Choir

This Picture Is Dedicated To Those Who Have Ever Had A Shitty Day.

Okay so I went to choir today, didn't have very much fun. I was really bored and I'm going to quit (don't try to talk me out of it this is my last quarter) I ate milk and cookies and I want to write about stuff but I can't and I....UGH! I don't want to go to school anymore, 'cause today right before lunch and then again before 5th period depression hit me. Like a wave I couldn't control it, it bum rushed me and left me shaky and on the brink of tears for reasons beyond me. When I was steady I went on with my day and I was fine until the next time. But ugh...maybe I'll just stay in y head from the time my alarm clock goes off until I get home and crawl into my bed @ which time I'll leave again and restart the cycle. "The Counselor" says that I should spend some time here just to keep up with things. But I don't want to because it hurts...*Sighs* I'll just come back every once in a while so that I'm doing bot h what I want and taking the suggestion of "The Counselor". So I'll probably post from my head when I'm at school. Speaking of school I have a "Student Led Conference" on Friday. It's a take-home thing though so there won't be any teachers there. Now I'm going to do something I have been wanting to do. It's probably very dumb and it won't do much but it's another "publicity stunt" I'm going to print out my blog address and put it into random people's lockers tomorrow at lunch. I don't know what will happen and I'm not expecting much but I want it to be something good. If not oh well. I guess I'll go now. And do something...or something...Here's a pic:It reminds me of the voices.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: Singing makes me tired.

Nothing To Do With Me.

The following poem/thingy has nothing to do with me, though I did write it. This is the morbid poem thingy I was talking about yesterday and don't worry about me because I like life too much for me to do any of the things listed in the following poem. Okay? All of those I know that may freak out about this please don't worry 'cause like I said I like life too much for this to happen. I think the only person I've talked about this poem to is "The Counselor" and he said it scared him too. But I explained it to him and now he understands. But he also only read the unedited version. I don't think this version is as scary. So...here goes...

"My Note"

Created By: Sacred Secret

I ran all the possibilities through my head
I wrote them down in script.
I thought about the people that would be affected
But figured my pain was greater
Than any, they could know.
I did it very quiet
I left them in the dark
The paper lay beside the spot where I would fall.
For a moment more I thought of them
The people I held close.
Of all the good times and the smiles
I thought of all the children I had yet to have
The significant other that would never hold me close
I thought of my Mother and what she would think when they found me
My Father and his tears.
Then the darkest angel came into my thoughts.
Their face blurred my vision and they whispered my name
I trembled and lost control of my legs.
Tears streamed down my cheeks
I screamed
“Don’t come any closer! You have done enough!”
And they stared in disbelief
I brought it to my head
Felt it swirl in my loose grasp
I pressed the cold steel to my temple
And adjusted my grip
“Please...”
They whispered as I closed my eyes
“This can’t go on you’ve hurt me enough.”
I said calmly
As my baby sisters little hands reached up at me in my mind
For the last time.
I heard my older brothers deep laugh and remembered the vibration in his chest from it.
For the last time.
I opened my eyes and stared straight at my dark angel
I told them to look
Look at what they have done.
I told them not bring another this fate.
And I released the blast into my own head.
I saw the ceiling
I could hear my dark angel scream my name
I saw my blood pool around me
Felt it mat my hair
Then I was cold and that was the last I felt.
I saw my baby sister again
I saw my brothers disapproving frown.
Saw my Mother and Father curled into themselves bawling.
I saw my dark angel and me on the swings of the schoolyard.
Saw myself as a child.
And in that moment I actually
Regretted Everything.
As I continued falling into what seemed to be an increasing cold
I wished I could go back if only for a moment
And rewrite my note…
But now I can’t
And this is what I have left them…

“Dear those I thought cared,
How could you have been so cold? Didn’t you care?
Obviously not or else, I would still be sitting there talking to you instead of you reading this smiling. Though you’re probably enjoying this, watching my blood seep from my wounds to pool at your feet. I hope you have fun at the party celebrating my death.
To My Angel, I sincerely hope…
You take full blame.”

There you have it. Please don't freak out, as I said. Take it in, and comment. Thank You.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I actually edited this poem. I don't ever edit anything most of the time.

Hey Look!

I'm having a good day. And I don't want anything to ruin it because they have been so few and far between these past days. Right now life is good and there is nothing negative on my mind. I love it. I've been at my friends for winter break and I had mad fun. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Lol and all the people that tried to comment but couldn't don't be discouraged! Sometimes Blogger just hates everything and wants to be Emo so just try again some other time! And I found out that more than just one person reads my blog! Yay 'You know who'!!! I luvs ya!! I forgot what I was gonna say. I was writing a poem in my head but its morbid and unedited and it doesn't make any sense so you don't get to read it yet. I'm gonna go do other stuff now so I'll posty posty later okay? Okay. Peace

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I'm not sure which world I like more, the one in my head or my "reality"

...

(unedited)

I don't know who'ss winning or losing in this situation but I know its not both at the same time because if it was then we wouldn't be so confused, he wouldn't be so pissed off, and I wouldn't be so irritated. How dare he be mad at me! Like he couldn't have this coming when I told him! When we broke up the first damn time I told him: "YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME I BRING BAD NEWS AND CONFUSION!" did his dumbass listen? God no! Jesus he acts like its all my fault I wuite clearly remember giving him full warning and a clear chance to get the hell away but did his stupidass take the hint? Nooooo of course not he just figures I'm lying to him and I don't have aduquate reason to break up with him becuase "I'm crazy blah blah blah" You know "crazy" people normally know what they're talking about. Someone should listen to them one day and find out. But "crazy" people make "sane" people feel crazy so they don't talk to them I guess because they don't want to admit their dumb. Well I'm gonna go now. Peace

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I Hate Life.

Updation

I don't know if that's really a word but I like it. And as for the updation in question...do you like? Comments and things please!

P.S: This isn't a real post so you don't get a secret

I'm Changin' Some Things...

Where will it go from here? Where will they stop?

Sigh...

I'm happy/frustrated because someone other than Fange' read my blog (Thank you) and Blogger hates me right now and I can't do anything!! This is the third time I've written this. Maybe I'm the incompetent one but good lord! Was I mean to it? Why does it hate me? I'll have to thoroughly edit this later when I get home so you can get all the cool stuff. I was going to post a picture and a poem/story/song thingy but as I said Blogger hates me right now and I can't do anything. I'll see you all later I guess.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S: I know I'm a good singer but when other people say it and I agree out loud I'm conceited, when I don't agree I don't know how to take compliments.

P.P.S: I love dual meanings (especially the gross ones)

Publicity

I'm handing out my web address to the people I know will read it. This is a big step for me especially since I've been putting my actual secrets on here. Oh I hope I'm not making a huge mistake. I'm only giving it to people who have Info Tech, and I think I can trust. My mom already has the site address but she doesn't come here she just wants to show her friends we have a "close" relationship. My horoscope says I'm not supposed to talk to Scorpio's (my Mom) I'm a Capricorn and it says we are incompatible. But I guess whatever is whatever. I'm working in my Geography Final right now because the Voice that was here last night didn't finish (she looked exhausted, and yet so happy) I love having my music with me because I can block out all the stupidity around me. But I guess sometimes I just want to get lost in my own little world where no one can bother me except for the people I want to. I don't know why I pretty much only post during Info Tech but that's just because it's easier I think. A lot of people don't understand what having a "blog" is, but I tell them it's just like MySpace. Except less stress and less popularity. I have a blog so I can release myself and let someone else read it without knowing who it was that read it. I suppose I should go now. Peace Out 07'!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I still like my Ex-Boyfriend but I'm afraid I'll confuse him (and me) if we go out again.

Ephebiphobia

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers

I'm bored today, and I'm not sure whats different about today either. Maybe I'm just not feelin' it today. By It I mean that vibe you get when you know your alive. In Info Tech class right now and Mr.Urner is teaching us how to take notes (because we don't know how to do that. @_@) I've also found an interesting quote that I am supposed to save. I'll post it:

"It's hard to believe that moments that once brought a smile to my lips now bring tears to my eyes." -- Suketsu Tenshi Aleandera

Don't steal it, because it isn't yours and you didn't say it. I'm tired now. I want to write stuff but I can't because I don't know what to write. I want to read something but I can't because it will look like I am not paying attention. I talked to my dad online the other night and I never want to do it again. Just because of how stupid he is 'sometimes' (because he isn't dumb all the time...at least I'd like to believe so) I want to cry but I can't because I don't know how in a sense. That's my secret for today. That I can't cry. No matter how hard I try to I just can't. Crying pisses me off for some reason and when I do it I hate myself for crying in the first place and hate myself for not being able to show the emotion others can. When I can though...when I am on the brink of tears I hold them back, even though I know I won't be able to do it later. I should stop explaining this because I'm going to regret doing so later.
I have a question for you all, what would you want your epitaph to say? For those who don't know what and epitaph is look at the bottom of the page for "Word Of The Day" I haven't changed it in a while so those who frequent that section of the blog I'm sorry. Now I want to post this before I have to type it again because I think the computers are going to "mysteriously" go out again like on Friday.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Crying pisses me off, but when I can't cry I hate myself.

Celebrity Deathmatch

I'm watching Celebrity Deathmatch and it's funny. If you've never seen it before (you live under a rock) it's about clay celebrities beating the living hell out of each other. It's great. So yeah. I haven't posted a picture in a while and that one's pretty good. I like it anyway. So how are you all? I'm fineish.

I'd tell you but I don't really want to. I'm only posting 'cause I'm bored. See you all later.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S. I'm jealous of my best friends body, and I hate my own.

P.P.S:
“Large fibs; offing eye theodicy zero nigh ash one region black panther. “ --- Half-Witt & Fange'

Water Bottle

There was a much better version of this post that I was in the process of writing before this nimrods in my class restarted ALL the computers by turning off the main power. God I could strangle them! I want to switch out of this class but I can't yet. I have to wait. I don't think they'll let me switch anyway it's not important. Anyway this post WAS about

Water Bottles
Fears
Epitaphs
Dumbasses
Bathrooms

But now it's not because I don't want to write all of that over again. But because their stupidity isn't fair to you, I'll post all my fears (some of them I just like the sound of)

Favorite/Self Phobias:
1. Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself
2. Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
3. Achluophobia- Fear of darkness
4. Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
5. Anglophobia- Fear of pain.
6. Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
7. Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles.
8. Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
9. Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
10. Chronophobia- Fear of time.
11. Daemonophobia- Fear of demons.
12. Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of loneliness.
13. Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.
14. Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666.
15. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
16. Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility
17. Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
18. Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
19. Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
20. Microphobia- Fear of small things.
21. Monophobia- Fear of solitude or being alone
22. Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.
23. Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
24. Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth.
25. Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
26. Phengophobia- Fear of daylight or sunshine.
27. Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
28. Pyrophobia- Fear of fire.
29. Sciophobia, Sciaphobia- Fear of shadows.
30. Selenophobia- Fear of the moon.
31. Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words
32. Teratophobia- Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
33. Triskaidekaphobia- Fear of the number 13.
34. Zelophobia- Fear of jealousy.
35. Zeusophobia- Fear of God or gods.

Well that's all you get because I'm feeling pissed off and lazy, like I said, and I don't want to write all that again. Maybe I'll do it later when I get home. Probably not though so don't hold your breath. *sighs* This was going to be a long post. That saddens me. W/e its too late now. Want to read part of a 'poem' I wrote? Of course you do. It's called "How Does It Feel?©"

"How Does IT Feel?©"

How does it feel to be left by the world?
So alone not even the rain will give you company.
So this is the life you’ve chosen little bird.
The kind that does not bring friendships but enemies instead
You’ve entered a land that no one is willing to walk through with you, even though you loath them all, still you wish for their company, don’t you?
So this is what you want, little bird?
This is what you’ve chosen.
Accept that now even the clouds shun you for your betrayal.
You shall live for neither side.
Nor shall you die for either.
You have chosen this path, little bird.

A destiny you must live with.

What do you think? I like it but I don't think it's too good. I like the last one better, you know the one I'm talking about? "Let's Go To Paradise". I like that one because a lot of other people like it. I showed it to almost everyone in my fifth period class. A lot of them laughed at the title though, but they can kiss my ass. There's only a couple minutes of class left so I guess I should start wrapping things up. How are you all? I'm fine. From now on at the end of my posts I'm going to put one secret that I have. That way I can feel better and begin my new years resolution. I started working on it late because most people have broken theirs by this point. Okay see you all later.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S. I lie to my loved ones more than I lie to my enemies.