Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Breathe In
Breathe out.
Use the motion of the air to turn you. Let your brain be calm and clear. Washed away the sins of desire. Of greed. Of want. Of necessity. Let this cleansing breath wash away your thoughts. That horrid disease. Let it wash away sadness and despair. Let it wash away the Self.
Breathe In.
Let it bring in contentment. Wisdom. Hope. Enlightenment. Let it bring you in closer to the unity of the universe. Let it bring in all the goodness and all the light. May you be well with your new Whole.
In meditation, I am complete. I am able to bring my consciousness into myself and turn it off. I am able to think clearly. Devoid of emotion or thought of another's opinions. I am able to cleanse myself of the days sins and pray into the vast universe that someday, my cries will be heard.
That one day, I will no longer be forced to confide within myself. I will be able to speak freely. Without the hash bite of the lying snake on my tongue. Without the bitter acid that drips down my throat as I swallow the truth. Without the dreadful sinking in the ppit of my stomach that haunts me with each breath come the eve.
I long to be without Self. To be carefree. Existentialist. iew life through glass. I am untouched. Thusly, I make no impact.
Verily, I am unimportant. Without purpose. If i must have one, let it only be to experience my own pattern of life. Set before me by Fate, Destiny, and Happenstance.
My mantra. "Thinking is a disease I can cure. I can quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace. I am in control of my body. It does not control me. Quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace."
Try the Om. Just repeat it. It isn't hard.
Stop thinking about it.
Just say it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Again.
Good.
Om,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Meditation is good for when you're trying to sleep. :)
Use the motion of the air to turn you. Let your brain be calm and clear. Washed away the sins of desire. Of greed. Of want. Of necessity. Let this cleansing breath wash away your thoughts. That horrid disease. Let it wash away sadness and despair. Let it wash away the Self.
Breathe In.
Let it bring in contentment. Wisdom. Hope. Enlightenment. Let it bring you in closer to the unity of the universe. Let it bring in all the goodness and all the light. May you be well with your new Whole.
In meditation, I am complete. I am able to bring my consciousness into myself and turn it off. I am able to think clearly. Devoid of emotion or thought of another's opinions. I am able to cleanse myself of the days sins and pray into the vast universe that someday, my cries will be heard.
That one day, I will no longer be forced to confide within myself. I will be able to speak freely. Without the hash bite of the lying snake on my tongue. Without the bitter acid that drips down my throat as I swallow the truth. Without the dreadful sinking in the ppit of my stomach that haunts me with each breath come the eve.
I long to be without Self. To be carefree. Existentialist. iew life through glass. I am untouched. Thusly, I make no impact.
Verily, I am unimportant. Without purpose. If i must have one, let it only be to experience my own pattern of life. Set before me by Fate, Destiny, and Happenstance.
My mantra. "Thinking is a disease I can cure. I can quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace. I am in control of my body. It does not control me. Quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace."
Try the Om. Just repeat it. It isn't hard.
Stop thinking about it.
Just say it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Again.
Good.
Om,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Meditation is good for when you're trying to sleep. :)
Thursday, May 06, 2010
May.
So I'm posting from Physics for one thing. For another thing. I have so much going on this month its ridiculous. Honestly.
It is.
INSANITY.
But. I'll deal.
Cause that's how I roll.
Hahahaha.
More Later! Stay Tuned!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
It is.
INSANITY.
But. I'll deal.
Cause that's how I roll.
Hahahaha.
More Later! Stay Tuned!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Monday, April 26, 2010
Annnyywwaaayy....
Ohh guys. Guess what?
NOTHING
lol I'm sorry. I'm just bored and I want t o write but I shouldn't be writing because I should be Working on my essay. but true to proper slacker form I hear "Not due until Wednesday at 12AM" and I say "I'll do it on Wednesday at 9PM. No big." Sha? lol i'm a failure I know. It's okay though something will kick in and I'll start working. Something like click!OH SHIT. Haahaahaa. It'll happen. I'm not worried.
So how have you been? Good I hope. i'm leaning over my computer (laptop) like a typical nerd butt. It's fun. i feel like I'm hacking into a secret base! Ooo..lol soooooo
LOVER MINE
Comes out tomorrow.
I earned fifteen dollars today, coupled with the fourteen I already had?
Guess what I'm getting ;)
Mmmm....
Anyway, I'm gonna go now and I'll post what I end up writing (unless it just so happens to be my essay, in which case I won't.)
K bye!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I'm trying to stop lying. Help me?
NOTHING
lol I'm sorry. I'm just bored and I want t o write but I shouldn't be writing because I should be Working on my essay. but true to proper slacker form I hear "Not due until Wednesday at 12AM" and I say "I'll do it on Wednesday at 9PM. No big." Sha? lol i'm a failure I know. It's okay though something will kick in and I'll start working. Something like click!OH SHIT. Haahaahaa. It'll happen. I'm not worried.
So how have you been? Good I hope. i'm leaning over my computer (laptop) like a typical nerd butt. It's fun. i feel like I'm hacking into a secret base! Ooo..lol soooooo
LOVER MINE
Comes out tomorrow.
I earned fifteen dollars today, coupled with the fourteen I already had?
Guess what I'm getting ;)
Mmmm....
Anyway, I'm gonna go now and I'll post what I end up writing (unless it just so happens to be my essay, in which case I won't.)
K bye!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I'm trying to stop lying. Help me?
Supposta Blog
This is a blog from forever ago that I just didn't get around to posting. Here ya go :)
February 22, 2010
It’s technically Monday. Seems like super Monday. You know, like its been Monday for weeks. Maybe that’s just because I’m tired. Probably. Bleh. I don’t know what to write about. I’m just writing because it’s good for the soul. Nothing nothing nothing. blah! Empty head with no words to fill it. clamber out into a wild pit. start fighting like they’re crazy. crazy jumping beans. maybe with practice I’ll be able to hit the keys separately like they’re supposed to be hit and not have to hit backspace every five letters. Even though the keys are big and spaced apart, I’m having problems. Maybe it’s because they’re so big and spaced apart. That’s probably it. Perhaps, it would help if I typed like a normal person and not like a random freakoid. I know freakoid isn’t a word. But I can’t say I care. I’m gonna go make up some people that don’t exist. I’m gonna put it under Profiles. And maybe someday I’ll pull them up and breathe life into them. I’ll give them a little back ground story and them when I set them on their feet in the real world they can run with it as they wish. Yup. Sounds good.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret.
February 22, 2010
It’s technically Monday. Seems like super Monday. You know, like its been Monday for weeks. Maybe that’s just because I’m tired. Probably. Bleh. I don’t know what to write about. I’m just writing because it’s good for the soul. Nothing nothing nothing. blah! Empty head with no words to fill it. clamber out into a wild pit. start fighting like they’re crazy. crazy jumping beans. maybe with practice I’ll be able to hit the keys separately like they’re supposed to be hit and not have to hit backspace every five letters. Even though the keys are big and spaced apart, I’m having problems. Maybe it’s because they’re so big and spaced apart. That’s probably it. Perhaps, it would help if I typed like a normal person and not like a random freakoid. I know freakoid isn’t a word. But I can’t say I care. I’m gonna go make up some people that don’t exist. I’m gonna put it under Profiles. And maybe someday I’ll pull them up and breathe life into them. I’ll give them a little back ground story and them when I set them on their feet in the real world they can run with it as they wish. Yup. Sounds good.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
I Want My 90's Nickleodeon Back!
YouTube makes me sad, cause they have all these theme songs to shows I loved. It makes me wanna go back to the old days!! To The Amanda Show, and All That and Kenan and Kel. You remember Doug? Hey Arnold? Gullah Gullah Island, Clarissa Tells All, Sister Sister! Oh man! I want my shows! lol if anyone can get me like a flash back of those shows. I would love you forever. Hahahaha. Anyway. As you know, my loyal followers, I love hearing from you so please comment and such. Please? ^_^ Love you all. Peace!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
"Cael..." Keara moaned softly digging her nails into hard, muscled shoulders. Quick breaths punctuated each thrust as she met his hips with her own in the sensual rhythm they had created. His dark mahogany hair spilled over his shoulders, mixing and blending with her own golden tresses that slid silkily over their entwined bodies. Keara felt him tense above her, curling his fingers into hers with a quick twitch. A telltale sign of his coming release. She took this moment to wrap her legs around his hips, pulling him deeper into her body. Dragging her nails down his chest she stared up into vivid emerald green eyes waiting to see him overcome in rapture. As he reached his peak, she slipped her free hand under her pillow smiling as his eyes fluttered closed, the moan that escaped his lips was lost on a choking gurgle as blood poured from his chest and dripped off his lips. "Keara...?" he whispered hoarsely, confusion and pain mixing on his silhouetted countenance. She forced away the grimace as his blood pooled and slid down the sides of her naked flesh, telling herself to remain looking in those eyes. Eyes that dulled with each passing second, listening to breath that heaved and muscles that shook with the effort to even now, keep his heavier body off her smaller one. "Why?" He choked spitting blood against her neck. Dropping her hand from the intricate dagger she had plunged into his stomach, she reached up to wipe off her neck. "Because!" She spat, stormy blue eyes glaring into his, "I heard about you with that whore, and I refuse to be your fall back girl. It's me or no one." She was determined to stay strong during all this, even as agonized tears raced down his cheeks, soaking his thick lashes. "I've never been with anyone...but...you..." he sputtered, his arms going limp dropping his deadened weight onto her fragile body she heard him murmur on his final breath "Loved only you...Keara..."
Sing Along.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAaXD9PscQs&feature=related
If you've never heard this song before, shame on you. If you clicked on it, listened to it and fell in love or burst into tears. I love you. Needing music to sing along dramaticaly to. I'm hurting my throat. But it hurts so fucking good.
Twma,
Sacred Secret.
If you've never heard this song before, shame on you. If you clicked on it, listened to it and fell in love or burst into tears. I love you. Needing music to sing along dramaticaly to. I'm hurting my throat. But it hurts so fucking good.
Twma,
Sacred Secret.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Lays
So, its Spring Break, and I'm bored. I really really really wanna go downtown. But I don't have anyone to ride the bus with me and I'm a scaredy lonely kid so I'll just wait until tomorrow when we get my ID and hopefully do something fun. Oh that reminds me, I have to plan something cool for French club. Like go to the Zoo or the aquarium or something. That'd be fun right? I think so. Anyway, uhm..how is your spring break going? If its not your spring break what did you do? Or what are you going to do? I'm sorry I'm such a horrible blogger lately. But I guess thats to be expected when you have a life. Uh, Oh! Xzavior. He's big now. Not nearly in as much danger as before. They've got him in clothes and he eats alot and we can hold him and stuff. It's cool. So yeah. I'm cold. Gonna do something else now. KTHXBAI.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thoughts #3
When I first saw you, I already knew. There was something inside of you. Something I thought that I would never find. Do you recognize it? Maybe you shouldn't. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just writing so I can stop thinking about writing so I can do my homework. I've been on Gaia alot. Just earning gold and donating to people. I also got a Formspring. You know, the little boxes where people can ask you stuff anonymously? There cool I guess. I started classes at the college yesterday. Intro to Literature with Mrs. McCollum. We aren't supposed to call her that though. She wants us to call her Jenn. Which is cool. I'm fine with that. I'll have to get used to it though. Uhmm what else? Oh. Artemis (after the Goddess, not the stupid book). She's our new cat. She has a little purple collar with a purple bell. She's striped black, white, gray, and brown. She's a little super spazz let me tell you that right now. She isn't as big of a jerk as Night was when he was a kitten, but its really too soon to tell, y'know? Uhm Spring break is next week! (for high school @_@) Exciting! I think there is a reason why high school spring break and college spring break is different. Probably because it's hard to tell the difference between a senior in high school and a freshman in college. You know? I couldn't tell the difference, and I'm sure it would be difficult for you. What else what else? Lalalala...hmmm...maybe again later. I actually had something to blog about a while ago, but it escapes me now. Bah!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Thoughts #2
I don't really know what I'm thinking about. I'm just writing to tell myself that I did. I'm too deep. Too deep into the real world to even feel myself anymore. I need to stop lying to everyone. That alone, is taking me down a path I don't want to see the end to. So for the people that even read this far that I have lied to, I'm sorry. I must admit to some things.
First of all, She's Not Real. My "girlfriend" doesn't exist. She never did. She never will. Though I claim myself to be such the sexual deviant, I am not. I have never lain with anyone. Nor do I plan to in the near future. Admittedly, I regret wholeheartedly not taking the chance to lose this obnoxious burden of virginity when I had the bloody chance. Now, I'm stuck with it. And I'm terrified I may be stuck with it forever, so I lie. And I tell people about what a playa I am in my own dreaming's. I know how well I have you fooled. Wrapped around my fingers, I'm playing your minds like puppets of strings. Simple. Agile. Clever weaving's of words that intrigue you to believe me. But I'll warn you away even now, from this spiders web. Its sick, and poisoned.
Secondly, I want to apologize and clarify a few things for some other people. I do believe in God. I believe in a higher power and what not. I do not believe that everything I do determines what happens to me when I'm dead. I do not believe that this higher power, be they male, female, or un-gendered, has any say over what I say or do. I do not believe that this 'person' can make things happen to or for me. Though I may on the occasion 'pray' or make wishes toward this higher power, I have no true faith in it. I will support my friends and family who believe in such things. I will not combat them and say their belief's are wrong or stupid or ungrounded. That is not the kind of person I want to become.
Also, I believe in the possibility of everything. I believe wishes can come true, that vampires, Santa, the Easter bunny, and fairies all exist. I believe in demons and ghosts and apparitions. I believe in divine intervention. I believe in the possibility of all of these things. You don't? That's nice. You do? That's nice. Another thing, I accept homosexuality. I except heterosexuality too. I accept bisexual people, tri-sexual people, and pansexual people as well. I'm a firm believer in Love is Love. I will not judge you for loving someone out of your race, religion, country, or what have you. I won't discriminate if you have a lover who is the same gender as you or different. Nor will I turn my nose up if the two of you significantly differ in age. Actually, I probably won't even blink if you say you're related. That's how it works. Love is love is love. It's uncontrollable, its taboo, its wanton, its lusty. It is full of ups and downs and back alleys and busy streets. Sometimes you get lost, back up and try again. I will not judge you if you are on a different path than me. I may ask you for advice, or try to give you a helping hand. But only if you ask for it.
However. I must say this, to acknowledge it myself. I am human. I am not of a higher species. I am not a prophet. I am not gifted with a higher intelligence than anyone else. I do not belong to a secret race that has yet to claim me. I am mortal. I am human. There is nothing presented to me thus far that allows me to change this. I'm fine with that.
Moving on, to the people I deeply care for. I'm sure you know who you are if you've read this far. I want you to know that despite how I may or may not act toward you; I love you. Dearly do I love you. I want you by my side every waking moment of the day. I think about you constantly and seek out your approval even if it is not outright. I look for chances to be with you and jump at them. If something I love to do conflicts with being with you, I will drop my favorite activity in a heart beat to stand by your side. Even if it's humiliating. Even if its awkward. Even if I'm not really wanted there by anyone else. As long as You approve of me. I am content.
Now. With all that said and done. There are a few people I want to personally contact me for other...confessions. If you think you are one of them...text me. Call me. Comment, or PM. I don't care. Just...talk to me. I need this. If I want to be a better person for You. For myself. I don't mean to put pressure on you. But I'm trying to learn how to live, and I don't want to be angry at myself later because I'm doing it wrong.
Advise me.
Please.
Cynthia.
First of all, She's Not Real. My "girlfriend" doesn't exist. She never did. She never will. Though I claim myself to be such the sexual deviant, I am not. I have never lain with anyone. Nor do I plan to in the near future. Admittedly, I regret wholeheartedly not taking the chance to lose this obnoxious burden of virginity when I had the bloody chance. Now, I'm stuck with it. And I'm terrified I may be stuck with it forever, so I lie. And I tell people about what a playa I am in my own dreaming's. I know how well I have you fooled. Wrapped around my fingers, I'm playing your minds like puppets of strings. Simple. Agile. Clever weaving's of words that intrigue you to believe me. But I'll warn you away even now, from this spiders web. Its sick, and poisoned.
Secondly, I want to apologize and clarify a few things for some other people. I do believe in God. I believe in a higher power and what not. I do not believe that everything I do determines what happens to me when I'm dead. I do not believe that this higher power, be they male, female, or un-gendered, has any say over what I say or do. I do not believe that this 'person' can make things happen to or for me. Though I may on the occasion 'pray' or make wishes toward this higher power, I have no true faith in it. I will support my friends and family who believe in such things. I will not combat them and say their belief's are wrong or stupid or ungrounded. That is not the kind of person I want to become.
Also, I believe in the possibility of everything. I believe wishes can come true, that vampires, Santa, the Easter bunny, and fairies all exist. I believe in demons and ghosts and apparitions. I believe in divine intervention. I believe in the possibility of all of these things. You don't? That's nice. You do? That's nice. Another thing, I accept homosexuality. I except heterosexuality too. I accept bisexual people, tri-sexual people, and pansexual people as well. I'm a firm believer in Love is Love. I will not judge you for loving someone out of your race, religion, country, or what have you. I won't discriminate if you have a lover who is the same gender as you or different. Nor will I turn my nose up if the two of you significantly differ in age. Actually, I probably won't even blink if you say you're related. That's how it works. Love is love is love. It's uncontrollable, its taboo, its wanton, its lusty. It is full of ups and downs and back alleys and busy streets. Sometimes you get lost, back up and try again. I will not judge you if you are on a different path than me. I may ask you for advice, or try to give you a helping hand. But only if you ask for it.
However. I must say this, to acknowledge it myself. I am human. I am not of a higher species. I am not a prophet. I am not gifted with a higher intelligence than anyone else. I do not belong to a secret race that has yet to claim me. I am mortal. I am human. There is nothing presented to me thus far that allows me to change this. I'm fine with that.
Moving on, to the people I deeply care for. I'm sure you know who you are if you've read this far. I want you to know that despite how I may or may not act toward you; I love you. Dearly do I love you. I want you by my side every waking moment of the day. I think about you constantly and seek out your approval even if it is not outright. I look for chances to be with you and jump at them. If something I love to do conflicts with being with you, I will drop my favorite activity in a heart beat to stand by your side. Even if it's humiliating. Even if its awkward. Even if I'm not really wanted there by anyone else. As long as You approve of me. I am content.
Now. With all that said and done. There are a few people I want to personally contact me for other...confessions. If you think you are one of them...text me. Call me. Comment, or PM. I don't care. Just...talk to me. I need this. If I want to be a better person for You. For myself. I don't mean to put pressure on you. But I'm trying to learn how to live, and I don't want to be angry at myself later because I'm doing it wrong.
Advise me.
Please.
Cynthia.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Empty Eyes
Raise empty eyes to empty skies.
Scream empty prayers to empty ears.
Let fall your mask of pain.
For in this rain of troubles,
sunlight will shine again.
This day of agony is only once,
just a test and nothing more.
But your advisor in this test
is cheating you, my dear.
Love is what will pass you through.
So study, do not wait.
For it is a fleeting, touchy thing
And mistakes it will not make.
So grab quick at its colorful wings,
hold fast its nimble feet.
For so long you've waited at this creek,
with taciturn smile and sullen feet.
Then a miracle came along,
and revived your day anew.
With a joyous cry you rose,
and sang out!
Much to your own surprise,
the miracle cried back.
It called to you like a siren does
with very little warning.
It robbed you of your heart and soul
leaving only confused senses.
Weave not, on feet of golden sandals,
you've reached the promise land.
N'ere again will you raise
empty eyes to empty skies
or scream empty prayers to empty ears.
For your miracle is hear,
to fight away all your
Fears.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired. I'll see try to remember to talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Rhyming poems are hard for me to write.
Scream empty prayers to empty ears.
Let fall your mask of pain.
For in this rain of troubles,
sunlight will shine again.
This day of agony is only once,
just a test and nothing more.
But your advisor in this test
is cheating you, my dear.
Love is what will pass you through.
So study, do not wait.
For it is a fleeting, touchy thing
And mistakes it will not make.
So grab quick at its colorful wings,
hold fast its nimble feet.
For so long you've waited at this creek,
with taciturn smile and sullen feet.
Then a miracle came along,
and revived your day anew.
With a joyous cry you rose,
and sang out!
Much to your own surprise,
the miracle cried back.
It called to you like a siren does
with very little warning.
It robbed you of your heart and soul
leaving only confused senses.
Weave not, on feet of golden sandals,
you've reached the promise land.
N'ere again will you raise
empty eyes to empty skies
or scream empty prayers to empty ears.
For your miracle is hear,
to fight away all your
Fears.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired. I'll see try to remember to talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Rhyming poems are hard for me to write.
Monday, January 25, 2010
"I feel its gonna Rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away. "
I don't really know whats going on today. It was a good enough day, I suppose. I don't know what happened. Oh wait..Yes I do. Sixth period. That ruined my day. I don't know if its just me, and my personality, or if its everyone. But I don't take kindly to being told I'm not doing my best. I don't want you to come up and tell me that I don't know what I'm doing, or that I'm letting everyone down, or how much of a disgrace to society I am.
Maybe its just me, but I don't appreciate that. Actually, now that I've had time to truly think about the feeling I'm having...I think I'm offended. Truly offended. How dare he have the gall to say such a thing to me, to my class! He may not have been speaking directly to me, but I still take great offense to his long, drawn out, and otherwise pointlessly offense and ineffective lecture. What gives him the right? Honestly!
-sighs- I really needn't get so worked up over this. Why am I even dwelling on the subject in the first place? Who cares...Anyway. I'm not going to let that drag me down into a torturous abyss of unhappiness. I've mentally worked extremely hard to come to where I am, and I refused to relinquish that control to someone who doesn't know me. Someone who only Assumes he can predict my actions or thoughts. Ugh, the nerve. Really though!
No. No. No.
I am a better person than that.
I have no need to gripe about this any more. It's done and over with, far into the past. I've had my moment. And now I need to move on.
How was your day, love? I hope it was well. Mine was alright. No unsettling news or disappointments. I did experience a heart flutter in the middle of fourth period, making me lose my breath for a good fifteen, twenty minutes. Ridiculous, I know. But it happened.
What else can I say? Oh, I'm hoping to change my schedule sometime this week. Probably during lunch, which is just unfortunate really. Because I do use that time to relax and recuperate from the constant onslaught of nagging and pushing and reprimand. I only ever really encourage scolding from two people and trust me none of my teachers fit the bill. I loves my Julian. I loves my John. Heehee, I loves them sooooo much. Like, alot alot.
Well, I guess I'm done now. I should probably do something constructive. Like work on my newest "one-pager" as Max has deemed them. Really, its TWO pages. Front, and back. ^_^ but he says that's only one actual page. Bah. Whatever. He's a stoopid head. Heeheehee.
lol KTHXBAI
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: "He was a boy, She was a girl. Cannot make it anymore obvious. He wanted her, she'd never tell that secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes." I let the boy go cause I thought I wasn't good enough. I changed, and know I'm beginning to see that maybe.......I never will be.
Maybe its just me, but I don't appreciate that. Actually, now that I've had time to truly think about the feeling I'm having...I think I'm offended. Truly offended. How dare he have the gall to say such a thing to me, to my class! He may not have been speaking directly to me, but I still take great offense to his long, drawn out, and otherwise pointlessly offense and ineffective lecture. What gives him the right? Honestly!
-sighs- I really needn't get so worked up over this. Why am I even dwelling on the subject in the first place? Who cares...Anyway. I'm not going to let that drag me down into a torturous abyss of unhappiness. I've mentally worked extremely hard to come to where I am, and I refused to relinquish that control to someone who doesn't know me. Someone who only Assumes he can predict my actions or thoughts. Ugh, the nerve. Really though!
No. No. No.
I am a better person than that.
I have no need to gripe about this any more. It's done and over with, far into the past. I've had my moment. And now I need to move on.
How was your day, love? I hope it was well. Mine was alright. No unsettling news or disappointments. I did experience a heart flutter in the middle of fourth period, making me lose my breath for a good fifteen, twenty minutes. Ridiculous, I know. But it happened.
What else can I say? Oh, I'm hoping to change my schedule sometime this week. Probably during lunch, which is just unfortunate really. Because I do use that time to relax and recuperate from the constant onslaught of nagging and pushing and reprimand. I only ever really encourage scolding from two people and trust me none of my teachers fit the bill. I loves my Julian. I loves my John. Heehee, I loves them sooooo much. Like, alot alot.
Well, I guess I'm done now. I should probably do something constructive. Like work on my newest "one-pager" as Max has deemed them. Really, its TWO pages. Front, and back. ^_^ but he says that's only one actual page. Bah. Whatever. He's a stoopid head. Heeheehee.
lol KTHXBAI
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: "He was a boy, She was a girl. Cannot make it anymore obvious. He wanted her, she'd never tell that secretly she wanted him as well. But all of her friends stuck up their nose, they had a problem with his baggy clothes." I let the boy go cause I thought I wasn't good enough. I changed, and know I'm beginning to see that maybe.......I never will be.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Ram Pride Day!
GO RAMS!
lol Yeeaaah!
Its Ram Pride day at my school.
Im dressed up like a weirdo cause its Spiritful!
Heehee.
GO MRHS!
(btw, my sub in urner's class is annoying >_<)
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Thursday, January 21, 2010
With nothing but love...
I can't say much right now. I'm tired. And I don't know. Nothing's wrong. I just thought I'd post. I noticed how much happier and less angsty my posts have gotten since just last year. (WOO GO ME! ^_^) Meditation REALLY helped. Thanks to The Counselor . Haven't talked about him in a while, huh? He's doing fine, btw. Him and his girlfriend moved in together and they are happy. Of course, he still has his issues and she still has her problems. But I believe they are working on it all together. Which is good. I luvs them. Hmm what else can I tell you? Hi! To all the people who read my blog! lol if you comment, maybe I'll give you a gift! ;) Anyway, thats about all. I'm gonna try to do that one-secret-a-day thing again. See what happens.
*Note: this is not considered a resolution, just something I might do on/off.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: When I'm reading, at the computer, or playing video games I will mentally acknowledge that I have to pee and then wait until the last possible moment to get up and go. Weird, I know.
*Note: this is not considered a resolution, just something I might do on/off.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: When I'm reading, at the computer, or playing video games I will mentally acknowledge that I have to pee and then wait until the last possible moment to get up and go. Weird, I know.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Color Quiz 4!
It's obviously that time again. Wanna try your hand?
Your Existing Situation
"Works well with others, as long as she doesn't have to take the lead. Longs for relationships which are understanding and relatively conflict-free."
Your Stress Sources
"Her normal flexible and stubborn attitude has become weakened because she feels overworked, tired and as if she is stuck in a rut. The situation seems helpless and is causing her to physically feel the strain, she is searching for a solution but she is unable to make a decision on how to go about making the changes."
Your Restrained Characteristics
"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."
Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.
"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."
Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.
Your Desired Objective
Believes that ideas and emotions should come together and unite perfectly. Refuses to make compromises or negotiate.
Your Actual Problem
"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. she tends to act out as a way of covering up her short comings and blames other people for her failures."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Fear of being prevented from achieving the things she wants causes her to take advantage of all types of other experiences, but then denies any of them have value to her. her destructive behavior is her way of escaping and hiding the helplessness she feels."
The Color Quiz
Good Luck.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Your Existing Situation
"Works well with others, as long as she doesn't have to take the lead. Longs for relationships which are understanding and relatively conflict-free."
Your Stress Sources
"Her normal flexible and stubborn attitude has become weakened because she feels overworked, tired and as if she is stuck in a rut. The situation seems helpless and is causing her to physically feel the strain, she is searching for a solution but she is unable to make a decision on how to go about making the changes."
Your Restrained Characteristics
"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."
Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.
"Feels she is carry more than her share of problems. she is flexible and laid back, sticking to her goals and working to overcome any difficulty."
Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.
Your Desired Objective
Believes that ideas and emotions should come together and unite perfectly. Refuses to make compromises or negotiate.
Your Actual Problem
"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. she tends to act out as a way of covering up her short comings and blames other people for her failures."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Fear of being prevented from achieving the things she wants causes her to take advantage of all types of other experiences, but then denies any of them have value to her. her destructive behavior is her way of escaping and hiding the helplessness she feels."
The Color Quiz
Good Luck.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Mental Blogging
Okay so last night, I thought a blog in my head and mentally posted it. It was weird. I had an awkward awake dream. It was just weird. I'm not going to post it on here because it was about ghosts and I don't want to give people nightmares. ;) So how have you been? Blog people are cool. I had a dream about you!!!!! I had so many dreams last night. But there was one and you were knocking on my door in the middle of the night, it was pouring outside. Ridiculous right? Anyway, you didn't have your car you walked all the way to my house. You were soaking wet and we let you in and gave you a towel. We insisted that you sleep here, on the couch. But I yelled at them and said you should sleep in my room, not like you haven't already. So I gave you a wife-beater and some pants and we curled up together and went to sleep. I imagined sleeping better than I ever had before. Like all those times you had ever come over and fallen asleep next to me. It was amazing. lol I know Im hella dumb but thats what it was like. Seems like I've been dreaming about you alot lately....
See You In My Dreams,
Sacred Secret
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