Nothing To Do With Me.

The following poem/thingy has nothing to do with me, though I did write it. This is the morbid poem thingy I was talking about yesterday and don't worry about me because I like life too much for me to do any of the things listed in the following poem. Okay? All of those I know that may freak out about this please don't worry 'cause like I said I like life too much for this to happen. I think the only person I've talked about this poem to is "The Counselor" and he said it scared him too. But I explained it to him and now he understands. But he also only read the unedited version. I don't think this version is as scary. So...here goes...

"My Note"

Created By: Sacred Secret

I ran all the possibilities through my head
I wrote them down in script.
I thought about the people that would be affected
But figured my pain was greater
Than any, they could know.
I did it very quiet
I left them in the dark
The paper lay beside the spot where I would fall.
For a moment more I thought of them
The people I held close.
Of all the good times and the smiles
I thought of all the children I had yet to have
The significant other that would never hold me close
I thought of my Mother and what she would think when they found me
My Father and his tears.
Then the darkest angel came into my thoughts.
Their face blurred my vision and they whispered my name
I trembled and lost control of my legs.
Tears streamed down my cheeks
I screamed
“Don’t come any closer! You have done enough!”
And they stared in disbelief
I brought it to my head
Felt it swirl in my loose grasp
I pressed the cold steel to my temple
And adjusted my grip
“Please...”
They whispered as I closed my eyes
“This can’t go on you’ve hurt me enough.”
I said calmly
As my baby sisters little hands reached up at me in my mind
For the last time.
I heard my older brothers deep laugh and remembered the vibration in his chest from it.
For the last time.
I opened my eyes and stared straight at my dark angel
I told them to look
Look at what they have done.
I told them not bring another this fate.
And I released the blast into my own head.
I saw the ceiling
I could hear my dark angel scream my name
I saw my blood pool around me
Felt it mat my hair
Then I was cold and that was the last I felt.
I saw my baby sister again
I saw my brothers disapproving frown.
Saw my Mother and Father curled into themselves bawling.
I saw my dark angel and me on the swings of the schoolyard.
Saw myself as a child.
And in that moment I actually
Regretted Everything.
As I continued falling into what seemed to be an increasing cold
I wished I could go back if only for a moment
And rewrite my note…
But now I can’t
And this is what I have left them…

“Dear those I thought cared,
How could you have been so cold? Didn’t you care?
Obviously not or else, I would still be sitting there talking to you instead of you reading this smiling. Though you’re probably enjoying this, watching my blood seep from my wounds to pool at your feet. I hope you have fun at the party celebrating my death.
To My Angel, I sincerely hope…
You take full blame.”

There you have it. Please don't freak out, as I said. Take it in, and comment. Thank You.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: I actually edited this poem. I don't ever edit anything most of the time.

Hey Look!

I'm having a good day. And I don't want anything to ruin it because they have been so few and far between these past days. Right now life is good and there is nothing negative on my mind. I love it. I've been at my friends for winter break and I had mad fun. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Lol and all the people that tried to comment but couldn't don't be discouraged! Sometimes Blogger just hates everything and wants to be Emo so just try again some other time! And I found out that more than just one person reads my blog! Yay 'You know who'!!! I luvs ya!! I forgot what I was gonna say. I was writing a poem in my head but its morbid and unedited and it doesn't make any sense so you don't get to read it yet. I'm gonna go do other stuff now so I'll posty posty later okay? Okay. Peace

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I'm not sure which world I like more, the one in my head or my "reality"

...

(unedited)

I don't know who'ss winning or losing in this situation but I know its not both at the same time because if it was then we wouldn't be so confused, he wouldn't be so pissed off, and I wouldn't be so irritated. How dare he be mad at me! Like he couldn't have this coming when I told him! When we broke up the first damn time I told him: "YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME I BRING BAD NEWS AND CONFUSION!" did his dumbass listen? God no! Jesus he acts like its all my fault I wuite clearly remember giving him full warning and a clear chance to get the hell away but did his stupidass take the hint? Nooooo of course not he just figures I'm lying to him and I don't have aduquate reason to break up with him becuase "I'm crazy blah blah blah" You know "crazy" people normally know what they're talking about. Someone should listen to them one day and find out. But "crazy" people make "sane" people feel crazy so they don't talk to them I guess because they don't want to admit their dumb. Well I'm gonna go now. Peace

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I Hate Life.

Updation

I don't know if that's really a word but I like it. And as for the updation in question...do you like? Comments and things please!

P.S: This isn't a real post so you don't get a secret

I'm Changin' Some Things...

Where will it go from here? Where will they stop?

Sigh...

I'm happy/frustrated because someone other than Fange' read my blog (Thank you) and Blogger hates me right now and I can't do anything!! This is the third time I've written this. Maybe I'm the incompetent one but good lord! Was I mean to it? Why does it hate me? I'll have to thoroughly edit this later when I get home so you can get all the cool stuff. I was going to post a picture and a poem/story/song thingy but as I said Blogger hates me right now and I can't do anything. I'll see you all later I guess.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S: I know I'm a good singer but when other people say it and I agree out loud I'm conceited, when I don't agree I don't know how to take compliments.

P.P.S: I love dual meanings (especially the gross ones)

Publicity

I'm handing out my web address to the people I know will read it. This is a big step for me especially since I've been putting my actual secrets on here. Oh I hope I'm not making a huge mistake. I'm only giving it to people who have Info Tech, and I think I can trust. My mom already has the site address but she doesn't come here she just wants to show her friends we have a "close" relationship. My horoscope says I'm not supposed to talk to Scorpio's (my Mom) I'm a Capricorn and it says we are incompatible. But I guess whatever is whatever. I'm working in my Geography Final right now because the Voice that was here last night didn't finish (she looked exhausted, and yet so happy) I love having my music with me because I can block out all the stupidity around me. But I guess sometimes I just want to get lost in my own little world where no one can bother me except for the people I want to. I don't know why I pretty much only post during Info Tech but that's just because it's easier I think. A lot of people don't understand what having a "blog" is, but I tell them it's just like MySpace. Except less stress and less popularity. I have a blog so I can release myself and let someone else read it without knowing who it was that read it. I suppose I should go now. Peace Out 07'!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: I still like my Ex-Boyfriend but I'm afraid I'll confuse him (and me) if we go out again.

Ephebiphobia

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers

I'm bored today, and I'm not sure whats different about today either. Maybe I'm just not feelin' it today. By It I mean that vibe you get when you know your alive. In Info Tech class right now and Mr.Urner is teaching us how to take notes (because we don't know how to do that. @_@) I've also found an interesting quote that I am supposed to save. I'll post it:

"It's hard to believe that moments that once brought a smile to my lips now bring tears to my eyes." -- Suketsu Tenshi Aleandera

Don't steal it, because it isn't yours and you didn't say it. I'm tired now. I want to write stuff but I can't because I don't know what to write. I want to read something but I can't because it will look like I am not paying attention. I talked to my dad online the other night and I never want to do it again. Just because of how stupid he is 'sometimes' (because he isn't dumb all the time...at least I'd like to believe so) I want to cry but I can't because I don't know how in a sense. That's my secret for today. That I can't cry. No matter how hard I try to I just can't. Crying pisses me off for some reason and when I do it I hate myself for crying in the first place and hate myself for not being able to show the emotion others can. When I can though...when I am on the brink of tears I hold them back, even though I know I won't be able to do it later. I should stop explaining this because I'm going to regret doing so later.
I have a question for you all, what would you want your epitaph to say? For those who don't know what and epitaph is look at the bottom of the page for "Word Of The Day" I haven't changed it in a while so those who frequent that section of the blog I'm sorry. Now I want to post this before I have to type it again because I think the computers are going to "mysteriously" go out again like on Friday.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Crying pisses me off, but when I can't cry I hate myself.

Celebrity Deathmatch

I'm watching Celebrity Deathmatch and it's funny. If you've never seen it before (you live under a rock) it's about clay celebrities beating the living hell out of each other. It's great. So yeah. I haven't posted a picture in a while and that one's pretty good. I like it anyway. So how are you all? I'm fineish.

I'd tell you but I don't really want to. I'm only posting 'cause I'm bored. See you all later.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret


P.S. I'm jealous of my best friends body, and I hate my own.

P.P.S:
“Large fibs; offing eye theodicy zero nigh ash one region black panther. “ --- Half-Witt & Fange'

Water Bottle

There was a much better version of this post that I was in the process of writing before this nimrods in my class restarted ALL the computers by turning off the main power. God I could strangle them! I want to switch out of this class but I can't yet. I have to wait. I don't think they'll let me switch anyway it's not important. Anyway this post WAS about

Water Bottles
Fears
Epitaphs
Dumbasses
Bathrooms

But now it's not because I don't want to write all of that over again. But because their stupidity isn't fair to you, I'll post all my fears (some of them I just like the sound of)

Favorite/Self Phobias:
1. Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself
2. Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
3. Achluophobia- Fear of darkness
4. Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
5. Anglophobia- Fear of pain.
6. Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
7. Belonephobia- Fear of pins and needles.
8. Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
9. Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
10. Chronophobia- Fear of time.
11. Daemonophobia- Fear of demons.
12. Eremophobia- Fear of being oneself or of loneliness.
13. Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.
14. Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666.
15. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.
16. Hypegiaphobia- Fear of responsibility
17. Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone.
18. Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat.
19. Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
20. Microphobia- Fear of small things.
21. Monophobia- Fear of solitude or being alone
22. Nyctophobia- Fear of the dark or of night.
23. Uranophobia- Fear of heaven.
24. Parturiphobia- Fear of childbirth.
25. Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
26. Phengophobia- Fear of daylight or sunshine.
27. Poinephobia- Fear of punishment.
28. Pyrophobia- Fear of fire.
29. Sciophobia, Sciaphobia- Fear of shadows.
30. Selenophobia- Fear of the moon.
31. Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words
32. Teratophobia- Fear of bearing a deformed child or fear of monsters or deformed people.
33. Triskaidekaphobia- Fear of the number 13.
34. Zelophobia- Fear of jealousy.
35. Zeusophobia- Fear of God or gods.

Well that's all you get because I'm feeling pissed off and lazy, like I said, and I don't want to write all that again. Maybe I'll do it later when I get home. Probably not though so don't hold your breath. *sighs* This was going to be a long post. That saddens me. W/e its too late now. Want to read part of a 'poem' I wrote? Of course you do. It's called "How Does It Feel?©"

"How Does IT Feel?©"

How does it feel to be left by the world?
So alone not even the rain will give you company.
So this is the life you’ve chosen little bird.
The kind that does not bring friendships but enemies instead
You’ve entered a land that no one is willing to walk through with you, even though you loath them all, still you wish for their company, don’t you?
So this is what you want, little bird?
This is what you’ve chosen.
Accept that now even the clouds shun you for your betrayal.
You shall live for neither side.
Nor shall you die for either.
You have chosen this path, little bird.

A destiny you must live with.

What do you think? I like it but I don't think it's too good. I like the last one better, you know the one I'm talking about? "Let's Go To Paradise". I like that one because a lot of other people like it. I showed it to almost everyone in my fifth period class. A lot of them laughed at the title though, but they can kiss my ass. There's only a couple minutes of class left so I guess I should start wrapping things up. How are you all? I'm fine. From now on at the end of my posts I'm going to put one secret that I have. That way I can feel better and begin my new years resolution. I started working on it late because most people have broken theirs by this point. Okay see you all later.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S. I lie to my loved ones more than I lie to my enemies.

Let's Go To Paradise

I wrote this yesterday after talking to a couple of the voices. I guess you could say what we talked about inspired me....here you go:

Let’s Go To Paradise.©

Take me away to a place I can feel
Where the winds and the rains are forever calm
Where the grass is green on both sides of the fence
Where no matter how long you’re in the tub you never wrinkle up.

Take me away to a place I can live
Where children can fufill all their dreams
Where adults always have enough money
Where the elderly are not taken for granted or given limits.

Take me away to a place that doesn’t hurt
Where teenage hearts can prosper
Where the widowded can find love again
Where children and ‘puppy love’ are taken seriously

Take me away to a place far away
Where the people are new
Where everyone knows your name
Where the coffee shops are different and there isn’t one Starbucks

Take me away to Paradise
Where I can meet with my loved ones again
Where life doesn’t seem so pressured
Where you and I can rest peacefully together every morning and play every night.

Take me away to a place where we can be together

And not judged or told what we do is wrong because of our

Age, race, backgrounds, raisings, income, clothing, friends, parents,
or living status.

Take me away, and I’ll take you and together we can play in the neverending field.
Take me away from my problems and I’ll take you
Take me away.
And I’ll take you.

I hope you like it, and for the people who inspired it I hope its good.

Time has been flying by really fast today. I took my math final and...*shudders* I'd rather not relive the moment. I have my music today. ^_^ I'm happy. And I haven't gotten it taken away! But I don't want to jynix myself so Shhh! Buwahaha hey you know what's really gross? Thinking about my ex-boyfriends' mom doing his step dad. *gags* Yuk. So grody. I'm telling you because my mom told me yesterday. Ick ick ick. SO nasty. Anyway, I've got to study for my Info Tech final. PEACE! (try to get that image out of your mind ^_~)

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

P.S: Calm Down '07, its gonna be O.K.

No Musick...

I have no music because the banned it in the Exploration academy and I don't want it taken away from me. :( I'm very sad and very bored...I'm bringing it tomorrow.

Bored Out Of My Ever-Lovin' Mind,
Sacred Secret

Color Quiz!!

Personality Analysis of Sacred Secret.
Generated on Wed Jan 24 10:05:59 2007.

Sacred Secret's Existing Situation
Dissatisfied. The need to escape continued involvement with her present circumstances makes it imperative for her to find some solution.


Sacred Secret's Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.


Sacred Secret's Restrained Characteristics
Feels that she is burdened with more than her fair share of problems. However, she sticks to her goals and tries to overcome her difficulties by being flexible and accommodating.
Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left her listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if this is denied him.


Sacred Secret's Desired Objective
Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which she can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful.


Sacred Secret's Actual Problem
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.



Take the ColorQuiz yourself right now!

Flying Without Wings

Flying Without Wings Lyrics

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you find that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing in every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the works of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You'll find it in the deepest friendships
The kind you cherish all your lives
And when you know how much that means
You have found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cuz who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

But for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sun rise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place
It's the little things that only I know

Those are the things that make you mine, all mine
And it's the flying without wings
'Cuz you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
You're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy it brings
I'm flying without wings



TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Alright Cool

(unedited)
6oth post. Alright woot woot!

So anyway second post today I know kinda weird for me but I want to write. I don't know about what. I look over my old writings and I hate them. I mean I really loathe them with a passion, but I can't delete them off my computer because I know I'll regret doing that later. I'm bored though. Io should do my homework and study for my many tests but I don't really want to'cause that requires movement but so does eating. *sighs* I guess I should get to it...Oh yeah my english project is due tommorow I think instead because Mr.Sampson wants the essay to be good. I'm watching the news I know kill me now but I can't help it 'cause it's on. I'm so tired and I've been asleep for like four hours. I feel really heavy too. I think I'm going to leave. Yeah I have to work anyway.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Hey People

Hey guys what's up? I'm doing alright I guess. I mean nothings really pullin me down but I already feel under. You know? I feel like I can't get back to where I was before. But I guess that's okay as long as I don't feel any worse. I got new songs for my iPod. They're good. I'm listening to "Welcome To The Black Parade" by My Chemical Romance. They're good. I like their music but some of it's weird. Kind of like that one guy on ABS. lol I love that. abs at ABS. Albino Blacksheep rules. So does Bored.com. That place is awsum too. I spelt awesome stupid. Does anyone know why people have to be illiterate on the Internet? I just don't get hat like it takes so much more effort to put an 'o' in 'you'. And about iPods and other MP3 Players...people don't blast those tiny little speakers. If you have t he big ones (Fange') you can play it as loud as you want because no one can hear it but you. I know rock songs and songs that you really like you want really loud but when your around other people or somewhere quiet...don't be stupid. Thank you n_n. Now for other news my ass hurts and I have to work on these essays for class tomorrow so I'll talk to you all later. Peace!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S.: Pssstt! HeyFange'....HI!! ^___^

School Again

Well I'm back at school now and I'm working on my essays for tommorow. Ehhh I'm not doing well I only have two done out of six! Plus I think I bombed (did badly) on my math test today in third period. *sighs* As long as I'm not failing. And Finals are coming up. I need stuff for my diaorama for English class plus the essay to go with it. Jeez I'm shoulder deep in homework. I hope next semester isn't so bad...


TWMA (Maybe)
Sacred Secret

P.S.: Don't go to high school it's bad for your back _-_,

Oh My God It's Still Snowing!

It's still snowing guys. And I've got today off again. Brr it's cold, I'm just watching the snow fall and I'm cold. I think after it stops it should stay for a few more days. Not that I don't want to go back to school....<_<>_> You know though I can't help but think when I'm going to get out of school in June. I dunno. My cousin, Randy, got back from New York yesterday and so he's in the living room on the phone right now. He's always on the phone and bothering Nightmare. *sighs* my poor cat. Well it's cold and I'm bored. So guess what I'm going to do? I'm gonna crawl back into my bed and turn on my music. Hey Fange' I heard you have school today. Sorry, :( I love you.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Editing

Hey, I'm editing my blog. So if you experience some weirdness that's why. Just refesh it a couple times or come bac later. No big. Tell me how you like the changes!


Mixin' It Up,
Sacred Secret

Quick

(unedited)

Today is weird so far and I'm not sure why. It just is. I think it's because I don't have my music with me. And I'm actually aware of what is going on around me. *shrugs* I dunno. But it's weird. The crazy sub choir teacher is gond now (FINALLY) and Rosey is back! Yeesss! IT's so great. He had a baby and his name is Jeremiah, born on December 12 2006. He's almost two months old already and Rosey is just coming back! Oh well. lol when I have kids I'll probably quit my job for a year or two! I'd be too attached to go back to work. Unless it's just me. Then I wouldn't have a choice. So I haven't updated in a while, sorry about that. I've just been busy. Midterms of sorts are coming up now that the holidays are gone gone gone. I'll try to post more often, and tell you guys more. Right now I've only got a couple minutes left of class to tell you that a guy in my choir has been hitting on me (I think) so far he's gone out with two different girls in the choir. Maybe I'm trippin' but I think he's trying to get to me. O_o I hope I'm mistaken. That weird girl that sits next to me is talking but I'm not really paying attention, and it smells like hairspray...I blame Ciara for that. Lakeyah, my ex-best friend is in the doorway withher weird pink back thing talking to the kids in this class. Well I've only got five more minutes of this pathetic excuse for a class. Timwe to pack up and bolt. (Science is next)

TWMA,
Sacred Secret