Internet Loss

Typing up my thoughts on random computers with available Internet seems so...wrong. Understand? It's just not right. Not sitting in front of MY computer seems to cease my thoughts all together. I find it extremely hard to push forth the words even now. As I sit contemplatively at the computer in North Hill's office. With their secretary reading awkwardly over my shoulder. lol It's very weird. Not a happy place for my inner thoughts. I can't WAIT until I have Internet again. Until I can resume my WebComic readings, beating people up on Facebook, complaining on MySpace, and being a grammar nazi on Gaia. I miss it so much. SO much. But alas, I can only access so much through these school computers. Since places like facebook, gaia, myspace, and youtube are all on a "Global Block List". Really rather unfortunate. Oh well. Maybe someday, I will tour the unadulterated world of the Internet unhindered once more. Until then...


TWMA,
Sacred Secret

A Tale Of Unfortunate Events

Wow. That's all I've got really. I can't say more, unless I want to become that horrible person I strive so hard to go against. I do not, want to be that person. I don't want to be the person that is looked at as "selfish" or "bitchy" or other unpleasantness. I want to be the person you can lean on and tell your darkest secrets to. I want to be the person who can make you forget all of your troubles and worries. Take them onto myself and fix your whole world. That's what I want.

However.

This isn't going to happen.

I will never be the one to shelter you from the rain.

Never be the one to hold you close for warmth and comfort.

Never be the one to wipe away your tears and tell you not to fret because I'm going to fix it all.

I'm not good enough to be that person.

Apparently, I didn't pick the right numbers. I lost the lotto and I can't go back.

So I'm going to give up, and whatever happens from here is just...meant. I guess. Because I don't want to continue to be stepped on and dragged through the mud. I don't want to do things with you that I hate. I don't want to tell you things that aren't true just because you want to hear them. I'm not going to stop doing things just because you don't like it. I'm not going to agree because it makes you feel better. I'm going to tell you the truth.

Of course, every once in a while, my merciful nature will come into play.

It will cease my harsher words and create soothing ones for me to whisper to you. To ease your distress and heartache. IT will come in and whisper over my lips and onto your skin like a soothing balm. But I will reign myself in. I have been too long your carpet. I have been your pet too often. The roles must switch if they will not be played correctly.

Now.

I'm going to try and pursue something worthwhile. Something I want.

I want to be a model. I want to see Celtic Women in concert. I want to go o the mall with my friends. I want someone I can trust to accept me for who I am and what I do. What I want. What I need. I want to get as much as I give.

"It is better to be hurt by the truth, than comforted by a lie."

I'm unveiling the truth.

And it burns me.

TWMA,

Sacred Secret

Bless the courteous and considerate! :)

Ramblings 1

I learned about Active Voice in World Lit. today.
Really interesting stuff that.
Also, an EXTREMELY difficult skill to master.
Apparently, Active Voice does not allow you to use "is", "have", "to be", or "are".
Words such as these weaken your writing.
These words make you appear uncertain about your point.
Which is completely unacceptable.
So, I will continue to practice this valuable skill.
Of course, this blog holds compilations of my thoughts, so I may not always post in Active Voice.
However, I will try.

Anyway.

"The girl with the Tokidoki bag, with sharpies shoved head down in their pocket and the little iconic figures swinging lazily from their silver chain, plodded slowly down the stairs before me. As my foot hits the bottom floor I dart toward the glass double doors serving as my exit. Sunshine blinds me as I step outside, momentarily embraced by the emitted warmth. However my advancing steps carry me farther into the courtyard and the cold wintry air slides against my skin like an old lover. Eager, impatient, startling. I shiver against it and step onto the bus awaiting my arrival. Tossing my bag into the seat, I slide in after and tuck my knees up to my chest, resting them lightly against the seat preceding mine. Before the others can manage to sit down, I crack open my latest reading material, pop in my headphones and prepare for the thirty minute ride home."

How was that? I think it sounds alright. Of course, I haven't read it yet. Cause I just wrote it and I never reread immediately after writing. I dunno why. Just don't. Of course, spell check is necessary. But that's different. Don't you think? Well, now I have ramen and I don't need you anymore. lol j/k

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

I have to write a poem for school. Soon as i left my classroom, they flooded me. Swamped my mind making me mentally gasp for breath. So it shouldn't be hard.

I swear! The kids at my school wear the WEIRDEST shit!

What's In It?

This post is really about nothing. I might write again later. When I get on to do my homework.
Ugh.
Anyway. I'm just doing this to let you know that
1) I'm sleepy
2) I dislike newspaper
3) MRHS newspaper sucks
4) I really have to pee
5) I'm going to sleep.


TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Shower

What do you do in the shower?
I mean, other than wash your ass.
No not THAT.
Do you think?
Or sing?
Or meditate?
Or relax?
What do you do in there?

Some people are only in the shower for about five minutes, so I know they're "in and out" kind of people. But others, like me, spend forever in the shower. I know what I do. But what do you do?
When I'm in the shower, I think about stuff. I make decisions, and explore my mind. I meditate under the hot spray and come to terms with myself. I reassure myself that I am a beautiful woman, no matter what the world says.
On the occasion, I destroy myself in the shower.
I tear myself apart, nit-picking every single thing I could possibly find wrong with myself. My body, my mind, my voice. Anything. Afterwards, I rebuild myself into what I want to be. I give my self image wings to grow stronger and give myself the courage and determination to become that daring, compassionate, responsible, humble woman I strive to be.
I want to be healthy, and strong.
I want to be mentally stable, in an unstable world.
I want to be relaxed, when everyone else is stressed.
I want to be the rock, when everyone has crumbled to pebbles.
I want to be the strength, the courage, the audacity, they need to be themselves.
I want to be a better person than I am now.

I want little girls to know just how beautiful they are. Despite what society may say.
Every girl is beautiful. Every girl has a right to learn, and be free, and speak her mind.


These are the things I think about in the shower.
If I had a waterfall, I would be president.

What do you do in the shower?

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Note: if you are in high school, wear clothing from your high school. Not your middle school, or your elementary school. Thanks. Love Sacred Secret

Happy Halloween, everyone. Hope your holiday is full of fun and surprises. Be safe, and have a wonderful fright filled night.

No, I didn't have any fun. I was too busy looking for You.

Dark Clouds...

Dark Clouds slither across the sky, leaving darkness and dreary people in their wake. Lower, the rain is falling, forcing the beat of the world to shift and accept its hollow pitpitpitpitpit. Above, the Moon sits in a black sky, reigning over her starlit children like a queen with no king to question her demands. The Moon shines brightly down on the weary world of bustling people too busy to look up and notice her in all of her glorious shining. Full, and round she watches her children, protecting them from those that would do them harm. Waiting and watching, she sits in the sky surrounded by the children that have departed the world and now only reflect her brilliance. Surrounded and alone, she remains vigilant in her watch. Down, down, down...below the Goddess of the Moon, far lower than the Dark Clouds and through the rain and its demanding beat....there is a child. This child lives on a gray sidewalk, bordered by an asphalt street. Surrounded and alone in an enormous city, with people passing and stepping over him day after day. He is waiting for his Mother to claim him, he believes. Waiting for Her to come take him home and say "I've missed you, my precious child." Month after year, he sits and he waits on the gray sidewalk bordered by the onyx asphalt. His bed, covered in dried gum and dirt, a place where people relieve themselves in every way and spit, on his pillow. His blanket, the warm summer breeze or a thrown away sheet. Never to be dirtied is his candle of hope, which he holds close to his heart, never to be snuffed. With each year his flame flickers and dims, the flame itself, losing hope. Never the boy. The child only knows loneliness. Only fear, uncertainty, sickness, cruelty. This child, born of the night, son of the Moon, never knows love or compassion. Only hardship and heartbreak. Faith, drives him on. Motivates him to find his next meal. Gives him energy to scavenge something to pawn for a few dollars. Faith. His best friend, dies. Faith meets her tragic end at the hand of this child's own brother. The child's brother drown poor Faith, held her under until she ceased her needless struggling and the last wisp of air floated from her paling lips. Faith had asked for it, however. She said she was so tired, so worn from the boy's constant questioning...she needed an end. A true escape. So Misery held her under, and gave her that release.



TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Going to the fair. How cool right? I'm excited cause who doesnt love the fair? Rides, games, food! Yay! Are you going too? See you there! Twma, Sacred Secret <3

Dr.Pepper

I'm drinking Dr.Pepper. I should be doing my homework. I'll do that in a second. Anything cool happen to you today? I'm sponsoring a child in Zimbabwe. Her name is Rendani, she's eight years old. She's pretty cool. I'm writing a story. Its pretty cool. I'm writing a different story. Its pretty cool. I gotta go now. See you.

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

Beauty In The Breakdown

Hey guys! How's it goin? Been a while right. Summer is almost over and its really exciting. How was your summer? Hopefully more exciting than mine. haha I didn't do a whole lot. Nothing really amazing happened that I can think of right now. Uhmmmmz....I gotta type up a lot of short stories and poems that got neglected during the school year that I just haven't gotten around to in the summer. Procrastination is a horrible thing kids! haha anyway, I dont know what to talk about anymore. Sooo...maybe I'll post some Random Thoughts later. Peace out flowers!

TWMA,
Sacred Secret

I spent today with my mom and my cousin. It was really fun. And i hope to do it again. What did you do today? Twma!

Happy 4th everyone! I'm in Yelm, WA. Hanging out with the fam. What are you doin? Hope you have a safe and happy holiday!!

So here it is.

Welcome, my friends, to this final summer. This final wave of "I'm going to school next year." The last summer where you can turn to your school mates and say "See you next year!" This is it. We're almost done. I hope I'll see you there. At the end of the road, when everything is said and done. This upcoming year is going to bring challenges that we could not imagine. But also new experiences, saddened days, happy memories. So lets hear it for Senior Year. Let's congratulate the Seniors long gone, Good Luck in the world! Gain knowledge for us and have helpful advice to hand out when we reach that point. Hooray! For Senior Year! For the last leg of the race! The final lap! Hooray! Time for relaxation and fun. Time for parties and final final exams. Time for you to start appreciating how much you really loved your high school. Memorize your fight song. Show more spirit than anyone else. It's your school now. Officially, you are the oldest, strongest, most powerful force on campus. You Are A Senior. A formidable force. But in your head-spinning new amount of power, remember how you were as an underclassmen and pay attention to the younger kids coming in as Freshmen. Make it a goal to be nicer to them than your Seniors were. Be kind, they are just as frightened and cocky and stupid as you were. They know just as much. And will do just as many stupid and immature things as you. So be patient with them, give them advice. Even if they don't ask for it. Because they'll listen. Whether it looks like they are or not. Be Cool, Class Of 2010. We've got this in the bag. So raise your heads high! And strut your new found stuff! We've only got 180 days to flaunt and brag and hit kids up-side the head! So tell off that teacher you hate. Kick that garbage can. Write on that window. Do it. But be cool about it. And when you are finished. Look back on that year and think....

"This is my life, am I who I want to be?"


2010, Here We Go Again,
Sacred Secret

Thoughts #1

*Disclaimer: Yes. I wrote this. No, I don't know what it means so don't ask. I don't know who it pertains to, so don't guess. It's just writing. Read it.*



In all the time I've taken to bring you home to me I've only found that I'm falling more in love with you.
I've got to let you go so I can breathe.
Let me be addicted, but let me escape your orbital pull.
I'm just a moon searching for a planet.
I've gotten caught on a few but gravity pulled us a part.
I wish there was a way to defy.
Nature. Society. Nature. Society.
Bring it down on itself. Bring it down.
Let the creatures of this place dwell without the fear I know you hold.
Somewhere deep inside me is a song I can't sing. I'm waiting for you to shout it out loud.
Let me breathe and rid myself of this addiction to your blood.
Your soul.
Voice. Eyes. Kindness.
Nature. Society. Nature. Society.
Bring it down on itself. Bring it down.
Down. Down.
Bring it down.
Like a bucket of air cause I'm drowning in here.
Give me a needle to relieve this pressure.
Building in my chest.
Its hurting. Not helping.
In this hour of sin.
Can we forget where we're going, where we're from, where we've been?
Let's focus on now cause I'm in your pull.
Spinning, spinning, spinning.
If I stop my top will drop.
Ending it all but I guess that's good.
So put your finger on it ans stop me.
Bring it down on itself. Bring it down.


TWMA,
Sacred_Secret

So Often

Its been a while. I just wanted to let you know I'm alive and working on something new! Fange' knows. And if I can get Perspective's email address....he will know too. But We'll see. I've noticed recently that life is easier if you're not IN it. Its waaaaay easier to stand on the sidelines and watch other people kick their feelings and hearts around. Of course, much like a train wreck, its hard to look away. Harder still not to groan in sympathy pain when somebody gets kneed in the jewels. You know what I mean?

Summer summer summer tiimmeee....

TWMA,
Sacred Secret