Dear Crush,
You’re ever changing forms. I never know when I’m gonna see you and when I do, I never know what to do or say. I have to stop and breath deep when you speak to me. When we touch, I cling to the warmth so hard I feel pathetic. I berate myself later cause I shouldn’t be so attached. I’m just gonna get my heartbroken again, and I’m not ready for that. But I can’t help it. Your scent, your hair, the way you look at me. I love your laugh and how you sing, even if you don’t like it or think you’re bad. I love the way you sound. Your voice is one of my biggest turn-ons. I have to say, I adore your style. Cute, sexy. All at the same time. And whenever I think of you, I bite my lip. Look around, hope no one is looking because its that intense. I can’t think of you in public cause its awkward. But little things remind me of you. Music, certain places, words and phrases. Dumb shit. Random things just pop up and I’m like “Oh hey…” and off I go into Wonderland where I’m prancing around with you, being a dork. In your arms I am safe and secure. At your side I am strong and tall. At your back I am careful and observant. But away from you…across from you…held back from you like a bad smell. Looked at wrongly as though I can’t understand, not smart enough to figure it out or something…I’m not any of those things. I’m small and insignificant, tasteless, bland, weak. I recede into myself just to find some kind of solace but even that far away I can still feel you. Your touch still burns me to the core and I still rejoice. Heh heh, that’s poetic. But I mean it. I really do. And I wish I had the balls, the knowledge and the damn sense to tell you to your face that I love you. I always have.
Love,
Sacred Secret
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Day 1 - Best Friend
Fange',
This letter should be easy to write. I don’t think there’s a specific amount of words or pages I have to have. It’s just a letter. I can’t say I have anything to tell you that you don’t already know, but if you ever have a question, you can ask. That’s fine. I can’t think of any questions I would have for you, but if I feel comfortable with the question I might ask. We’ve been friends forever man, really truly. About preschool.-ish. True? I’ve enjoyed almost all of our time together. Heh, excluding our fights and disagreements, or those long times of separation. Those I didn’t enjoy, but it happens and that’s how it works. I’m sure that we have even more random obstacles and joyous occasions to go over. It’s amazing how far we’ve come together, and almost daunting to think about how much farther we have to go. But I’m…ready. I think. To continue on our current path to see out this journey we’ve started on. One thing I wish I could change about our friendship though is miniscule, tiny, insignificant. But also tremendous. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, but I really, really wish you didn’t. And if you don’t, its all the better. Well…I guess I’m done now. Not much more to say. Thanks for being there through all the drama and pain and heartache. Thanks for being someone I can lean on, even if I lean too lightly for you sometimes. Thank you for being so…cool about this stuff. Don’t change who you are for other people. Those who matter, who are good for you, shouldn’t care one way or the other. Those who care, probably shouldn’t matter. Gah…that was corny. Whatev. Peace.
Love,
Sacred Secret
This letter should be easy to write. I don’t think there’s a specific amount of words or pages I have to have. It’s just a letter. I can’t say I have anything to tell you that you don’t already know, but if you ever have a question, you can ask. That’s fine. I can’t think of any questions I would have for you, but if I feel comfortable with the question I might ask. We’ve been friends forever man, really truly. About preschool.-ish. True? I’ve enjoyed almost all of our time together. Heh, excluding our fights and disagreements, or those long times of separation. Those I didn’t enjoy, but it happens and that’s how it works. I’m sure that we have even more random obstacles and joyous occasions to go over. It’s amazing how far we’ve come together, and almost daunting to think about how much farther we have to go. But I’m…ready. I think. To continue on our current path to see out this journey we’ve started on. One thing I wish I could change about our friendship though is miniscule, tiny, insignificant. But also tremendous. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, but I really, really wish you didn’t. And if you don’t, its all the better. Well…I guess I’m done now. Not much more to say. Thanks for being there through all the drama and pain and heartache. Thanks for being someone I can lean on, even if I lean too lightly for you sometimes. Thank you for being so…cool about this stuff. Don’t change who you are for other people. Those who matter, who are good for you, shouldn’t care one way or the other. Those who care, probably shouldn’t matter. Gah…that was corny. Whatev. Peace.
Love,
Sacred Secret
30 Letters. 30 Days.
Try this experiment. Brought to my attention by a friend ;)
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but are too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but are too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Cryin Like a Bitch!
"Crying Like A Bitch" -- Godsmack
Strut on by like a king,
Tellin' everybody they know nothing,
Long live what you thought you were,
Time ain't on your side anymore,
Anymore
And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch!
I'm tougher than nails, I can promise you that,
Step out of line and you'll get bitch slapped back,
And you can run your little mouth all day,
But the hand of God just smacked you back into yesterday
And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,
And you wonder why no one can stand you,
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,
You were cryin' like a bitch!
Blinded by your sacred faded past times,
Only time is your enemy,
Granted a second chance to prove that your arrogance is stronger than you'll ever be,
Stronger than you can be,
Oh, stronger than you can be
Oh, stronger than you can... BE!
And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,
And you wonder why no one can stand you,
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,
You were cryin' like a bitch!
You were cryin' like a bitch!
You were cryin' like a bitch!
Oh, Bitch!
^_^,
Sacred Secret
Strut on by like a king,
Tellin' everybody they know nothing,
Long live what you thought you were,
Time ain't on your side anymore,
Anymore
And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch!
I'm tougher than nails, I can promise you that,
Step out of line and you'll get bitch slapped back,
And you can run your little mouth all day,
But the hand of God just smacked you back into yesterday
And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,
And you wonder why no one can stand you,
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,
You were cryin' like a bitch!
Blinded by your sacred faded past times,
Only time is your enemy,
Granted a second chance to prove that your arrogance is stronger than you'll ever be,
Stronger than you can be,
Oh, stronger than you can be
Oh, stronger than you can... BE!
And so You tell me I can't take my chances,
But I've told you one too many times you were cryin' like a bitch,
And you wonder why no one can stand you,
And there's no denyin' you were cryin' like a bitch,
You were cryin' like a bitch!
You were cryin' like a bitch!
You were cryin' like a bitch!
Oh, Bitch!
^_^,
Sacred Secret
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Here We Are!
Here we are
Singing the same old song
Everyday
Writing the same damn way
How do they
Know what we feel, what we need
What we think, what we
Say?
How do they?
If I
Stand on the edge of this world
Screaming full, screaming loud
Would you cry for me?
Strive to bring me back?
For this
Monotony.
Here we are
Singing the same old song
Everyday
Writing the same damn way
How do they know?
How can the tell what I want?
What I need?
What’s good for me?
If we
Move on from this place
Into air and space
Will you lay down your mainstreamity
And free in underground insanity.
Loving new, clean and fresh
Discovery.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Breathe In
Breathe out.
Use the motion of the air to turn you. Let your brain be calm and clear. Washed away the sins of desire. Of greed. Of want. Of necessity. Let this cleansing breath wash away your thoughts. That horrid disease. Let it wash away sadness and despair. Let it wash away the Self.
Breathe In.
Let it bring in contentment. Wisdom. Hope. Enlightenment. Let it bring you in closer to the unity of the universe. Let it bring in all the goodness and all the light. May you be well with your new Whole.
In meditation, I am complete. I am able to bring my consciousness into myself and turn it off. I am able to think clearly. Devoid of emotion or thought of another's opinions. I am able to cleanse myself of the days sins and pray into the vast universe that someday, my cries will be heard.
That one day, I will no longer be forced to confide within myself. I will be able to speak freely. Without the hash bite of the lying snake on my tongue. Without the bitter acid that drips down my throat as I swallow the truth. Without the dreadful sinking in the ppit of my stomach that haunts me with each breath come the eve.
I long to be without Self. To be carefree. Existentialist. iew life through glass. I am untouched. Thusly, I make no impact.
Verily, I am unimportant. Without purpose. If i must have one, let it only be to experience my own pattern of life. Set before me by Fate, Destiny, and Happenstance.
My mantra. "Thinking is a disease I can cure. I can quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace. I am in control of my body. It does not control me. Quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace."
Try the Om. Just repeat it. It isn't hard.
Stop thinking about it.
Just say it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Again.
Good.
Om,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Meditation is good for when you're trying to sleep. :)
Use the motion of the air to turn you. Let your brain be calm and clear. Washed away the sins of desire. Of greed. Of want. Of necessity. Let this cleansing breath wash away your thoughts. That horrid disease. Let it wash away sadness and despair. Let it wash away the Self.
Breathe In.
Let it bring in contentment. Wisdom. Hope. Enlightenment. Let it bring you in closer to the unity of the universe. Let it bring in all the goodness and all the light. May you be well with your new Whole.
In meditation, I am complete. I am able to bring my consciousness into myself and turn it off. I am able to think clearly. Devoid of emotion or thought of another's opinions. I am able to cleanse myself of the days sins and pray into the vast universe that someday, my cries will be heard.
That one day, I will no longer be forced to confide within myself. I will be able to speak freely. Without the hash bite of the lying snake on my tongue. Without the bitter acid that drips down my throat as I swallow the truth. Without the dreadful sinking in the ppit of my stomach that haunts me with each breath come the eve.
I long to be without Self. To be carefree. Existentialist. iew life through glass. I am untouched. Thusly, I make no impact.
Verily, I am unimportant. Without purpose. If i must have one, let it only be to experience my own pattern of life. Set before me by Fate, Destiny, and Happenstance.
My mantra. "Thinking is a disease I can cure. I can quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace. I am in control of my body. It does not control me. Quiet my thoughts. Quiet my mind. I am at peace."
Try the Om. Just repeat it. It isn't hard.
Stop thinking about it.
Just say it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.
Again.
Good.
Om,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Meditation is good for when you're trying to sleep. :)
Thursday, May 06, 2010
May.
So I'm posting from Physics for one thing. For another thing. I have so much going on this month its ridiculous. Honestly.
It is.
INSANITY.
But. I'll deal.
Cause that's how I roll.
Hahahaha.
More Later! Stay Tuned!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
It is.
INSANITY.
But. I'll deal.
Cause that's how I roll.
Hahahaha.
More Later! Stay Tuned!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Monday, April 26, 2010
Annnyywwaaayy....
Ohh guys. Guess what?
NOTHING
lol I'm sorry. I'm just bored and I want t o write but I shouldn't be writing because I should be Working on my essay. but true to proper slacker form I hear "Not due until Wednesday at 12AM" and I say "I'll do it on Wednesday at 9PM. No big." Sha? lol i'm a failure I know. It's okay though something will kick in and I'll start working. Something like click!OH SHIT. Haahaahaa. It'll happen. I'm not worried.
So how have you been? Good I hope. i'm leaning over my computer (laptop) like a typical nerd butt. It's fun. i feel like I'm hacking into a secret base! Ooo..lol soooooo
LOVER MINE
Comes out tomorrow.
I earned fifteen dollars today, coupled with the fourteen I already had?
Guess what I'm getting ;)
Mmmm....
Anyway, I'm gonna go now and I'll post what I end up writing (unless it just so happens to be my essay, in which case I won't.)
K bye!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I'm trying to stop lying. Help me?
NOTHING
lol I'm sorry. I'm just bored and I want t o write but I shouldn't be writing because I should be Working on my essay. but true to proper slacker form I hear "Not due until Wednesday at 12AM" and I say "I'll do it on Wednesday at 9PM. No big." Sha? lol i'm a failure I know. It's okay though something will kick in and I'll start working. Something like click!OH SHIT. Haahaahaa. It'll happen. I'm not worried.
So how have you been? Good I hope. i'm leaning over my computer (laptop) like a typical nerd butt. It's fun. i feel like I'm hacking into a secret base! Ooo..lol soooooo
LOVER MINE
Comes out tomorrow.
I earned fifteen dollars today, coupled with the fourteen I already had?
Guess what I'm getting ;)
Mmmm....
Anyway, I'm gonna go now and I'll post what I end up writing (unless it just so happens to be my essay, in which case I won't.)
K bye!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: I'm trying to stop lying. Help me?
Supposta Blog
This is a blog from forever ago that I just didn't get around to posting. Here ya go :)
February 22, 2010
It’s technically Monday. Seems like super Monday. You know, like its been Monday for weeks. Maybe that’s just because I’m tired. Probably. Bleh. I don’t know what to write about. I’m just writing because it’s good for the soul. Nothing nothing nothing. blah! Empty head with no words to fill it. clamber out into a wild pit. start fighting like they’re crazy. crazy jumping beans. maybe with practice I’ll be able to hit the keys separately like they’re supposed to be hit and not have to hit backspace every five letters. Even though the keys are big and spaced apart, I’m having problems. Maybe it’s because they’re so big and spaced apart. That’s probably it. Perhaps, it would help if I typed like a normal person and not like a random freakoid. I know freakoid isn’t a word. But I can’t say I care. I’m gonna go make up some people that don’t exist. I’m gonna put it under Profiles. And maybe someday I’ll pull them up and breathe life into them. I’ll give them a little back ground story and them when I set them on their feet in the real world they can run with it as they wish. Yup. Sounds good.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret.
February 22, 2010
It’s technically Monday. Seems like super Monday. You know, like its been Monday for weeks. Maybe that’s just because I’m tired. Probably. Bleh. I don’t know what to write about. I’m just writing because it’s good for the soul. Nothing nothing nothing. blah! Empty head with no words to fill it. clamber out into a wild pit. start fighting like they’re crazy. crazy jumping beans. maybe with practice I’ll be able to hit the keys separately like they’re supposed to be hit and not have to hit backspace every five letters. Even though the keys are big and spaced apart, I’m having problems. Maybe it’s because they’re so big and spaced apart. That’s probably it. Perhaps, it would help if I typed like a normal person and not like a random freakoid. I know freakoid isn’t a word. But I can’t say I care. I’m gonna go make up some people that don’t exist. I’m gonna put it under Profiles. And maybe someday I’ll pull them up and breathe life into them. I’ll give them a little back ground story and them when I set them on their feet in the real world they can run with it as they wish. Yup. Sounds good.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
I Want My 90's Nickleodeon Back!
YouTube makes me sad, cause they have all these theme songs to shows I loved. It makes me wanna go back to the old days!! To The Amanda Show, and All That and Kenan and Kel. You remember Doug? Hey Arnold? Gullah Gullah Island, Clarissa Tells All, Sister Sister! Oh man! I want my shows! lol if anyone can get me like a flash back of those shows. I would love you forever. Hahahaha. Anyway. As you know, my loyal followers, I love hearing from you so please comment and such. Please? ^_^ Love you all. Peace!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
"Cael..." Keara moaned softly digging her nails into hard, muscled shoulders. Quick breaths punctuated each thrust as she met his hips with her own in the sensual rhythm they had created. His dark mahogany hair spilled over his shoulders, mixing and blending with her own golden tresses that slid silkily over their entwined bodies. Keara felt him tense above her, curling his fingers into hers with a quick twitch. A telltale sign of his coming release. She took this moment to wrap her legs around his hips, pulling him deeper into her body. Dragging her nails down his chest she stared up into vivid emerald green eyes waiting to see him overcome in rapture. As he reached his peak, she slipped her free hand under her pillow smiling as his eyes fluttered closed, the moan that escaped his lips was lost on a choking gurgle as blood poured from his chest and dripped off his lips. "Keara...?" he whispered hoarsely, confusion and pain mixing on his silhouetted countenance. She forced away the grimace as his blood pooled and slid down the sides of her naked flesh, telling herself to remain looking in those eyes. Eyes that dulled with each passing second, listening to breath that heaved and muscles that shook with the effort to even now, keep his heavier body off her smaller one. "Why?" He choked spitting blood against her neck. Dropping her hand from the intricate dagger she had plunged into his stomach, she reached up to wipe off her neck. "Because!" She spat, stormy blue eyes glaring into his, "I heard about you with that whore, and I refuse to be your fall back girl. It's me or no one." She was determined to stay strong during all this, even as agonized tears raced down his cheeks, soaking his thick lashes. "I've never been with anyone...but...you..." he sputtered, his arms going limp dropping his deadened weight onto her fragile body she heard him murmur on his final breath "Loved only you...Keara..."
Sing Along.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAaXD9PscQs&feature=related
If you've never heard this song before, shame on you. If you clicked on it, listened to it and fell in love or burst into tears. I love you. Needing music to sing along dramaticaly to. I'm hurting my throat. But it hurts so fucking good.
Twma,
Sacred Secret.
If you've never heard this song before, shame on you. If you clicked on it, listened to it and fell in love or burst into tears. I love you. Needing music to sing along dramaticaly to. I'm hurting my throat. But it hurts so fucking good.
Twma,
Sacred Secret.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Lays
So, its Spring Break, and I'm bored. I really really really wanna go downtown. But I don't have anyone to ride the bus with me and I'm a scaredy lonely kid so I'll just wait until tomorrow when we get my ID and hopefully do something fun. Oh that reminds me, I have to plan something cool for French club. Like go to the Zoo or the aquarium or something. That'd be fun right? I think so. Anyway, uhm..how is your spring break going? If its not your spring break what did you do? Or what are you going to do? I'm sorry I'm such a horrible blogger lately. But I guess thats to be expected when you have a life. Uh, Oh! Xzavior. He's big now. Not nearly in as much danger as before. They've got him in clothes and he eats alot and we can hold him and stuff. It's cool. So yeah. I'm cold. Gonna do something else now. KTHXBAI.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thoughts #3
When I first saw you, I already knew. There was something inside of you. Something I thought that I would never find. Do you recognize it? Maybe you shouldn't. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm just writing so I can stop thinking about writing so I can do my homework. I've been on Gaia alot. Just earning gold and donating to people. I also got a Formspring. You know, the little boxes where people can ask you stuff anonymously? There cool I guess. I started classes at the college yesterday. Intro to Literature with Mrs. McCollum. We aren't supposed to call her that though. She wants us to call her Jenn. Which is cool. I'm fine with that. I'll have to get used to it though. Uhmm what else? Oh. Artemis (after the Goddess, not the stupid book). She's our new cat. She has a little purple collar with a purple bell. She's striped black, white, gray, and brown. She's a little super spazz let me tell you that right now. She isn't as big of a jerk as Night was when he was a kitten, but its really too soon to tell, y'know? Uhm Spring break is next week! (for high school @_@) Exciting! I think there is a reason why high school spring break and college spring break is different. Probably because it's hard to tell the difference between a senior in high school and a freshman in college. You know? I couldn't tell the difference, and I'm sure it would be difficult for you. What else what else? Lalalala...hmmm...maybe again later. I actually had something to blog about a while ago, but it escapes me now. Bah!
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Thoughts #2
I don't really know what I'm thinking about. I'm just writing to tell myself that I did. I'm too deep. Too deep into the real world to even feel myself anymore. I need to stop lying to everyone. That alone, is taking me down a path I don't want to see the end to. So for the people that even read this far that I have lied to, I'm sorry. I must admit to some things.
First of all, She's Not Real. My "girlfriend" doesn't exist. She never did. She never will. Though I claim myself to be such the sexual deviant, I am not. I have never lain with anyone. Nor do I plan to in the near future. Admittedly, I regret wholeheartedly not taking the chance to lose this obnoxious burden of virginity when I had the bloody chance. Now, I'm stuck with it. And I'm terrified I may be stuck with it forever, so I lie. And I tell people about what a playa I am in my own dreaming's. I know how well I have you fooled. Wrapped around my fingers, I'm playing your minds like puppets of strings. Simple. Agile. Clever weaving's of words that intrigue you to believe me. But I'll warn you away even now, from this spiders web. Its sick, and poisoned.
Secondly, I want to apologize and clarify a few things for some other people. I do believe in God. I believe in a higher power and what not. I do not believe that everything I do determines what happens to me when I'm dead. I do not believe that this higher power, be they male, female, or un-gendered, has any say over what I say or do. I do not believe that this 'person' can make things happen to or for me. Though I may on the occasion 'pray' or make wishes toward this higher power, I have no true faith in it. I will support my friends and family who believe in such things. I will not combat them and say their belief's are wrong or stupid or ungrounded. That is not the kind of person I want to become.
Also, I believe in the possibility of everything. I believe wishes can come true, that vampires, Santa, the Easter bunny, and fairies all exist. I believe in demons and ghosts and apparitions. I believe in divine intervention. I believe in the possibility of all of these things. You don't? That's nice. You do? That's nice. Another thing, I accept homosexuality. I except heterosexuality too. I accept bisexual people, tri-sexual people, and pansexual people as well. I'm a firm believer in Love is Love. I will not judge you for loving someone out of your race, religion, country, or what have you. I won't discriminate if you have a lover who is the same gender as you or different. Nor will I turn my nose up if the two of you significantly differ in age. Actually, I probably won't even blink if you say you're related. That's how it works. Love is love is love. It's uncontrollable, its taboo, its wanton, its lusty. It is full of ups and downs and back alleys and busy streets. Sometimes you get lost, back up and try again. I will not judge you if you are on a different path than me. I may ask you for advice, or try to give you a helping hand. But only if you ask for it.
However. I must say this, to acknowledge it myself. I am human. I am not of a higher species. I am not a prophet. I am not gifted with a higher intelligence than anyone else. I do not belong to a secret race that has yet to claim me. I am mortal. I am human. There is nothing presented to me thus far that allows me to change this. I'm fine with that.
Moving on, to the people I deeply care for. I'm sure you know who you are if you've read this far. I want you to know that despite how I may or may not act toward you; I love you. Dearly do I love you. I want you by my side every waking moment of the day. I think about you constantly and seek out your approval even if it is not outright. I look for chances to be with you and jump at them. If something I love to do conflicts with being with you, I will drop my favorite activity in a heart beat to stand by your side. Even if it's humiliating. Even if its awkward. Even if I'm not really wanted there by anyone else. As long as You approve of me. I am content.
Now. With all that said and done. There are a few people I want to personally contact me for other...confessions. If you think you are one of them...text me. Call me. Comment, or PM. I don't care. Just...talk to me. I need this. If I want to be a better person for You. For myself. I don't mean to put pressure on you. But I'm trying to learn how to live, and I don't want to be angry at myself later because I'm doing it wrong.
Advise me.
Please.
Cynthia.
First of all, She's Not Real. My "girlfriend" doesn't exist. She never did. She never will. Though I claim myself to be such the sexual deviant, I am not. I have never lain with anyone. Nor do I plan to in the near future. Admittedly, I regret wholeheartedly not taking the chance to lose this obnoxious burden of virginity when I had the bloody chance. Now, I'm stuck with it. And I'm terrified I may be stuck with it forever, so I lie. And I tell people about what a playa I am in my own dreaming's. I know how well I have you fooled. Wrapped around my fingers, I'm playing your minds like puppets of strings. Simple. Agile. Clever weaving's of words that intrigue you to believe me. But I'll warn you away even now, from this spiders web. Its sick, and poisoned.
Secondly, I want to apologize and clarify a few things for some other people. I do believe in God. I believe in a higher power and what not. I do not believe that everything I do determines what happens to me when I'm dead. I do not believe that this higher power, be they male, female, or un-gendered, has any say over what I say or do. I do not believe that this 'person' can make things happen to or for me. Though I may on the occasion 'pray' or make wishes toward this higher power, I have no true faith in it. I will support my friends and family who believe in such things. I will not combat them and say their belief's are wrong or stupid or ungrounded. That is not the kind of person I want to become.
Also, I believe in the possibility of everything. I believe wishes can come true, that vampires, Santa, the Easter bunny, and fairies all exist. I believe in demons and ghosts and apparitions. I believe in divine intervention. I believe in the possibility of all of these things. You don't? That's nice. You do? That's nice. Another thing, I accept homosexuality. I except heterosexuality too. I accept bisexual people, tri-sexual people, and pansexual people as well. I'm a firm believer in Love is Love. I will not judge you for loving someone out of your race, religion, country, or what have you. I won't discriminate if you have a lover who is the same gender as you or different. Nor will I turn my nose up if the two of you significantly differ in age. Actually, I probably won't even blink if you say you're related. That's how it works. Love is love is love. It's uncontrollable, its taboo, its wanton, its lusty. It is full of ups and downs and back alleys and busy streets. Sometimes you get lost, back up and try again. I will not judge you if you are on a different path than me. I may ask you for advice, or try to give you a helping hand. But only if you ask for it.
However. I must say this, to acknowledge it myself. I am human. I am not of a higher species. I am not a prophet. I am not gifted with a higher intelligence than anyone else. I do not belong to a secret race that has yet to claim me. I am mortal. I am human. There is nothing presented to me thus far that allows me to change this. I'm fine with that.
Moving on, to the people I deeply care for. I'm sure you know who you are if you've read this far. I want you to know that despite how I may or may not act toward you; I love you. Dearly do I love you. I want you by my side every waking moment of the day. I think about you constantly and seek out your approval even if it is not outright. I look for chances to be with you and jump at them. If something I love to do conflicts with being with you, I will drop my favorite activity in a heart beat to stand by your side. Even if it's humiliating. Even if its awkward. Even if I'm not really wanted there by anyone else. As long as You approve of me. I am content.
Now. With all that said and done. There are a few people I want to personally contact me for other...confessions. If you think you are one of them...text me. Call me. Comment, or PM. I don't care. Just...talk to me. I need this. If I want to be a better person for You. For myself. I don't mean to put pressure on you. But I'm trying to learn how to live, and I don't want to be angry at myself later because I'm doing it wrong.
Advise me.
Please.
Cynthia.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Empty Eyes
Raise empty eyes to empty skies.
Scream empty prayers to empty ears.
Let fall your mask of pain.
For in this rain of troubles,
sunlight will shine again.
This day of agony is only once,
just a test and nothing more.
But your advisor in this test
is cheating you, my dear.
Love is what will pass you through.
So study, do not wait.
For it is a fleeting, touchy thing
And mistakes it will not make.
So grab quick at its colorful wings,
hold fast its nimble feet.
For so long you've waited at this creek,
with taciturn smile and sullen feet.
Then a miracle came along,
and revived your day anew.
With a joyous cry you rose,
and sang out!
Much to your own surprise,
the miracle cried back.
It called to you like a siren does
with very little warning.
It robbed you of your heart and soul
leaving only confused senses.
Weave not, on feet of golden sandals,
you've reached the promise land.
N'ere again will you raise
empty eyes to empty skies
or scream empty prayers to empty ears.
For your miracle is hear,
to fight away all your
Fears.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired. I'll see try to remember to talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Rhyming poems are hard for me to write.
Scream empty prayers to empty ears.
Let fall your mask of pain.
For in this rain of troubles,
sunlight will shine again.
This day of agony is only once,
just a test and nothing more.
But your advisor in this test
is cheating you, my dear.
Love is what will pass you through.
So study, do not wait.
For it is a fleeting, touchy thing
And mistakes it will not make.
So grab quick at its colorful wings,
hold fast its nimble feet.
For so long you've waited at this creek,
with taciturn smile and sullen feet.
Then a miracle came along,
and revived your day anew.
With a joyous cry you rose,
and sang out!
Much to your own surprise,
the miracle cried back.
It called to you like a siren does
with very little warning.
It robbed you of your heart and soul
leaving only confused senses.
Weave not, on feet of golden sandals,
you've reached the promise land.
N'ere again will you raise
empty eyes to empty skies
or scream empty prayers to empty ears.
For your miracle is hear,
to fight away all your
Fears.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired. I'll see try to remember to talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you.
TWMA,
Sacred Secret
P.S: Rhyming poems are hard for me to write.
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