I live the perfect Life

I live the perfect life.

I live somewhere in the suburbs of some nice little town. I go to a uniformed private school. My parents are happy and live together. I see my dad all the time but mostly he's away on business. I'm okay with that. My little brother goes to a private school in a different state because that school better fits his needs. My grandma and grandpa are happy together and they live together in a small house. My grandma bakes cookies all the time and loves all of her children and grandchildren equally no matter their age. My grandpa is retired and wears a bathrobe in the morning , smokes a pipe, and reads the newspaper everyday to critique the world in an observant way. My cousins are in college studying to be doctors and lawyers. I will follow in their footsteps. We have a perfect yard and our home life is great. I go to a wonderful school with all of my friends. My teachers are nice and I have A's in all my classes. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I can tell my best friend anything, we share all our secrets, she's just like my sister. Every summer my family goes on vacation to somewhere exotic like last summer we went to Hawaii, this summer we plan on going to Africa to visit the rain forests. My dad wants us to be well rounded in our travels. I speak three languages and I am working on my fourth right now.

This is the perfect world I live in in my dreams. I have created this world because on the occasion that I visit it I can predict exactly what is going to happen. In my little world of sheltered and naive people I have no Voices. I am a mindless zombie and in this little world of major conformity I am obliviously happy because I am ignorant to any kind of pains. I have never fallen down or scraped my hands or knees. I have never failed at anything. I have never been poor or without anything. I have never talked about sex or abortions or politics or poverty or genocide or anything or the sort. You know why? Me either. I don't even know why I'm writing this, telling you all this. None of it matters because I don't understand it. Don't reply. Don't tell me some weird ass bullshit I've heard thirty thousand times before because like everything else that is said to me I take it to heart until someone else shoots down myself esteem to what seems to be beyond recreation. Then I listen to someone else's bullshit and *sighs*.....whatever anyway. It doesn't matter. I'm going to go lay around in my bed for about three hours. until I fall asleep to stay in my dream world for a while. Then when I wake up I'll go to school and do the same thing I've been doing everyday of my life. I'll fake it.

I don't have any problems. I live a perfect life. My problems are truly insignificant I have no reason to complain or bitch or moan or gripe about anything because compared to people with real problems I am fine. I am perfect. My life is careless and fancy free. I need no help. I am not dependent. I can make my own decisions and someday I will go off and have a family of my own that is just like my dream world. Deep deep under the surface we will have the most fucked up problems you could ever imagine. That's alright, because I'll still be perfect. And that's all that matters. I don't understand what's going on. I'm not going to reread this to make sure it makes sense for your benefit. I'll spell check it though, so that when I come back to this in a couple of weeks and read it I'll be able to just barely make out what was going through my head this night. I'm going to go now. And maybe in the morning I'll be perfect again.

Sincerely,
Fallacy
aka Sacred Secret
aka Half-Witt
aka BooBoo
aka Baby Girl
aka Sweetie
aka Babysitter lady
aka Cynthia
or whatever you want to call me.

P.S: Like that wasn't enough for you?

TGIF!

This post really isn't about anything but its FRIDAY! WOOT WOOT! lol every time I say WOOT it reminds me of Hito. Because he used to say WOO allllllllll the time. For any occasion, he even had different versions of it. It was hilarious. Anyway, I want to have a party. It's HAT DAY at North Hill and so I took pictures with the kids and ran around telling everyone that its hat day. It was fun. Now I'm waiting for Fange' to get here and wondering how I'm going to tell her things. See this weekend we are going to go to The Victorian Christmas show and then on Sunday we're going to my boyfriends soccer game. I really want to go and watch him. He's really good at soccer and he likes it a lot. lol he's been trying to get me to go forever now, so I finally just said yes, because we aren't going to the winter ball together. Why? 'Cause I have a concert that night (like last year) and so I think he's just going to have dinner with us (Mom, Grandma, Fange', Myself) If Fange's comes over that weekend. Which she probably will because she doesn't miss any of my concerts unless she absolutely has to. But thats all fine and dandy. I just hope they can get along. Tyler doesn't have any problem with Fange' but she still has a grudge against him I think. I can never tell. But I DO understand why she doesn't like him. I mean she's allowed to hold a grudge, but...oh I don't know. Never mind I'm going to shut up cause It doesn't even matter. OH YEAH! I have good news. The Counselor has a girlfriend. Well she's not technically his girlfriend yet, they haven't known each other very long, but soon. He's already really protective of her but she's still kind of involved with her "ex" they still live together and they still "play" together but they're not going out. She's really quite and when she does talk her voice is really soft and kinda raspy like she doesn't use it a lot which she probably doesn't. The Counselor loves her voice. Like really he does. He smiles every time she says his name. It's cute. So to give them their time to get to know each other I've been hanging out with Hito and Kin. And Williem and his crew. Speaking of Hito, those of you that know about the event, Mae woke up the other day after being unconscious for about a week. She's doing alright now, and the pHd's are deciding on whether or not she'll be able to have kids again. She doesn't remember what happened she does know she's lost something, but Hito is unsure when to tell her. It will be hard on him. :( . But Hito is strong, and so is Mae, so they'll get through it. Alright well I think I'm done now. GO HAVE A PARTY BECAUSE ITS HAT DAY AND I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Latah ^_^

TGIF,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Who am I dating?

Happy Turkey Day

YO! omg it's been foooreevvveerrr! I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever but not a whole lot has happened to post about. Which is a good thing right? Normally I just post about my problems because if I were you, the reader, thats all I would find interesting. Humans seem to be interested in the pain of others. Even the most sympathetic ones and interested. It's just a common curiosity I think all of homo-sapiens share. But its okay, I mean I'm the same way, so... Right! How are you all? I'm doing well (as earlier stated) me and my boyfriend are happy (for those that care) and school life is great for the most part. I got my report card and goes as such:

French 1: A
Geometry: B
Integrated Science 2: A
English: B
World History: A
Quality Fitness: B

Cool huh?! I am soooo happy, you don't even KNOW! lol I've been listening to dumb music this week. You can listen to it with me if you want to and visit my YouTube account. Leave me a comment when you get there too, please! That is, if you go.

Sacred Secrets Video's!

I hope you go. If you don't, no hard feelings. What are you all doing for Thanksgiving? I'm going to meh sisters house and stuffing my face. God I love Thanksgiving, for multiple reasons; I get to eat, spend time with family, get out of school, party, sleep, and cooler still is Christmas is almost here too! I know most of you are like "Oh, and your not going to post again until Christmas, huh?" Okay, okay! I know I deserve this. Hounding everyone to read my friggin' blog and when they do I don't update. Well I'm Sorry! But if there's nothing to say can you blame me? I hate reading other people's blogs who only post three sentences and sign off. That's annoying, when I read someones blog I want to learn something about them, or sympathize, feel joy or something. I don't want "Their still alive? That's good, next website." Y'know? I want to feel something when I read it. But maybe that's just the writer in me coming out. Speaking of writing! I'm conducting a "thing" with the Voices. I picked a select few and let their significant others pick out "modern human names" for them. (i.e: boys for girls, girls for boys) and it turned out interestingly well. I would list the names they got but I can't. It's confidential. And if I list them the Girls will know their new names and so will the Boys. I can't do that sooo no luck for you. The only one that might get to know is Fange'. But I have to be careful there too because almost everything she knows, they know. I'm the same way. I tend not to keep anything from the Voices. Sometimes that is an inconvenience however because ALL of them have enormous mouths and can't seem to keep them shut. But I love them all the same. Well I have school tomorrow and it's 11 o'clock. So peace, and happy eatings.

Kiss Kiss,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Your secret today: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

P.P.S: J/K. I've noticed people who usually piss me off tend to be pretty.

Possibly the Best Worst day of my life...

I feel like I've let down everyone today. I let down my son, my friends, my boyfriend, my mom, my sister, and myself. If any of you disagree I don't care. Just let me live out my sorrow for a moment. Oh! And shout out to Suketsu & Family. I love you guys for all you've done in the past 72 hours. You guys rox my sox hard. I mean it. HARD. I have a lot of homework and yet not a lot. School is going well and weird and yeah. Same old shit. I can pretty much close my eyes and make it to each of my classes I'm so used to it now. But I know if something in my schedule changes I'll tweak out because I'm not friends with change. Sudden drastic changes scare the f*** out of me. I don't know why but they do. Deaths and births don't bother me however in the least. But people moving away, changes in my everyday schedule or my immediate house-hold freak me out. I've gotten my fear under control so that I can hide when I'm tweaking out a bit, but there are still somethings...anyway! Well my grandpa is taking me out to dinner and I'm going to go get dressed. See you guys later.

Get Well Soon, Night,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Please, for the love of God, please don't be mad.
P.P.S: Thank you for understanding.

Hey peeps! I'm bored call me. It's only nine and its dead quite around here. Well a quickie update:

Takin the PSAT on Wednesday
Test in French bumped up to Thursday
Favorite color is still dark red
Favorite color combo slowly switching from black and purple to green and black.

Other than that I'm BORED AND NOT A LOT OF TIRED
I think I'm going to call Fange' and see whats doing. Maybe catch up on the HW.
So yeah. sorry this isn't longer. But...I'm bored.

Til Pigs Fly,
Sacred Secret

P.S: At school I try to remember what I do, the choices I make, and the things I say. Then I reflect on the during the bus ride home.If I feel I've dissapointed myself, or stepped out of my own moral boundaries I vow to apologize to whoever I wronged.

Do I Really?

Current Song: "I'll Cover You" --- Rent


I don't think I do but I'm not going to say anything for fear of being eaten by all of the people that think otherwise. I'm nervous and excited and dreading the time...but I'm so tied up I guess I'm floating around in a weird euphoria. Just floating and nothing more. If I'm not insanely tired I'll get on when I get back and tell you how it went. If your wondering what it is, its Homecoming. And the game yesterday? We lost. Big time. Like Forty something to twenty something. How gay is that? Dammit! I messed up the makeup again. Maybe I'll send you a picture if you reall want to see. But not right now. Later, when my mom puts the pics on her MySpace. So yeah like I said....lots with the nervousness. I think I should probably eat something before I go...I don't know if he's taking me out to eat or not though...so should I? *sigh* I wish I could have a handful of the Voices in my purse the whole time so I can ask them for advice. I know I can have them in my head but....I want a pocket pal!! Oh well. The Counselor says I'll be fine and Hito said I look like a goddess, *smiles* I loved the look in his eyes. Kin said I shouldn't go because Tyler doesn't deserve to look at me dressed this way. But Kin is protective. Batman was hitting on me more than usual, so was Adrian and Vaun. One of Zenisha's darkies was too, which is weird. Well I guess I should get going and eliminate the Voices that are going to make me more nervous and keep the ones I'll need for advice. On top of the other stuff I need to be doing so yeah...God I'm scared..

Waiting For Tonight,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Please, please, please don't let me down....

Welcome To The Bloody Parade...

So I'm here talking about nothing and everything at once. Figuring that if I can just say it and get it off my chest then my soul and mind will not be so heavy laden with guilt. Alas...I have a feeling I won't be able to attain this bliss. I'm going to continue listening to my new favorite song "Falling Inside The Black" by Skillet. It's a good song. I will admit it's a little emo but I like it so shut up. Sorry I'm being an ass. And the was I was speaking earlier is just a type I fall into when I'm writing sometimes. So just excuse me for that. I honestly don't have a lot to talk about. I want to see Suketsu's kids. I haven't seen them in a long time and I really want to know what has gone down to make Ryuu sound so grievous. Or maybe I'm just imaging his pain, but I'm pretty sure there is something wrong. Also, to remind myself I'll write it here, I have to get so many birthday presents for the people with upcoming birthdays. And the new ones that are coming. I hope the wolves return soon and in good health. I want to see the Brothers. I want to see everyone. I've been holing myself up in The Counselors office (his house) for a while now and he looks at me with concern. When I'm not with him I'm with Fange' and Sy helping them with what I can. Speaking of him he's doing well last I checked and should be coming home soon. Gods I hate the Italian doctors right now. They know nothing! D.C knows more than they do and she's barely almost seven. *sighs* But whatever they will get replaced soon enough. You know how vamps can't get sick from human diseases or sicknesses? Well apparently they aren't immune to the illnesses of the Mist. Four civilian vamps I know have come down with flu and fever after reportedly talking to someone of the Mist. The three I do know, know nothing of this sickness and are almost fearful of it. And whatever makes Mist afraid makes me outrageously nervous and scared for my life. But they don't seem that worried just a little like it might circulate their house and get the l****e k**'* sick. So yeah. Oh my mom is totally enthralled in the BDB right now.. of course so am I but she's a n00b she doesn't know anything yet, but she's almost done with the first book. I started the fifth today but I was already on page fifteen cause I actually started the day we got it (Sept. 25) so yeah... but I'll post more about that later (I'm going to come talk to you V..I have a...some questions ^_^) Alright I'm done. Peace easy fo' sheezy.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: When I don't get that maternal fix my heart feels like it's breaking and my mind says I'm losing my purpose. I know its not true and I'll keep on living but I surround myself with children each day to stave off that horrid feeling. It's like a drug I can't get rid of because I'm afraid of the pain...Sometimes...I am so pathetic...

Hey Peeps

I'm not posting about much, just sayin' Yo. 'Cause I'm tired and I gotta study for french class still. My weekend was good. Fange' and me walked down to the marina and back (well we took the bus half way back) And truly it was some of the Voices so yeah. I'm going to start giving them credit where credit is due. So I'm gonna get. Tell me how your weekend was everyone! I hope your monday is just as good as my Saturday!!! Peace

Stayin Above The Water,
Sacred Secret

Thinking About Tomorrow...

Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't posted in forever. For some reason I thought that if I just kept checking my own blog something new would pop up and tell me something about myself. The Counselor corrected my foolishness, and so here I am posting. Ever since school started I've been really tired and my knee has been jacked up and shite. Well, I'm tired and my mom wants to give me a friggin' horse pill for the pain in my knee. And I don't want to stop because I haven't posted in so long but I can't focus...and I haven't written anything in forever except for the stuff on my laptop and I can't transfer that to here. Maybe I can find a picture for you. There that one's cool right? It reminds me of Yukiko, because of the bright green eyes. Her eyes are so pretty, and her son's are almost the same color. Want another? This one reminds me of....guess! You'll never guess never mind. But it reminds me of Rehmidy. I don't know why, but it does. I've been talking to her a lot lately...she makes me sad, but she also makes me appreciate my life and the people around me. She's been very sickly ever since....well if you don't know then shame on you. And recently she's taken a liking to coming here for about two classes everyday, and then she leaves and Fherosity carries her around until she falls asleep in his arms. He is very worried about her and she refuses to see anyone, medically I mean, about it. Fherosity won't push her on it because he loves her so, and I think he's worried about her health as much as her brother was...no as much as her brother is. I'm very sure that he is watching her, however disapproving his gaze maybe. But all of us know how much he loves her and I think his passing is taking it's toll. Not that it didn't directly the day of but now...*Sigh* I'm going to stop, and go check on her and get to work because despite my sleepiness I still have work to do. Yawn yawn. Goodnight everyone. Sorry again for not posting sooner.

Waiting On The World To Change,

Sacred Secret

P.S: When I'm around people who think little of them self, it makes me think that I am even worse off than they are. Even if there's nothing truly wrong....do you understand?

School Starts in 16 hours

Oh my god. I'm tired and bored and I don't have a lot to say. School starts tomorrow I have to catch the bus at the top of the hill at seven. I hope I'm not late on the first day....picture day is Friday I think so I have to get meh hair done. The Voices lives are going smoothly for the most part. I'll update you all on that later maybe. Right now I want to write about something. It's a story ideal that is quickly unraveling. Here's my idea:

A little boy, about the age of six is standing at his front screen door in the middle of a terrible lightning storm. His mother is out at work and he is waiting for her patiently to return. Eventually he goes to bed without her and hopes in the morning she will have come home. But when he wakes, his mother is no where to be found. Days go by and the boy sees a car crash on the news, and a picture of his mother beside it. Unable to read and not quite comprehending the announcers words he figures she had something to do with the accident. The little boy is undiscovered for three years, living of the money and food that was left, the continuing checks that are sent to the house from welfare, child support and some other government branches. One day the boy is discovered by a neighboring cocaine addict and is sold for money. The rest of the story is how the little boy survives, from his point of view, and his travels. There's more but if I write this I don't want to spoil the ending for you.


So what do you think? I might write it and I might not. Sounds kind of weird to me. I'm supposed to be editing and updating A Touch Of Poison, but I'm burnt out. Maybe later....Anywayz check you out in a quick minute peace.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Yes, actually, I am scared to start school tomorrow.

Holy Crap! Summertime!

It's summer you know and I'm at Fange's place, posting from her computer! (Fange' says Hi) So how are you all doing? I'm good, awaiting school again. I'm anxious to go back but I know that when I do I will be bored again. But atleast then I'll have something to do with my freaking life. Because GAH! Summer is boring. I haven't done anything like all summer and I cannot wait to go camping. The Voices will probably be there the majority of the time but it will be fun any way. You know why? BECAUSE WHATS-HER-FACE WILL NOT BE THERE!!! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heehee that was mean but I don't want her there because she's Emo when she's not with her boyfriend. Bleeeeehh. God sometimes...anyway! It's cool though because Fange's house is fun when it's not boring....does that make sense? It doesn't have to. Anyway. I'm gonna go now. So PEACE


TWMA,
SACRED secret


P.S: You can't be serious, you think your going to get a secret? It's SUMMERTIME. Read the title. Duh.

Happy Summer!

It's summer time and I don't have a whole lot to say. I went to Ozzfest last night (ROCKED) going to Ozzfest again tommorow (ROCKS X2) Currently in a CUlinary Arts class (yes during the summah) and gettin .5 credits toward school. Thats awesome right? Sha. So like I said I don't have much to say but Happy Summer!!

Peace, Love, & Rock N' Roll,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I don't know how to tell you that I love you....love you more than any words can say. I'm not sure that I'll ever tell you just how much....I need you.

The Burger, The Shake...But No Fries...

In my last post I said you might get A Touch Of Poison's latest installment...but...you don't. Sorry but It's just not ready. I transferred all of my info to my computer at home and so everyrthing is out of wack and...ugh. So I have to still make the rest of my writings on this computer go home. And I have three days to do so. If only Shiroi and Ryuuzaki had their hacking skillz here. Those two! All of the boys are going through some weird thing where they feel they have to kill each other to claim their place in the family. All of them have gone insane, and try and kill each other when they aren't around the cooresponsive sister. The sewt up is like this:

Ryojin --- Nami
Shiroi ---- Uitara
Kyarameru --- Yokozuna
Ryuuzaki ---- Tesu

So all of them have different floors of the house, paired with their own sister. The girls can interact with each other fine but the boys...oi. There are like...6 or 7 different floors above ground, two below. Yes, their house is huge. So each of them get their own floor (yes, each floor has its own bathroom and mini kitchen, not that they use the kitchens) and unless they have to go to school or someplace they stay there, not wanting to kill each other. Because the boys are not of equal strengths. I'm sure out of all of them Ryojin is the strongest, for now, Kyarameru is close behind him. Ryuuzaki is the tallest and has a lot of strength behind him too and Shiroi is pretty much his twin just a little shorter. If they all got into it...it would not be a pleasant outcome.
In other news, remember when I said I would get to babysit for Yukisora and Xiao? OMG It was way more interesting than I thought it would be! Pheleon' (Xiao's Son) and Veiraun (Yukisora's Son) are practically inseperable. They were born around the same time, so they are the same age. I forget which one is older. Everytime one of them got an idea of something to do he would look at the other and say "Yeah. I got it." Then they'd hop off the couh and go about their bussiness. *sighs and rolls her eyes* I'll update you guys more in a New York minute. My info tech teacher thinks the last three days of school are important. Oh btw Ryojin and them are out of school already!! How unfair is that!? Well...they are a day ahead...Pfft still not fair.

School's Out For The Summer,
SacreD SecreT

P.S: I can't WAIT until OSC

P.P.S: I Love You!

Defective

I think I might be defective because in Math class were doing Slopes and Intercepts for the fiftyith time and I still don't get it. We're having a District Wide Final Exam Thurs-Fri and I'm NOT ready. I think maybe I should just do as my dreams suggested and cheat. NOT! I would never cheat on something this big. Though it is a good idea....lol just kidding. I'm still working of A Touch Of Poison. In my next post I should be ready to give it to you. But we'll find out. I finally get to babysit for Xiao and Yukisora at the same time. I want to see their kids interact together. They haven't seen eacher other in a while so that should be interesting. ^_^ Well I have about ten minutes left of this class and not a whole lot left to say. Its been a good day. I've been getting my Yearbook signed like crazy. How about you? You better get a lot of signatures from the seniors 'cause they ain't comin' back! lolz I love seniors they're fun to talk to. I don't have a lot of senior friends though, more Sophy's (sophmores) instead. Well I'm gonna go now. Peace out Girl Scout!


TWMA,
Sacred Secret

100th And Counting...

This post is supposed to be happy, but I'm not sure it will be. See I've got a lot to say this time and I've been waiting a while to say it. And because I can't say it face to face to all the people I want to say it to at one time I'm going to post it and I'm going to try and not take it back. Alright....

Have you ever listened to someone and then figured out you should have made your own choice? Wanted to take back something that you didn't choose yourself? I've done that a lot. I've changed myself. Given myself a fake smile I can't rip away from, given myself a completely different life in order to fit in because I'm afraid to be myself around anyone. Alone I act differently. When I'm alone I can be everyone I'm not and everything I am. Do you want to know who I am? I would love to tell you.

At School: I'm a retard. I'm only intelligent to people who think they truly know me, people who I've let see a little bit of my light. I'm indecisive and always waiting for someone to make the decisions for me. I'm waiting for people to talk to me, to talk for me. I am never alone, forever clinging to someones arm following someone around waiting for someone to lead me. Around some people I am forever thinking about sex. My mind is gutter and I have nothing better to think about. Some people I'm beautiful, I am vain and I think about myself. To others I am selfless, I think of only others. This is me while I'm in school. What people see me as, in the place I'm supposedly supposed to feel the safest.

At Home: I am a student who doesn't know how to study. I am a singer with an amazing voice and no idea how to use it. I'm stubborn and family oriented. I love every child I see and I might be too trusting. I am an aspiring author and able to go anywhere I want and do anything I wish. With my intellect I can be whatever I want. I know who I am and I show it. I am a loving daughter with paternal issues that need to be solved. I am the miracle of my mothers life and I am the most special person she knows. This is me while I'm in my home. Where I am supposed to be able to be myself.

Around My Family: I am everything they want. I speak only what they want to hear. I dress the way they want and do everything I can to appease them. I do as they ask and revel in doing so. I give kisses and hugs freely. I'm always willing to help and constantly willing to learn. When asked about school I tell them imaginary highlights, the ones they expect and want to hear. I am loving, caring, devoted, beautiful, and happy. The ideal teenage daughter/niece/granddaughter/cousin.

Around My Best Friends Family: I am open and myself. I'm the youngest sister. I'm klutzy, and forgetful. But I'm a wonderful singer, a hopeful lawyer and an intelligent student. On occasion I maybe forgetful of my place but easily rebound. I'm supportive and interesting and annoying and sometimes very to the point. This is who I am around my best friends family.

Around Fange': I'm what she needs. I try to be all that she needs in and a friend and in a sister. I am loyal, I am caring. I'm entertaining and dumb. I'm there for her when she needs to rant, there when she needs to cry and I'm there when she just wants to talk about whatever. Intellectual conversation and retarded banter is what I am here for. This is who I am around one of the most important people in my life.

And you know what? I can't take it anymore. I'm getting my lives mixed up, not to mention the Voices. I don't even want to get started on them yet. Maybe in a later post...because I can't handle them right now. I want to be able to be myself around anyone and everyone. I want to stop hiding behind my many faces and just be me for once. I know I'll probably never get this chance. And through all of my many faces I am a little bit of all of them. But now I want to be all of them combined and if I can't handle the weight of everyone's judgement at once I'll probably just crumble and enclose myself in my mind for the rest of my life. But its a bet I'm willing to participate in. I'm tired of people telling me to be myself and thinking "Yeah Right." I want to be able to actually believe them. Oh gods...I still have so much to say, so I'm going to get the important stuff over with.

Fange: Your the biggest part of my life and probably always will be until I have kids or get married or something. I always put you into the equation when deciding on anything. I know I think about you more than you think about me. I realize how different we actually are and I strive to be everything you need. I understand that I can't be. I love you in every way shape and form. I'm sad that I couldn't tell you this to your face.

I love him. I love him and I don't care how many times we break up, get back together, fight, argue or whatever. I love him. He holds my heart in his hands and I don't care what anyone says about him anymore. He's mine. He's my retarded, ugly, dim-witted, arrogant, loserish, bastard. He's my immature child. He's mine and I don't care. I will utter his name as many times as I want. I will write on the walls. I would scream his name from the highest point on earth. Because I can. Because I want to. Because he's mine. I want to experience everything that every other couple does. I want to be able to be open with my feelings about him to everyone. I want to be accepted because of who I am, and who I love. So with pride, happiness, love, and sincerity do I say: I love Tyler Richard Pappas with all my heart. And If you can't accept that I'm sorry. If you don't want to associate yourself with me anymore because of that, I will forever wonder why I let you dictate my life. So with this do I say farewell until my next post.

Oh...and if you don't like what I have to say...I suggest you get your own blog and voice your own opinions about whatever the hell you like. I don't like flamers (haters, people who are mean) so please don't come to me and tell me how stupid you think I am. I don't need that.


Till We Meet Again,
Sacred Secret


P.S: This entire post was a secret. What more do you want from me? What more can I offer?

P.P.S: I'm smiling right now, because my body is heavy with a sorrow that tells me if I try...I will be crying later on tonight.

One Two Skip A Few...

This is our 99th post! I had a lot to blog about today but I have since finding the inspiration, lost it. I apologize for not updating sooner. Things have been well with me, though my math teacher is from some kind of twisted path of sick humor is taking great pleasure in my torment. See I was reading "Dark Prince" and she took my book from me saying "I will give this back at the end of the week." Promptly I told her that I would not be doing anything in her class until my literature was returned to me. This, somehow, confused her. She asked me if needed anything to help with my studying in this class. It struck me as extremely idiotic of her to ask this after I had explained that I would not be doing anything until I was given my book. So patiently I retold her such. Still, she remains confused. So I have detention, served 30 minutes to any willing teacher, on any day I am available. I should no doubt continue on working on my final project for this class (I.T) so farewell to you for now, until we meet again.


This is very important. To all of those who have read the so far workings of "A Touch Of Poison" Please voice your opinions on the following:
Should Liras die? Why, Why not?
Should Atreyu be forced to return to his homeland, if Liras dies? Why, Why not?
I understand this sounds kind of like a school assignment but I cannot continue until I know what the readers want. Please respond thoroughly and promptly.


TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S: I understand the above was probably childish and immature of me to do, but I felt I had no other choice. Yes, I could have simply shrugged it off and did as she asked but I was feeling....rebellious...we'll say.

Tired...

I'm tired, I've been awake for what seems like forever and I'm homeworked out of my head. So I'm going to go to bed. I'm posting to tell you the following...

1. This is the 98th post (we're getting closer!)
2. It's Nightmare's 1st Birthday!!

Yay, be happy in my joy for my son is now one! (heehee that rhymed) I think I'll post something tommorow maybe it depends on how I feel. Oh, this weekend was districts for Fange' and she's going to state. I'm having mixed emotions on this, but mostly I'm happy for her. She's going to state! Yay! Lets not dwell on the cons of the situation. Well I'm going to sleep now, sorry this is so short....



TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S: There is no secret because I'm sleepy....*yawn* Sorry.

A Touch Of Poison...

Sorry I haven't posted in forever, it's getting hectic as the last few weeks of school drip by. I've been trying to get my grades up (*sighs* 'cause THATs working..) and I've been involved with the Voices a lot and Girl Scouts and Choir and Track.
So anyway, yeah. As you all know I've been writing a new story. Previously it was titled "The Notebook Story" because it was originally written in said notebook. but I've changed it thanks to some suggestions* The title is now "A Touch Of Poison" and previously I posted my story so instead of reposting the entire story I'm going to give you the small amount that I have added since then. If you did not read the first section I suggest you do that before reading this section, okay? So I'll give you a little review and then the new stuff okay? So here's your section for now!


A Touch Of Poison....


.......When he reached the last egg he looked around the room, pleased with himself that he had successfully retrieved everything in the room he claimed as his. He headed for the door to start on the next room and ran into the only woman in the house. Her tear streaked face hurt him, for a demon not used to feeling sadness or regret he took a step back, confused at the new emotion that flooded his mind and wore down his body until he fell on the floor.
"Come here child, I know you mean us no harm, that man is controlling you with something. Come tell me." She held out her arms to him as though she truly wanted to protect him from his master.
He shook his head rapidly and opened his mouth to call for whom he served but the woman knelt beside him and pressed a withered finger to his lips, hushing him if for only a moment.
"I know you're scared but please, let me help you." She cooed and stroked his hair with one hand and rested the other gently on his cheek.
Atreyu could feel her shaking and knew that he scared her but couldn't bring himself to push her away, he was drawn into her kindness until he heard the familiar baritone voice call for him.

As his name passed through Liras's lips it vibrated through him, replacing something the woman had broken, making him shudder and shake his head, trying in vain to clear it. "Atreyu!" He called again, coming out of the room he had chosen to look down the hall for the boy, and when he laid his eyes on the old woman his eyes flashed a deep red as he came forward, and a low primal growl escaped his throat.
"Father." The child whispered and backed away from the warmth of the woman's hand and pressed himself against the wall. He had never seen his Master so fiercely angered before and now that he had witnessed such he held a new respect for his Master. He glanced back at the old woman who only sat with a perplexed look on her wrinkled face, then her eyes widened and she looked over her shoulder. Liras loomed over her, claws and fangs extended to a full length as he glowered down at the old woman. "Get away from me, devil incarnate!" She screamed holding up a crucifix. Atreyu's eyes widened as he realized she had intended to lure him in and then spear him, she wanted to kill him not befriend him.
His eyes began to tear when he figured out that she hadn't really wanted to hold him as he had thought, she just wanted to pierce that wooden death through his back. "Get away from me!" She cried out again holding the crucifix so tightly her bony knuckles turned white. Liras growled again and stepped back, glaring at the holy entity with a fiery hatred.
The old woman blinked in disbelief than smiled slyly, "I knew you were afraid of the Lord". She stood slowly and continued to push the demon back with wooden cross she held. Soon Liras was only partially in the doorway and Atreyu looked on with widened eyes.
His Father, his Master, was being forced to succumb to an old woman. He whom Atreyu had never seen cower before any other being was now being steadily pressed against a wall. Gradually his face became wet, his eyes began to blur and sting.
Fearful he lifted a hand to his face and touched his cheek gingerly and looked down at it. There was only water on his fingertips, glistening and hot, smelling of salt. What was this? Some peculiar leaking from his eyes that he had never experienced before. Though he remembered others did it frequently when faced with him. What had Father called it again? Atreyu tried to recall the word for it but all he could think of was weakness and disgrace. He swiped angrily at his face trying to prevent this liquid shame from falling from his lilac and onyx eyes any further. He became angry with himself, his Master was in need of his help, and he was sitting here stupidly expelling water from his eyes. What kind of demon was he? He tried to stand and his legs wobbled and buckled underneath him.
Once. Twice. Three times a charm, he made his way to the door and looked on in horror.In the time it had taken him to get his disgraceful butt off the floor Liras was pinned to the wall by the cross, writhing in pain. His long hair covered his eyes but Atreyu sensed they had lost their livid glow. The old woman looked down at her hands in disbelief, momentarily shocked that she could accomplish such a thing, but soon the shock lifted and she cackled like the old witch she was. Should he dematerialize and appear at her side, to slam her into the wall? No, she might have another crucifix on her somewhere.plus he wasn't very good at dematerializing yet. He would probably end up downstairs or something, and it would turn out he would just waste a lot of time. Maybe approach her from the back; surprise is always good.
His gaze was pulled away from the scene when the staircase squeaked, the old man. In a flash Atreyu grabbed the old man by his throat and threw him against the wall. "Let me go!" he exclaimed clawing at Atreyu's hands as they tightened ever so slightly around his neck. "Call off your female and I'll leave you." Atreyu growled angrily baring his fangs, with each passing second Atreyu grew more and more worried. More and more anxious to go to his Master. When the man didn't respond the boy cursed and snapped his neck, dropping him like a toy he had grown tired of. The woman looked over and her eyes grew wide in fear. From her silence, Liras lifted his gaze and a slow smile crept to his lips.
With black angel wings outstretched, shining obsidian eyes and claws that could make blacksmith flinch in fear. Atreyu stood hunched in a primal stance, willing to fight anything or anyone to relieve his Master of his pain. Without a Master he would be nothing and slowly he would die, with no one to serve he would have no purpose and his soul would wither.
An uncharacteristically deep growl found its way past his lips, his voice definitely dropped a couple tones. "Move." The female obeyed, pressing herself against the wall as if she could blend in. He moved forward and dislodged the cross with ease, lowering Liras carefully to the ground....

Well that will be continued eventually, sorry I couldn't get it to you sooner. Well I think I'm gonna go now, with ever post we get closer to our 100th! Hope to see you when we get there. Thank you my loyal readers.


TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S: I hate my dad, but my deepest wish is for him to come home to me....forever.

*Thanks to Adrian, Sylyence, Wrath, The King, Vishous, Rioriki, Mana, Mochi & anyone else I forgot

Omg

It's not a good day. Yesterday wasn't a good day. And it's a half-day even!! (where we get out of school at 12:00 instead of 2:05) I don't even know why but has sucked, and today just isn't much better. For those of you that care I am NOT doing the solo I've been talking about in choir anymore. Because Paula, the choir director, did not put me in the program. Therefore leaving me out of the show. I'm happy for Honora though because she's doing a solo, singing "Black Bird". She sang it at the taltent show in 7th or 8th grade and it was really good. I'm not going to have much fun at this show, I don't even want to go. It's going to be retarded. Plus, if Fange's not going to be there...it's not worth going. I know my mom will be there but it's not the same. And my grandma will be in California so she said "your mom will call me when you do your solo, I love Fange' but I'm more important" I did everything I could not to roll my eyes, I would much rather have someone call Fange' than my grandma. Speaking of, Fange' can't come to my concert because of track. I'm not clear on all the details of why or what she's doing but I'm happy for her because she is or will be going to State. She's that good. I think she deserves it, after having to put up with the bald guy...well I'll probably continue this post more later, or just post another one cause I have to actually do something in this class now. So peace be with you and may calmness and forgiveness follow you.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Often, when I tell someone what my favorite whatever is, it quickly changes to something else.

"The Notebook Story"

This Is a story I've been working on for a while, and I need to save it. So if you want to you can read it. Fange', it needs help. BAD. R&R please! Thank You!

A/N: Liras- (Luh-rye-ahss) Atreyu- (ah-treh-yoo)

Liras’s eyes snapped open as he shot out of his bed, panting, skin covered in a chilled sweat, he looked around his dimly lit room and tried to concentrate on something. Anything that would take his mind off of his dream. Finally his senses fell upon the soft inhale and exhale of the young demon resting on the corner pallet. Smiling he glanced out the window and watched as the new falling snow sparkled like gems in the bright moonlight, he rose then and flipped on the lights, stretching his hands above his head his gaze again fell upon his pet, Atreyu. Quietly he stepped over to the small form on the floor and tucked the blankets in around him, with a final glance over his shoulder as he turned, he walked out the door and down the stairs.

Coffee, coffee. He chanted in his mind, opening cupboards and drawers in search of his prize. “Aha!” he whispered softly picking up an almost empty can of Folgers out of a dusty cupboard. “Now, where would the pot be?” Liras continued his search, coffee in hand for something to make it in, for he wasn’t one to eat coffee grinds raw. Coming up fruitless, he restarted his search, countertops just as bare as the cupboards, “Maybe one of those little coffee shops is still open...” Liras sighed hopping up onto the counter to look in the higher cabinets.

“What are you looking for, Father?” Liras jumped back, barely catching himself to land in a crouch on the kitchen floor, he brought a large hand to his chest, “Good Jesus! Atreyu, you scared the shit out of me!” Liras looked up at the boy who sat atop the refrigerator swinging his legs casually, a playful smile on his face. “I’m sorry. What are you looking for?” Atreyu cocked his head to the side, inquiring further why Liras still kneeled. Liras coughed quietly to hide his embarrassment and stood, “I was looking for the coffee pot, but now that you are awake, we can leave.” Setting the coffee can on the counter gently, he turned and plucked the boy off the refrigerator with ease. “So, we weren’t going to stay here for much longer, Father?” Shaking his head Liras made his way back up the stairs, “No, we weren’t. Gather your clothes, and lets go, this house is beginning to reek.” Dropping the boy and wrinkling his nose, Liras picked his shirt up off the floor and tugged it on, not bothering with the silver and black buttons.

Too true were his words that the house had begun to smell, the corpses of the houses previous occupants were beginning to rot, and soon the police would come to investigate the putrid stench. Liras did not want to be here when they arrived. Having more than one felony, and probably more than a couple murder charges, the authorities, and him were not the very best of friends. He followed Atreyu with his eyes, making sure he grabbed everything he had brought into this house. “Do you have everything?” He inquired when the small boy slung his backpack over his shoulder and stood in front of Liras, looking up at him expectantly. Atreyu glanced around the room once more and nodded in finality, “Yes, I have it all.” Liras nodded and led the way down the stairs, through the living room and pausing at the front door, so Atreyu’s kleptomania could be satiated. The little demon could stuff an entire household worth of things into that little backpack he carried around. When the child rejoined him he continued out the door and into the night, when they had gotten far enough out of the vicinity, Liras lifted the illusion from the neighborhood. As they walked a scream was heard, and immediately he could sense one of their closer neighbors dialing 911. “Start running, Atreyu.” Liras whispered, and the child took off a few moments later he followed, quickly the two of them disintegrated into the darkness, the sound of sirens at their heels.


“Please Sir, allow me to at least shelter my son for the night.” Liras bowed politely to his newest victims, an old couple. Very stereotypical hardass oldies, graying hair, high water pants, and a double barrel shotgun pointed directly at his chest. Raising a fuzzy eyebrow the old man eyed Liras suspiciously, “Alright, just the boy”. Liras winked discreetly at Atreyu as the old mans wife stepped aside to let him through, wrapping him in a blanket when he entered the house. “You can come for him in the morning, now get out of here.” The old man shoved at Liras with the rifle, and he bowed again granting the mans wish to move away. “Thank you, sir. Goodnight.” Liras turned and walked off down the street waiting until the couples door had closed to take off into their backyard and look for the closest window with the easiest access. “Come on Atreyu, make it quick. Fucking cold outside tonight…”

Atreyu tried to cover his disgust with a happy smile as the old woman offered him green pajamas covered in furry little animals. “You must be tired child, get some rest and we’ll see about breakfast tomorrow.” The old biddy smiled and set the green atrocity on the bed before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Atreyu waited a beat before changing his appearance from that of a homeless little boy to the demon child he truly was. From blue to purple and black his eyes changed, and his poorly cropped brown hair grew out to his waist changing back to its original golden color. He flexed his hands as his claws resumed their outstretched position and his wings unfurled from their arrangement curled tight to his spine. “Where did he say the master bedroom was?” he opened the bedroom door slowly, an impish smile on his face as he tiptoed down the hallway to the master bedroom. Cracking the door open slightly, he looked around before sliding silently into the room. “Nice digs, we should be able to stay here for a while.” Resisting his urges to loot the place, he made his way to the large window.
Pulling back the curtains and scanning the backyard he made sure he was in full view of whoever was watching in the backyard as he unlocked the window and backed away. Moments later the window slid open and Liras rested on the window sill, his arms wrapped around himself for warmth, “Fuck, its cold!” he stepped inside and slammed the window shut, patting Atreyu on the head as he passed the boy. “Nice place we got here. Find some thing’s you like?” he said picking up an antique bauble and began tossing it between his hands. Atreyu watched him with wide eyes and nodded; “I found a lot of things Father…” he trailed off becoming entranced in the safety of his future property. Liras looked from Atreyu to the trinket and smirked, “You want this?” the child nodded and stepped closer reaching out small hand to take his endangered toy. Liras held it above his head and pointed with his free hand to the door. “Get rid of them or make them pliant and you can have your little toy, but,” he paused thoroughly amused by Atreyu’s definite interest in the worthless piece of glass, “If I have to interfere at all, I won’t let you take anything from this house, got it?” He waited for the child to nod before setting down the trinket carefully on the dresser.

Liras followed the demon with his eyes as he ran down the stairs, and could hear him as he unsheathed his blades. The crisp sound of metal against metal made him smile, but when the gunshot rang through the house he bolted down the stairs, swinging himself around the banister and froze. Slowly a smile crept onto his lips, his pet held the couple at gun point with the old mans shotgun. A hole in the wall where the man had tried to shoot the boy, though had ended up missing terribly, crumbled and dropped debris onto a small showcase filled with more priceless little trinkets. Atreyu looked over his shoulder at the case then back at the couple that trembled in fear against the smooth white wall. “You almost hit the case. Your lucky you didn’t.” The old woman opened her mouth to scream. “I don’t want to hurt you, Mrs. Rivers. Please hush.” Liras raised a brow when Atreyu used the woman’s name, normally the child could careless about the names of his victims, he must have seen a monogrammed towel with their name on it or something. Quickly Atreyu negotiated their stay, that they would leave the two in the morning and would never come back if they promised never to speak that they had been there. “Also, I want all your trinkets, everything, I will be allowed to take anything I want and you are to say nothing. If one of your friends asks, you sold them. Okay?” Reluctantly the two nodded and Atreyu smiled, cracking the gun in half single-handedly, and replacing his daggers in their sheaths. “Good, Good. Thanks for letting us in again.” Atreyu turned to Liras, awaiting his response.

Liras nodded and smiled patting the child on the shoulder before jogging back up the stairs. Atreyu followed suit glancing back at the couple, who waited for them to return upstairs before they talked to each other about calling the police. “Very nice, as promised, you can have whatever you want. Next time I think you should just kill them. It’s easier that way.” Liras went down the hall and looked through each room before disappearing into the last room on the right side of the hall. Atreyu smiled hugely at the compliment and spun in a quick circle. Yes! Now I can get those Faberge eggs in the guest room. He thought giddily as he skipped into the room Mrs. River’s had shown him originally and picked up each little egg, stuffing them gently into his bag.

When he reached the last egg he looked around the room, pleased with himself that he had successfully retrieved everything in the room he claimed as his. He headed for the door to start on the next room and ran into the only woman in the house. Her tear streaked face hurt him, for a demon not used to feeling sadness or regret he took a step back, confused at the new emotion that flooded his mind and wore down his body until he fell on the floor. “Come here child, I know you mean us no harm, that man is controlling you with something. Come tell me.” She held out her arms to him as though she truly wanted to protect him from his master. He shook his head rapidly and opened his mouth to call for whom he served but the woman knelt beside him and pressed a withered finger to his lips, hushing him if for only a moment. “I know you’re scared but please, let me help you.” She cooed and stroked his hair with one hand and rested the other gently on his cheek. Atreyu could feel her shaking and knew that he scared her but couldn’t bring himself to push her away, he was drawn into her kindness until he heard the familiar baritone voice call for him. As his name passed through Liras’s lips it vibrated through him, replacing something the woman had broken, making him shudder and shake his head, trying in vain to clear it. “Atreyu!” He called again, coming out of the room he had chosen to look down the hall for the boy, and when he laid his eyes on the old woman his eyes flashed a deep red as he came forward, and a low primal growl escaped his throat. “Father.” The child whispered and backed away from the warmth of the woman’s hand and pressed himself against the wall. A perplexed look came over her, then her eyes widened and she looked over her shoulder. Liras loomed over her, claws and fangs extended to a full length as he glowered down at the old woman. “Get away from me, devil incarnate!” She screamed holding up a crucifix. Atreyu’s eyes widened as he realized she had intended to lure him in and then spear him, she wanted to kill him not befriend him. His eyes began to tear when he figured out that she hadn’t really wanted to hold him as he had thought, she just wanted to pierce that wooden death through his back.

TBC....

Thank you again, peace!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret