Cookies

I'm making cookies. I'm making cookies.
C-O-O-K-I-E-S!
Chocolate chip!
Butterscotch!
Banana!
Gum Drop!
I'm making cookies! I'm making cookies.
Can you make them too?
Delicious and soft.
Warm and Chewy.
I'm making cookies. I'm making cookies!
C-O-O-K-I-E-S!
Can you make them too?


TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Since I've Been Gone

Dude. There is nothing going on that's important. Nope nada. lol I'm watching movies with my friend. Mhm. Yup yup. Muwahahaha.

So. I'll ttyl. Okay?

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Kids...

Day 5 - Dreams

Dear Dreams,

Leave me alone. You're bothering my sleep. Tempting me and I don't want it. Yeah, thats right. Go away.


Love,
Sacred Secret

Day 4 - Sibling

Dear Caple Xzavior,

Little man, you got off on a rough start. And I hope someday you’ll be able to read this on your own when I’m not around. I love you more than life itself. I sincerely hope you know that. Before you were born I had big dreams, big plans for you. Then you were born three months early and I officially decided that no matter what happens to you, or what you do…you’ll always be my baby. I’ve loved you since before I knew you existed. I always have. Right now, four days from graduation, I’m angry at you for stealing my mom’s attention. This is MY time. I’m the star, I worked kinda hard for this. You’re lucky I can’t pummel you cause I would. But you’re in the hospital still and so its kind of difficult for me to do that. Anyway, I wish you the best in life. You’re gonna do great things. Don’t let ANYONE hold you back from your dreams. You’re a strong kid. You’ve been through so much already that I’m astounded by you. You’ve inspired me to do a lot of things. Helping me get over my fear of needles (kind of) and inspiring me to lead our family and friends in the March Of Dimes. I’ve stepped up my game as you step up yours. And maybe its just me being selfish some more but you’re making me better I think. This is short I know. But I love you. And I’ll always love you. Even if I don’t like you sometimes.

Love,
Sacred Secret

Day 3 - Parents

Sorry it's a little late I know.

Dear Mom and Dad,
You guys…I don’t even know what to say really. So I guess I’ll do it in two parts.

Mom, You’re the greatest. Despite my hurtness of being neglected over the baby, I still definitely love you. I just don’t want everything to be about him. Even though I completely understand. It’s just that sometimes I want things to be like they used to be. Normal. Me and you. Just the two of us alone in the world working on life the best we can. I miss that. I know you’ve grown into a better, happier person because of the changes that have tugged us apart. But my inner selfishness can’t let go of my want for all that back. I really love how you’ve grown though. And I wouldn’t want you to go back into unhappiness for anything. You know me, I hate change. So I’ll get used to it eventually. And I’m really trying to curb my brat like instincts to pull you back and scream “She’s MY mom!” oh geez, it’s difficult. You just don’t understand. But meditation helps me get into swing with new stuff. It’s just been hard to find a quiet moment by myself recently. I’ll get around to it though. I love you, thanks for all you’ve done.

Dad, I’m still stuck on what to say. I mean really…what can I say? We don’t have a relationship. You barely know what grade I’m in and if it weren’t for my mom, you wouldn’t know I’m graduating this year. To be honest, I loathed you for the longest time. Because you abandoned me and my mom to go live with that witch you don’t even like. She makes you depressed I can hear it in your voice and my mom has told me. I can’t see our non-relationship changing anytime soon. In my mind it’s too late for all that. But I try to be a forgiving person. Just…quit lying to me. It’s not helping at all. Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep. Don’t tell me you’re going to buy me a plane ticket or a laptop or a damn sweater and then not do it. No “I’ma send you a picture of your brother and me.” And then no picture, no card, no Hey Fuck Off. Whatever man. I’m through with you. Animosity isn’t my style but you cramp me. Ugh.

Love,
SacredSecret

Day 2 - Crush

Dear Crush,

You’re ever changing forms. I never know when I’m gonna see you and when I do, I never know what to do or say. I have to stop and breath deep when you speak to me. When we touch, I cling to the warmth so hard I feel pathetic. I berate myself later cause I shouldn’t be so attached. I’m just gonna get my heartbroken again, and I’m not ready for that. But I can’t help it. Your scent, your hair, the way you look at me. I love your laugh and how you sing, even if you don’t like it or think you’re bad. I love the way you sound. Your voice is one of my biggest turn-ons. I have to say, I adore your style. Cute, sexy. All at the same time. And whenever I think of you, I bite my lip. Look around, hope no one is looking because its that intense. I can’t think of you in public cause its awkward. But little things remind me of you. Music, certain places, words and phrases. Dumb shit. Random things just pop up and I’m like “Oh hey…” and off I go into Wonderland where I’m prancing around with you, being a dork. In your arms I am safe and secure. At your side I am strong and tall. At your back I am careful and observant. But away from you…across from you…held back from you like a bad smell. Looked at wrongly as though I can’t understand, not smart enough to figure it out or something…I’m not any of those things. I’m small and insignificant, tasteless, bland, weak. I recede into myself just to find some kind of solace but even that far away I can still feel you. Your touch still burns me to the core and I still rejoice. Heh heh, that’s poetic. But I mean it. I really do. And I wish I had the balls, the knowledge and the damn sense to tell you to your face that I love you. I always have.

Love,
Sacred Secret

Day 1 - Best Friend

Fange',
This letter should be easy to write. I don’t think there’s a specific amount of words or pages I have to have. It’s just a letter. I can’t say I have anything to tell you that you don’t already know, but if you ever have a question, you can ask. That’s fine. I can’t think of any questions I would have for you, but if I feel comfortable with the question I might ask. We’ve been friends forever man, really truly. About preschool.-ish. True? I’ve enjoyed almost all of our time together. Heh, excluding our fights and disagreements, or those long times of separation. Those I didn’t enjoy, but it happens and that’s how it works. I’m sure that we have even more random obstacles and joyous occasions to go over. It’s amazing how far we’ve come together, and almost daunting to think about how much farther we have to go. But I’m…ready. I think. To continue on our current path to see out this journey we’ve started on. One thing I wish I could change about our friendship though is miniscule, tiny, insignificant. But also tremendous. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, but I really, really wish you didn’t. And if you don’t, its all the better. Well…I guess I’m done now. Not much more to say. Thanks for being there through all the drama and pain and heartache. Thanks for being someone I can lean on, even if I lean too lightly for you sometimes. Thank you for being so…cool about this stuff. Don’t change who you are for other people. Those who matter, who are good for you, shouldn’t care one way or the other. Those who care, probably shouldn’t matter. Gah…that was corny. Whatev. Peace.
Love,
Sacred Secret

30 Letters. 30 Days.

Try this experiment. Brought to my attention by a friend ;)


Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but are too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Cryin Like a Bitch!

"Crying Like A Bitch" -- Godsmack


Strut on by like a king,
Tellin' everybody they know nothing,
Long live what you thought you were,
Time ain't on your side anymore,
Anymore

And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch!

I'm tougher than nails, I can promise you that,
Step out of line and you'll get bitch slapped back,
And you can run your little mouth all day,
But the hand of God just smacked you back into yesterday

And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,
And you wonder why no one can stand you,
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,
You were cryin' like a bitch!

Blinded by your sacred faded past times,
Only time is your enemy,
Granted a second chance to prove that your arrogance is stronger than you'll ever be,

Stronger than you can be,
Oh, stronger than you can be
Oh, stronger than you can... BE!

And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,
And you wonder why no one can stand you,
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,

You were cryin' like a bitch!
You were cryin' like a bitch!
You were cryin' like a bitch!
Oh, Bitch!

^_^,
Sacred Secret

Here We Are!

Here we are

Singing the same old song

Everyday

Writing the same damn way

How do they

Know what we feel, what we need

What we think, what we

Say?

How do they?

If I

Stand on the edge of this world

Screaming full, screaming loud

Would you cry for me?

Strive to bring me back?

For this

Monotony.

Here we are

Singing the same old song

Everyday

Writing the same damn way

How do they know?

How can the tell what I want?

What I need?

What’s good for me?

If we

Move on from this place

Into air and space

Will you lay down your mainstreamity

And free in underground insanity.

Loving new, clean and fresh

Discovery.

formspring.me

What do you wanna know? http://formspring.me/MercifulSoul03

Breathe In

Breathe out.
Use the motion of the air to turn you. Let your brain be calm and clear. Washed away the sins of desire. Of greed. Of want. Of necessity. Let this cleansing breath wash away your thoughts. That horrid disease. Let it wash away sadness and despair. Let it wash away the Self.
Breathe In.
Let it bring in contentment. Wisdom. Hope. Enlightenment. Let it bring you in closer to the unity of the universe. Let it bring in all the goodness and all the light. May you be well with your new Whole.

In meditation, I am complete. I am able to bring my consciousness into myself and turn it off. I am able to think clearly. Devoid of emotion or thought of another's opinions. I am able to cleanse myself of the days sins and pray into the vast universe that someday, my cries will be heard.
That one day, I will no longer be forced to confide within myself. I will be able to speak freely. Without the hash bite of the lying snake on my tongue. Without the bitter acid that drips down my throat as I swallow the truth. Without the dreadful sinking in the ppit of my stomach that haunts me with each breath come the eve.
I long to be without Self. To be carefree. Existentialist. iew life through glass. I am untouched. Thusly, I make no impact.
Verily, I am unimportant. Without purpose. If i must have one, let it only be to experience my own pattern of life. Set before me by Fate, Destiny, and Happenstance.

My mantra. "Thinking is a disease I can cure. I can quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace. I am in control of my body. It does not control me. Quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace."

Try the Om. Just repeat it. It isn't hard.
Stop thinking about it.
Just say it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Again.
Good.


Om,
Sacred Secret


P.S: Meditation is good for when you're trying to sleep. :)

May.

So I'm posting from Physics for one thing. For another thing. I have so much going on this month its ridiculous. Honestly.
It is.
INSANITY.
But. I'll deal.
Cause that's how I roll.
Hahahaha.
More Later! Stay Tuned!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Annnyywwaaayy....

Ohh guys. Guess what?


NOTHING
lol I'm sorry. I'm just bored and I want t o write but I shouldn't be writing because I should be Working on my essay. but true to proper slacker form I hear "Not due until Wednesday at 12AM" and I say "I'll do it on Wednesday at 9PM. No big." Sha? lol i'm a failure I know. It's okay though something will kick in and I'll start working. Something like click!OH SHIT. Haahaahaa. It'll happen. I'm not worried.

So how have you been? Good I hope. i'm leaning over my computer (laptop) like a typical nerd butt. It's fun. i feel like I'm hacking into a secret base! Ooo..lol soooooo

LOVER MINE

Comes out tomorrow.

I earned fifteen dollars today, coupled with the fourteen I already had?
Guess what I'm getting ;)
Mmmm....

Anyway, I'm gonna go now and I'll post what I end up writing (unless it just so happens to be my essay, in which case I won't.)

K bye!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I'm trying to stop lying. Help me?

Supposta Blog

This is a blog from forever ago that I just didn't get around to posting. Here ya go :)


February 22, 2010


It’s technically Monday. Seems like super Monday. You know, like its been Monday for weeks. Maybe that’s just because I’m tired. Probably. Bleh. I don’t know what to write about. I’m just writing because it’s good for the soul. Nothing nothing nothing. blah! Empty head with no words to fill it. clamber out into a wild pit. start fighting like they’re crazy. crazy jumping beans. maybe with practice I’ll be able to hit the keys separately like they’re supposed to be hit and not have to hit backspace every five letters. Even though the keys are big and spaced apart, I’m having problems. Maybe it’s because they’re so big and spaced apart. That’s probably it. Perhaps, it would help if I typed like a normal person and not like a random freakoid. I know freakoid isn’t a word. But I can’t say I care. I’m gonna go make up some people that don’t exist. I’m gonna put it under Profiles. And maybe someday I’ll pull them up and breathe life into them. I’ll give them a little back ground story and them when I set them on their feet in the real world they can run with it as they wish. Yup. Sounds good.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret.

formspring.me

What do you wanna know? http://formspring.me/MercifulSoul03

I Want My 90's Nickleodeon Back!

YouTube makes me sad, cause they have all these theme songs to shows I loved. It makes me wanna go back to the old days!! To The Amanda Show, and All That and Kenan and Kel. You remember Doug? Hey Arnold? Gullah Gullah Island, Clarissa Tells All, Sister Sister! Oh man! I want my shows! lol if anyone can get me like a flash back of those shows. I would love you forever. Hahahaha. Anyway. As you know, my loyal followers, I love hearing from you so please comment and such. Please? ^_^ Love you all. Peace!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Mind Lab

http://jvsc.jst.go.jp/find/mindlab/english/index.html

Hella. Fuckin. Trippy.


Sacred Secret

"Cael..." Keara moaned softly digging her nails into hard, muscled shoulders. Quick breaths punctuated each thrust as she met his hips with her own in the sensual rhythm they had created. His dark mahogany hair spilled over his shoulders, mixing and blending with her own golden tresses that slid silkily over their entwined bodies. Keara felt him tense above her, curling his fingers into hers with a quick twitch. A telltale sign of his coming release. She took this moment to wrap her legs around his hips, pulling him deeper into her body. Dragging her nails down his chest she stared up into vivid emerald green eyes waiting to see him overcome in rapture. As he reached his peak, she slipped her free hand under her pillow smiling as his eyes fluttered closed, the moan that escaped his lips was lost on a choking gurgle as blood poured from his chest and dripped off his lips. "Keara...?" he whispered hoarsely, confusion and pain mixing on his silhouetted countenance. She forced away the grimace as his blood pooled and slid down the sides of her naked flesh, telling herself to remain looking in those eyes. Eyes that dulled with each passing second, listening to breath that heaved and muscles that shook with the effort to even now, keep his heavier body off her smaller one. "Why?" He choked spitting blood against her neck. Dropping her hand from the intricate dagger she had plunged into his stomach, she reached up to wipe off her neck. "Because!" She spat, stormy blue eyes glaring into his, "I heard about you with that whore, and I refuse to be your fall back girl. It's me or no one." She was determined to stay strong during all this, even as agonized tears raced down his cheeks, soaking his thick lashes. "I've never been with anyone...but...you..." he sputtered, his arms going limp dropping his deadened weight onto her fragile body she heard him murmur on his final breath "Loved only you...Keara..."

Sing Along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAaXD9PscQs&feature=related


If you've never heard this song before, shame on you. If you clicked on it, listened to it and fell in love or burst into tears. I love you. Needing music to sing along dramaticaly to. I'm hurting my throat. But it hurts so fucking good.

Twma,
Sacred Secret.

Lays

So, its Spring Break, and I'm bored. I really really really wanna go downtown. But I don't have anyone to ride the bus with me and I'm a scaredy lonely kid so I'll just wait until tomorrow when we get my ID and hopefully do something fun. Oh that reminds me, I have to plan something cool for French club. Like go to the Zoo or the aquarium or something. That'd be fun right? I think so. Anyway, uhm..how is your spring break going? If its not your spring break what did you do? Or what are you going to do? I'm sorry I'm such a horrible blogger lately. But I guess thats to be expected when you have a life. Uh, Oh! Xzavior. He's big now. Not nearly in as much danger as before. They've got him in clothes and he eats alot and we can hold him and stuff. It's cool. So yeah. I'm cold. Gonna do something else now. KTHXBAI.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Thoughts #3

When I first saw you, I already knew. There was something inside of you. Something I thought that I would never find. Do you recognize it? Maybe you shouldn't. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just writing so I can stop thinking about writing so I can do my homework. I've been on Gaia alot. Just earning gold and donating to people. I also got a Formspring. You know, the little boxes where people can ask you stuff anonymously? There cool I guess. I started classes at the college yesterday. Intro to Literature with Mrs. McCollum. We aren't supposed to call her that though. She wants us to call her Jenn. Which is cool. I'm fine with that. I'll have to get used to it though. Uhmm what else? Oh. Artemis (after the Goddess, not the stupid book). She's our new cat. She has a little purple collar with a purple bell. She's striped black, white, gray, and brown. She's a little super spazz let me tell you that right now. She isn't as big of a jerk as Night was when he was a kitten, but its really too soon to tell, y'know? Uhm Spring break is next week! (for high school @_@) Exciting! I think there is a reason why high school spring break and college spring break is different. Probably because it's hard to tell the difference between a senior in high school and a freshman in college. You know? I couldn't tell the difference, and I'm sure it would be difficult for you. What else what else? Lalalala...hmmm...maybe again later. I actually had something to blog about a while ago, but it escapes me now. Bah!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/MercifulSoul03

Thoughts #2

I don't really know what I'm thinking about. I'm just writing to tell myself that I did. I'm too deep. Too deep into the real world to even feel myself anymore. I need to stop lying to everyone. That alone, is taking me down a path I don't want to see the end to. So for the people that even read this far that I have lied to, I'm sorry. I must admit to some things.

First of all, She's Not Real. My "girlfriend" doesn't exist. She never did. She never will. Though I claim myself to be such the sexual deviant, I am not. I have never lain with anyone. Nor do I plan to in the near future. Admittedly, I regret wholeheartedly not taking the chance to lose this obnoxious burden of virginity when I had the bloody chance. Now, I'm stuck with it. And I'm terrified I may be stuck with it forever, so I lie. And I tell people about what a playa I am in my own dreaming's. I know how well I have you fooled. Wrapped around my fingers, I'm playing your minds like puppets of strings. Simple. Agile. Clever weaving's of words that intrigue you to believe me. But I'll warn you away even now, from this spiders web. Its sick, and poisoned.

Secondly, I want to apologize and clarify a few things for some other people. I do believe in God. I believe in a higher power and what not. I do not believe that everything I do determines what happens to me when I'm dead. I do not believe that this higher power, be they male, female, or un-gendered, has any say over what I say or do. I do not believe that this 'person' can make things happen to or for me. Though I may on the occasion 'pray' or make wishes toward this higher power, I have no true faith in it. I will support my friends and family who believe in such things. I will not combat them and say their belief's are wrong or stupid or ungrounded. That is not the kind of person I want to become.

Also, I believe in the possibility of everything. I believe wishes can come true, that vampires, Santa, the Easter bunny, and fairies all exist. I believe in demons and ghosts and apparitions. I believe in divine intervention. I believe in the possibility of all of these things. You don't? That's nice. You do? That's nice. Another thing, I accept homosexuality. I except heterosexuality too. I accept bisexual people, tri-sexual people, and pansexual people as well. I'm a firm believer in Love is Love. I will not judge you for loving someone out of your race, religion, country, or what have you. I won't discriminate if you have a lover who is the same gender as you or different. Nor will I turn my nose up if the two of you significantly differ in age. Actually, I probably won't even blink if you say you're related. That's how it works. Love is love is love. It's uncontrollable, its taboo, its wanton, its lusty. It is full of ups and downs and back alleys and busy streets. Sometimes you get lost, back up and try again. I will not judge you if you are on a different path than me. I may ask you for advice, or try to give you a helping hand. But only if you ask for it.

However. I must say this, to acknowledge it myself. I am human. I am not of a higher species. I am not a prophet. I am not gifted with a higher intelligence than anyone else. I do not belong to a secret race that has yet to claim me. I am mortal. I am human. There is nothing presented to me thus far that allows me to change this. I'm fine with that.

Moving on, to the people I deeply care for. I'm sure you know who you are if you've read this far. I want you to know that despite how I may or may not act toward you; I love you. Dearly do I love you. I want you by my side every waking moment of the day. I think about you constantly and seek out your approval even if it is not outright. I look for chances to be with you and jump at them. If something I love to do conflicts with being with you, I will drop my favorite activity in a heart beat to stand by your side. Even if it's humiliating. Even if its awkward. Even if I'm not really wanted there by anyone else. As long as You approve of me. I am content.

Now. With all that said and done. There are a few people I want to personally contact me for other...confessions. If you think you are one of them...text me. Call me. Comment, or PM. I don't care. Just...talk to me. I need this. If I want to be a better person for You. For myself. I don't mean to put pressure on you. But I'm trying to learn how to live, and I don't want to be angry at myself later because I'm doing it wrong.

Advise me.
Please.

Cynthia.

Empty Eyes

Raise empty eyes to empty skies.
Scream empty prayers to empty ears.
Let fall your mask of pain.
For in this rain of troubles,
sunlight will shine again.
This day of agony is only once,
just a test and nothing more.
But your advisor in this test
is cheating you, my dear.
Love is what will pass you through.
So study, do not wait.
For it is a fleeting, touchy thing
And mistakes it will not make.
So grab quick at its colorful wings,
hold fast its nimble feet.
For so long you've waited at this creek,
with taciturn smile and sullen feet.
Then a miracle came along,
and revived your day anew.
With a joyous cry you rose,
and sang out!
Much to your own surprise,
the miracle cried back.
It called to you like a siren does
with very little warning.
It robbed you of your heart and soul
leaving only confused senses.
Weave not, on feet of golden sandals,
you've reached the promise land.
N'ere again will you raise
empty eyes to empty skies
or scream empty prayers to empty ears.
For your miracle is hear,
to fight away all your
Fears.


I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired. I'll see try to remember to talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Rhyming poems are hard for me to write.

"I feel its gonna Rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away. "

I don't really know whats going on today. It was a good enough day, I suppose. I don't know what happened. Oh wait..Yes I do. Sixth period. That ruined my day. I don't know if its just me, and my personality, or if its everyone. But I don't take kindly to being told I'm not doing my best. I don't want you to come up and tell me that I don't know what I'm doing, or that I'm letting everyone down, or how much of a disgrace to society I am.
Maybe its just me, but I don't appreciate that. Actually, now that I've had time to truly think about the feeling I'm having...I think I'm offended. Truly offended. How dare he have the gall to say such a thing to me, to my class! He may not have been speaking directly to me, but I still take great offense to his long, drawn out, and otherwise pointlessly offense and ineffective lecture. What gives him the right? Honestly!
-sighs- I really needn't get so worked up over this. Why am I even dwelling on the subject in the first place? Who cares...Anyway. I'm not going to let that drag me down into a torturous abyss of unhappiness. I've mentally worked extremely hard to come to where I am, and I refused to relinquish that control to someone who doesn't know me. Someone who only Assumes he can predict my actions or thoughts. Ugh, the nerve. Really though!
No. No. No.
I am a better person than that.
I have no need to gripe about this any more. It's done and over with, far into the past. I've had my moment. And now I need to move on.
How was your day, love? I hope it was well. Mine was alright. No unsettling news or disappointments. I did experience a heart flutter in the middle of fourth period, making me lose my breath for a good fifteen, twenty minutes. Ridiculous, I know. But it happened.
What else can I say? Oh, I'm hoping to change my schedule sometime this week. Probably during lunch, which is just unfortunate really. Because I do use that time to relax and recuperate from the constant onslaught of nagging and pushing and reprimand. I only ever really encourage scolding from two people and trust me none of my teachers fit the bill. I loves my Julian. I loves my John. Heehee, I loves them sooooo much. Like, alot alot.
Well, I guess I'm done now. I should probably do something constructive. Like work on my newest "one-pager" as Max has deemed them. Really, its TWO pages. Front, and back. ^_^ but he says that's only one actual page. Bah. Whatever. He's a stoopid head. Heeheehee.
lol KTHXBAI

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: "He was a boy, She was a girl. Cannot make it anymore obvious. He wanted her, she'd never tell that secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes." I let the boy go cause I thought I wasn't good enough. I changed, and know I'm beginning to see that maybe.......I never will be.

Ram Pride Day!

GO RAMS!

lol Yeeaaah!

Its Ram Pride day at my school.

Im dressed up like a weirdo cause its Spiritful!

Heehee.

GO MRHS!

(btw, my sub in urner's class is annoying >_<)

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

With nothing but love...

I can't say much right now. I'm tired. And I don't know. Nothing's wrong. I just thought I'd post. I noticed how much happier and less angsty my posts have gotten since just last year. (WOO GO ME! ^_^) Meditation REALLY helped. Thanks to The Counselor . Haven't talked about him in a while, huh? He's doing fine, btw. Him and his girlfriend moved in together and they are happy. Of course, he still has his issues and she still has her problems. But I believe they are working on it all together. Which is good. I luvs them. Hmm what else can I tell you? Hi! To all the people who read my blog! lol if you comment, maybe I'll give you a gift! ;) Anyway, thats about all. I'm gonna try to do that one-secret-a-day thing again. See what happens.
*Note: this is not considered a resolution, just something I might do on/off.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: When I'm reading, at the computer, or playing video games I will mentally acknowledge that I have to pee and then wait until the last possible moment to get up and go. Weird, I know.

Color Quiz 4!

It's obviously that time again. Wanna try your hand?


Your Existing Situation

"Works well with others, as long as she doesn't have to take the lead. Longs for relationships which are understanding and relatively conflict-free."

Your Stress Sources

"Her normal flexible and stubborn attitude has become weakened because she feels overworked, tired and as if she is stuck in a rut. The situation seems helpless and is causing her to physically feel the strain, she is searching for a solution but she is unable to make a decision on how to go about making the changes."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."

Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.

"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."

Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

Believes that ideas and emotions should come together and unite perfectly. Refuses to make compromises or negotiate.

Your Actual Problem

"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. she tends to act out as a way of covering up her short comings and blames other people for her failures."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Fear of being prevented from achieving the things she wants causes her to take advantage of all types of other experiences, but then denies any of them have value to her. her destructive behavior is her way of escaping and hiding the helplessness she feels."

The Color Quiz


Good Luck.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Mental Blogging

Okay so last night, I thought a blog in my head and mentally posted it. It was weird. I had an awkward awake dream. It was just weird. I'm not going to post it on here because it was about ghosts and I don't want to give people nightmares. ;) So how have you been? Blog people are cool. I had a dream about you!!!!! I had so many dreams last night. But there was one and you were knocking on my door in the middle of the night, it was pouring outside. Ridiculous right? Anyway, you didn't have your car you walked all the way to my house. You were soaking wet and we let you in and gave you a towel. We insisted that you sleep here, on the couch. But I yelled at them and said you should sleep in my room, not like you haven't already. So I gave you a wife-beater and some pants and we curled up together and went to sleep. I imagined sleeping better than I ever had before. Like all those times you had ever come over and fallen asleep next to me. It was amazing. lol I know Im hella dumb but thats what it was like. Seems like I've been dreaming about you alot lately....

See You In My Dreams,

Sacred Secret

"The one I love, I hate...but the sex is great."

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Something. Anything! Screaming. Motionless forever in what I can consider life. Falling forward, backward, down. into the darkest abyss. Darker than the one before. No light in this realm, only a vast blackness, a bone chilling cold. Who can rescue me from this pit? My lights are fading, becoming tainted or weak. Paling in comparison to the darkness as though they too have been consumed. Condemed to this place of evil I will scream. I will fight it. I can't give in becasue a greater power calls unto me. Telling me I must survive. But for what? What am I living for? What right now, can keep me going? Nothing. I'm nothing. With nothing. For nothing. The future only interests me in the slightest. What does it mean NOW? How can I use it NOW? Now is the time and place. If not now, when? At what point in time are you going to turn to me and say "I release you"? Or worse, when are you going to tell me "I love you."? Perhaps when its too late. When I've finally been able to single handedly pull myself out of this deepening hole. Then you'll tell me. Of course your argument might be, "Well it wasn't the right time." but NOW is? Yes. Now. Right this second. Take me or leave me. Without remorse or regret. Take me as I am, for all I offer, for all I am willing to sacrifice to defend you. Or leave me as I am. Finish shattering what you have already struck and allow me to finally fix what is broken. I can't glue it all together before it even splinters apart. I can only ignore the cracks in the glass for so long before I hire someone to repair them. Maybe it'll take that long for me to admit it to myself. That I don't know what I'm doing. But if so, it'll be in the NOW. Without so much as a thought about the future and its many dangers, leap with me. Take me down into this river of danger and wash me anew. If you cannot, let me fly into the arms of another, and leave you in the dust. Let me go! Vile beast of the past! Release me of your clawed and painful grasp and I will bear your scars forever. Claimed as yours, but apart from you. With out much stability. I am infantile. Without shelter or caring. Because I have not the experience. I will stand on wobbly legs of uncertainty for YEARS before I attempt to lean on you again. I have learned from these mistakes and I will pass them off. If you do not Take Me. But still I find you pass me by with no more than a glance. Unknowingly your hurtful words put me in a trance. "Didn't mean it. Doesn't know." a mantra I have learned. But how? How when I know so much? When I read you like a long loved book? Like a mother reads her child? Like a lover reads his love? How can I delude myself any further telling myself its fine its fine. When it's not? What can I say though? Really. What can I say that will show you what I've been doing in my head. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing even matters anymore. But wait. A bright light in my darkness. Something that will depend on me as much as I once depended on you. True. I see that it does not belong to me, it is not mine to keep. But this little ball of light is what I have been craving. What I have wanted since the beginning. I cannot allow myself to give into myself and bring one into the world now. Not when I have nothing to give. When I can make it no better than what I have been given. But trust, I will WORK. I will work harder than I have ever worked to make this change. I will see to it that nothing happens. I will be there every step of the way because I love it as though it were my own. I love it before I have touched or heard. I have not felt. But I have felt. In my heart of hearts the need for it burns. Burns scalding hot as though I will forever be encased in these flames until I can soothe them with song. With rocking. With cooing. With that first smile, or step. Those monumentous moments that will shine brighter in my life than anything. I love it like my own already. The thought of any harm coming unto this light brings tears to my eyes. I am plagued by dreams of my light being ripped from my grasp unexpectedly, never to be seen again. I am not certain I would survive that. Not in dream. Not in life. I would die. Wither into nothingness and float across the breeze. I would crumble into dust and be nothing more than dirt on your floor. Swept away, not a thought. Ghosting through life. If life were to continue in any sense. Perhaps, now. Now you understand the heaviness I place on this. Perhaps now you understand why I crave it more than anything. Why I watch, hawkishly over each appointment. Because though it is not mine, it is mine. My soul and breath. It is mine. Without this blessing I am lost. So I pray. I do. Something I haven't done since I was very young. And at the time I prayed for this same thing. "Let it be. Let it happen." Please, highest deity of this world and beyond. Give to me the blessing I cry for. Yearn for. Please. And atlast, I have been given this wish. I am not a scholar. I am a mother. I always have been. I always will be. Do not come to me and tell me I have to work at it. What comes naturally is natural. I can't deny myself that. I deny myself so much at your whim. I will allow myself to care for this child. And there is nothing, you or anyone else can do about it. I will fight for this child because my very soul depends on it. Not because I have been asked. Not because I have nothing better to do. But because I have nothing else I can do. I am creation. I am nothing if not that.

"For you, a thousand times over."

Over, and Over,
Sacred Secret

OMG I'M IN URNER'S CLASS AGAIN

lol you remember those days a looooooooong time ago when I used to primarily post from Info Tech? Urner was my teacher. I hated it. Refresh your memory? Okay good. Well NOW I'm posting from Digital Imaging and Urner is my teacher! Oh mi gawd! lol weird coincidence. Yeeessssss. Very peculiar. But thats okay. So anywho. How're you? Im okay. I texted T-Word. It feels like I haven't talked to him in forever. Weird. Cause I usually make a habit of texting him once a week, for sanity's sake. But of course when my phone was off, my communications were limited. lolz "Noob..." Muwahahahahahaha! >_> You cannot haz. Bleeeh. First period. hahaha this post makes no sense "DOMO" <_<>

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

O Fortuna!

Awesome song. White words are latin, Blue words are english.

(part 1)
O Fortuna O Fortune,
velut luna like the moon
statu variabilis, you are changeable,
semper crescis ever waxing
aut decrescis; and waning;
vita detestabilis hateful life
nunc obdurat first oppresses
et tunc curat and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem, as fancy takes it;
egestatem, poverty
potestatem and power
dissolvit ut glaciem. it melts them like ice.
Sors immanis Fate - monstrous
et inanis, and empty,
rota tu volubilis, you whirling wheel,
status malus, you are malevolent,
vana salus well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis, and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata shadowed
et velata and veiled
michi quoque niteris; you plague me too;
nunc per ludum now through the game
dorsum nudum I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris. to your villainy.
Sors salutis Fate is against me
et virtutis in health
michi nunc contraria, and virtue,
est affectus driven on
et defectus and weighted down,
semper in angaria. always enslaved.
Hac in hora So at this hour
sine mora without delay
corde pulsum tangite; pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem since Fate
sternit fortem, strikes down the strong man,
mecum omnes plangite! everyone weep with me!

(part 2)
Fortune plango vulnera I bemoan the wounds of Fortune
stillantibus ocellis with weeping eyes,
quod sua michi munera for the gifts she made me
subtrahit rebellis. she perversely takes away.
Verum est, quod legitur, It is written in truth,
fronte capillata, that she has a fine head of hair,
sed plerumque sequitur but, when it comes to seizing an opportunity
Occasio calvata. she is bald.
In Fortune solio On Fortune's throne
sederam elatus, I used to sit raised up,
prosperitatis vario crowned with
flore coronatus; the many-coloured flowers of prosperity;
quicquid enim florui though I may have flourished
felix et beatus, happy and blessed,
nunc a summo corrui now I fall from the peak
gloria privatus. deprived of glory.
Fortune rota volvitur: The wheel of Fortune turns;
descendo minoratus; I go down, demeaned;
alter in altum tollitur; another is raised up;
nimis exaltatus far too high up
rex sedet in vertice sits the king at the summit
- caveat ruinam! let him fear ruin!
nam sub axe legimus for under the axis is written
Hecubam reginam. Queen Hecuba.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Insta-Poem!

from what I've hear we're golden.
from what I've seen we're black.
I've never heard an angels song
But I've heard the sirens wail.
With nothing more than hope,
what little we call faith.
comes dreams filled with heartbreak
struggle, strife, and pain.
the gods that we look up to
may well live on earth.
but these deities of living
are reveling in our sin.
can you hear heavens song
trilling through your window?
they tell me I can hear it
if I say a little prayer.
but what if I need proof?
probably never get an answer,
surrounded by pain and hardships
is more than I can bear.
so I've turned from this old master
and look in brighter shade
to a ruler of the spirit
for whom I was made.



TWMA,
Sacred Secret