Thoughts #2

I don't really know what I'm thinking about. I'm just writing to tell myself that I did. I'm too deep. Too deep into the real world to even feel myself anymore. I need to stop lying to everyone. That alone, is taking me down a path I don't want to see the end to. So for the people that even read this far that I have lied to, I'm sorry. I must admit to some things.

First of all, She's Not Real. My "girlfriend" doesn't exist. She never did. She never will. Though I claim myself to be such the sexual deviant, I am not. I have never lain with anyone. Nor do I plan to in the near future. Admittedly, I regret wholeheartedly not taking the chance to lose this obnoxious burden of virginity when I had the bloody chance. Now, I'm stuck with it. And I'm terrified I may be stuck with it forever, so I lie. And I tell people about what a playa I am in my own dreaming's. I know how well I have you fooled. Wrapped around my fingers, I'm playing your minds like puppets of strings. Simple. Agile. Clever weaving's of words that intrigue you to believe me. But I'll warn you away even now, from this spiders web. Its sick, and poisoned.

Secondly, I want to apologize and clarify a few things for some other people. I do believe in God. I believe in a higher power and what not. I do not believe that everything I do determines what happens to me when I'm dead. I do not believe that this higher power, be they male, female, or un-gendered, has any say over what I say or do. I do not believe that this 'person' can make things happen to or for me. Though I may on the occasion 'pray' or make wishes toward this higher power, I have no true faith in it. I will support my friends and family who believe in such things. I will not combat them and say their belief's are wrong or stupid or ungrounded. That is not the kind of person I want to become.

Also, I believe in the possibility of everything. I believe wishes can come true, that vampires, Santa, the Easter bunny, and fairies all exist. I believe in demons and ghosts and apparitions. I believe in divine intervention. I believe in the possibility of all of these things. You don't? That's nice. You do? That's nice. Another thing, I accept homosexuality. I except heterosexuality too. I accept bisexual people, tri-sexual people, and pansexual people as well. I'm a firm believer in Love is Love. I will not judge you for loving someone out of your race, religion, country, or what have you. I won't discriminate if you have a lover who is the same gender as you or different. Nor will I turn my nose up if the two of you significantly differ in age. Actually, I probably won't even blink if you say you're related. That's how it works. Love is love is love. It's uncontrollable, its taboo, its wanton, its lusty. It is full of ups and downs and back alleys and busy streets. Sometimes you get lost, back up and try again. I will not judge you if you are on a different path than me. I may ask you for advice, or try to give you a helping hand. But only if you ask for it.

However. I must say this, to acknowledge it myself. I am human. I am not of a higher species. I am not a prophet. I am not gifted with a higher intelligence than anyone else. I do not belong to a secret race that has yet to claim me. I am mortal. I am human. There is nothing presented to me thus far that allows me to change this. I'm fine with that.

Moving on, to the people I deeply care for. I'm sure you know who you are if you've read this far. I want you to know that despite how I may or may not act toward you; I love you. Dearly do I love you. I want you by my side every waking moment of the day. I think about you constantly and seek out your approval even if it is not outright. I look for chances to be with you and jump at them. If something I love to do conflicts with being with you, I will drop my favorite activity in a heart beat to stand by your side. Even if it's humiliating. Even if its awkward. Even if I'm not really wanted there by anyone else. As long as You approve of me. I am content.

Now. With all that said and done. There are a few people I want to personally contact me for other...confessions. If you think you are one of them...text me. Call me. Comment, or PM. I don't care. Just...talk to me. I need this. If I want to be a better person for You. For myself. I don't mean to put pressure on you. But I'm trying to learn how to live, and I don't want to be angry at myself later because I'm doing it wrong.

Advise me.
Please.

Cynthia.

Empty Eyes

Raise empty eyes to empty skies.
Scream empty prayers to empty ears.
Let fall your mask of pain.
For in this rain of troubles,
sunlight will shine again.
This day of agony is only once,
just a test and nothing more.
But your advisor in this test
is cheating you, my dear.
Love is what will pass you through.
So study, do not wait.
For it is a fleeting, touchy thing
And mistakes it will not make.
So grab quick at its colorful wings,
hold fast its nimble feet.
For so long you've waited at this creek,
with taciturn smile and sullen feet.
Then a miracle came along,
and revived your day anew.
With a joyous cry you rose,
and sang out!
Much to your own surprise,
the miracle cried back.
It called to you like a siren does
with very little warning.
It robbed you of your heart and soul
leaving only confused senses.
Weave not, on feet of golden sandals,
you've reached the promise land.
N'ere again will you raise
empty eyes to empty skies
or scream empty prayers to empty ears.
For your miracle is hear,
to fight away all your
Fears.


I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired. I'll see try to remember to talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: Rhyming poems are hard for me to write.

"I feel its gonna Rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away. "

I don't really know whats going on today. It was a good enough day, I suppose. I don't know what happened. Oh wait..Yes I do. Sixth period. That ruined my day. I don't know if its just me, and my personality, or if its everyone. But I don't take kindly to being told I'm not doing my best. I don't want you to come up and tell me that I don't know what I'm doing, or that I'm letting everyone down, or how much of a disgrace to society I am.
Maybe its just me, but I don't appreciate that. Actually, now that I've had time to truly think about the feeling I'm having...I think I'm offended. Truly offended. How dare he have the gall to say such a thing to me, to my class! He may not have been speaking directly to me, but I still take great offense to his long, drawn out, and otherwise pointlessly offense and ineffective lecture. What gives him the right? Honestly!
-sighs- I really needn't get so worked up over this. Why am I even dwelling on the subject in the first place? Who cares...Anyway. I'm not going to let that drag me down into a torturous abyss of unhappiness. I've mentally worked extremely hard to come to where I am, and I refused to relinquish that control to someone who doesn't know me. Someone who only Assumes he can predict my actions or thoughts. Ugh, the nerve. Really though!
No. No. No.
I am a better person than that.
I have no need to gripe about this any more. It's done and over with, far into the past. I've had my moment. And now I need to move on.
How was your day, love? I hope it was well. Mine was alright. No unsettling news or disappointments. I did experience a heart flutter in the middle of fourth period, making me lose my breath for a good fifteen, twenty minutes. Ridiculous, I know. But it happened.
What else can I say? Oh, I'm hoping to change my schedule sometime this week. Probably during lunch, which is just unfortunate really. Because I do use that time to relax and recuperate from the constant onslaught of nagging and pushing and reprimand. I only ever really encourage scolding from two people and trust me none of my teachers fit the bill. I loves my Julian. I loves my John. Heehee, I loves them sooooo much. Like, alot alot.
Well, I guess I'm done now. I should probably do something constructive. Like work on my newest "one-pager" as Max has deemed them. Really, its TWO pages. Front, and back. ^_^ but he says that's only one actual page. Bah. Whatever. He's a stoopid head. Heeheehee.
lol KTHXBAI

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: "He was a boy, She was a girl. Cannot make it anymore obvious. He wanted her, she'd never tell that secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes." I let the boy go cause I thought I wasn't good enough. I changed, and know I'm beginning to see that maybe.......I never will be.

Ram Pride Day!

GO RAMS!

lol Yeeaaah!

Its Ram Pride day at my school.

Im dressed up like a weirdo cause its Spiritful!

Heehee.

GO MRHS!

(btw, my sub in urner's class is annoying >_<)

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

With nothing but love...

I can't say much right now. I'm tired. And I don't know. Nothing's wrong. I just thought I'd post. I noticed how much happier and less angsty my posts have gotten since just last year. (WOO GO ME! ^_^) Meditation REALLY helped. Thanks to The Counselor . Haven't talked about him in a while, huh? He's doing fine, btw. Him and his girlfriend moved in together and they are happy. Of course, he still has his issues and she still has her problems. But I believe they are working on it all together. Which is good. I luvs them. Hmm what else can I tell you? Hi! To all the people who read my blog! lol if you comment, maybe I'll give you a gift! ;) Anyway, thats about all. I'm gonna try to do that one-secret-a-day thing again. See what happens.
*Note: this is not considered a resolution, just something I might do on/off.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: When I'm reading, at the computer, or playing video games I will mentally acknowledge that I have to pee and then wait until the last possible moment to get up and go. Weird, I know.

Color Quiz 4!

It's obviously that time again. Wanna try your hand?


Your Existing Situation

"Works well with others, as long as she doesn't have to take the lead. Longs for relationships which are understanding and relatively conflict-free."

Your Stress Sources

"Her normal flexible and stubborn attitude has become weakened because she feels overworked, tired and as if she is stuck in a rut. The situation seems helpless and is causing her to physically feel the strain, she is searching for a solution but she is unable to make a decision on how to go about making the changes."

Your Restrained Characteristics

"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."

Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.

"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."

Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.

Your Desired Objective

Believes that ideas and emotions should come together and unite perfectly. Refuses to make compromises or negotiate.

Your Actual Problem

"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. she tends to act out as a way of covering up her short comings and blames other people for her failures."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Fear of being prevented from achieving the things she wants causes her to take advantage of all types of other experiences, but then denies any of them have value to her. her destructive behavior is her way of escaping and hiding the helplessness she feels."

The Color Quiz


Good Luck.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Mental Blogging

Okay so last night, I thought a blog in my head and mentally posted it. It was weird. I had an awkward awake dream. It was just weird. I'm not going to post it on here because it was about ghosts and I don't want to give people nightmares. ;) So how have you been? Blog people are cool. I had a dream about you!!!!! I had so many dreams last night. But there was one and you were knocking on my door in the middle of the night, it was pouring outside. Ridiculous right? Anyway, you didn't have your car you walked all the way to my house. You were soaking wet and we let you in and gave you a towel. We insisted that you sleep here, on the couch. But I yelled at them and said you should sleep in my room, not like you haven't already. So I gave you a wife-beater and some pants and we curled up together and went to sleep. I imagined sleeping better than I ever had before. Like all those times you had ever come over and fallen asleep next to me. It was amazing. lol I know Im hella dumb but thats what it was like. Seems like I've been dreaming about you alot lately....

See You In My Dreams,

Sacred Secret

"The one I love, I hate...but the sex is great."

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Something. Anything! Screaming. Motionless forever in what I can consider life. Falling forward, backward, down. into the darkest abyss. Darker than the one before. No light in this realm, only a vast blackness, a bone chilling cold. Who can rescue me from this pit? My lights are fading, becoming tainted or weak. Paling in comparison to the darkness as though they too have been consumed. Condemed to this place of evil I will scream. I will fight it. I can't give in becasue a greater power calls unto me. Telling me I must survive. But for what? What am I living for? What right now, can keep me going? Nothing. I'm nothing. With nothing. For nothing. The future only interests me in the slightest. What does it mean NOW? How can I use it NOW? Now is the time and place. If not now, when? At what point in time are you going to turn to me and say "I release you"? Or worse, when are you going to tell me "I love you."? Perhaps when its too late. When I've finally been able to single handedly pull myself out of this deepening hole. Then you'll tell me. Of course your argument might be, "Well it wasn't the right time." but NOW is? Yes. Now. Right this second. Take me or leave me. Without remorse or regret. Take me as I am, for all I offer, for all I am willing to sacrifice to defend you. Or leave me as I am. Finish shattering what you have already struck and allow me to finally fix what is broken. I can't glue it all together before it even splinters apart. I can only ignore the cracks in the glass for so long before I hire someone to repair them. Maybe it'll take that long for me to admit it to myself. That I don't know what I'm doing. But if so, it'll be in the NOW. Without so much as a thought about the future and its many dangers, leap with me. Take me down into this river of danger and wash me anew. If you cannot, let me fly into the arms of another, and leave you in the dust. Let me go! Vile beast of the past! Release me of your clawed and painful grasp and I will bear your scars forever. Claimed as yours, but apart from you. With out much stability. I am infantile. Without shelter or caring. Because I have not the experience. I will stand on wobbly legs of uncertainty for YEARS before I attempt to lean on you again. I have learned from these mistakes and I will pass them off. If you do not Take Me. But still I find you pass me by with no more than a glance. Unknowingly your hurtful words put me in a trance. "Didn't mean it. Doesn't know." a mantra I have learned. But how? How when I know so much? When I read you like a long loved book? Like a mother reads her child? Like a lover reads his love? How can I delude myself any further telling myself its fine its fine. When it's not? What can I say though? Really. What can I say that will show you what I've been doing in my head. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing even matters anymore. But wait. A bright light in my darkness. Something that will depend on me as much as I once depended on you. True. I see that it does not belong to me, it is not mine to keep. But this little ball of light is what I have been craving. What I have wanted since the beginning. I cannot allow myself to give into myself and bring one into the world now. Not when I have nothing to give. When I can make it no better than what I have been given. But trust, I will WORK. I will work harder than I have ever worked to make this change. I will see to it that nothing happens. I will be there every step of the way because I love it as though it were my own. I love it before I have touched or heard. I have not felt. But I have felt. In my heart of hearts the need for it burns. Burns scalding hot as though I will forever be encased in these flames until I can soothe them with song. With rocking. With cooing. With that first smile, or step. Those monumentous moments that will shine brighter in my life than anything. I love it like my own already. The thought of any harm coming unto this light brings tears to my eyes. I am plagued by dreams of my light being ripped from my grasp unexpectedly, never to be seen again. I am not certain I would survive that. Not in dream. Not in life. I would die. Wither into nothingness and float across the breeze. I would crumble into dust and be nothing more than dirt on your floor. Swept away, not a thought. Ghosting through life. If life were to continue in any sense. Perhaps, now. Now you understand the heaviness I place on this. Perhaps now you understand why I crave it more than anything. Why I watch, hawkishly over each appointment. Because though it is not mine, it is mine. My soul and breath. It is mine. Without this blessing I am lost. So I pray. I do. Something I haven't done since I was very young. And at the time I prayed for this same thing. "Let it be. Let it happen." Please, highest deity of this world and beyond. Give to me the blessing I cry for. Yearn for. Please. And atlast, I have been given this wish. I am not a scholar. I am a mother. I always have been. I always will be. Do not come to me and tell me I have to work at it. What comes naturally is natural. I can't deny myself that. I deny myself so much at your whim. I will allow myself to care for this child. And there is nothing, you or anyone else can do about it. I will fight for this child because my very soul depends on it. Not because I have been asked. Not because I have nothing better to do. But because I have nothing else I can do. I am creation. I am nothing if not that.

"For you, a thousand times over."

Over, and Over,
Sacred Secret

OMG I'M IN URNER'S CLASS AGAIN

lol you remember those days a looooooooong time ago when I used to primarily post from Info Tech? Urner was my teacher. I hated it. Refresh your memory? Okay good. Well NOW I'm posting from Digital Imaging and Urner is my teacher! Oh mi gawd! lol weird coincidence. Yeeessssss. Very peculiar. But thats okay. So anywho. How're you? Im okay. I texted T-Word. It feels like I haven't talked to him in forever. Weird. Cause I usually make a habit of texting him once a week, for sanity's sake. But of course when my phone was off, my communications were limited. lolz "Noob..." Muwahahahahahaha! >_> You cannot haz. Bleeeh. First period. hahaha this post makes no sense "DOMO" <_<>

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

O Fortuna!

Awesome song. White words are latin, Blue words are english.

(part 1)
O Fortuna O Fortune,
velut luna like the moon
statu variabilis, you are changeable,
semper crescis ever waxing
aut decrescis; and waning;
vita detestabilis hateful life
nunc obdurat first oppresses
et tunc curat and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem, as fancy takes it;
egestatem, poverty
potestatem and power
dissolvit ut glaciem. it melts them like ice.
Sors immanis Fate - monstrous
et inanis, and empty,
rota tu volubilis, you whirling wheel,
status malus, you are malevolent,
vana salus well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis, and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata shadowed
et velata and veiled
michi quoque niteris; you plague me too;
nunc per ludum now through the game
dorsum nudum I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris. to your villainy.
Sors salutis Fate is against me
et virtutis in health
michi nunc contraria, and virtue,
est affectus driven on
et defectus and weighted down,
semper in angaria. always enslaved.
Hac in hora So at this hour
sine mora without delay
corde pulsum tangite; pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem since Fate
sternit fortem, strikes down the strong man,
mecum omnes plangite! everyone weep with me!

(part 2)
Fortune plango vulnera I bemoan the wounds of Fortune
stillantibus ocellis with weeping eyes,
quod sua michi munera for the gifts she made me
subtrahit rebellis. she perversely takes away.
Verum est, quod legitur, It is written in truth,
fronte capillata, that she has a fine head of hair,
sed plerumque sequitur but, when it comes to seizing an opportunity
Occasio calvata. she is bald.
In Fortune solio On Fortune's throne
sederam elatus, I used to sit raised up,
prosperitatis vario crowned with
flore coronatus; the many-coloured flowers of prosperity;
quicquid enim florui though I may have flourished
felix et beatus, happy and blessed,
nunc a summo corrui now I fall from the peak
gloria privatus. deprived of glory.
Fortune rota volvitur: The wheel of Fortune turns;
descendo minoratus; I go down, demeaned;
alter in altum tollitur; another is raised up;
nimis exaltatus far too high up
rex sedet in vertice sits the king at the summit
- caveat ruinam! let him fear ruin!
nam sub axe legimus for under the axis is written
Hecubam reginam. Queen Hecuba.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Insta-Poem!

from what I've hear we're golden.
from what I've seen we're black.
I've never heard an angels song
But I've heard the sirens wail.
With nothing more than hope,
what little we call faith.
comes dreams filled with heartbreak
struggle, strife, and pain.
the gods that we look up to
may well live on earth.
but these deities of living
are reveling in our sin.
can you hear heavens song
trilling through your window?
they tell me I can hear it
if I say a little prayer.
but what if I need proof?
probably never get an answer,
surrounded by pain and hardships
is more than I can bear.
so I've turned from this old master
and look in brighter shade
to a ruler of the spirit
for whom I was made.



TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Update Status

First off, I glimpsed Internet yesterday. lol Very sad I know. Anyway.

Last Good Book I Read: Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Latest Happy Song: Paper Planes by M.I.A (karaoke by HOPE BALES! lol)

Current Bane of My Existence: English Homework

Last Time I Felt Sexy: Yesterday

My New Goal: I WANT ABS.

Reason I Come To School n Thursdays: French Club (EVERY WEEK who needs to be an officer?)

And now a message inspired by Hope Bales.

"Hope Bales sits next to me typing up her 'Huckfinn' essay frantically as it is due fifth period. She occasionally exclaims "FUCK! fuckfuckfuckfuck!" And becomes seriously agitated. Taking frequent gulps of water from her peculiarly shaped water bottle (seriously. PADLOCK), she giggles over my should as I type about her. She then states "I should make a blog, connect it to yours, and then we can have like blog-wars and debate about stuff." As I watch her procrastinate this essay even now, she tells me how much she often does this. Saying "I should win an award for procrastination. Of course, I'll never get it cause I'll never apply. It'll be like 'I need to apply for that'" she then goes on to say, "Which is like the philosophy of my life." As the end of the period nears, and hovers above Hope Bales's head, she becomes overly retarded and begins typing crazily as she nears the final moments of her essay. Reaching the end of it she takes a breath of relief and in that moment....her head explodes. Spraying me with the guts and knowledge of Hope Bales. May her mind rest in peace(es) lol"

Okay! And that's first period with Hope Bales today. hahaha, how does your first period go?

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

"For you, a thousand times over."

For you, a thousand times over.

Over, and over, and over.

My heart bleeds for you once.

And then tears.

Then I bleed again.

More tears.

The once more.

Another waterfall.

What you don't see is my secret pining.

How I wish so desperately, that you would see how much I've changed.

Wish that you would just look and imagine, and want to try.

How can you be sure this change occurred?

You can't, I suppose.

You would just have to reach out in blind faith.

And trust me again.

Which, as I understand, would be unfair.

So I completely understand, if you don't want to.

I understand my mistakes.

My faults.

My flaws.

What I have done to hurt you.

And I changed because of it.

I changed for you, because of you.

Hn.

Not that it matters now.

But always, I will bleed for you.

Anything, for you.

Shed tears of bitter happiness and miserable sadness for you.

For you, a thousand times over.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

Internet Loss

Typing up my thoughts on random computers with available Internet seems so...wrong. Understand? It's just not right. Not sitting in front of MY computer seems to cease my thoughts all together. I find it extremely hard to push forth the words even now. As I sit contemplatively at the computer in North Hill's office. With their secretary reading awkwardly over my shoulder. lol It's very weird. Not a happy place for my inner thoughts. I can't WAIT until I have Internet again. Until I can resume my WebComic readings, beating people up on Facebook, complaining on MySpace, and being a grammar nazi on Gaia. I miss it so much. SO much. But alas, I can only access so much through these school computers. Since places like facebook, gaia, myspace, and youtube are all on a "Global Block List". Really rather unfortunate. Oh well. Maybe someday, I will tour the unadulterated world of the Internet unhindered once more. Until then...


TWMA,
Sacred Secret

A Tale Of Unfortunate Events

Wow. That's all I've got really. I can't say more, unless I want to become that horrible person I strive so hard to go against. I do not, want to be that person. I don't want to be the person that is looked at as "selfish" or "bitchy" or other unpleasantness. I want to be the person you can lean on and tell your darkest secrets to. I want to be the person who can make you forget all of your troubles and worries. Take them onto myself and fix your whole world. That's what I want.

However.

This isn't going to happen.

I will never be the one to shelter you from the rain.

Never be the one to hold you close for warmth and comfort.

Never be the one to wipe away your tears and tell you not to fret because I'm going to fix it all.

I'm not good enough to be that person.

Apparently, I didn't pick the right numbers. I lost the lotto and I can't go back.

So I'm going to give up, and whatever happens from here is just...meant. I guess. Because I don't want to continue to be stepped on and dragged through the mud. I don't want to do things with you that I hate. I don't want to tell you things that aren't true just because you want to hear them. I'm not going to stop doing things just because you don't like it. I'm not going to agree because it makes you feel better. I'm going to tell you the truth.

Of course, every once in a while, my merciful nature will come into play.

It will cease my harsher words and create soothing ones for me to whisper to you. To ease your distress and heartache. IT will come in and whisper over my lips and onto your skin like a soothing balm. But I will reign myself in. I have been too long your carpet. I have been your pet too often. The roles must switch if they will not be played correctly.

Now.

I'm going to try and pursue something worthwhile. Something I want.

I want to be a model. I want to see Celtic Women in concert. I want to go o the mall with my friends. I want someone I can trust to accept me for who I am and what I do. What I want. What I need. I want to get as much as I give.

"It is better to be hurt by the truth, than comforted by a lie."

I'm unveiling the truth.

And it burns me.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

Bless the courteous and considerate! :)

Ramblings 1

I learned about Active Voice in World Lit. today.
Really interesting stuff that.
Also, an EXTREMELY difficult skill to master.
Apparently, Active Voice does not allow you to use "is", "have", "to be", or "are".
Words such as these weaken your writing.
These words make you appear uncertain about your point.
Which is completely unacceptable.
So, I will continue to practice this valuable skill.
Of course, this blog holds compilations of my thoughts, so I may not always post in Active Voice.
However, I will try.

Anyway.

"The girl with the Tokidoki bag, with sharpies shoved head down in their pocket and the little iconic figures swinging lazily from their silver chain, plodded slowly down the stairs before me. As my foot hits the bottom floor I dart toward the glass double doors serving as my exit. Sunshine blinds me as I step outside, momentarily embraced by the emitted warmth. However my advancing steps carry me farther into the courtyard and the cold wintry air slides against my skin like an old lover. Eager, impatient, startling. I shiver against it and step onto the bus awaiting my arrival. Tossing my bag into the seat, I slide in after and tuck my knees up to my chest, resting them lightly against the seat preceding mine. Before the others can manage to sit down, I crack open my latest reading material, pop in my headphones and prepare for the thirty minute ride home."

How was that? I think it sounds alright. Of course, I haven't read it yet. Cause I just wrote it and I never reread immediately after writing. I dunno why. Just don't. Of course, spell check is necessary. But that's different. Don't you think? Well, now I have ramen and I don't need you anymore. lol j/k

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

I have to write a poem for school. Soon as i left my classroom, they flooded me. Swamped my mind making me mentally gasp for breath. So it shouldn't be hard.

I swear! The kids at my school wear the WEIRDEST shit!

What's In It?

This post is really about nothing. I might write again later. When I get on to do my homework.
Ugh.
Anyway. I'm just doing this to let you know that
1) I'm sleepy
2) I dislike newspaper
3) MRHS newspaper sucks
4) I really have to pee
5) I'm going to sleep.


TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Shower

What do you do in the shower?
I mean, other than wash your ass.
No not THAT.
Do you think?
Or sing?
Or meditate?
Or relax?
What do you do in there?

Some people are only in the shower for about five minutes, so I know they're "in and out" kind of people. But others, like me, spend forever in the shower. I know what I do. But what do you do?
When I'm in the shower, I think about stuff. I make decisions, and explore my mind. I meditate under the hot spray and come to terms with myself. I reassure myself that I am a beautiful woman, no matter what the world says.
On the occasion, I destroy myself in the shower.
I tear myself apart, nit-picking every single thing I could possibly find wrong with myself. My body, my mind, my voice. Anything. Afterwards, I rebuild myself into what I want to be. I give my self image wings to grow stronger and give myself the courage and determination to become that daring, compassionate, responsible, humble woman I strive to be.
I want to be healthy, and strong.
I want to be mentally stable, in an unstable world.
I want to be relaxed, when everyone else is stressed.
I want to be the rock, when everyone has crumbled to pebbles.
I want to be the strength, the courage, the audacity, they need to be themselves.
I want to be a better person than I am now.

I want little girls to know just how beautiful they are. Despite what society may say.
Every girl is beautiful. Every girl has a right to learn, and be free, and speak her mind.


These are the things I think about in the shower.
If I had a waterfall, I would be president.

What do you do in the shower?

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Note: if you are in high school, wear clothing from your high school. Not your middle school, or your elementary school. Thanks. Love Sacred Secret

Happy Halloween, everyone. Hope your holiday is full of fun and surprises. Be safe, and have a wonderful fright filled night.

No, I didn't have any fun. I was too busy looking for You.

Dark Clouds...

Dark Clouds slither across the sky, leaving darkness and dreary people in their wake. Lower, the rain is falling, forcing the beat of the world to shift and accept its hollow pitpitpitpitpit. Above, the Moon sits in a black sky, reigning over her starlit children like a queen with no king to question her demands. The Moon shines brightly down on the weary world of bustling people too busy to look up and notice her in all of her glorious shining. Full, and round she watches her children, protecting them from those that would do them harm. Waiting and watching, she sits in the sky surrounded by the children that have departed the world and now only reflect her brilliance. Surrounded and alone, she remains vigilant in her watch. Down, down, down...below the Goddess of the Moon, far lower than the Dark Clouds and through the rain and its demanding beat....there is a child. This child lives on a gray sidewalk, bordered by an asphalt street. Surrounded and alone in an enormous city, with people passing and stepping over him day after day. He is waiting for his Mother to claim him, he believes. Waiting for Her to come take him home and say "I've missed you, my precious child." Month after year, he sits and he waits on the gray sidewalk bordered by the onyx asphalt. His bed, covered in dried gum and dirt, a place where people relieve themselves in every way and spit, on his pillow. His blanket, the warm summer breeze or a thrown away sheet. Never to be dirtied is his candle of hope, which he holds close to his heart, never to be snuffed. With each year his flame flickers and dims, the flame itself, losing hope. Never the boy. The child only knows loneliness. Only fear, uncertainty, sickness, cruelty. This child, born of the night, son of the Moon, never knows love or compassion. Only hardship and heartbreak. Faith, drives him on. Motivates him to find his next meal. Gives him energy to scavenge something to pawn for a few dollars. Faith. His best friend, dies. Faith meets her tragic end at the hand of this child's own brother. The child's brother drown poor Faith, held her under until she ceased her needless struggling and the last wisp of air floated from her paling lips. Faith had asked for it, however. She said she was so tired, so worn from the boy's constant questioning...she needed an end. A true escape. So Misery held her under, and gave her that release.



TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Going to the fair. How cool right? I'm excited cause who doesnt love the fair? Rides, games, food! Yay! Are you going too? See you there! Twma, Sacred Secret <3

Dr.Pepper

I'm drinking Dr.Pepper. I should be doing my homework. I'll do that in a second. Anything cool happen to you today? I'm sponsoring a child in Zimbabwe. Her name is Rendani, she's eight years old. She's pretty cool. I'm writing a story. Its pretty cool. I'm writing a different story. Its pretty cool. I gotta go now. See you.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Beauty In The Breakdown

Hey guys! How's it goin? Been a while right. Summer is almost over and its really exciting. How was your summer? Hopefully more exciting than mine. haha I didn't do a whole lot. Nothing really amazing happened that I can think of right now. Uhmmmmz....I gotta type up a lot of short stories and poems that got neglected during the school year that I just haven't gotten around to in the summer. Procrastination is a horrible thing kids! haha anyway, I dont know what to talk about anymore. Sooo...maybe I'll post some Random Thoughts later. Peace out flowers!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

I spent today with my mom and my cousin. It was really fun. And i hope to do it again. What did you do today? Twma!

Happy 4th everyone! I'm in Yelm, WA. Hanging out with the fam. What are you doin? Hope you have a safe and happy holiday!!

So here it is.

Welcome, my friends, to this final summer. This final wave of "I'm going to school next year." The last summer where you can turn to your school mates and say "See you next year!" This is it. We're almost done. I hope I'll see you there. At the end of the road, when everything is said and done. This upcoming year is going to bring challenges that we could not imagine. But also new experiences, saddened days, happy memories. So lets hear it for Senior Year. Let's congratulate the Seniors long gone, Good Luck in the world! Gain knowledge for us and have helpful advice to hand out when we reach that point. Hooray! For Senior Year! For the last leg of the race! The final lap! Hooray! Time for relaxation and fun. Time for parties and final final exams. Time for you to start appreciating how much you really loved your high school. Memorize your fight song. Show more spirit than anyone else. It's your school now. Officially, you are the oldest, strongest, most powerful force on campus. You Are A Senior. A formidable force. But in your head-spinning new amount of power, remember how you were as an underclassmen and pay attention to the younger kids coming in as Freshmen. Make it a goal to be nicer to them than your Seniors were. Be kind, they are just as frightened and cocky and stupid as you were. They know just as much. And will do just as many stupid and immature things as you. So be patient with them, give them advice. Even if they don't ask for it. Because they'll listen. Whether it looks like they are or not. Be Cool, Class Of 2010. We've got this in the bag. So raise your heads high! And strut your new found stuff! We've only got 180 days to flaunt and brag and hit kids up-side the head! So tell off that teacher you hate. Kick that garbage can. Write on that window. Do it. But be cool about it. And when you are finished. Look back on that year and think....

"This is my life, am I who I want to be?"


2010, Here We Go Again,
Sacred Secret

Thoughts #1

*Disclaimer: Yes. I wrote this. No, I don't know what it means so don't ask. I don't know who it pertains to, so don't guess. It's just writing. Read it.*



In all the time I've taken to bring you home to me I've only found that I'm falling more in love with you.
I've got to let you go so I can breathe.
Let me be addicted, but let me escape your orbital pull.
I'm just a moon searching for a planet.
I've gotten caught on a few but gravity pulled us a part.
I wish there was a way to defy.
Nature. Society. Nature. Society.
Bring it down on itself. Bring it down.
Let the creatures of this place dwell without the fear I know you hold.
Somewhere deep inside me is a song I can't sing. I'm waiting for you to shout it out loud.
Let me breathe and rid myself of this addiction to your blood.
Your soul.
Voice. Eyes. Kindness.
Nature. Society. Nature. Society.
Bring it down on itself. Bring it down.
Down. Down.
Bring it down.
Like a bucket of air cause I'm drowning in here.
Give me a needle to relieve this pressure.
Building in my chest.
Its hurting. Not helping.
In this hour of sin.
Can we forget where we're going, where we're from, where we've been?
Let's focus on now cause I'm in your pull.
Spinning, spinning, spinning.
If I stop my top will drop.
Ending it all but I guess that's good.
So put your finger on it ans stop me.
Bring it down on itself. Bring it down.


TWMA,
Sacred_Secret

So Often

Its been a while. I just wanted to let you know I'm alive and working on something new! Fange' knows. And if I can get Perspective's email address....he will know too. But We'll see. I've noticed recently that life is easier if you're not IN it. Its waaaaay easier to stand on the sidelines and watch other people kick their feelings and hearts around. Of course, much like a train wreck, its hard to look away. Harder still not to groan in sympathy pain when somebody gets kneed in the jewels. You know what I mean?

Summer summer summer tiimmeee....

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

One armed hugs are the best. Chopped and Screwed.

I didn't Blog like i said i would. But i got caught up in Hw that i didn't REALLY finish. Tomorrow is gonna suck. And Its my fault. FML. twma

In The End Its All Fiction

“And after everything we’ve been through…after all that I’ve done and all that you’ve said…this is it?” My hands were trembling, my throat going dry while my eyes started to sting with unshed tears. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I needed to though. My mind needed what he was saying to be reinforced. He could only look down at his shiny red Jordans and shrug. I hated him for it, his indecisive head bowing. But you fell in love with that... I thought, the words whispering in my mind. Reminding me that I had, though I didn’t want to admit it, fallen in love with him. Ha! A little late now! He looked at me then, lifting his chocolate brown eyes to mine. I saw what looked like unsure, almost unstable resolve in his eyes. In his mind, he was set to do this. To end this relationship in which he obviously felt was one sided. I couldn’t hold his gaze. Couldn’t look him in the eye knowing that this…this tragic moment…this blunt ending was my fault. I had brought this on myself and it was not within my power to bring it back. I’d fucked up with him.

He was done.

My hand reached up and clasped the blood red garnet handing from around my neck. Who got that for you? I could feel his mood switch to angry as I played with the fragile chain. He noticed I hadn’t worn anything he’d gotten me. Honestly, that would bother me too. Since he wore the cologne I bought him everyday, and made it a point to let me know he still wore it. Even now, as the light summer breeze brushed past me, his scent was still heavy with it. The reason I hadn’t worn the necklace…or the ring, especially the ring, was because I was afraid of losing them, or breaking them. I had bad experiences with jewelry and didn’t want to have to tell him I lost the gorgeous ring and accidently snapped the thin gold chain. But communication was never our strong point, so I guess he thought I just didn’t like them. I fisted my hand around the little gem, and tugged gently in anxiousness. I had to force myself to drop my hand away. This is exactly why you can’t have nice things. I scolded myself and glanced up at him. His eyes and turned molten, churning with an unseen anger an unreleased sorrow. I wanted then to wrap my arms around him and shelter myself in his arms, but the way he was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, looking down at me said he wouldn’t have it. I bit my lip. It was really over, and there was nothing I could do to sweep it under the rug. I looked back down and studied the grass. Some ants were dragging a wasp to their nest and I shuddered, looking away. Gross.

When he finally spoke, I flinched his words startling me. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” I snapped my head up, my eyes searching his. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. I was still trying to figure out how to make this right. Not yet! Let me stall a little longer, please! But he was already walking toward his car across the beach parking lot. The gold paint glinted in the sunlight, waiting for me like a hellish carriage. Ready to drag me down. I reached out for him, and grabbed his sleeve, making him pause. “What?” he growled, his tone harsh. “Can we…make one more round first? I’m not ready.” He took a moment to debate if he wanted to walk up and down the beach with me again.

The verdict was positive.

He turned around and watched me for a second, then took off running toward the sand. Confused, I ran after him. Our feet spitting up sand and rock behind us. He was pulling his shirt off and letting it fly behind him, followed by his shoes and socks. I took the hint, pulling off my shirt and shoes as well. As his undershirt finally hit the sand he was already diving into the water, I was right behind him. The water was cold against my skin as a dove deep beneath its surface. Memories swamped me as the water swept my hair back behind me and tightened my jeans to my legs. We had spent so many summers here, swimming, playing volleyball, having bonfires, and just walking along the water at midnight. When I finally came up for air, he was floating there in front of me. “You remember all the time we spent here?” He smiled, obviously enjoying the memories. I nodded and pushed some of my hair away from my face.

He swam closer and I knew if I was standing, my legs would have given out. He put his hand to my cheek and brushed his thumb over my lips, holding my eyes with his. I didn’t speak, didn’t move, didn’t look away from him as he slid his hand into my hair. I felt his fingers curl into it and fist at the back of my skull, a tight grip on my hair. No pain. His pulled my head back firmly, a steady weight pulling my hair back into the water. Gasping, I bared my throat to him, he held me in that position for a moment before kissing my neck softly. We stayed there for a moment, suspended in the water like photographs, his lips pressed to my neck, my hands clutching his shirt and my nails digging into his shoulders. What should have lasted an eternity only lasted seconds. He let me go, smiled that adorably sexy smile and dove under me, apparently finished. Sighing, I retreated under the water as well and let loose a painful scream that would scare someone outside of the water.

He didn’t hear.

When we resurfaced and gathered our clothes, we walked back to his car and he drove me home. It wasn’t a quiet ride, with his stereo blasting Eminem and T-Pain, with the windows down and the wind whipping past. My hair was almost dry when he pulled into my driveway, my mom’s little car waiting in the slanted drive. “See you.” He said as I got out and grabbed my backpack from the backseat. “Yeah..see you.” I mumbled, closing the door softly. As I made my way to the front door, he pulled out and returned his music to its maximum volume. I watched from the porch as he drove out of the cul-de-sac. I stood there in the summer heat, water still dripping down my legs, until I couldn’t hear the bass of his music anymore. When it was quiet again, I slipped inside and stayed there for the rest of the summer. That three months wasn’t nearly long enough..

TWMA

I'm at Fange's track meet today. Its nice out. She's doing really well too. I am getting bored though. My fave events are over untill long jump.:) twma!

Uhm...I guess I'm writing from my phone. Kinda cool. Probably always very brief.

Sick...?

So I'm sick. As an intermission to my poem and my weird Jesus story/dream. I thought since I'm feeling like death and sitting at the computer listening to music, I should blog. Everything other than me feeling like shit is good. there isn't a whole lot to tell you...if you give a shit, Tyler is dating Abby. .... Yeah thats what I said. But its all good. They're...happy. So thats all that matters. I was typing with one hand for a while and things were moving really slowly.
Its WASL week, in other news. And I don't have to get up until 930 (technically) 'cause school starts, for me, at 10. But I went today at normal time (its an option) and wandered around until I ran into a friend and we ended up in the Ceramics room with another friend. We made dumb stuff and *crosses fingers* hopefully they'll get fired. ^_^ That was fun, and tomorrow I'll probably go in at the same time to do it again. 'Cause it was really fun. How did your past weekend go? I don't want to talk about mine. What are you doing next weekend? Thats cool...Uh....The song I'm listening to right now is;
"1,2,3,4" by the Plain White T's.
Normally, I can't stand them. But its an alright song. And I had to see what the hype was about. Well I guess, I'll go now and maybe lie down or something. Ugh....

Twma,
Sacred Secret

Telephone 1

I was sitting on the couch sippin' a dry martini, and watchin some dumb horror movie on T.V, You know the ones where all the women are stupid and the men die? Yeah. Anyway, watchin T.V when the phone rings. -RING RING RING- Thanks. So, I glance over at the caller ID and it says 'Calling...Home.' Sighing, I picked it up and expected my mother to launch into some crazy rant about how my socks are always dirty or something. With my eyes trying to see my brain I spoke into the receiver my reluctant greeting; "Hello?"
"Hey, Kris. How're you doing?"
I pulled the phone away from my ear, placed a hand over the speaker, and looked down at the Caller ID again. It said 'Connected...Home.' It shifted looks between the ID and the receiver as though one of them was lying to me. I didn't know who this guy was, or how he got my number but it was freakin' me out. He sounded like he could be my older brother if I had one. I reconnected my ear to the phone, still watching the ID to reassure myself it stayed on 'Home'.
"Who is this?"
"Will you believe me if I tell you?"
I rolled my eyes. "Well it depends on who you think you are."
"To be honest, I know my name and I know who I am. I'm calling to answer your questions though so, My name is Jesus."
It couldn't help it, laughter exploded from me and I almost spilled my martini. It was a good couple minutes before I could breathe again and reply, "Your name is what? Your not serious!"
"I expected that response. You asked me my name and I told you."
"I didn't want you to lie to me."
"I would never. What reason do I have?"
"I dunno. Prank call?"
"Prank call? I don't have time for prank calls, Kris. How can I prove this to you?"
"What am I thinking right now?"
"Your very confused, nervous, afraid. You think I'm crazy. You think your paranoid. This could never happen. Do they have phones in heaven?"
"Holy shit!...er...sorry about that."
He laughs. "Its alright, I like that one."
So I'm sitting there, blinking with my mouth pulling its own goldfish act. "Wow...Okay so...what did you call for...Sir? Mister? Do I call you My Lord or something?"
He's still snickering on the other end of the phone...wherever the other end was... "Nah, Jesus works, or Son, or whatever. Call me John if you want."
"What about Smithy?" I had just finished playing 'Smithy's Quest' online a while ago.
"If you want."
"Right. Okay, Smithy, what did you call for?"
"You had a question."
"Do you call everyone that has a question?"
"Everybody gets one."
"Okay then...Wait one question or one call?"
"Well obviously you get more than one question."
"Oh."
"So?"
"Okay...Why is the sky blue?"
He sighs and there's some kind of rattling on the other end. "That's a fluke. The atmosphere is really reflective so its mimicking the color of the water."
"Really?"
"Well I'm not lying."
"Right Right. Sorry."
"Its fine. Next? C'mon give me something difficult."
"Does everyone have a soul?"
More rattling, "Yes. Your soul determines where you wind up in the afterlife. Heaven, Hell, Earth, Limbo."
"Shit, there's really a Hell?"
"Wal-Mart exists doesn't it?"
"True..."



TBC....

Begin It

Let me tell you this, in words you'll understand.
Where music fails, and pens run dry,
And the keys stick to the board.
When your paint brush busts,
Your charcoal snaps.
Your muse runs from you screaming.
Let me tell you this in wors you'll understand
Cause theres nothing in this word better than
What we've got.
You had it and lost it
I found you there
In the gutter of the City, where no one knows
Your there.
And you needed me so I lent a hand
But you pushed me away,
Said you could stand.
So I watched, and I waited
For you to make your move.
But still you sit there,
Reclined and Recluse.
What can I do?
To mend what they've broken,
Won't you give me that final token?
The gift that will lead me to my Paradise
the field of your heart.
Your soul, that is Light.
Let me find your fountain of tears
and drain it of its sorrow
Let not another teardrop fall
Unless it falls in joy.



Finish It.

YO ITS INSANE THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT PASSES WhEN YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION.

really though. I'm seventeen. Its ridiculous.

Anybody seen "The Unborn"?

wanna see it REALLY bad.

But its whatever. How are you?
COMMENT! Just say hi. or something. Pwese?

Love,
Sacred Secret

Pssst!!!

Hey dude! Its snowing! In December! Holy cow! No really like, its snowing. We've had late start all week, yesterday school was closed. Today was late start then it started snowing hella hard and everybody went home. HAHAHA its awesome! Anyway, I figured I'd post again 'cause I have some time and nothing to do yet. I can't wait until Christmas, by the way. Its gonna be awesome. GIFTS. To be given! And gotten I'm sure but I'm not excited about those anymore. I want to show give gifts and see faces. YES! Its gonna be awesome. Now I have gifts for all the important people. My mom, Hito,Fange', John, Tyler, Lafa.* Everyone. All is well. ^_^ I'm excited!!! WOOHOO! I'm thinking that my gifts won't be as cool as other gifts but its the thought that counts right? MHM! I'm excited excited excited!!! I hope I'll be able to make it to Fange's this weekend. Cross your fingers!! Well I'm just here to tell you about the snow. Maybe I can get inspired today and look to a deeply neglected Cael. (SORRY! :( ) yup yup. See what I can do. So much free time, don't know what to do with myself. Keep it chill.

Bada bah bah bah!,
Sacred Secret

To Be

To be loved again.
Wanted again.
Remember what that feels like?
Warm arms wrap around you
Tender embraces
Fond memories
Someone to lean on in times of need.
To be wanted again.
To be loved again.
If only for a night.
Wouldn’t have to pay
For the acceptance I yearn for

It isn’t to be.
I’ve cursed myself to this.
No one to blame but my own calling
Now they all have fallen.
Those who called me by my name
Now lay in separate graves.
Those who call me now are whores.
Who want nothing more than coin.
Those I pay on the coldest nights
Have no name with which to turn my head

Every sigh I draw
Each moan and ragged panting
Scrapes raw at my soul
Lending me no breath of my own
Though my body strains and relaxes
Stress eased for a time
The weight upon my shoulders
Only grows heavier.
With no one to share this burden
I walk.
Guarding the world I once walked in.

Long ago I cursed myself
Blinded by pride, and greed
I experienced agony.
Watching those I have always loved
Fall into nothingness
Wither into dust.
Each member of my family,
Every woman I have ever taken into my heart.
Gone.
Forever alone I wander
Holding myself at a distance
From those who would hold me.
I will not make that mistake again.

When I walk this earth again
Among the living,
Among my friends
I will have proven I am capable
Of learning
Of trying.
I can understand mercy
And sacrifice.
I have learned pain and defeat.
Over the long years I have learned.
I am only One.
Against Many.
Though I may be strong
Perhaps fast and intelligent
There is always one better.
I must work.
Work to be better and learn.

When I may walk again
I hope to find my soul.
Wish to find the one who holds it
And die one day.
Surrounded by loved ones.
To be the one buried instead of the one to
Bury.

To be loved again.
Wanted again.
Do you remember what that feels like?

Remember?,

Sacred Secret

iPersonic

I Am A Sensitive Doer (SD)


Sensitive Doers are gentle, modest and reserved persons. They cope well with everyday life and like their privacy. With their quiet, optimistic nature, they are also good, sought-after listeners and other people feel well in their company. All in all, this type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and heir regard for others distinguish their personality. They are very caring, generous and always willing to help. They are open to and interested in everything that is new or unknown to them. However, if their inner value system or their sense of justice is hurt, Sensitive Doers can suddenly and surprisingly become forceful and assertive.
Sensitive Doers enjoy the comforts life offers to the full. They are very happy in everyday life.
Sensitive Doers are often gifted artists or very good craftsmen. Creativity, imagination and an especially keen perception are just a few of their strong points.

Sensitive Doers are very presence-oriented; long-term planning and preparations do not appeal to them. They take life as it comes and react flexibly to daily demands. They do not like too much routine and predictability. Their talents come more to the fore when work processes are variable and there are not so many rules. Sensitive Doers like to work alone; if they are part of a team, they do not get involved in competitive or power games and prefer living and working together harmoniously and openly.
Sensitive Doers are completely satisfied with a small, close circle of friends as their need for social contacts is not very marked. Here, too, they avoid conflicts - quarrels and disputes put considerable strain on them. Sensitive Doers are often very fond of animals and are very good with small children.
As partner, this type is loyal and reliable and is willing to invest a lot in a relationship. Mutual respect and tolerance are very important to Sensitive Doers. Their love of pleasure makes them a pleasant companion with whom one can experience intensive moments. They like to look after their partner with attentiveness and small gifts and are very sensitive to the partner’s needs - often more than to their own.
However, should they meet the wrong person, they run the risk of being taken advantage of. They are then deeply disappointed.


Adjectives which describe your type
introverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, sensitive, peace-loving, reserved, gentle, good-natured, independent, empathetic, friendly, playful, carefree, sympathetic, relaxed, quiet, modest, pleasure-loving, loyal, obliging, caring, helpful, optimistic



http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html


Who Are You?

$1

I gotta dollar! I gotta dollar! I gotta dollar! Hey hey hey hey!

Voices In My Head

So you can guess that sometimes when I'm bored (rather all the time for every reason) I recede into my head just to do whatever. And when I'm in my head someone else is here. Right? Right. So today i'm in my head, watching whoever is here (which just happens to be Christina) and she was walking through the halls at lunch, going to the choir room. Whatever. And gets tackled by my stalker (child abuse guy?) and she elbows him in the gut. HARD. It was like reflex. Instataneous. She didn't even like squeak when he pounced on her or anything just *pounce* *BAM* *whimper* It was great. And he backed off like "owwww why'd you do that?" And she was like "oh sorry you scared me." HAHAHAHA it was awesome. First I felt bad for him, then her, then it was hilarious. Anyway. Thats all I got for you. Oh yeah, quick rundown.

Math sucks
French is hard
History is cool
Physics is amazing
Science sucks
IB English SUCKS HARD

and thats it. My day was great and everything is good beans. Later, loves!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

P.S: F**K YEAH!

Away From Me

Ever want to just tell people to shut the hell up and go away? Me too.
Anyway, whats up guys? I'm good. I have so much IB homework right now because I'm SUCH A SLACKER. lol its my own fault but still. Jeez! I have to read an entire book, come up with a theme and start working on my essay this weekend. "Why aren't you doing it now?" you might ask. Well Its because as I said before: I'm a slacker. I'm a procrastinator. An underachiever*. And a Failure*. Woohoo! lol I love that. I also feel sick as hell. but that should go away soon....hopefully...and if not there's always meds! ^_^ yay! lol no drugs are bad...kinda...j/k j/k. So how have you all been this week? Didn't it go by super slow? I think it did. But my MySpace has gotten a lot of stardom. By me anyway. lol Dude. I want to be hyper but I'm tired. So only my thoughts and words are hyper. My body is like "What the hell, mind? Can I get some sleep?" and my mind is like "UHhhhh NO! Hahahahaha!" Y'know? It's gay. I want to bring bac that one Voice, cause he sleeps WAY hard. Like there is no waking that guy up unless he wants to be woke! lol I kid. His commander could probably do it. (and so can my alarm clock I guess) Or maybe he's just a very trained man. Lots of self-discipline. But people in the military tend to have that. In abundance. Trying to share with everyone. True? You know people like that? I do. Obviously. Hmmm....well thats it I guess. Go check out Fange's blog!

Love. Life. Laughter,
Sacred Secret

132

So this is my one hundredth and thirty second post. Sounds like big. but not as big as if I had blogged like everyday since I got this. Mr.Blog seems a little neglected...but happy. Maybe I should give him a make over. But like dude. I'm cold right now. Even though I took a 400 degree shower. (hotter than my normal shower cause I had to get the smell of PEOPLE off me) I went to the Twilight Tour thingy. It was cool. But I don't have a lot to say about it right now. So ask me later maybe. Uhmm...I'm bored. I don't really have a lot to say so I'll probably get offline and mull around a while before either going to sleep or getting back online. I dunno. We'll see.


"OMG RIGHT NOW",
Sacred Secret


P.S: Laurent is my new favorite....then Edward. ^_^

Watch It Fall

(unedited)

Something in the distance is calling me,
calling me
Telling me, telling me
I need to get up.
I've got to move, I've got to go.
Get going get going, you're missing it all
I can't take this pressure this insanity
Let me breathe let me be let me
Fly.
Now I want to take it off
Shed my clothing of society
Spread my wings, open my eyes
Take that running leap.
Let her go, watch her fall
Crubling into the mist
Falling into the endless abyss.
Let me take it off
Shed my skin
This cutting sin
Is banishing me from reality.
So let me go, watch me fall
Watch me fall
Part my lips and scream your name
Let me go 'til I can't breathe.
I can't wait any longer.
I've got to take the
Jump.
Let me go, watch me fall
Into this abyss of lonliness
Let me scream, let me die
Watch my pain.
I'm not thinking
I'm just sinking to the place
Where I Belong
So let me go, watch me fall
Watch me fall
Watch us fall...

Sacred Secret

OBAMA

OBAMA JUST WON DOOD. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right. He did it! What say you now, non-believers?

Yes We Can,

Sacred Secret

We've Got Spirit, Yes We Do!

Okay so there's this sign in the hallway at my school that says "Spirit takes ya high!"
Tell me honestly.
Doesn't that make you think of drugs?
And the sign is on bright paper with paint spatter all around it and crazy flowery stuff and stuff.
Tell me it doesn't remind you of drugs! Hippies and drugs dude. Really.
Anyway. DUDE! I'm A GOD-AUNT! lol *heart star squee*

lol you're probably like tres wtf I know but my guy-friends friend (yay Chels) said that I can be the god-aunt of her baby boy. I' m so super excited!!! Squee!! I want to get him a bunch of cutesy little baby things. She'll have to tell me when her shower is, 'cause I wanna go (if she'll let me)

Let's seee. School is fine (IB IS A B*TCH), life in general is almost puuuurrfect. It'll be better after the "flow". Y'know. But anywho....the Voices are goodish. There was some recent weirdness. Lots of fighting and a couple of people got hurt but nothing big. Everyone is fine now. I'd tell you more but I don't want to anymore. So I'll see you all later. Byeeee!!


Can't Wait!,
Sacred Secret

Color Quiz 3!!

YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!!!


COLOR QUIZ!

Sacred Secret's Existing Situation

Sensuous. Inclined to luxuriate in things which give gratification to the senses, but rejects anything tasteless, vulgar, or coarse.

Sacred Secret's Stress Sources

Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others. Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity. She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily. Feels herself to be completely competent in any field in which she engages, and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome.

Sacred Secret's Restrained Characteristics

Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for her to form a stable emotional attachment.
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Sacred Secret's Desired Objective

Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of experience. Wants to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt, to win, and to live intensely. Likes contacts with others and is enthusiastic by nature. Receptive to anything new, modern, or intriguing; has many interests and wants to expand her fields of activity. Optimistic about the future.

Sacred Secret's Actual Problem

The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

Sacred Secret's Actual Problem #2

Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.



Take The Quiz,
Sacred Secret

What's Really Good?

Dude I haven't blogged in forever. Sorry bout that. Not that anyone reads this anymore. Dude. I don't really wanna blog So I'm gonna post some lyrics and a picture describing how I feel. Okay?

And now I'll be a cool person and write up some lyrics for you!

"Into The Ocean" ---Blue October

I'm just a normal boy

That sank when I fell overboard

My ship would leave the country

But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again

Wish I was much more masculine

Maybe then I could learn to swim

Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down

I spin, colliding into sound

Like whales beneath me diving down

I'm sinking to the bottom of my

Everything that freaks me out

The lighthouse beam has just run out

I'm cold as cold as cold can be

be

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard

I keep looking each direction

For a spotlight, give me something

I need something for protection

Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine

the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind

I'm treading for my life believe me

(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think

I scream aloud, begin to sink

My legs and arms are broken down

With envy for the solid ground

I'm reaching for the life within me

How can one man stop his ending

I thought of just your face

Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun

I calculate what I had done

Like jumping from the bow(yeah)

Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)

It's midnight's late reminder of

The loss of her, the one I love

My will to quickly end it all

Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all

Into the ocean, end it all

Into the ocean, end it all

into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye)

end it all (goodbye)

(In to space)Into the ocean (goodbye)

end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye)

end it all (goodbye)

^^Repeat til the end^^

okay..done now...later guys.

twma,

sacred secret

Say Hey!

Hey! People what's going on?! I know it's been a while. I'm a horrible host. *ducks tomatoes* But at least I came back right? Yeah! I've had a good reason as to why I haven't been around anyway! I mean if I didn't have a reason I would just be a jerk. But I do have a reason and those of you that truly read this blog, or that truly know me know what it is/was. Now that that is all almost over and stuff I have better news. I'm Sick! Hooray! lol I hate being sick but it was kind of undeniable. Because Fange' was sick, so I was bound to be sick anyway. *shrug* Oh well. Hey Hey! School is pretty much over right!? Dude it's a been a long year but we made it. Class of '010! lol our number looks dumb, like messed up 101. but that's okay, cause we are in fact the BEST class. Hehehehee and our graduation is going to be awesome. MUWAHAHAHAHA I gotta go now, as I have some patrolling to do. Peace and Love!

Summertime '08,
Sacred Secret

P.S: "Proceed with caution, for this is the land where hearts are burned, morals are tested, and souls are pushed to their very limits. This land is not for the weak, or the easily deterred. This is the land of love." --- Anon. *YOU KNOW*

One Thing..

HAPPY PHURY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn!

Nothin' special right now. I'm working on a story about my friend again. I stopped for a while because I had to stop thinking about his ass. But now I'm back on it and it's looking good. I also have an oral quiz (ha-ha-ha) in French class and I'm sweatin' cause I have not been practicing at all. But enough of my complaining. how have you all been? EEEEKK! I can't wait until tommorrow because we're going to the beach!!!! (Hawaii really but hey!) I'm so excited. Von and his woman were going to come but...something "came up" lol if you knew. If you knew. So it will just be me and John. Hopefully. *crosses her fingers* Like I love having company when I'm out with him but singular is awesome too. Double dating is fun. With my friend and her b/f. It's mega fun. Haahaaa. Anyway have an awesome memorial weekend guys and tell me what you did! Gotta go play Wii now with the fam. Peace!

Wii Like To Play,
Sacred Secret

Blue Ribbon

Hey. I know I haven't been the best of host as of late but I'm seriously swamped with stuff. Like I bombed a math test on Monday-Tuesday. Like totally BOMBED it. Absolutely no chance of getting that one back. It sucks. Then today I was late to school and since I have French class first period I missed that class and I had a quiz in it. So I missed that too. Gonna have to stay after school sometime and take it. Freakin! Ahhhh! Anyway. So I've watched a couple movies since I posted last and "Juno" is amazingly awesome. Like I love it sooo much. Hooray for "Juno" !!!! Also, I've seen Apocalypto and that was awesome too. Hooray!

On another note, Nightmare's birthday is coming up. He'll be getting into the terrible twos. And it shows. -_-; God does it show. He's being such a brat lately. For instance. I got rid of my bunk bed and now I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor, true? and he gets up on my bed, strutin' like he's cool, then lays down, rolls over, almost falls off the bed. Then what does he dig his claws into so he doesn't fall? My arm of course!!! Yeah. It hurt. But it was like one in the morning so I couldn't scream. I just gasped kinda loud and waited for him to get his balance so he could retract his claws from my flesh. Who else is there to catch you but your parents? Those first few years anyway...

On the topic of parents. This guy I know at school. I don't know him very well he hits on me sometimes and we talk in French but otherwise we're not very close. He came to school today, (we have the same lunch so I saw him then) and his arm was covered in bruises. I was like "Oh my god what happened?" Mind you, this boy is my color. A little lighter but not much. And these bruises were extremely bright on him. He then sat down and told me how his dad beat him the night before with a belt, because he got four F's. Now I understand the need for discipline in this situation. Beating the crap out of him is NOT okay. I told him how I sympathized, I inquired as to if this had happened before, if he had told anyone previously about it. He said he dared not to. If the authorities came to their house his dad would go after him again, with or without the police. He proceeded to show me the larger, more painful bruises and welts, WELTS on his back and the back of his legs. I noticed that he was wearing unusually baggy clothes today. Probably to conceal the evidence.

My heart bled for him. Screamed out in protest that anyone could do this to their child. It isn't right. It's just...so wrong. So very wrong and unnecessary. I am so blessed that I have a loving, stable home. And I thank the stars everyday that I do. Because there are so many children out there that do not. And I feel so bad. To make matters worse for this boy, today is his birthday. He got nothing. I sheepishly told him I would bring him something tomorrow but he waved it off. He said he is used to not getting anything.

This is another thing I understand. But I think everyone should be able to celebrate, happily, the day they were born. They day they were blessed with life. And those who have touched their live and they in return touched someone else's.

God...I could go on forever about this. Child Abuse and Harassment is not an okay thing to do. I don't care who you are. Children are small, and defenseless. Helpless to do anything against the strength of a grown man or woman. Thousands of children die everyday because of child abuse. And even if it isn't continued abuse, children blame themselves for everything. If their parent is mad about something and takes it out on their child, all the while the question "What did I do?" will come through their heads. When they did nothing but simply be a child. Children are not little adults. You can't dress them up in formal adult clothing and expect them to act that way. They are meant to learn and play. To laugh and engage in mischievous little acts. Make friends, go to school, do arts and crafts. Adults are meant to guide and teach and nourish that little spirit. Not beat it down into submission. I could go on and on. but instead I want to show you something.

Murder is the ultimate form of child abuse. Multiple burns and human bites were only part of what killed this ten-month-old infant. His father was convicted of the killing.
Cited from : http://www.violence.de/prescott/hustler-new/article.html

I know this is brutal. I know, most of you already know that hitting and abusing a child is a horrible crime, not only of law but of moral. I know. but for those who don't I want to bring this to their attention. Stop the circles of child abuse. Save a little life.


Blue Ribbons For Kids,
Sacred Secret

Do It

I keep thinking that the need for posting will come back to me. But it hasn't yet. I've been working on a new series like thing of writingdom. It's about a friend of mine. He's awesome. And I end up upsetting him every time I talk to him. So it sucks. But I think I'm helping. Pah! Anywayz. Right now I'm watching Fraggle Rock. A hella old ass show, my mom used to watch when she was a kid. Well a teenager anyway. It's a pretty corny show, but it's got cool music. lol if that makes any sense. I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time but I haven't wanted to. So I'll see ya when I see ya.

Last to know, Last to show,
Sacred Secret

Sorry About That!

Whoa! It's been forever guys! And I have nothing to tell you! Look I'll admit...I've been cheating on you. With my Laptop. His name his James and he is a little younger than you are...alright! So he's a lot younger! But he treats me well! He's faster than you too! He doesn't have problems with loading, and he is easier to use. Look I don't want to argue with you about this. I just thought you would want to know! Don't yell at me! We have nothing left together! I'm sorry! No, I take that back I'm NOT sorry! You were a jerk to me! You never posted when I wanted you to and then when you did it looked bad! I couldn't handle it anymore so I found someone new. We've had a lot of good times together and I hope we can still be friends after this. Please? I don't want to end it like this Murphy! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(anyway school has been fine, everything is fine. Hi lover. The Counselor has a girlfriend. I'll tell you about that later. Hm what else? Oh wait..)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It can't end this way! I'll kill you so that no one else can have you! Wait! Wait! That's not necessary! Really I'll come back to you I promise! NO! You've already been using him haven't you? How many times have your hands touched his keys!? Tell me! I-I-I don't know! Murphy just calm down! AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! (ooo that had to hurt. Anyhow, how many of you read Lost Words? The blog I mean. I'm sure there's a book out there too. But you should read it (the blog) and get into the foxy loop. I love those too a lot so check them out! I think they might even post more than I do!) Murphy why!?! WHY!??! OH GOD! WAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! W-W-WAAAAHHHH!!! *cries hysterically* You didn't have to do it! I would have come back to you! I know we could have worked it out somehow! NOOOOO!!! (jeez...drama much. Those two are always fighting. Peh. Oh Nightmare is doing well. For those of you who tuned in during his bad break. When he was attacked by those dogs? Well he's sitting here in my lap all twelve pounds of him, rendering my typing skills almost useless.) *runs off screaming carrying Murphy's body with her* I know I can fix you!! Who Knows Alchemy!?!?!
.....okay then...anyway back to normal stuff. Maybe I'll post a picture of him when I get the chance. Which should be relatively soon. He's two now. God he's gotten so big since I got him. But I love him more and more all the time. Though the scratching could occur less...Don't even think I'm getting him declawed! That's just mean! Besides, the cats I know would be pissed. They all probably winced at the thought! (sorry bout that guys) Jeez some people...anywayz I'm gonna try to get a picture of Night for you so you can see how big he is. Later Gator.

Flyin In The Wrong Direction,
Sacred Secret

P.S: MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION DOESN'T COUNT ANYMORE!!!! =]