Today is the first day I've felt semi-normal. I took a walk down the block during the rain storm (so refreshing!) and snapped some pictures.It was delightful, and I felt very...new. Everything is new. I'm still getting used to this place, of course, but I'm settling in. It is very difficult to live out of a suitcase though.
Most of today, I read, and watched my cousins play video games.Because of the thunderstorm, no one really went out. Except me. I accidentally got to walk with my eldest cousin when he came back from work. Because I was already outside and caught him coming up the street.He inquired about my weird need to be in the rain. Simply, its comforting.
Later, about an hour and a half ago, my aunt, forgetting about my computer, turned off the internet. So we went for a walk. Which turned out to be a pleasant event. I learned a lot. Like the New York terminology for buildings and "supermarkets". It was an interesting experience. We also grabbed some cheap pizza (which tasted pretty good, but my slice was burnt). They are really generous with the slices! They're HUGE. Which is wonderful. Tomorrow, I think I'll walk a little farther. I guess we are going to have a little guest tomorrow. I'm getting mixed messages about her behavior. So...that will be interesting.
Tonight, my youngest cousin is sleeping in her own bed. So I should be able to get some sleep. Ha! I took the funniest picture of her last night. But I can't upload it. It went something like this though.
Cousin, sleeping in the CENTER of the mattress. Me standing above her disdainfully. Then! An idea.
-Pokemon battle music-
A Wild Snorlax appeared!
Mercy sent out CAMERA PHONE
CAMERA PHONE used FLASH!
It wasn't very effective...
CAMERA PHONE! Come back!
Mercy sent out AUTHORITY!
The wild SNORLAX used SNORE!
It wasn't very effective...
AUTHORITY used SHOVE!
It was super effective!
The Wild SNORLAX fainted!
Hahaha! Do you see how funny that situation could have been?? My cousin being the Snorlax of course. Ahh...it was hilarious.I haven't tried actually writing yet. And I think that might be because there's so much to see and do and people to talk to. I can't concentrate on any writing but this. Since it's just a scribbling of my thoughts, it isn't hard. Plus, I do it when everyone else is asleep. :) Clever me, I know.
Anyway, despite actually doing stuff today, I don't have much to talk about. It seems like my mind is trying to rewire its self so it's hard to think about things for very long. I told my mom I would call her tomorrow. I Voxed her and Pooka earlier. He was very excited to hear my voice.
I think its harder for the people you leave behind. I'm distracted from missing them as much as they miss me because of all the new stuff I'm surrounded by.But they are in their regular lives doing the same things they usually do, just without me. So they notice my absence a lot more. I know that I'm away from them, and I feel that missing space. But it's so fleeting in my mind. Like, look! It's already day three! I know its going faster to me than it is to them. It helps that I'm ahead by three hours. But still. I have faith that they'll be alright.
Sweetness, I hope you do just as much growing, in your own way, that I do.
I have trust in you.
Well, I'm gonna go do something else now. I love you all. Goodnight.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S.: In New York, when some one checks you out, you say "he was sayin hi to you."
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
New York: Day 2
So far, so good.
I "woke up" this morning at around 7:30am. I put those words in quotations because this air mattress that I'm sleeping on is not the most comfortable thing in the world. So I tossed and turned. And tossed some more. I'm sure you can figure out that I didn't get much sleep. But that's fine. I had the chance to listen to the apartment and get familiar with the noises that go on at night. I enjoy listening to the rumble of the subway outside the window. It's comforting somehow. Anyway, when I woke up, my cousin was wide-eyed and bushy tailed right beside me. The apartment essentially deserted except for the two of us and my aunts. All the boys had gotten up and left.
She insisted we play video games. So first, we played a bunch of mini-games on Super Mario Bros. She won. Every time. Which seemed to make her happy, so I didn't much mind. Then, we ate cereal. I must tell you that almost immediately after taking the milk out of the fridge it got warm. Not intolerably warm, just warmer than one would prefer their milk to be at 8am. Upon finishing our cereal, my cousin decided that we just HAD to watch videos on YouTube.Watching videos on YouTube with an eleven-year-old girl is...highly un-entertaining. But, she was having fun. All the while, I was trying whole-heartedly to read my book. This, baffles them to no end. They just can't seem to understand why I would prefer reading than watching TV of movies on Netflix. They just don't get it. To her credit, she did try to read with me, for about....ten minutes. Then she deemed it a boring activity and went back to watching videos. She insisted that I watch the Single Ladies music video backwards because it has a "satanic" message that was put in there by the "Illuminati".
First of all, the actual definition of "Illuminati"
capitalized : any of various groups claiming special religious enlightenment
I "woke up" this morning at around 7:30am. I put those words in quotations because this air mattress that I'm sleeping on is not the most comfortable thing in the world. So I tossed and turned. And tossed some more. I'm sure you can figure out that I didn't get much sleep. But that's fine. I had the chance to listen to the apartment and get familiar with the noises that go on at night. I enjoy listening to the rumble of the subway outside the window. It's comforting somehow. Anyway, when I woke up, my cousin was wide-eyed and bushy tailed right beside me. The apartment essentially deserted except for the two of us and my aunts. All the boys had gotten up and left.
She insisted we play video games. So first, we played a bunch of mini-games on Super Mario Bros. She won. Every time. Which seemed to make her happy, so I didn't much mind. Then, we ate cereal. I must tell you that almost immediately after taking the milk out of the fridge it got warm. Not intolerably warm, just warmer than one would prefer their milk to be at 8am. Upon finishing our cereal, my cousin decided that we just HAD to watch videos on YouTube.Watching videos on YouTube with an eleven-year-old girl is...highly un-entertaining. But, she was having fun. All the while, I was trying whole-heartedly to read my book. This, baffles them to no end. They just can't seem to understand why I would prefer reading than watching TV of movies on Netflix. They just don't get it. To her credit, she did try to read with me, for about....ten minutes. Then she deemed it a boring activity and went back to watching videos. She insisted that I watch the Single Ladies music video backwards because it has a "satanic" message that was put in there by the "Illuminati".
First of all, the actual definition of "Illuminati"
capitalized : any of various groups claiming special religious enlightenment
2
: persons who are or who claim to be unusually enlightened
(Websters.com)
My cousin seems to think that it is a conspiracy cult that orchestrated the 9/11 bombings, the Economy, and other weird bat-shit crazy ideas. I tried to tell her, but she's eleven. So...
Anyway, eventually she did leave me alone to read my book in relative peace. The boys swept in and out of the house periodically, but eventually they all retired to what I've deemed "the boy room" and played Xbox. the youngest of the boys sat in the living room and played Call of Duty 3 and Assassin's Creed on the PS3. He's an alright player.
I got pretty far in my book. I didn't go outside, and I might not tomorrow. But I must. I have fully charged my camera and thusly, I am ready to take pictures. My Aunts are dismayed that I want to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But I've always wanted to go, and last time I was out here The kids were too young. It never would have kept their interest. Now though, they don't even have to go. I haven't gathered up the balls to ask about the Museum of Sex, but after tonight, I just might.
My aunt told me about her latest boyfriend and his sizable...manhood. I was first startled that she would even think to talk to me about something like that. Me! One of the kids! But it didn't take very long for me to remember that I'm a grown woman in their eyes now. And they can talk to me about whatever they please. Which I still find slightly startling and...endearing. I feel more respected now. As an individual. Which is good. That's what I came for.
My lesson: Don't be afraid to be yourself. Others will respect you more for it.
Now, at 1:05am, everyone is pretty much asleep, or retired to their rooms. My cousin is passed out on the bed next to me. I still can't fathom why she would want to sleep on this air mattress when she had a perfectly comfortable bed just a few steps away.
One other thing. So far, my eldest cousin and my youngest cousin are the only two who know about my sexual identity. Now of course, they asked, and I am not shy to tell. I am confident in myself in that area. MY youngest cousin, though disbelieving and confused, was far more accepting and tolerable than my eldest. He was surprisingly harsh and critical. To the point that I might have been offended if I wasn't so passive.He told me he planned to "change that", and how it "ain't right for no woman to look at no woman." Personally, I don't see how one can be so very close-minded. And if one does insist on being that way, then they should keep it to themselves. I didn't tell him he had to be bisexual, only that I was, and that I was in a committed relationship with a woman.Fortunately, I have already come out to the family members and friends whose critiques I would be harmed by. So, I am virtually unaffected by his rudeness. However unintended it may or may not have been.
Well, I think that's all. Tomorrow, I'll try to snap some pictures of my surroundings. I can't say if I'll post them or not, but maybe. If I'm not tired. Ha ha ha! Me. Tired. That's rich.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S.: I miss my Sweetness SO terribly.
Monday, July 16, 2012
New York: Day 1
I arrived in New York at 3:25pm (eastern time) on July 16, 2012.
The weather is wonderful. It's hot, and the wind is warm. The humidity is dry though. Not that moist crap that Seattle has had lately. My Aunt and my two cousins (the youngest and the eldest) picked me up from the impossibly big JFK International Airport. The traffic wasn't horrible, it didn't take very long to get back to Brooklyn. We stopped at the grocery store (FoodTown) and picked up some foodstuffs. I purchased mostly snacks and spent $55.00. I did buy a lot of easy to make things like oatmeal, ramen noodles, and boil-in-bag pasta. It was all relatively cheap. The twelve mile drive, straight through wouldn't have taken longer than half an hour. But because of our stops, it was about two hours until we arrived at the petite apartment. (I'll take pictures and post them later) the outside of the complex is unassuming. the gate is a fading green, the porch steps are short and sweet. The apartment is on the second floor, and the quarters are tight.
But my family is accommodating and friendly. They bombarded me with questions and we chatted happily for quite some time. FoodTown is a straight walk down the street, no turns or anything. And my bank is within equal reach. There is a "corner store" (the equivalent of a 7/11 or AmPm without the gas pumps) in the opposite direction. So, if you were to come out of the apartment and face the street, FoodTown, the laundry mat, my bank, and a small park would be to your right. To your left, is a corner store. I haven't really explored the left side of the street yet, but maybe I will tomorrow. It's supposed to be 95 degrees tomorrow according to the news. But it could also be lower. We're expecting thunderstorms sporadically throughout the week. Ha, I guess I've arrived right before a heat wave. After this Wednesday its supposed to drop back down into the eighties. Like that's cool, or something.
At the moment, 9:35pm in New York, and 6:36pm in Seattle, I'm watching my family and extended family play Just Dance 3 (Wii version) in our cramped living room. My cousin (11) and my...hmm...we'll call him my half cousin (3) are doing pretty well. My cousin is a little mother, doting and instructing the little boy with the eyes of a hawk. His mother is braiding my aunts hair. My other aunt is playing with them, sort of.
I have to note, that it is customary to remove one's outer "street clothes" upon getting into the apartment. So everyone is in their underclothes or sleepwear. Everyone. Except me. I don't know if I'm quite that comfortable yet to waltz around this apartment in only my underwear and a t-shirt. Since three boys ranging from 13 to 25 live here, I don't think I'll be doing it at all. Luckily, I did bring a lot of light clothing to wear. I'm still in the clothes I arrived in though, I decided to chill for a while before changing. Of course, I'm sweating and its ridiculously hot out, but that's fine. As the night takes over it supposed to drop to 71 degrees! Haha, a record. I'm kidding, of course.
Anyway, as I sit here, sipping my Snapple (peach tea), reflecting on my day I am reminded of my Sweetness back home. My poor little candy piece, left alone to fend for herself. And my mom, whom has never sent me off before. My Pooka, and Nightmare. I miss them all already. But I have 31 more days. I don't know if I will recall everyday, but if Sweetness reminds me, I might.
Rest easy this night, my loves. And know that I think of you all. In my journey to discover the unknown about myself, know that all of you are in my considerations and meditations. You will be in my dreams.
As a final note, you should know that the subway is about 60ft from this apartment, and it runs all night. Wherever you are, I hope it is quiet.
P.S: Six people in a living room the size of a large bathroom, in 80 degree weather makes for a VERY warm atmosphere.
The weather is wonderful. It's hot, and the wind is warm. The humidity is dry though. Not that moist crap that Seattle has had lately. My Aunt and my two cousins (the youngest and the eldest) picked me up from the impossibly big JFK International Airport. The traffic wasn't horrible, it didn't take very long to get back to Brooklyn. We stopped at the grocery store (FoodTown) and picked up some foodstuffs. I purchased mostly snacks and spent $55.00. I did buy a lot of easy to make things like oatmeal, ramen noodles, and boil-in-bag pasta. It was all relatively cheap. The twelve mile drive, straight through wouldn't have taken longer than half an hour. But because of our stops, it was about two hours until we arrived at the petite apartment. (I'll take pictures and post them later) the outside of the complex is unassuming. the gate is a fading green, the porch steps are short and sweet. The apartment is on the second floor, and the quarters are tight.
But my family is accommodating and friendly. They bombarded me with questions and we chatted happily for quite some time. FoodTown is a straight walk down the street, no turns or anything. And my bank is within equal reach. There is a "corner store" (the equivalent of a 7/11 or AmPm without the gas pumps) in the opposite direction. So, if you were to come out of the apartment and face the street, FoodTown, the laundry mat, my bank, and a small park would be to your right. To your left, is a corner store. I haven't really explored the left side of the street yet, but maybe I will tomorrow. It's supposed to be 95 degrees tomorrow according to the news. But it could also be lower. We're expecting thunderstorms sporadically throughout the week. Ha, I guess I've arrived right before a heat wave. After this Wednesday its supposed to drop back down into the eighties. Like that's cool, or something.
At the moment, 9:35pm in New York, and 6:36pm in Seattle, I'm watching my family and extended family play Just Dance 3 (Wii version) in our cramped living room. My cousin (11) and my...hmm...we'll call him my half cousin (3) are doing pretty well. My cousin is a little mother, doting and instructing the little boy with the eyes of a hawk. His mother is braiding my aunts hair. My other aunt is playing with them, sort of.
I have to note, that it is customary to remove one's outer "street clothes" upon getting into the apartment. So everyone is in their underclothes or sleepwear. Everyone. Except me. I don't know if I'm quite that comfortable yet to waltz around this apartment in only my underwear and a t-shirt. Since three boys ranging from 13 to 25 live here, I don't think I'll be doing it at all. Luckily, I did bring a lot of light clothing to wear. I'm still in the clothes I arrived in though, I decided to chill for a while before changing. Of course, I'm sweating and its ridiculously hot out, but that's fine. As the night takes over it supposed to drop to 71 degrees! Haha, a record. I'm kidding, of course.
Anyway, as I sit here, sipping my Snapple (peach tea), reflecting on my day I am reminded of my Sweetness back home. My poor little candy piece, left alone to fend for herself. And my mom, whom has never sent me off before. My Pooka, and Nightmare. I miss them all already. But I have 31 more days. I don't know if I will recall everyday, but if Sweetness reminds me, I might.
Rest easy this night, my loves. And know that I think of you all. In my journey to discover the unknown about myself, know that all of you are in my considerations and meditations. You will be in my dreams.
As a final note, you should know that the subway is about 60ft from this apartment, and it runs all night. Wherever you are, I hope it is quiet.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Six people in a living room the size of a large bathroom, in 80 degree weather makes for a VERY warm atmosphere.
Monday, July 09, 2012
Color Quiz
Free five minute personalty test
"Feels she is not receiving her fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. she keeps her emotions bottled up, leaving her quick to take offense to small things. she tries to make the best of her situation."
Your Existing Situation
Feeling stressed out due to her current situation and the demands which are placed on her. Working to release herself from all things that hold her back or tie her down.Your Stress Sources
"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep her rank and status. her current situation is irritating her because she can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards she does. she is feeling isolated and wants to give in to her carnal urges, but can't bring herself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see her unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead she has an ""I don't care"" attitude and pushing people away. she turns her back on those who criticizes her behavior, but beneath her indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."Your Restrained Characteristics
Applies tough standards to her potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in her sex life."Feels she is not receiving her fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. she keeps her emotions bottled up, leaving her quick to take offense to small things. she tries to make the best of her situation."
Your Desired Objective
"Strives for full life which includes activities and experiences, as well as, a close relationship offering sexual and emotional satisfaction."Your Actual Problem
"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Looking for friendly, pleasant relationships with others, who will further develop her intellect. Feels her current relationships are empty and holding her back. Reacting with an intense desire to become involved in various activities aimed at achieving her goals."Your Actual Problem #2
"Enjoys making new plans and goals, but needs to be respected and admired for the things she accomplishes."Fuck It!
(The following is unedited and un-revised)
The strength of the title is irrelevant. I'm just having some thought process issues that need to be addressed and can be addressed no where but here.So, New York. That's what it all boils down to. I don't know what I did, but apparently I do. For some reason everyone is mad at me and I think it comes down to the fact that I didn't tell him I was leaving. But who cares? I mean, I'm not going to his house. Granted, I didn't call my Aunt until today...I meant to do it sooner, I'm just a lazy procrastinator. I am horribly lazy. Its ridiculous. If I wasn't, I'd be rolling in money right now. But instead I'm a lazy, lazy girl who is afraid of change and confrontation. I have strong opinions and desires by my motivation to get the them is extremely weak. I don't know how to motivate myself to do things.It is very hard for me to get things done for some reason. And I have no idea how to deal with excessive emotion. Stress scares me. And because I avoid it so much, by not doing things, I have no idea how to deal with it. So here I sit, ranting my problems to the internet because I can't trust anyone else to sit and listen and not give me advice.I'm not looking for advice. I just need space to figure out how I feel about things. I think I should probably call him. But I don't particularly WANT to call. I don't think he deserves it. But that is a petty, childish way of thinking. I know that as a grown woman, I should face my problems head on with little to no fear. That is the kind of person I want to be. But I am sheltered and scared. Inexperienced. I still live in a fantasy world. I still dream that big men from my books will come to my window at night and whisk me away. Maybe I'm just a dreamer. Or maybe I'm just a little girl trapped in a woman's body with no choice but to put on big girl panties. It's difficult to figure out what I want from myself when I'm so busy trying to figure out what everyone else wants. This isn't to say that I don't ever take myself into account, because I do...occasionally. But most of the time its "Well how will that effect so-so?" or "How does blah feel about that?" "Will I have time for Lala if I do this?" It's all everyone else everyone else. I don't want to be perceived as a selfish person but I have just as many goals and dreams as everyone else god dammit! I'm not an asshole for stating my thoughts. I'm not a jerk because of my preferences. I'm not weird because of my likes or dislikes. I'm not fucked up because of the way I do things. I'm just me. And whether or not that pisses people off isn't my problem. Or at least it shouldn't be. I wish Grandpa was here. He would be able to tell me what to do. Or at least have some sort of wisdom. I miss him a lot more than I think I do. When I get back from New York, if I still go, I'm going to change things. I need to stand up on the two feet that I've been given and work for myself for once. Go back to school or go to work or whatever. I need to do something with my life so I can begin achieving the goals I have mentally set for myself and told myself I won't reach. I need to get over my fear of the phone. I need to get off my need to not upset people and I need to start thinking about myself. Because that's how the real world works. This martyr bullshit only works in third world countries and books. I'm in neither. So that's how it goes. I just hope I can get all of this sorted out neatly. I called my mother for advice, she is going to come over and help me. I don't know exactly how, but I have faith that she knows what she's doing. And if she doesn't, she has the confidence to go through with it anyway. My mother is a wonderful person. But she is in the same place I am right now. She isn't steady. I will be.
I will be steady.
I will be self-sufficient.
I will achieve that which I have denied myself.
I will accept and make change.
I will do right by myself.
I will succeed.
I believe that I can do all of these things by strength of will. My Grandfather was stubborn and tough. But he was also generous and persuasive. He made a living for about sixty-five years as one of the best drug dealers in our area. He developed his own fencing company, he mined for gold in Alaska, he had thousands of friends and allies. And someday, I aspire to bring as much joy to people as he did. He may have been an asshole at times, but he knew when to do it. He knew how to have fun and be himself while taking care of others. He knew when to lie, when to tell the truth, who to trust and who to leave in the dust. Hehe that rhymed. But seriously, he was awesome. And I hope that I can tell stories that serve him justice. I want my brother and my children to think of him as the coolest person in the world. Because he was.I don't think I'll ever respect anyone as much as I respected him.
My train of thought has slowed down now. I think I should be able to think a little more clearly now. I need to call my father and explain to him my "feelings". I apologize if he's upset, but there's nothing I can do about that. I can't come see him in September. I'll be busy. I'll be working (hopefully) and I'll be trying to find a place to stay. So that is unacceptable.
My mom and my baby brother have arrived, so I'm going to sign off and sort all this out. Thanks for listening, blog. Without you, I'd go crazy.
The strength of the title is irrelevant. I'm just having some thought process issues that need to be addressed and can be addressed no where but here.So, New York. That's what it all boils down to. I don't know what I did, but apparently I do. For some reason everyone is mad at me and I think it comes down to the fact that I didn't tell him I was leaving. But who cares? I mean, I'm not going to his house. Granted, I didn't call my Aunt until today...I meant to do it sooner, I'm just a lazy procrastinator. I am horribly lazy. Its ridiculous. If I wasn't, I'd be rolling in money right now. But instead I'm a lazy, lazy girl who is afraid of change and confrontation. I have strong opinions and desires by my motivation to get the them is extremely weak. I don't know how to motivate myself to do things.It is very hard for me to get things done for some reason. And I have no idea how to deal with excessive emotion. Stress scares me. And because I avoid it so much, by not doing things, I have no idea how to deal with it. So here I sit, ranting my problems to the internet because I can't trust anyone else to sit and listen and not give me advice.I'm not looking for advice. I just need space to figure out how I feel about things. I think I should probably call him. But I don't particularly WANT to call. I don't think he deserves it. But that is a petty, childish way of thinking. I know that as a grown woman, I should face my problems head on with little to no fear. That is the kind of person I want to be. But I am sheltered and scared. Inexperienced. I still live in a fantasy world. I still dream that big men from my books will come to my window at night and whisk me away. Maybe I'm just a dreamer. Or maybe I'm just a little girl trapped in a woman's body with no choice but to put on big girl panties. It's difficult to figure out what I want from myself when I'm so busy trying to figure out what everyone else wants. This isn't to say that I don't ever take myself into account, because I do...occasionally. But most of the time its "Well how will that effect so-so?" or "How does blah feel about that?" "Will I have time for Lala if I do this?" It's all everyone else everyone else. I don't want to be perceived as a selfish person but I have just as many goals and dreams as everyone else god dammit! I'm not an asshole for stating my thoughts. I'm not a jerk because of my preferences. I'm not weird because of my likes or dislikes. I'm not fucked up because of the way I do things. I'm just me. And whether or not that pisses people off isn't my problem. Or at least it shouldn't be. I wish Grandpa was here. He would be able to tell me what to do. Or at least have some sort of wisdom. I miss him a lot more than I think I do. When I get back from New York, if I still go, I'm going to change things. I need to stand up on the two feet that I've been given and work for myself for once. Go back to school or go to work or whatever. I need to do something with my life so I can begin achieving the goals I have mentally set for myself and told myself I won't reach. I need to get over my fear of the phone. I need to get off my need to not upset people and I need to start thinking about myself. Because that's how the real world works. This martyr bullshit only works in third world countries and books. I'm in neither. So that's how it goes. I just hope I can get all of this sorted out neatly. I called my mother for advice, she is going to come over and help me. I don't know exactly how, but I have faith that she knows what she's doing. And if she doesn't, she has the confidence to go through with it anyway. My mother is a wonderful person. But she is in the same place I am right now. She isn't steady. I will be.
I will be steady.
I will be self-sufficient.
I will achieve that which I have denied myself.
I will accept and make change.
I will do right by myself.
I will succeed.
I believe that I can do all of these things by strength of will. My Grandfather was stubborn and tough. But he was also generous and persuasive. He made a living for about sixty-five years as one of the best drug dealers in our area. He developed his own fencing company, he mined for gold in Alaska, he had thousands of friends and allies. And someday, I aspire to bring as much joy to people as he did. He may have been an asshole at times, but he knew when to do it. He knew how to have fun and be himself while taking care of others. He knew when to lie, when to tell the truth, who to trust and who to leave in the dust. Hehe that rhymed. But seriously, he was awesome. And I hope that I can tell stories that serve him justice. I want my brother and my children to think of him as the coolest person in the world. Because he was.I don't think I'll ever respect anyone as much as I respected him.
My train of thought has slowed down now. I think I should be able to think a little more clearly now. I need to call my father and explain to him my "feelings". I apologize if he's upset, but there's nothing I can do about that. I can't come see him in September. I'll be busy. I'll be working (hopefully) and I'll be trying to find a place to stay. So that is unacceptable.
My mom and my baby brother have arrived, so I'm going to sign off and sort all this out. Thanks for listening, blog. Without you, I'd go crazy.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
This is that one
Which case is it that you write everything backwards?
esacrorriM!
Hahahahahah!
If you don't get it, thats fine. I just made it up anyways. I'm trying to blog right now while my Sweet does her homework for her newest class. Its an English 101 class, which according to her test scores, she shouldn't have to take. But since degrees don't care about test scores, she's gonna take it anyway. Needless to say, she's a little frustrated.
In other news, I think I might have to poop. Maybe. I can't really tell.I have noticed that I have gotten comfortable enough around my Sweet one to fart in front of her. -smirk- this is by far the funniest thing.Ever. Seriously. I don't know why its so funny. But it is. It makes me laugh. That's all for now. If I decide to post something later, I might. But my mom's house (where I'm staying for the moment) doesn't have internet. soo...kinda screwed there. But whatev's. If I feel like it tomorrow, while Sweetness is at school, I'll wander down to Fred Meyer (they have Wi-Fi) and post then. Maybe.
Hehehehe,
Sacred Secret
PS: Toot!
esacrorriM!
Hahahahahah!
If you don't get it, thats fine. I just made it up anyways. I'm trying to blog right now while my Sweet does her homework for her newest class. Its an English 101 class, which according to her test scores, she shouldn't have to take. But since degrees don't care about test scores, she's gonna take it anyway. Needless to say, she's a little frustrated.
In other news, I think I might have to poop. Maybe. I can't really tell.I have noticed that I have gotten comfortable enough around my Sweet one to fart in front of her. -smirk- this is by far the funniest thing.Ever. Seriously. I don't know why its so funny. But it is. It makes me laugh. That's all for now. If I decide to post something later, I might. But my mom's house (where I'm staying for the moment) doesn't have internet. soo...kinda screwed there. But whatev's. If I feel like it tomorrow, while Sweetness is at school, I'll wander down to Fred Meyer (they have Wi-Fi) and post then. Maybe.
Hehehehe,
Sacred Secret
PS: Toot!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Happy Anniversary, Sweetness
Sweetness,
There aren't a lot of things I can say right now. But I want you to know that I appreciate you giving me this chance to show you that fairy tales don't always have to have a "Prince". And even if its only a temporary fantasy that I'm living in, I'm glad that I got to live it at all. I know that I won't be the one you grow old with, but I'll definitely grow old beside you. And not just because that's the way nature works. No matter what happens, you hold a piece of my heart. Right here, right now, though we are apart, you are beside me. Because I carry you with me wherever I go.
I love you, Sweetness.
And though it may break my heart, I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy.
Love,
Mushroom
Aka Sacred Secret
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Late night postings
I've been laying here for about an hour and half now. And I can't fall asleep. I just can't. I miss Sweetness. I miss the demanding way we cuddle and I miss falling asleep with her tucked safely beside me. I worry about her when she's on her own. This is probably a nonsense post, since I should, by all rights, be tired as hell. I have to say, I really like the Blogger app better than the text to Blogger thingy. Those way, I can write as much as I want. No limits. Of course, because its on my phone, I probably won't ever post this way very often. Why? Cause its too damn hard to type this much on a touch screen! Considering how late it is though, I think I'm doing pretty well in the typo department. It's 3am. Sweetness should be waking up in about an hour or so. She's working this weekend, getting a lot of hours. I wish I had a way to earn more money. Our anniversary is in two weeks. And I have no idea what I'm going to do for her. I can't ask anyone for help. They'll look at me weird. I wish I could get Sweetness something that she really wants. Maybe, I could try to get her necklace fixed...that's a crappy present though. Hmmm...this is hard. Any suggestions? Anyone? Anything at all would be great. Usually I start thinking about what to get her really early, but this time, I just had too much on my mind. I'm sorry, Sweetness. I'm always letting you down. I shouldn't go to New York. I should stay here and focus on getting a job. But I don't want to do that. I want to go to New York. I wish I was tired enough to go to sleep. It's annoying. Being sleepy but not being able to sleep. I'm hot too. This sucks. I want my Sweetness back! :(
I'm going to try to go to sleep again now.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Titleless
A stream of consciousness follows.
If there is nothing at the end of this world, why do we work? If there is ultimately nothing that will bring us true happiness, then why do we strive? What is the point of pain and heartache? Growth, I believe. If you do not grow, you cannot experience new things from a different point of view. If you remain in the same view point, then your ignorance will define you. And ignorance makes you hopeless, whether knowledge brings you grim reality or not.I have been offered the opportunity to travel. It is a harder decision to make then most seem to understand. I am aware that embarking on this trip will force me to grow, and change. This prospect is exciting and unnerving. I want to go. I also, do not want to go. But it is very difficult to make up my mind when all the advice I am given is biased. I am learning, even now, that I must make this decision without the impacts of others thoughts. If I go, I will not return home as the same person, in the same frame of mind. However, I am also nervous that I will return to be exactly the same. I do not enjoy my current position. I am not...happy. This, I cannot explain because I do not know. I do not know why I am unhappy, or with what. But I am. Something in my heart aches. Something in my soul cries out but the voice is so lost and buried under the wants and needs of others that I cannot hear it. I only hear the voices of others. I have lost my own. If I leave, I hope to find the voice I have lost. But I am frightful that if I do find that voice, it may say something I am not willing to admit. Something I'm not ready for. But then, pain and struggle are the reasons for life, aren't they? If there is no change and no struggle, then there is no life. Humans must fight for happiness, because they are either too intelligent or too stupid to float aimlessly through their short lives. With summer quickly approaching, and my window of opportunity rapidly closing, I must come to a decision. If I am to go, I must tie my finals ends and begin preparations for my trip...however...there is one more thing...there is My Sweetness. I haven't told her any of this, and she may read it before I have the chance, but I wish she would be happy for me...I wish that she could understand that leaving her will be difficult for me. I can't even begin to describe the feeling that is lodged in my chest at the thought. This is why I haven't said anything. Because I cannot describe it. And I fear she may think I'm lying or have no true reason if I cannot explain.But I do have a reason, I do have one.I just can't say what it is. It may be because I'm afraid of who I will be when I return. What if she doesn't grow too? She will be the same, and I will be different. How can I help her to grow as well? Or is that something she must do on her own? I want to talk to her about my nervousness and my excitement. I want to be able to include her and plan with her and share these things. But she doesn't want me to. She has no desire to hear any of it. Because she is also afraid. I understand her fear, as I have stated. But...do we handle things so differently? I am unable to openly talk to her about so many things because I do not wish to make her uncomfortable or upset. She is fragile, like glass or porcelain. And it would pain me too greatly to pressure her into anything, to upset her, to cause her tears...to cause her true pain...I am afraid to leave and come back....only to find Sweetness to be the same sweet-faced beautiful girl I left behind, and for me to be the person that she used to know...I am so afraid...but I must find my voice again. I don't remember when I buried it, but lately I have been seeing things that make it cry out a little louder. High school, my diploma, my possible trips to France or Italy, my family, my old friends...these things are causing my inner voice, my buried, muted voice to rasp...but I cannot her what she has to say. I don't understand her. And that is a deep sin. To be so out of contact with oneself that they cannot even decipher their own thoughts? It is terrible. A tragedy. And I can no longer allow it to go on. I must decide. I must speak with Sweetness. But before I do any of that, I must question myself. I must be set in my decisions, before I receive any outside opinions. My mind is such a puzzle right now. I'm almost physically sick with the confusion. I wish I could step back and look at it all from an outside POV. But on the other hand, do I really want to do that? I'm finished for now...I'm going to retreat into my mind, perhaps. I might take a shower. But I also might sit here and play video games. I might do all three. Whatever I choose, I must stand by myself. If I can't, then I can hardly expect anyone else to.
If there is nothing at the end of this world, why do we work? If there is ultimately nothing that will bring us true happiness, then why do we strive? What is the point of pain and heartache? Growth, I believe. If you do not grow, you cannot experience new things from a different point of view. If you remain in the same view point, then your ignorance will define you. And ignorance makes you hopeless, whether knowledge brings you grim reality or not.I have been offered the opportunity to travel. It is a harder decision to make then most seem to understand. I am aware that embarking on this trip will force me to grow, and change. This prospect is exciting and unnerving. I want to go. I also, do not want to go. But it is very difficult to make up my mind when all the advice I am given is biased. I am learning, even now, that I must make this decision without the impacts of others thoughts. If I go, I will not return home as the same person, in the same frame of mind. However, I am also nervous that I will return to be exactly the same. I do not enjoy my current position. I am not...happy. This, I cannot explain because I do not know. I do not know why I am unhappy, or with what. But I am. Something in my heart aches. Something in my soul cries out but the voice is so lost and buried under the wants and needs of others that I cannot hear it. I only hear the voices of others. I have lost my own. If I leave, I hope to find the voice I have lost. But I am frightful that if I do find that voice, it may say something I am not willing to admit. Something I'm not ready for. But then, pain and struggle are the reasons for life, aren't they? If there is no change and no struggle, then there is no life. Humans must fight for happiness, because they are either too intelligent or too stupid to float aimlessly through their short lives. With summer quickly approaching, and my window of opportunity rapidly closing, I must come to a decision. If I am to go, I must tie my finals ends and begin preparations for my trip...however...there is one more thing...there is My Sweetness. I haven't told her any of this, and she may read it before I have the chance, but I wish she would be happy for me...I wish that she could understand that leaving her will be difficult for me. I can't even begin to describe the feeling that is lodged in my chest at the thought. This is why I haven't said anything. Because I cannot describe it. And I fear she may think I'm lying or have no true reason if I cannot explain.But I do have a reason, I do have one.I just can't say what it is. It may be because I'm afraid of who I will be when I return. What if she doesn't grow too? She will be the same, and I will be different. How can I help her to grow as well? Or is that something she must do on her own? I want to talk to her about my nervousness and my excitement. I want to be able to include her and plan with her and share these things. But she doesn't want me to. She has no desire to hear any of it. Because she is also afraid. I understand her fear, as I have stated. But...do we handle things so differently? I am unable to openly talk to her about so many things because I do not wish to make her uncomfortable or upset. She is fragile, like glass or porcelain. And it would pain me too greatly to pressure her into anything, to upset her, to cause her tears...to cause her true pain...I am afraid to leave and come back....only to find Sweetness to be the same sweet-faced beautiful girl I left behind, and for me to be the person that she used to know...I am so afraid...but I must find my voice again. I don't remember when I buried it, but lately I have been seeing things that make it cry out a little louder. High school, my diploma, my possible trips to France or Italy, my family, my old friends...these things are causing my inner voice, my buried, muted voice to rasp...but I cannot her what she has to say. I don't understand her. And that is a deep sin. To be so out of contact with oneself that they cannot even decipher their own thoughts? It is terrible. A tragedy. And I can no longer allow it to go on. I must decide. I must speak with Sweetness. But before I do any of that, I must question myself. I must be set in my decisions, before I receive any outside opinions. My mind is such a puzzle right now. I'm almost physically sick with the confusion. I wish I could step back and look at it all from an outside POV. But on the other hand, do I really want to do that? I'm finished for now...I'm going to retreat into my mind, perhaps. I might take a shower. But I also might sit here and play video games. I might do all three. Whatever I choose, I must stand by myself. If I can't, then I can hardly expect anyone else to.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Add a Little This: Genre
Fiction:
a : something invented by the imagination or feigned; specifically : an invented story b : fictitious literature (as novels or short stories) c : a work of fiction; especially : novel
2
a : an assumption of a possibility as a fact irrespective of the question of its truth fiction> b : a useful illusion or pretense
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Add a little This
I'm not going to pretend I didn't get on here for a reason. But that reason is irrelevant now, so on to my post.
We'll start with this.
Staring out the window, looking down on the insignificant insects of my species, I cannot help but observe the disgusting way they, unfortunately 'we', move about and cater to the needs of our existence. Walking is a less then graceful way to get around, breathing is loud, eating is horrendous, and don't get me stated on how they disposes of their wastes. As I sit, and observe I take note of one particular insect, a relatively stout man with a large belly, dressed in a blue work shirt and black slacks. Nothing very noticeable at all. He's balding, carrying some sort of paper in his hand, and has a peculiar gait. Coming from the opposite direction is a woman of similar stature, wearing a purple zip up jacket over a green shirt, jeans that are too small and slippers adorn her feet. She has dyed her hair a fake red color and she is the owner of a pair of coke bottle glasses.
Simple enough, what next? our protagonist, who also happens to be the narrator I think, seems to look down on humanity very harshly, pressing the reader to feel a similar way in order to get his or her point across. For the sake of simplicity, we'll refer to the protagonist as a "him". He points out two people that he finds particularly disgusting and describes them with some disdain. His point behind this is to give the reader a sense of place. Where could these two people be if the woman is wearing a jacket, but the man is not? She is dressed casually and he is dressed semi-formally with no jacket to be seen.The narrator does not give any description of setting, so lets throw some in.
The fat, balding man appears to be making his way from his car, headed to a drab looking building with paperwork in his hands. It is early spring, and the trees dotting the street are half bare. The extreme overcast makes it a touch chilly as the wind sighs lazily through what leaves have appeared. The cars that drive by on the main road quick, and there are no open windows to be seen. A pair of crows hops about on the green space betwixt the sidewalk and the road, searching for unlucky animals or leftover human fodder. As they strut up and down the sidewalk, I am reminded of humanity and their incessant arrogance. Revolting.
There we go, some setting. Now we can piece together that Man and Woman are outside. the narrator is inside, we conclude from his earlier observation that he is looking at Man and Woman through a window.He continues to describe a parking lot, and a sidewalk, a main road and a few notable features. Such as the crows, the trees, cars, and the weather.Even his description of these things makes the world seem dull and boring. With a taste of foulness to top it off. why does the narrator hate humanity so? He is human, so we can assume because he tells us so. Perhaps he is visiting a different country and sees this nastiness for the first time in a race he isn't familiar with? That's far fetched. Let's add some dialogue.
I cannot hear the man, nor the woman as they pause to speak with each other, though I didn't suppose that they knew one another. Perhaps one insects is asking the other for directions? I presumed the conversation was something like this;
"Excuse me, sir?" the woman says, waving her hand in his direction as they approach one another.
"Oh, can I help you?" He calls, fumbling with his paperwork as the breeze contemplates whipping them from his grubby hands.
"Do you know where the library is from here? I can't find it and I've been wandering around here for an hour." She says almost hysterically, raising and dropping her arms in exasperation. The bald man stares at her for a tic longer than is polite before gesturing to their right, just a jog across the street.
"See that building there?" he pauses as she turns to look, "That's the library. It closes at six. Would you like me to take you over?" He offers politely and the woman whips her head back to stare at him, anger flooding her body. Even from my view point I can see that her posture has changed from demure and helpless to ridiculously, and stupidly independent.
"I can get there on my own! Do you think I'm stupid! I've just never been here before, okay?!" She shouts, more waving angrily with her short, flabby arms. It almost looks as though she is going to strike the bald man for his offer, but he steps away and shakes his head, holding tighter to his paper work.
There, we've added a new dynamic to the story, speech. Woman is apparently dumb and Man is exasperated at her anger. The narrator seems to be on Man's side, but also describes the scene with an offhanded sort of carelessness. Notice, that the narrator clearly made up this dialogue, paring it up with the pictures he saw through the window.He makes Woman out to be extreme, with her sudden changes in mood and her dramatic gestures. Man is on the opposite side of the spectrum however because he his calm and helpful, full of disdain just like the narrator. Let's finish this up like this:
The fat, obnoxious woman dashes across the street toward the library, narrowly avoiding getting crushed by an oncoming car. The man watches her go, and once she is safe enough on the other side, he proceeds into the bland building he was headed toward before this unique encounter. The woman, I lose sight of, but I presume she made it alright. Not that I particularly care whether or not she makes it to the library. It was simply an observation. Humanity is sick, and should be cleansed, but that is not my place. I am only to wait for them to come unto me. As I once was as they are, though shall never be again. Interesting how I still crave to sit and watch their daily lives go on and on. Do they know how I wait for them in the wings? Can they feel me? Curious...
There you have it. What is our narrator? If he is not human, but he once was? I don't know. That would be something to further investigate about, I suppose. If there was a sequel or something. But there isn't. His particular dislike seems to enthrall him enough that he must often find himself watching humans from far away. The "wings" if you will.
I'm so hungry now that I can't even think anymore. So I'm going to do something else. Congratulations on getting through this probably very boring post.
Good afternoon, Gents.
We'll start with this.
Staring out the window, looking down on the insignificant insects of my species, I cannot help but observe the disgusting way they, unfortunately 'we', move about and cater to the needs of our existence. Walking is a less then graceful way to get around, breathing is loud, eating is horrendous, and don't get me stated on how they disposes of their wastes. As I sit, and observe I take note of one particular insect, a relatively stout man with a large belly, dressed in a blue work shirt and black slacks. Nothing very noticeable at all. He's balding, carrying some sort of paper in his hand, and has a peculiar gait. Coming from the opposite direction is a woman of similar stature, wearing a purple zip up jacket over a green shirt, jeans that are too small and slippers adorn her feet. She has dyed her hair a fake red color and she is the owner of a pair of coke bottle glasses.
Simple enough, what next? our protagonist, who also happens to be the narrator I think, seems to look down on humanity very harshly, pressing the reader to feel a similar way in order to get his or her point across. For the sake of simplicity, we'll refer to the protagonist as a "him". He points out two people that he finds particularly disgusting and describes them with some disdain. His point behind this is to give the reader a sense of place. Where could these two people be if the woman is wearing a jacket, but the man is not? She is dressed casually and he is dressed semi-formally with no jacket to be seen.The narrator does not give any description of setting, so lets throw some in.
The fat, balding man appears to be making his way from his car, headed to a drab looking building with paperwork in his hands. It is early spring, and the trees dotting the street are half bare. The extreme overcast makes it a touch chilly as the wind sighs lazily through what leaves have appeared. The cars that drive by on the main road quick, and there are no open windows to be seen. A pair of crows hops about on the green space betwixt the sidewalk and the road, searching for unlucky animals or leftover human fodder. As they strut up and down the sidewalk, I am reminded of humanity and their incessant arrogance. Revolting.
There we go, some setting. Now we can piece together that Man and Woman are outside. the narrator is inside, we conclude from his earlier observation that he is looking at Man and Woman through a window.He continues to describe a parking lot, and a sidewalk, a main road and a few notable features. Such as the crows, the trees, cars, and the weather.Even his description of these things makes the world seem dull and boring. With a taste of foulness to top it off. why does the narrator hate humanity so? He is human, so we can assume because he tells us so. Perhaps he is visiting a different country and sees this nastiness for the first time in a race he isn't familiar with? That's far fetched. Let's add some dialogue.
I cannot hear the man, nor the woman as they pause to speak with each other, though I didn't suppose that they knew one another. Perhaps one insects is asking the other for directions? I presumed the conversation was something like this;
"Excuse me, sir?" the woman says, waving her hand in his direction as they approach one another.
"Oh, can I help you?" He calls, fumbling with his paperwork as the breeze contemplates whipping them from his grubby hands.
"Do you know where the library is from here? I can't find it and I've been wandering around here for an hour." She says almost hysterically, raising and dropping her arms in exasperation. The bald man stares at her for a tic longer than is polite before gesturing to their right, just a jog across the street.
"See that building there?" he pauses as she turns to look, "That's the library. It closes at six. Would you like me to take you over?" He offers politely and the woman whips her head back to stare at him, anger flooding her body. Even from my view point I can see that her posture has changed from demure and helpless to ridiculously, and stupidly independent.
"I can get there on my own! Do you think I'm stupid! I've just never been here before, okay?!" She shouts, more waving angrily with her short, flabby arms. It almost looks as though she is going to strike the bald man for his offer, but he steps away and shakes his head, holding tighter to his paper work.
There, we've added a new dynamic to the story, speech. Woman is apparently dumb and Man is exasperated at her anger. The narrator seems to be on Man's side, but also describes the scene with an offhanded sort of carelessness. Notice, that the narrator clearly made up this dialogue, paring it up with the pictures he saw through the window.He makes Woman out to be extreme, with her sudden changes in mood and her dramatic gestures. Man is on the opposite side of the spectrum however because he his calm and helpful, full of disdain just like the narrator. Let's finish this up like this:
The fat, obnoxious woman dashes across the street toward the library, narrowly avoiding getting crushed by an oncoming car. The man watches her go, and once she is safe enough on the other side, he proceeds into the bland building he was headed toward before this unique encounter. The woman, I lose sight of, but I presume she made it alright. Not that I particularly care whether or not she makes it to the library. It was simply an observation. Humanity is sick, and should be cleansed, but that is not my place. I am only to wait for them to come unto me. As I once was as they are, though shall never be again. Interesting how I still crave to sit and watch their daily lives go on and on. Do they know how I wait for them in the wings? Can they feel me? Curious...
There you have it. What is our narrator? If he is not human, but he once was? I don't know. That would be something to further investigate about, I suppose. If there was a sequel or something. But there isn't. His particular dislike seems to enthrall him enough that he must often find himself watching humans from far away. The "wings" if you will.
I'm so hungry now that I can't even think anymore. So I'm going to do something else. Congratulations on getting through this probably very boring post.
Good afternoon, Gents.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Just another Spam post.
If you're a writer and you know it clap your hands!
*clap clap*
If you're a writer and you know it clap your hands!
*clap clap*
If you're a writer and you know it, I think that you should show it, you should comment on my poems, clap your hands!
*clap clap*
http://www.wattpad.com/user/Mercy003
:D
*clap clap*
If you're a writer and you know it clap your hands!
*clap clap*
If you're a writer and you know it, I think that you should show it, you should comment on my poems, clap your hands!
*clap clap*
http://www.wattpad.com/user/Mercy003
:D
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Friday, March 02, 2012
Mothers
This will be quick, I have things to do.
But I've spent the last oh...hour or so, trying to find the perfect quopte to start off this post. But I couldn't find one.
Why?
Because I was looking for a quote that describes how I feel about my mother.
I love you!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: So...about your nipples...
But I've spent the last oh...hour or so, trying to find the perfect quopte to start off this post. But I couldn't find one.
Why?
Because I was looking for a quote that describes how I feel about my mother.
I love you!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: So...about your nipples...
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Musical Melody
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."
- Dale Carnegie
I'm not starting this post with that quote for any particular reason, just in case you were wondering.It just sounded like a good quote to use today. Of course, I suppose subconsciously I'm using it for a reason, but I couldn't for the life of me tell you why. I'm trying to find something in my mind to write about. So this might just be a long series of strange and abruptly cut off thoughts. That's alright though, because writing is a muscle that needs to be flexed occasionally, if not daily. We're at Starbucks today, Sweetness and I. We've been here for a while. I tried ordering Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life online and decided that I'll just wait until I have more money or find it in a store somewhere. That's fine with me. I really want it. I do. But I am honestly poor and can't afford to spend money on really old video games. (video games period, actually.) I know I should be applying for various places that I haven't already applied for. Like Taco Bell, Starbucks, QFC, Safeway. Jobs that I previously had no desire to obtain whatsoever.
And to be completely honest with you, I still have no desire. Unfortunately however, I need a job. I need steady income so that my female and I can find an apartment (or a house) to rent that is to her liking. I really don't have an opinion on where we live as long as she's happy with it. She wants to share a bedroom? Fine. Wants two bathrooms? Awesome. Demands a full kitchen, a den, and a studio? By all means. Whatever she wants, I strive to get for her. I know that I often take far too long to get things or do things and it frustrates her.
In my defense, or excuse, whichever you see it as, I am a slow moving creature. I very rarely feel the need to rush for any reason. I don't like fast. I prefer slow and deliberate (in most areas of life, not all) I enjoy fine attention to detail and I am known to be very exact about certain things. I have taken up making abstract art in Paint (the program) and Sweetness looks over my shoulder while I'm zoomed in on the itty-bitty pixels, filling in white spaces and fine tuning things and she shakes her head. Sweetness! My perfectionist doll! She shakes her head. I can't help but laugh. I'm finally being anal about something. The tables are turned! In any case, ranting at you about this has made me a tab bit more willing to fill out applications to work at places I hate.
C'est la vie,
Sacred Secret
Friday, January 27, 2012
What-What
There's so much stuff that I could write about, that I'm not going to write about. I found my love some things online (because she asked me to, not cause I'm spending on her again ;p) and now that I've done that I think I'll get off the computer and play video games until she get's home.Or maybe I'll look for cheats and unlockables and play video games. Whatever whatever.
P.S: If the first thing that came to your mind when you read the title of this blog was "In the butt" then you should comment saying "Got me." lol
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: If the first thing that came to your mind when you read the title of this blog was "In the butt" then you should comment saying "Got me." lol
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Ohh Nooo!
I meditated for too long and my thoughts got too deep.
Sweetness is home now, she ended up not going to the mall with said co-worker.
Do they have online psychiatrists? I think I need one. Just to help me sort out some things I think. Otherwise, I think that session was successful. For future reference, listening to the Zelda CD did not help. See you soon.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Sweetness is home now, she ended up not going to the mall with said co-worker.
Do they have online psychiatrists? I think I need one. Just to help me sort out some things I think. Otherwise, I think that session was successful. For future reference, listening to the Zelda CD did not help. See you soon.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Jealousy
I found this "article" on one of my favorite "reference" websites. I put these words in quotes because they aren't legitimate sources for this information, but because it's hard to find such things. I use my gut instincts.
The Theory of Jealousy
(clicking this link will open a new window, FYI)
It's pretty good, if I do say so myself. The author of this "article" also has a lot of other helpful things on topics I'm highly curious about. I'm going to meditate further (while listening to my The Legend of Zelda 25th Anniversary Symphony CD!! :D) on this subject. If I find anything else to toss your way, I'll try to remember to post it.
Sweetness is at the mall with a co-worker. So I have time.She captures my attention completely when she's around, so that makes it difficult to meditate then. I'll get it out of the way while she's busy.
TWMA,
The Theory of Jealousy
(clicking this link will open a new window, FYI)
It's pretty good, if I do say so myself. The author of this "article" also has a lot of other helpful things on topics I'm highly curious about. I'm going to meditate further (while listening to my The Legend of Zelda 25th Anniversary Symphony CD!! :D) on this subject. If I find anything else to toss your way, I'll try to remember to post it.
Sweetness is at the mall with a co-worker. So I have time.She captures my attention completely when she's around, so that makes it difficult to meditate then. I'll get it out of the way while she's busy.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Dark Outside
Starbucks tonight isn't lonely. I'm sitting here with Sweetness, so much closer to home. I have a feeling that this is not a good study environment for her, however. She seems to get distracted really easily, and she can't seem to quite resist the temptation of buying a delicious drink! Its okay though, she'll get used to it. We'll be coming here pretty often, since Sweet has an online class and we don't have Wi-Fi at home. Very depressing. It's warm in here though, and basically within walking distance (if we didn't have to carry all our stuff too!) Anyway.
How have you all been? Are your new years resolutions working out? I didn't make one out loud. But I think I secretly want to try and write more this year. I've been trying to find the time to. It looks like the weekends and my time after blogging is going to have to do. I could get up a little earlier and start before the baby comes, then I can start back up during naps (maybe) and after he leaves. I don't know if all that will work. My brain seems to get jammed up a lot. But if I keep at it and do regular exercises (the mental kind) then hopefully I can get the Guys to stop harping at me. Because honestly, gentlemen, you're not helping. You're just making it harder to hear my own thoughts.
I almost wish I could post pieces of my works on my blog, so the masses could give me some sort of feedback. But then I run the risk of thieves. And nobody likes those guys :(. Damn idea stealers! It's kind of sucky, not being able to share my works in progress with you. If it was just a fanfiction or something, then it wouldn't be a big deal. (on that note, I haven't written fanfiction in a long time!) But I plan to make money off of it someday, so no internet publicity for me. *shrugs* Oh well.
I think this Starbucks has more artwork than the other one does. I figured out another perk to blogging all the time, it increases my typing speed! Do you know how fast I could type if I did this like, everyday? It would be insane! lol I'll try to keep you updated on that! (among other things)
There are a lot of asides in this post...
Sweetness is accident prone. I thought you should know. And on top of that, her cousin is teaching her how to fight. Bruce Lee style, I guess. I'm not a fighter. In anyway, really. So it doesn't really interest me. But it makes Sweetness happy for me to be interested in what she's doing. And it isn't terribly boring. But I prefer learning about the mental aspects and she prefers the physical. I figure because she's so small, its probably a good thing that she learns. Later in life, when I have daughters, I want to enroll them in some sort of self-defense class. I think it would be good for their self-esteem. I also want to enroll the boys in a dance class, to show them that they can do anything. Their world doesn't have to be gender divided. Hehe I have big dreams for my progeny. Good luck with that, hm?
Well, I think I ought to go try and write now. OR find a prompt to get the juices flowing. Oooh. That automatically became sexual in my head. Hahahaha "juices flowing" Woo. Funny. Don't laugh out loud to yourself, Mercy. It's weird. Off I go! (hopefully @_@)
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Tonight reminds me more of Christmas Eve, than Chrsitmas Eve.
How have you all been? Are your new years resolutions working out? I didn't make one out loud. But I think I secretly want to try and write more this year. I've been trying to find the time to. It looks like the weekends and my time after blogging is going to have to do. I could get up a little earlier and start before the baby comes, then I can start back up during naps (maybe) and after he leaves. I don't know if all that will work. My brain seems to get jammed up a lot. But if I keep at it and do regular exercises (the mental kind) then hopefully I can get the Guys to stop harping at me. Because honestly, gentlemen, you're not helping. You're just making it harder to hear my own thoughts.
I almost wish I could post pieces of my works on my blog, so the masses could give me some sort of feedback. But then I run the risk of thieves. And nobody likes those guys :(. Damn idea stealers! It's kind of sucky, not being able to share my works in progress with you. If it was just a fanfiction or something, then it wouldn't be a big deal. (on that note, I haven't written fanfiction in a long time!) But I plan to make money off of it someday, so no internet publicity for me. *shrugs* Oh well.
I think this Starbucks has more artwork than the other one does. I figured out another perk to blogging all the time, it increases my typing speed! Do you know how fast I could type if I did this like, everyday? It would be insane! lol I'll try to keep you updated on that! (among other things)
There are a lot of asides in this post...
Sweetness is accident prone. I thought you should know. And on top of that, her cousin is teaching her how to fight. Bruce Lee style, I guess. I'm not a fighter. In anyway, really. So it doesn't really interest me. But it makes Sweetness happy for me to be interested in what she's doing. And it isn't terribly boring. But I prefer learning about the mental aspects and she prefers the physical. I figure because she's so small, its probably a good thing that she learns. Later in life, when I have daughters, I want to enroll them in some sort of self-defense class. I think it would be good for their self-esteem. I also want to enroll the boys in a dance class, to show them that they can do anything. Their world doesn't have to be gender divided. Hehe I have big dreams for my progeny. Good luck with that, hm?
Well, I think I ought to go try and write now. OR find a prompt to get the juices flowing. Oooh. That automatically became sexual in my head. Hahahaha "juices flowing" Woo. Funny. Don't laugh out loud to yourself, Mercy. It's weird. Off I go! (hopefully @_@)
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Tonight reminds me more of Christmas Eve, than Chrsitmas Eve.
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Betwixt
Hello! How was your New Year's? Mine was awesome. I played video games with Sweetness and a few friends, drank apple cider and had a good time. New Year's day, we went to the club, and danced the night away. I have acquired the following games:
1. Viva Pinata (I LOVE THIS GAME)
2. The Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword
3.Skyrim
4. Just Dance 3
I have to say, it's a pretty decent haul. I'm going to trade in Skyrim though and use my 20% off birthday coupon to get something else. (Hopefully Mortal Kombat but we'll see.)
Valentine's day is the next major holiday I think. Unless Mardi Gras comes first. But in either case I'm getting my Sweetness some gifts. I really want to get her jewelery, but I know that she needs clothes.Or some new tennis shoes. I was thinking about it yesterday while we were at the mall, but it'll depend on if i have money or not. Hmmm, hopefully my mom will be able to toss some money my way for watching the boy. If I can stand to save it, then I'll be able to get her things for the upcoming holidays.
What are you getting your partner for V-day? Try to get them one thing they need and one thing they want. That way you touch both bases and they can't be mad! It's clever, I know. I have to do big things for Sweetness this year, because I couldn't do much for her birthday. Which reminds me, I have to check ticket prices for flights to South Carolina. Sweetness and I are going this summer to visit my Dad and family.I hope to pop down to New Orleans too, but we'll see how much it costs. I want to take her traveling, I really do. And she's always wanted to go. Someday I'm going to take her to Europe and hit all the places she's dreamed of going. Italy, France, Ireland, Scotland, Greece. Everywhere. Someday, Sweetness, I promise.
Well, I've got to go now and check those prices. See you again soon, blog flowers.
TWMA,
P.S: Thank you Sweetness, for everything you do for me. I love you.
1. Viva Pinata (I LOVE THIS GAME)
2. The Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword
3.Skyrim
4. Just Dance 3
I have to say, it's a pretty decent haul. I'm going to trade in Skyrim though and use my 20% off birthday coupon to get something else. (Hopefully Mortal Kombat but we'll see.)
Valentine's day is the next major holiday I think. Unless Mardi Gras comes first. But in either case I'm getting my Sweetness some gifts. I really want to get her jewelery, but I know that she needs clothes.Or some new tennis shoes. I was thinking about it yesterday while we were at the mall, but it'll depend on if i have money or not. Hmmm, hopefully my mom will be able to toss some money my way for watching the boy. If I can stand to save it, then I'll be able to get her things for the upcoming holidays.
What are you getting your partner for V-day? Try to get them one thing they need and one thing they want. That way you touch both bases and they can't be mad! It's clever, I know. I have to do big things for Sweetness this year, because I couldn't do much for her birthday. Which reminds me, I have to check ticket prices for flights to South Carolina. Sweetness and I are going this summer to visit my Dad and family.I hope to pop down to New Orleans too, but we'll see how much it costs. I want to take her traveling, I really do. And she's always wanted to go. Someday I'm going to take her to Europe and hit all the places she's dreamed of going. Italy, France, Ireland, Scotland, Greece. Everywhere. Someday, Sweetness, I promise.
Well, I've got to go now and check those prices. See you again soon, blog flowers.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Thank you Sweetness, for everything you do for me. I love you.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
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