know how to get over this road block either. But if I value this relationship, I'm going to have to.

Now I'm really done. Peace easy, my brothers & sisters.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: My aunt and I made a sex joke.She said "You weren't coming fast enough." (in reference to my cousin's friend not following us fast enough out of burger king) and I said "That's what he said, cause I guarantee she didn't say it." We both died laughing for a few minutes while my cousin and her friend looked on in curious confusion.

New York: Day 22

Today I was restless.

I got dressed early and napped on and off until my aunt decided to pop up and say she was taking me outside. I felt like a puppy. But I was excited nonetheless. I donned my black flats, grabbed my purse, and headed out. We took my cousins car. A quick little silver thing with two doors. We rode down to downtown Brooklyn and she has me wait in the car while she runs in and gets a note from her doctor. It was about fifteen minutes until she came back, and when she did, we went off to try and find her next doctors appointment.

We never found it.

We did find a school that looks like a prison, and a cemetery. I wanted to walk through it, but you need a plot number. I just wanted to look at all the tombstones and read the epitaphs, but its a no go. Oh well.

Eventually, we gave up and went shopping. Our first stop was Barnes & Nobles where I wandered shamelessly around for about 30 minutes or so. My aunt thought it was hilarious that I was so awed by my surroundings. I finally fell upon an ASL flash card set. ^__^

After that, we went to a department store called Conways where their merchandise is ridiculously cheap. I found a large bottle of my perfume for $35. It's knock-off, of course. But it smells very similar. It's a little more bitter, but the longer you wear it, the more even it smells. It should be fine. We'll see if Sweetness notices the difference. I also bought a beige tank top with a lacy back, and a neon-green Tye-dye skirt. I was going to buy some jeans for Sweetness, but their sizes run big, so I didn't know which to get, and I had already indulged in the perfume. I was tempted to get her a sketchbook from Barnes & Nobles, but I refrained.

After all this, we stopped at McDonalds, and then went home. on the way there my aunt decided that tonight would be a good night to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. We gathered everyone up, excluding my eldest cousin, including some family friends, and drove down. We walked the two or three miles of bridge, and walked back. The lights and the view were wonderful. Unfortunately, the pictures I managed to take were less than glamorous. I'm hungry again now, but I don't want to eat. I just want to sleep.

I have discovered I have a new fetish. Well, it isn't new. It's just recently given a name. I am highly interested in Age Play. Which is the act of the submissive (usually) "regressing" or playing an age younger than he/she is while the Dom acts as a Mommy/Daddy. Providing care for the 'Little'. Some people take age play to the extreme and go all the way back into infancy. Diapers, pacifiers, bottles, and all. I don't want to go back that far. I'm not exactly sure how little I want to go. But I have noticed that I usually do fall into a little mentality. It happens too often to ignore. This is another side of myself that I must embrace.

My sadistic side is at war with my little side. I can't figure all of this out by myself. So I signed up for FetLife. Its a Kink Community/Dating site. I'm not using it for the dating aspect. Just the community. To know that I am not alone in my thoughts. To find more experienced people within the scene that I can ask questions and maybe become friends with. People that I will sort of know when I want to enter the scene myself when I turn 21. BDSM is a part of me that I want to explore. I need to know if this part of me is deep or shallow. If it must be fulfilled or if it can be ignored. I need to know. And I will find out by any means necessary. I'm a competent woman. I can handle this.

In other news, I don't know what to do with my thoughts. They're crowding themselves. Too fast and too many to count and retrace. I need a meditation session, and I might be able to do it tomorrow. Hopefully. But it's hard to meditate in a place where there is hardly any silence.

I'm going now. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I'm sitting in a dumb position.

New York: Day 21

Today was boring.


But the weather was nice! It was very cool today, compared to the last two days where I broke into a sweat by breathing. -_- that is not a fun experience. Trust me.

Anyway, I'm trying to be on the phone with Sweetness. But its difficult. Cause my face sweats on the phone (which is gross) and my head has to cocked at a weird angle so I can use bot h of my hands, and my body temperature raises cause my phone is hot and I have to hold it. Oi. But Sweetness loves to talk to me, so I oblige her. Even though it's highly inconvenient. But I love her. So it's fine.

In other news, I slept a lot today. Like, A LOT. Most of today I slept. When I wasn't sleeping I was watching documentaries on NetFlix. Yesterday, I watched one on body modification, and today I watched one on birthing options in America. Pretty much hospitals vs home birth. I had already thought about home birth for my future children, but this video made me like the option even more. It would be easier to have a home birth in a different country though, because less than 1% of mothers in the Untied States have home births or implore the services of midwives.

So, I don't know anymore. Its hard to blog when I'm on the phone cause I have too much stuff to focus on.

My aunt keeps telling me that she's going to get me to go to church before I leave. I highly doubt it. Churches freak me out. They make me uncomfortable, and I have to work too hard to keep my tongue in check. I don't see the point in worshiping a fiction novel. There are people who obsess over books, but I'm not one of them and I don't appreciate people trying to get me to follow along.

This morning, something truly strange happened. I woke up, kind of, in a half daze. And my cousin walked by, stood over me and stuck his finger in my nose. And he dug around in there for a good 30 seconds or so before he took his finger and wiped it on my arm before wandering away. I wasn't awake enough to tell him to fuck off or hit him, so I just laid there and let it happen. In a stupid daze for like five minutes afterward. I mean...what do you do in that situation? Seriously? Who the fuck does that? What kind of weird freak does that? I'm still baffled. I'm still not completely positive that it wasn't a dream.

Today is my cousins birthday. We call him Kuku. He turned 18! Yay! Happy Birthday, cousin! Oddly enough, we didn't do anything for him. There's no cake. No presents. No song. No...nothing. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who said happy birthday to him at all. Except for his friends, whom he spent the day with. His FaceBook is littered with happy birthday wishes, of course, but...that's not the point. He's 18...this is a big birthday. You're supposed to do things...but instead, he's sitting in his room with his brother playing video games. He's not going out. He's not having a party. It's weird to me. If it isn't too hot tomorrow, I'm going to make a cake. ^_^

Other than that, I don't have much else to say.My mental state is similar. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. It's sort of...anti-climactic. Oh well. We'll see. 11 more days.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: Seriously, Who does that?!

New York: Day 20

Officially 12 more days until I go home.

I didn't go shopping today, it was too hot. And I've been battling a migraine all day. So I sat, and boiled in my own juices while watching various things on NetFlix.

I watched:
All Dogs Go To Heaven
All Dogs Go To Heaven 2
Fern Gully
Blue Planet: Coasts
And something else but I can't remember what it was.

Anyway, after dozing in and out after that, I fell asleep hard for about an hour. My mattress needs air again.  I'm starting to get tired of the constant bullying my eldest cousin seems to find necessary. Every time he walks past me he pushes me or calls me a fatass or some other nasty thing.I don't consider myself to be particularly sensitive, but I suppose I am. I don't like it. But I only have to put up with it for 12 more days.

Right now, I'm watching my second youngest cousin play Arkham Asylum. I think this is the first time he's played it, because he seems very engrossed. Usually, he's more laid back while gaming. Sort of like me. Laying in a weird position in a chair, loose grip on the controller. It's fun to compare people's gaming styles. On the flip side, my eldest cousin plays video games like an ADHD kid on heroine. Screaming, cussing, shaking, throwing things.It's like watching the devolution of man.

Well, I'm going to finish off this post now. My head is killing me and the relieving coolness I got from taking a shower is wearing off. Fast. See you all tomorrow.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: Originally, I had intended for the link in the last post to be used through copy & paste, but I've made it a direct link for your convenience.

New York: Day 19

http://www.chatzy.com/39573708006404

This is what I did today. I created a chatroom.

I didn't go outside. I didn't get up. I barely ate. It was a sweltering 91 degrees today. So hot I couldn't even sleep last night. I literally just laid in the bed and sweated all night.I did accomplish helping my baby cousin take out her hair though. And because her mom but micro-braids in her hair, it took forever. Also, because she has had it in for 3+ weeks, my fingernails were black when I was finished. Washing my hands in cold water felt amazing. So I did it twice. For like five minutes each.

Now, I'm sitting here listening to music. Bored and hot. Still, I have the fan, but my laptop is in my lap so it  doesn't really matter. Hopefully it will be a little cooler tomorrow, cause my aunt is going to take me shopping. She likes the heat about as much as I do ironically, for her living in such a hot place all her life. She told me that she would like to move though, but she'd stay on the east coast cause she really likes New York. As I've pointed out in my previous posts, who can blame her? Aside from the dramatic weather, this place rules. If the climate were a little more mild and living costs weren't so bloody high, I'd consider living here too. But, luckily for all of you, they aren't and I'm headed back to Washington when my time is up. Of course, August is the hottest month in Washington. And I'll be returning in the middle of it. -__- Oh well. Better than this.

Anywho, I'll be going now, since having my laptop at this weird angle is hurting my knee skin! Tootles, ya'll!

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: Seriously, fuck this heat. Oh, and feel free to use the chatroom. There isn't a password. Tell your friends!

New York: Day 18

Ne-Yo today.

I didn't go to sleep at all last night, so at three when my aunt came out of her bedroom she wasn't really surprised to find me awake. We got dressed, she lent me a bigger purse, and we started off. The early morning was warm, and dark. I only saw five stars. We walked to the bank, took out some cash and made our way to the subway station. This took forever because the MetroPass machines only take certain amounts of money for certain stuff. Then, once we had gotten in we waited for the train. It was about fifteen minutes but it felt like a long time. While waiting, I watched some mice run back and forth gathering crumbs.

The subway stations, like I said before, are extremely hot. But the trains themselves are air conditioned. The ride was long, but it wasn't excruciating. It did surprise me that, despite all of the young men sitting down, we were not offered a seat. We had to stand the whole time! Call me old fashioned, but how rude!

When we got to central park, we walked a long way to find the stage. But the park so early in the morning was beautiful. It was very foggy and hazy, giving everything an ethereal feel. It was enchanting. We reached the line where we were to wait, and it was still very cool out, considering the brisk walk up a slight incline. We stood behind a group of women, chatting excitedly about the upcoming concert and their dismay at having to return to work afterwards.

When the line started to move, allowing us entry, we noticed that we didn't have wristbands like the others in our line. The woman in charge told us very matter-of-factly that this line was for VIP guests only, and we would have to move.

Regrettably, we began to move away, willing to admit we weren't VIP. But the woman in front of us told us that she had gotten two extra VIP passes, and handed them to us. What luck! We entered with the rest of the VIP line, standing right behind the gate, where we were instructed to stand. Later though, we were told we could have gotten closer, due to the wristbands. We were soon crowded by a mass of other people, spiking the temperature dramatically.

This is the part that I am the happiest to have experienced. I got to learn about my aunt. She told me things I never would have expected. I found out that the two of us are far more similar than I ever would have imagined. We talked about sex, boys, experiences, and our opinions on music. It was very enlightening and I'm glad to have had that time to spend getting to know her. I used to think she was a total bitch, but now I think she's sort of a badass.

The concert itself was pretty cool. It was short and sweet. We got to watch the back up dancers practice more than we saw Ne-Yo, but luckily they were cute. ;) There were two women behind us, one from Shreveport, Louisiana and the other from New York just moved back from Florida. They were excited about Ne-Yo too. We swapped stories from our parts of the world. It's always interesting to meet people from other places.

Ne-Yo eventually came out, after Jessica Biel, and sang three songs. One of them was Because Of You. Trust me, I died a little and went to heaven. He's so cute! They were handing out free Pepsi Max, and it surprisingly doesn't taste too bad. When we left, we wandered around central park for a while. I took pictures, we talked, and we got lost. Hahaha, we walked up about twelve streets through the park without knowing it. Then, when we finally found the way out, we stopped for drinks. I had a strawberry & cream frapp, and my aunt stopped at the next coffee shop for a plain lemonade. The station that we eventually chose  was going to opposite way, but instead of walking, we got on and waited until we could transfer onto a train going downtown. Heh, it was a very backward type of way to go, but it was fun anyway.

We finally made it back to the apartment and my other aunt wanted us to drop her off at her doctors appointment. So, we hopped in the car, dropped them off and came back. Then, we both took a long nap. When I was rudely woken up, I took off again, with my other aunt, the little guest and her sister, my cousin and WeaveLady. We took a journey to find the little guests cousins. We stopped by for about an hour or so and then we left. WeaveLady walked home, since she happened to live in the neighborhood. On the way back, we stopped at Popeye's so I could get some chicken and a Mardi Gras cheesecake slice. That is so good by the way. Absolutely delicious.

Anyway, now I'm here, sweating, sitting in this hot ass apartment, writing to you. I'm going to go change into something lighter though. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And maybe get some sleep tonight.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I hate when its hot at night and I have no choice but to sleep in clothes. I'd sooooo rather be naked.

New York: Day 17

I slept most of today because it was hot as shit.

Then, I took a shower, read my new book, ate my weight in food, and now I'm here. Writing very distractedly to you, about my day. But that's my first sentence. That's really all I did. Now I'm watching SVU, its a really addicting show. Tomorrow, or should I say in about five hours, I'm going to get dressed and get ready to leave here at about four to go downtown to find a spot to sit and wait to see Ne-Yo. I'm excited, and I would like to go back to sleep. But I don't know if I'll be able to. You know, because of the television.

Well, I'm not sure of what else to, write about, mainly cause I'm watching tv and secondly because I'm kind of sleepy. I don't know. Its hot and all I'm wearing is that blue dress that makes me feel pregnant. I have no idea what I'm going to wear tomorrow. Maybe a dress. Probably a dress. But which dress? We'll find out. Tootles.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I don't like to be hit, struck, or whatever. I don't particularly enjoy being "tapped" either.It irritates me. I don't know why.

New York: Day 16

I'm running low on energy right now.

I'm trying to stay awake, but my eyes are heavy and my body aches. I'll shower tomorrow I promise.

Today, I didn't do much. I went to Costco.Their Costco is huge! It has two floors! I bought more gifts for Sweetness. Their kind of for me though, but kind of for her. Either way, these I know she'll like. About the Costco. It also has a cart escalator. It's like a regular escalator, except for that its flat and it has really intense ridges that the wheels are supposed to get stuck in. Which locks the cart in place. Its pretty nifty. The also have super huge elevators like the ones you see in hospitals. Its pretty nifty too.Their book selection is not impressive.

I didn't spend much money there, but I have to check my bank account anyway. Just to make sure. I don't want to accidentally spend too much. Especially since Sweetness needs me to have some when I get back.I don't like to think about going home. Not because I won't be happy to see everyone again, but because in those days after coming home, when things wind down back to normal...reality will strike us.

My aunt officially told me I'm a sinner. Because I'm dating a woman. I'm apparently on the "path of sin" and I'd "best turn around before its too late". Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't your almighty God grant forgiveness to anyone who asks it? According to your bible, I can be on my deathbed with a woman in my lap and a man behind me. And if I say "Oh lord! Forgive me my sins!" I'll be forgiven and I go straight to heaven. Poof. I'll try to remember that when I die. -__-

I know I don't usually go on religious rants, and to be honest I don't like doing it. I don't shove my non-religion down your throat so please don't try to hump your bible down mine. I hate that. There is nothing more irritating than someone trying to push their beliefs on you. Honestly, are you that insecure? Do you need that much self-approval that you need me to think the way you do? Leave me alone.

I'm too sleepy to continue to rant. I'm tired and I hope you know that the energy conveyed in this post is fake. Though, I do hope it came through just the same.  Goodnight.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch

~In Between~

 So I'm going to break up the crazy impressive streak I have going.

 I guess I'm not technically breaking it up if I'm still blogging, but I meant all the blogs being upon a certain topic and what-what. Not that I have to explain myself to you. -_-. ANYWAY, I'm awake. I've been awake for a long time, because apparently 30 minute naps can fuck you so hard and fast you'll be unable to sleep! Just in case you were curious. So here I am, back on the internet.Just so you  know, I did get off for a long time. I tried to sleep, fell in and out of consciousness, tossed and turned, and then gave up. Then I played on my phone, downloaded some things, got some water, went to the bathroom. NOW, I'm online again, talking to you! Isn't that fun? Today, I might go shopping with my aunt. Depending on if she was serious or not. She said she had to go food shopping. The other aunt it going to a doctors appointment. IDK what for, I don't care and I didn't ask. It's nice outside, according to my window. It rained earlier this morning. Hard enough to catch my attention. I like the pitter-patter noise the rain makes when it hits the AC.

I've noticed that I've begun to block out the Subway noise as it roars past. Seriously, its right outside the window. Not close enough to touch or anything, but it's still impressive to little ol' me. I can hear cars passing, buses, sirens, police cars, ambulances, people yelling. It's very entertaining to just lay here and listen. But there does come an hour, eventually, where even Brooklyn goes quiet. Not for long. It's only about an hour or so until something else happens, and this is not including the subway that runs literally every five minutes.All day. All night. Fuck the weather.

The subway train doesn't give a shit about anything. It just foes and goes and goes. It keeps on coming and going. Whether you're on it or not. Walkin too slow? Wait for the next one. Miss your stop? Sucks to be you. It's extremely exhilarating to stand on a subway platform and feel the wind rush by as it speeds past you at upwards of 60mph. The air is hot, but its frigid compared to the station's usual temperature. As I'm sure you can guess, I enjoy riding the subway.

My aunts prefer driving.

But they've lived here a long time and the thrill of New York is gone for them. As someone famous once said according to a quote I read online: "The problem with living in New York is that you don't have New York to runaway to."

And in all honesty, that makes perfect sense. Who wants to run from the city that has everything to the city that has nothing? Do you know how frustrating that would be? That's how I'm going to feel when I get back to WA I just know it. Right now, if I so chose, I could walk down the street and get breakfast. Pretty much whatever I wanted. Burger King? Sure. Chinese? Alright. Mexican? Jamaican? Soul? McDonalds? Pizza? Fuckin salmon? Whatever you want. If you've got the money for it. It's amazing. It reminds me of a very elaborate Seattle. Except, there's so much more culture. Seattle has a China Town. New York has Jew Town. China Town, Little Italy, Tiny Africa. They have everything. I'm pretty sure they have Little Ireland/Scotland around here too, but I haven't heard about it.

Everything is right at your fingertips in this place. It's really baffling. Seriously, some of my aunts friends came over the other day and they were like "Oh, we just saw Tom Hanks." Now, I don't give a shit about Tom Hanks. But the point is, they just randomly ran into a famous movie star on the street. That shit doesn't fucking happen where I'm from! Bitch please! I wish I would see Scarlett Johansson walking through Pike Place like she doesn't have a care in the world. For real? I'd flip the fuck out! But out here? Eh. Happens.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Maybe I'm just a small town girl, visiting a real big city. Maybe I'm just a sheltered kid in over her head. But if I see someone really famous while I'm here, and I recognize them? Guess who's getting a picture. This bitch.


Anyway, I'm going to go see if there's something else I can do on the internet other than bother you guys. Ya'll come back now, ya hear?

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I really was hella sleepy in the last post. I have no idea what happened!