I don't really know what's going on right now. I feel like a want to cry but I can't because....I just don't do that...ever. I mean there is the rare occasion lie just now that I'll cry because something really really really sad just happened. But I don't knoww what's happening right now. I can't figure it out and I'm not sure I want to. I want to write down all my thoughts and not be bothered with it. I want to get it out so that I'm not choking on it. So it's not threating the life of me. But I can't and it is. I want to sing, I want to....I don't know. I want to do a lot of things. I want to have a lot of things that I can't have right now because I'm not the correct physical age for it. I have an old soul. Someone told me that. And they were older than me. He's a Junior. He looked straight into my eyes and said I ahve something no one else has. Cyle doesn't normally say things like that. Matter of fact he doesn't normally talk to me at all. But to day we were on the same level I guess. I should be doing my homeworkd but I can't concentrate enough to do that. I got kicked out of doing what I love most. Maybe that's why I can't concentrate. Normally around this time I'm at the Elementary school up the street. Helping the little kids because that's what I love to do. I love listening to them and helping them solve their little disputes. I love playing games with them and making sure they don't hurt themselves. It's so fun.......but I can't do it anymore...becuase the principal is going through PMS and he said I couldn't come on campus anymore. I didn't even do anything....all I did was help...I mean it's not like I can say "NO! I'm Coming to your school whether you like it or not so NYEAAH!" I wish I could. I wish I had the courage to stand up for myself. But no, I'm just a doormat, who alows everyone to step all over me. *sighs* I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I want to be at Fange's house. I don't have to think about these things while I'm there. She makes life carefree again. Hm. Well I guess I'm gonna go now cause even I'm getting tired of my rambling. Even though I don't know what I'm going to do after I publish this. probably just get off line until my friend gets on. Then I'll talk to her for two hours get off finish my homework go to sleep and repeat this ever vicious cycle, that is slowly but surely destroying my mind, my self-esteem and my beloved creativity....*sighs again* Oh well....
May Your Wings Take Flight,
Sacred Secret.
"Always on the wrong track..."